Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

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As Mentioned in Episode 91 – The Saddest Story Ever Told

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Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
The vaguely slapstick motifs in this story somehow make it even sadder. (New Mutants #64)
And it really only gets more depressing from here. (New Mutants #64)
No, seriously. (New Mutants #64)
Everything is terrible forever. (New Mutants #64)
=( (New Mutants #64)
Yeah, we do not have a sassy caption for this. Sorry. (New Mutants #64)
Aw, man. These kids. (New Mutants #64)
AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT! (Tattoo Tales: X-Men: Masquerade)
Harder than fighting Sentinels, apparently. (Tattoo Tales: X-Men: Masquerade)
“It’s four hours of me, a vacuum cleaner, and a theremin.” (Tattoo Tales: X-Men: Masquerade)
The X-Men take costume parties REALLY DAMN SERIOUSLY. (Tattoo Tales: X-Men: Masquerade)
“Also, that is literally one of the only two non-uniform outfits you own.” (Tattoo Tales: X-Men: Masquerade)
How not to lay out a page for coherent reading order. (Tattoo Tales: X-Men: Masquerade)
SO THEN THAT HAPPENED. (Tattoo Tales: X-Men: Masquerade)
And they all lived happily ever after. THE END! (But Doug Ramsey was still dead.) (Tattoo Tales: X-Men: Masquerade)

91 – The Saddest Story Ever Told

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Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.

 

In which New Mutants #64 is the saddest single issue of any X-book ever; the New Mutants have to grow up fast; Warlock comes to terms with mortality; The Last of Us is harder to play the second time; Tattoo Tales: X-Men: Masquerade is delightfully unhinged; animated Cyclops is totally the worst; Beast probably has a terrible garage band; Jean starts a kitchen fire; and Wolverine saves Jubilee’s birthday.

 

X-PLAINED:

  • The saddest issue ever
  • New Mutants #64
  • The only okay way to watch Grave of the Fireflies
  • The aftermath of Doug Ramsey’s death
  • Several unhealthy coping mechanisms
  • The Last of Us
  • Tattoo Tales: X-Men: Masquerade
  • Some varyingly impressive costumes
  • General irresponsibility
  • Why Wolverine is wearing a clown suit
  • Douglock
  • The New Mutants’ D&D alignments

NEXT WEEK: You never forget your first Ship.

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

As Mentioned in Episode 90 – Ghosts of the Outback

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Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
Dazzler is pretty fundamentally confused about the idea of “hiding out.” (Uncanny X-Men #228)
O.Z. Chase: Bounty Hunter, Not a Werewolf. (Uncanny X-Men #228)
WOLVERINE. DON’T FEED DOGS CIGARS. WHY WOULD YOU EVEN DO THAT. YOU ARE THE WORST. (Uncanny X-Men #228)
Oh, hey, it’s the Walter Peck of the Marvel Universe. (Uncanny X-Men #228)
Good times, good times. (Uncanny X-Men #228)
The Reavers. No, not those reavers. The other Reavers. One of them’s a tank. Centank. Tanktaur. (Uncanny X-Men #229)
That tattoo, man. (Uncanny X-Men #229)
Hi, Gateway! (Uncanny X-Men #229)
Do these guys know how to party, or what? (Uncanny X-Men #229)
“Look, we didn’t really think the whole horde thing through.” (Uncanny X-Men #229)
“Also, you’ll start spelling ‘tiger’ with a Y.” (Uncanny X-Men #229)
Those sound effects! (Uncanny X-Men #229)
Chekhov’s mystic portal. (Uncanny X-Men #229)
Really not feeling that costume, Storm. (Uncanny X-Men #230)
SPOILER: This will not end well. (Uncanny X-Men #230)
Question: Based on his powers, is it SUPER AWKWARD for Longshot to use the toilet? (Uncanny X-Men #230)
Alex. You’re the Summers brother who can see colors. There is no excuse for this. (Uncanny X-Men #230)
Elf Dazzler meshes weirdly well with the whole “Baby Boomer Santa” thing from Community. (Uncanny X-Men #230)
Aw. (Uncanny X-Men #230)
Rick Leonardi is so good, y’all. (Uncanny X-Men #231)
Good hat, though. (Uncanny X-Men #231)
Hot, and also hot. (Uncanny X-Men #231)
CAN WE PLEASE TALK ABOUT WHAT STORM IS WEARING? (Uncanny X-Men #231)
Leonardi draws the best Darkchylde by a pretty wide margin. (Uncanny X-Men #231)
How awesome would it be if the Xavier Institute always looked like this? SO AWESOME. (Uncanny X-Men #231)
Aw, man. Right in the feels. (Uncanny X-Men #231)
NEXT WEEK: The saddest story ever.

