WHOA DANG! This is David Wynne’s 200th illustration for our show! Wanna buy one of David’s original illustrations, or commission a new piece? Drop him a line!
In which the Acolytes are pretty terrible; Exodus considers his options; Val Cooper is not wildly trustworthy; Cable uses his words; and people with significant metal implants should probably stop confronting Magneto.
X-PLAINED:
How not to get possessed by Mister Sinister
Crossover structures
How not to make friends or influence people
The Acolytes (again)
X-Factor #92
A total dick move
The new Project Wideawake
X-Force #25
A first appearance
Cable #1-3
A reunion
Avalon
Magneto’s bathrobe
The evolution of X-Force
Mojoworld in the multiverse
X-characters who haven’t officially died at least once
NEXT EPISODE: Fatal Extractions!
Happy podiversary to our beloved illustrator, David Wynne!
Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)
In which DC is out of our bailiwick; Random gets around; someone finally makes an explicit reference to disability politics; death has not improved the Chalkers; Strong Guy can’t catch a break; we’re all whole other people; Sienna Blaze has a crayon name; we totally want to play D&D with Evan Skolnick; a trading card does not a memorable character make; and we are 100% here for the mutant episode of Sesame Street.
X-PLAINED:
What happened to Fred Duncan
Beastwriting
Marvel’s 1993 Annuals
The speculator boom
X-Factor Annual #8
Uncanny X-Men Annual #17
Excalibur Annual #1
Charlie Ronalds (Charon) and his issues
A protracted Batman reference
How to string pearls
A dubious twist on the danger room
The pure joy of a child, but twisted and distorted like a shredded butterfly
Cloot (Satannish)
Howling Mad, by Peter David
The greatest enemies of X-Factor (but not really)
Cruel and arbitrary moralizing
The other X-Cutioner (Carl Denti)
A protracted illusion
The Amazing Icemaster
Metacommentary
An accidental trap
The death of Jason Wyngarde (Mastermind)
Resolution versus forgiveness
The other first appearance of Sienna Blaze
More wizard stuff
Khaos
Khaos & Gritty 4 Lyfe
Ghath
Irth
Mutants on Sesame Street
Cycling in and out of comics
NEXT EPISODE: Excalibur goes to space!
CORRECTION: Chris Claremont did not in fact write Dragonlance comics.
Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)
Do you wish Les Miserables were about X-Men? TODAY YOU ARE IN LUCK: Here is a downloadable version of the parody of “At the End of the Day” that closed Episode 226!
Who Wore It Better, Garden of Earthly Delights Edition! Genosha, or… (X-Factor #89)
…Hieronymus Bosch? (Bosh. Definitely Bosch.)
Oh, kiddo. (X-Factor #89)
Romance! (X-Factor #88)
AND THAT’S WHY YOU ALWAYS LEAVE A NOTE (X-Factor #89)
Big mood. (X-Factor #90)
Remember when Alex Summers was actually pretty awesome? (X-Factor #90)
GENOSHA WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU (so much) (X-Factor #90)
Harsh but valid. (X-Factor #90)
Meet Mutate #24601, whose mutant power is probably painfully complex internal rhymes. (X-Factor #90)
Aw, these goofballs. (X-Factor #90)
Genosha’s sanitation system is ridiculous. (X-Factor #91)
A+ lurking, Rahne! (X-Factor #91)
This definitely won’t come back to haunt Jamie. (It definitely will.) (X-Factor #91)
NEXT EPISODE: Wolverine vs. Everything!
At the End of the Fight
Lyrics by Jay Edidin, with apologies to Herbert Kretzmer
Performed by *Luz Bianca, Greg Black, Jeremy Borders, Lucas Brown, Kitty Byrne, *Tina Carelton, *Finn Carter, Everett Christensen, Veryan Croggan, Chris Eddleman, *Christina Eddleman, edibleflowers, Sol Foster, Emily Freville, Matt Gardner, Eric Michael Gray, Pete Gresser, Becky Hawkins, Andrew Hill, Jeff Holland, Al Kennedy, Steve Lacey, Kevin Lanigan, Elana Levin, *Alex Lundquist, Dan McMahon, William Mason, Steve Neal, notwhelmedyet (Lynn), Duck Orsino, Shannon Pack, Erin Pence, *Steve Pence, Philthy, Mariana Poole, rainproof, Samantha Riedel, Scott Sharplin, Adam Slevison, Richaundra Thursday, Dave Tomaine, Devin Toohey, and Grace Young. *Soloists
[X-FACTOR] At the end of the fight you’re another page older And that’s all you can say for the X-Factor life It’s a struggle, it’s a war And just when you think that you’re winning You find yourself stuck on the moon, facing down Stryfe And the fight’s just beginning
At the end of the fight you’re another fight older And the X on your jacket won’t keep out the chill And the readers all hurry past To the six other X-books they’re buying As the Legacy Virus spreads fast, ready to kill One fight nearer to dying
[COMPANY] A tthe end of the fight there’s another fight coming A crossover next week, an annual soon Like a storm that’ll break any second Foreshadowing Fatal Attractions There’s a reckoning still to be reckoned Plus the critics’ hot takes and reactions And the future is not looking bright At the end of the fight
[VAL COOPER] At the end of the fight there will be a debriefing You don’t get to slack in a government job
[STRONG GUY] We’ve got better things to do And this system doesn’t seem fair After all, we threw all the punches
[POLARIS] Plus, we don’t care
[STRONG GUY+ WOLFSBANE] And we need a vacation.