LINKS & FURTHER READING

90 – Ghosts of the Outback

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Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.

 

In which the X-Men move to Australia; O.Z. Chase is definitely not a werewolf; Dazzler is a smart, glittery laser cookie; Gateway falls into some uncomfortable tropes; Havok remains the king of terrible hats; Madelyne Pryor hacks the planet; Rogue makes a friend; Rick Leonardi draws the definitive Magik; Colossus’ secondary mutation is allegory; and there are a lot of great places to donate your old backissues.

X-PLAINED:

  • Gateway’s probable origin
  • Wintry mix
  • Miles’s definitive X-era
  • Uncanny X-Men #228-231
  • O.Z. Chase
  • Vladimir Zaitzev
  • The Reavers (No, not those Reavers)
  • Bonebreaker
  • Skullcrusher
  • Pretty Boy
  • Children
  • Jessan Hoan (Tyger Tiger)
  • Gateway
  • Teamwork (more) (again)
  • The Siege Perilous
  • Cooterman’s Creek
  • Jay’s favorite mythic figure (and long-term career goal)
  • The best brother in the Marvel Universe
  • A really sad team-up
  • Favorite X-science moments
  • Where to donate comic books

NEXT WEEK: The saddest story ever

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

As Mentioned in Episode 86 – Legends

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Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
Fall of the Mutants promotional ad.
Piotr Rasputin’s run as penciller on Uncanny X-Men was brief but critically lauded. (Uncanny X-Men #225)
Featuring what we assume to be the disgruntled letterhacks of 1987. (Uncanny X-Men #225)
If I had a dollar for every time a stranger had given me an uncannily precise palm reading and then a tiny chess piece of myself… (Uncanny X-Men #225)
The players and the board. (Uncanny X-Men #225)
SFX as panel borders? Yes, please. (Uncanny X-Men #225)
It’s worth noting that at this point, the Spiral / Ricochet Rita retcon had yet to be conceived. (Uncanny X-Men #225)
Destiny wrestles with the awareness that she’s trapped in a crossover event. (Uncanny X-Men #225)
A moment of slapstick in the midst of the high-stakes drama. (Uncanny X-Men #225)
Repping the fourth estate, Neal Conan and Manoli Wetherell. (Uncanny X-Men #226)
It’s cool. It’s not a real knife. (Uncanny X-Men #226)
You’re a good dude, Colossus. (Uncanny X-Men #226)
She comes back a year later, and Forge has cannibalized his bionic parts to make a sweet Freddie Mercury costume. (Uncanny X-Men #226)
Those halcyon days when Havok’s impromptu diatribes didn’t suck. (Uncanny X-Men #226)
That’s one hell of a kiss. (Uncanny X-Men #226)
That cover. (Uncanny X-Men #227)
What. (Uncanny X-Men #227)
Well, that was unexpectedly graphic. (Uncanny X-Men #227)
“I mean, c’mon, dude. We’re in a superhero comic. You really think this is gonna last?” (Uncanny X-Men #227)
Somewhere in the multiverse, the X-Men were like, “Fuck it. Let’s just go to Disneyland.” (Uncanny X-Men #227)
Say what you will about Claremont, but he is damn good at epic ending beats. (Uncanny X-Men #227)
NEXT WEEK: It’s always darkest…

86 – Legends (Fall of the Mutants, Part 1 of 3)

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Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.

In which we begin our 3-part coverage of Fall of the Mutants; Roma is very good at her job; strange things are afoot in Dallas; Mystique’s parenting skills are somewhat lopsided; Neal Conan is awesome; Havok gets a soapbox; Storm and Forge flirt with godhood; Rogue’s costume exists in a state of quantum uncertainty; Colossus is the organic steel wrench in the gears of chaos; and the X-Men die for real (but get better).

 

X-PLAINED:

  • Crossovers vs. events
  • The Fall of the Mutants
  • Uncanny X-Men #225-227
  • A really great marketing campaign
  • The Adversary (again)
  • Roma
  • The Starlight Citadel
  • Retcons as applied pareidolia
  • A metaphor that is also a real chess piece
  • A sort-of stabbing
  • Neal Conan & Manoli Wetherell
  • Literally hard-hitting journalism
  • A whole new world
  • Another variation on the Rogue’s-costume drinking game
  • A really improbable plan
  • The death and resurrection of the X-Men
  • Mutant metabolisms

NEXT WEEK: It’s Always Darkest…

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

As Mentioned in Episode 83 – Live at Vegas Valley Comic Book Festival

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Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 11/22/2015 at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
It is reasonably appropriate to judge this book by its cover. (X-Men Annual #3)
Spot the references. (X-Men Annual #3)
ARKON THE MAGNIFICENT! (X-Men Annual #3)
I guess when your job is cleaning up after Tony Stark, the existential hellscape of Funky Winkerbean starts to feel like a vacation. (X-Men Annual #3)
DON’T TOUCH THE HAIR! (X-Men Annual #3)
You’d think the Danger Room would have ANY KIND OF REMOTELY FUNCTIONAL SAFETY PROTOCOLS BY NOW, but no. (X-Men Annual #3)
The art makes a really, really good counterpoint to the conversation in these panels. (X-Men Annual #3)
Cyclops encouraging other characters to talk about their feelings: NEVER NOT FUNNY. (X-Men Annual #3)
Don’t forget to watch TV, kids! You never know when it’ll come in handy! (X-Men Annual #3)
The best thing about this panel is Wolverine’s understated “Geez.” (X-Men Annual #3)
“I mean, look, there’s a really good chance we’re just going to straight-up explode.” (X-Men Annual #3)
Starman #4 is about a Hawaiian shirt that is a gateway to heaven. In related news, you should all go read Starman RIGHT NOW, because it is WONDERFUL.
If you’re not hearing Queen in your head right now, I don’t really understand you. (X-Men Annual #3)
Things that are not awesome about this fight panel: NONE OF THEM. (X-Men Annual #3)
SHE’LL SAVE EVERY ONE OF US! (X-Men Annual #3)
“Oh, y’know, just stole a dragon from some flying commandos. No big deal.” (X-Men Annual #3)
This planet sucks. (X-Men Annual #3)
Wolverine, that’s not… y’know what? Never mind. (X-Men Annual #3)
I’m pretty sure that no writer will ever reference this again. (X-Men Annual #3)
“Well, that, or the colorist forgot to make it red, which also happens sometimes.” (X-Men Annual #3)
Somewhere in the multiverse, there’s a universe where the X-Men went, “Fuck it. Let’s just go be space barbarians.” (X-Men Annual #3)
NEXT WEEK: This jerk.

LINKS & FURTHER READING:

83 – Live at Vegas Valley Comic Book Festival

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1_Arkon
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 11/22/2015 at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.

 

In which we travel back in time to 1979 for our second live convention special; X-Men Annual #3 desperately needs a Queen soundtrack; George Perez draws great Banshee; Polemachus is kind of a bullshit planet; we dream of a world without Funky Winkerbean; Cyclops’s costume does not mix and match well; if you can be someone else, you should probably be Brian Blessed; Colossus gets a dragon; and Vegas Valley Comic Book Festival is awesome.

X-PLAINED:

  • X-misadventures in Las Vegas
  • X-Men Annual #3
  • Arkon the Magnificent
  • Isadore and Irmagarde Uhman
  • The Comical Books
  • Polemachus the planet vs. Polemachus the person
  • Funky Winkerbean
  • Several logistical problems with the Danger Room
  • MVP Cyclops
  • Some very good visual counterpoint to dialogue
  • Paperboard lightning bolt disambiguation
  • Jay’s favorite Starman story
  • X-title and music pairings
  • Imperions
  • Visual perspective in grand melees
  • How to order a meal on Polemachus
  • One specific variation on Cyclops’s powers
  • The X-Men as Spinal Tap
  • Space-barbarian eyewear
  • The annual cabinet
  • The most appropriate X-team placement for Funky Winkerbean
  • Best worst characters
  • Our favorite X-Force teams
  • Secret Convergence on Infinite Podcasts

NEXT WEEK: Somehow, Cameron Hodge manages to get even worse.