[MULTIPLEMAN] Have you seen how Val Cooper is fuming today
[QUICKSILVER] She might be possessed, she seems so out of sorts
[VAL] Step it up Summers, there’s paperwork waiting– They’re not dissertations, just mission reports
[COMPANY] At the end of the fight it’s another fight over To whatever extent superhero fights end Fight Magneto, fight the Blob Fight some guy we just met in a sewer What the hell, at least it’s a job Just find us the next evildoer ‘Cause there’s no resolution in sight At the end of the fight
LINKS & FURTHER NONSENSE:
David Dinkins was New York City’s first Black mayor and a pretty interesting dude.
In which Havok actually used to be pretty great; there are at least four attorneys in the Marvel Universe; Genosha continues to be wildly problematic; Hieronymus Bosch was not Comics Code-compliant; Quicksilver goes on vacation; Polaris has no time for your love triangle; Wolfsbane can maul as many magistrates as she wants; and Multiple Man makes a choice.
X-PLAINED: • Damian Tryp • An unconventional staffing practice • Genosha (more) (again) • The devolution of Alex Summers’ personality • Several attorneys in the Marvel Universe • X-Factor #88-91 • Random (Marshall Stone III) • Joe Quesada’s signature ribbons • Checkbook heroism • Kids these days • Genoshan reconstruction • Several gardens of earthly delights • Puberty • A mercifully abandoned plan • A conspiracy • A significant tonal shift • Mutate #24601 • RoboJean • Genosha’s sanitation system • Dick Chalker • Magneto Rex • Humans in Magneto’s Genosha
NEXT EPISODE: Wolverine vs. everything
Thanks to everyone who helped bring Jay’s weird musical dream to life:
*Luz Bianca, Greg Black, Jeremy Borders, Lucas Brown, Kitty Byrne, *Tina Carelton, *Finn Carter, Everett Christensen, Veryan Croggan, Chris Eddleman, *Christina Eddleman, edibleflowers, Sol Foster, Emily Freville, Matt Gardner, Eric Michael Gray, Pete Gresser, Becky Hawkins, Andrew Hill, Jeff Holland, Al Kennedy, Steve Lacey, Kevin Lanigan, Elana Levin, *Alex Lundquist, Dan McMahon, William Mason, Steve Neal, notwhelmedyet (Lynn), Duck Orsino, Shannon Pack, Erin Pence, *Steve Pence, Philthy, Mariana Poole, rainproof, Samantha Riedel, Scott Sharplin, Adam Slevison, Richaundra Thursday, Dave Tomaine, Devin Toohey, and Grace Young.
*Soloists
Special thanks to Juliana Finch, Christian Lipski, and Laser Webber for technical advice; Christina Eddleman for recording the demo track; and Matt Gardner and Peter Gresser for [Easter egg description redacted].
Check out the visual companion to this episode–as well as the full lyrics to “At the End of the Fight”–on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)
Bella, as seen on FaceTime between rounds of headbutting the phone.
The late, great, immensely fluffy Buzz Lightyear.