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

As Mentioned in Episode 80 – For the Mutant Who Has Everything

6 comments

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 11/1/2015 at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
I’d like to point out that when Wolverine gets drunk, he sings show tunes. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #11)
That’s… that’s quite a look, Horde. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #11)
Daaaaaaaaang. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #11)
Dear Everyone Who Thought Wolverine and Storm Hooked Up Out of Nowhere Last Year,
NOPE.
Love, R&M
(Uncanny X-Men Annual #11)
This is like a Highlights for Children “What is wrong with this picture” page, and the answer is “everything.” (Uncanny X-Men Annual #11)
Havok really desperately needs a vacation. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #11)
Every outfit on this page is amazing… (Uncanny X-Men Annual #11)
…but none of them are quite so amazing as this outfit. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #11)
“You don’t do that! You don’t throw your skin at a person!” (Uncanny X-Men Annual #11)
Statue of this now, please. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #11)
The moment where it all went wrong. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #11)
“I feel it! I feel the cosmos!” (Uncanny X-Men Annual #11)
This is actually a pretty good single-panel primer for this X-team. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #11)
Wait, WHAT?! (Uncanny X-Men Annual #11)
Doug. Doug, no. (New Mutants Annual #3)
Oh, hi. (New Mutants Annual #3)
Screw that Mxyzptlk jerk–the Impossible Man is where it’s at! (New Mutants Annual #3)
The Impossible Man X-Plains Uncanny X-Men Annual #7. (New Mutants Annual #3)
The whole issue in a nutshell. (New Mutants Annual #3)
Graduation costumes: definitely still terrible. (New Mutants Annual #3)
‘Kay. (New Mutants Annual #3)
That last panel, tho. (New Mutants Annual #3)
These goofballs. (New Mutants Annual #3)
WELL, THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY. (New Mutants Annual #3)
Game, set, and match. (New Mutants Annual #3)
There’s really no other way this issue could have ended. (New Mutants Annual #3)
We’re going to be guests at Vegas Valley Comic Book Festival on November 7! Come say hi, buy cool stuff, and be part of our second-ever live episode!
The first episode of the Secret Convergence on Infinite Podcasts launches THIS THURSDAY, October 29, on FanBros! For more info, check out the announcement, and be sure to follow the Convergence on Twitter and Tumblr for host profiles, updates, and more!
NEXT WEEK: All-New X-Men, with Dennis Hopeless!

LINKS:

80 – For the Mutant Who Has Everything

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Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Android | RSS

Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 11/1/2015 at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 11/1/2015 at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.

 

In which we go back in time to take a look at two annuals; everyone is really excited about Excalibur; Claremont ups his illusion game; Horde should probably not be allowed to dress himself; Rachel fires the X-Men; Havok needs better role models; Psylocke’s secondary mutation is femme power; Kyle X-Plains giant monsters; we check in with Super Doctor Astronaut Peter Corbeau; and you should totally come see us at Vegas Valley Comic-Book Festival on November 7!

X-PLAINED:

  • Dazzler’s powers
  • Uncanny X-Men Annual #11
  • Uncanny X-Men Annual #7
  • New Mutants Annual #3
  • The Hostage, by Brendan Behan
  • Wolverine vs. Historical Fiction
  • Horde and his amazing outfit
  • The Citadel of light and shadow
  • The fantasy lives of X-Men
  • Things to do with a shed human skin
  • The secret origin of Wolverine’s overactive healing factor
  • The Impossible Man (and how to defeat him)
  • The Shogun Warriors
  • What happened to Super Doctor Astronaut Peter Corbeau
  • Powers we don’t like
  • Vegas Valley Comic Book Festival

NEXT EPISODE: All-New X-Men with Dennis Hopeless!

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!