What, you thought this whole thing was just gonna be photos of cats? (Sorry) (X-Force #20)
Whoops. (X-Force #20)
That hair, though! Why, Shatterstar? WHY? (X-Force #20)
Those spacesuits look incredibly cumbersome. (X-Force #20)
You never forget your favorite ship. (X-Force #20)
That is a GREAT use of a spread. (X-Force #20)
X-Force really only has the one setting. (X-Force #21)
Aw. AW. (X-Force #21)
AWWWWWWWWW (X-Force #21)
“THE TEETH COMMAND IT!” (X-Force #21)
And that’s why you always leave a note. (X-Force #21)
“The guns were inside you all along!” (X-Force #22)
Well, then. (X-Force #22)
But he looks so happy about it! (X-Force #22)
I was gonna make a callback to that one tangent about how Cable probably carries a bunch of tampons because they are useful and he seems like the kind of dude who has a good attitude about menstruation, but it seemed too forced. (X-Force #22)
This is both excessive and silly, Gideon. (X-Force #22)
“Am I forever damned to eat crackers sideways?!” (X-Force #23)
Look at him! He’s just propped up in the corner! (X-Force #23)
OH, SNAP! (X-Force #23)
I’m still kind of peeved that this isn’t spelled out in Sam’s accent. It just feels wrong like this. (X-Force #23)
In which Miles stops worrying and learns to love X-Force; you should absolutely not google the phrase “face jam”; the kids take a field trip to Graymalkin; Jay reverse-engineers Shatterstar’s hair; Donald Pierce gets a new job; Sam Guthrie is the most trustworthy man in the Marvel Universe; Cable is your guns grandma; Professor earns its name; X-Force really only has one setting; and not every Sluggo is lit.
X-PLAINED:
A bunch of stuff Quicksilver did
Several cats
X-Force #20-23
The Externals (more) (again)
A deeply unlikely hairstyle
Graymalkin / Ship / Professor
A somewhat one-sided reunion
Yahoos
Inaccurate arithmetic
Why Feral sounds like that
Neither Tom, Dick, nor Harry
War Machine (James Rhodes)
Salvage
Sam Guthrie’s long trail of dead father figures
Shatterstar
How to fight an External
The seventh plague
What Domino’s been up to
Hammer’s mom
Tigerstryke (more) (again)
Sluggo (but not that Sluggo)
Learning to appreciate the ’90s
NEXT EPISODE: Psylocke Vs. Revanche!
Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)
No matter how many times I look at this, I still imagine this dude moving like tumbleweed. (X-Factor #82)
HEY, LOOK, MARVEL GOT A NEW LICENSE! (X-Factor #82)
Havok: Actually a reasonably good boss! (X-Factor #82)
I spent a LOT of time googling jaw injuries to try to figure out what the hell the hardware on Lorna’s face is supposed to be. Verdict: IT’S A MYSTERY. (X-Factor #82)
Live your best life, Toad. (X-Factor #82)
The fastest withering insults in the West. (X-Factor #82)
The new Phantazia.
THIS IS A VALID CONCERN. (X-Factor #82)
(It’s okay; Sam’s fine and possibly immortal.) (X-Factor #82)
Remember like five pages ago when it was a big deal that Lorna’s jaw was wired shut? (X-Factor #82)
I feel you, Lukas. (X-Factor #83)
Oh, this is gonna be awkward. (X-Factor #83)
WELL THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY. (X-Factor #83)
They’re going to bond over how much they hate everyone else. (X-Factor #83)
I’m still trying to figure this out. Maybe mutate children are artificially physically matured as part of the mutate process? (X-Factor #83)
Stairs are funny. (X-Factor #83)
Sure, why not? (X-Factor #83)
Aw, they’re best friends now. Because they’re both jerks. (X-Factor #83)
Poor Zachary. (X-Factor #83)
He’ll be okay, but this storyline is not going to get resolved until after X-Cutioner’s Song. (X-Factor #83)
Rick Chalker, on the other hand, will definitely not be okay. (X-Factor #83)
In which nobody wears the pants in the X-Plain family; Havok is a remarkably okay boss; Polaris may want to find a new doctor; Quicksilver has no time for your nonsense; we are very conditionally okay with resurrections; and if you spoil Season 5 of Steven Universe for Miles, we will never ever ever forgive you.
X-PLAINED:
Jay & Miles at FlameCon
Advantages of recording remotely
X-Factor #81-83
What Genosha’s been up to
Prodigal
An impassioned speech
An unfortunate accident
Yet another return(ish) of Sauron
Chain of command
Lukas
Pirouette
Yet another justification for the name of the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants
Phantazia (again)
Immovable vs. unstoppable
What you do on a boat
Taylor
When Havok still cared
“The Mutant Rap”
Adventures in New York
How to bond with Quicksilver
An angry mob
A derailed storyline
The ignominious death of Rick Chalker
Our opinions on the revolving door of death
X-Men vs. electronics
Superheroes from the Balkans
Theoretical X-Men and Steven Universe team-ups
NEXT EPISODE: X-Editor Jordan D. White!
Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)
