sentinels – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

As Mentioned in Episode 395 – Boxer Briefs of Humanity

December 18, 2022 Miles Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

“Weirdest disco ball I’ve ever seen, Sarge, and I used to hang out at that evil disco Dazzler used to play at.” (Cable & Machine Man Annual 1998)

Maybe this is why the X-Men refuse to use the phone. (Cable & Machine Man Annual 1998)

Shades of Weapon X. (Cable & Machine Man Annual 1998)

Jeez Nathan just ring the freakin’ doorbell (Cable & Machine Man Annual 1998)

Rose Gilberti, you were too good for this world. (Cable & Machine Man Annual 1998)

World 1-4 (Cable & Machine Man Annual 1998)

Dun duh dun duh dun, Inspector Aaron (Cable & Machine Man Annual 1998)

Cable’s psychic link x-plains Machine Man (Cable & Machine Man Annual 1998)

Look, I know the IT department has gotten messy over the course of the pandemic, you don’t have to rub it in (Machine Man & Bastion Annual 1998)

EWWW (Machine Man & Bastion Annual 1998)

Aww shit we’ve wandered into a TED Talk (Machine Man & Bastion Annual 1998)

Sometimes I wish PowerPoint had never been invented (Machine Man & Bastion Annual 1998)

And sometimes, as a joke, the Siege Perilous will transform a robot into a naked man with a goatee. (Machine Man & Bastion Annual 1998)

Attacked by exposition (Machine Man & Bastion Annual 1998)

Go-Go Gadget Free Will! (Machine Man & Bastion Annual 1998)

EWWW NOW HE’S DOING IT TOO (Machine Man & Bastion Annual 1998)

NEXT TIME: The Old New Mutants meet the New New Mutants

LINKS & FURTHER READING:

The Marvel Universe of Superheroes Exhibition (currently at OMSI in Portland, Oregon).
- You can check out Jay’s article Beyond the Mutant Metaphor in the exhibit’s catalogue!

395 – Boxer Briefs of Humanity

December 18, 2022 Miles 7 comments

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In which Jay has exciting news, Rick Leonardo draws an impressively creepy mad scientist’s lair, the clouds are purple and so is the prose, Powers of X gets a subtle prequel 21 years early, Cable’s own tolerance has finally reached zero, and we summarize Bastion’s backstory way, way faster than Bastion does.

X-PLAINED:

Machine Man (X-51) (Aaron Stack)
Operation Zero Tolerance (more) (again)
Jay’s upcoming parental leave
Bastion (Sebastion Gilberti)
M-Tech
Powerman 5000
Cable & Machine Man Annual 1998
Hobgits and their sound effects
Street Fighter: the Roleplaying Game
Batroc ze Lepair
Jack Kirby’s 2001: A Space Odyssey
X-51 / X-23 overlaps
Classic Summers Family Bullshit
Psionic soapboxes
What makes Bastion a compelling villain
The necessity of companions
Master Mold 3.0 & Nimrod 2.0
Machine Man & Bastion Annual 1998
Terrible font choices
ZORCH
Cable vs. floors
The carbon footprint of robotic fascism
Marvel Comics Presents #17-24 (just a little)
Incredible Hulk Annual #7 (just a tad)
The Siege Perilous
The future of Machine Man
The hypothetical 2022 version of Bastion
Historical events in which we’d love to see long-lived mutants take part

NEXT WEEK: We take a break for the holidays!

IN TWO WEEKS: The Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men 2022 Giant-Size Winter Special!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
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As Mentioned in Episode 391 – Mansion of Theseus

November 13, 2022 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

THE SIEGE OF THE VAPOR ANTS! THE SIEGE OF THE VAPOR ANTS! (Cable #45)

How has nobody died in the danger room?! (I mean, yet. But still.) (Cable #46)

I wish they’d made the bedrooms look a little more lived-in, but it’s still an effective sequence. (Cable #46)

Cable: Mole Man. (Cable #46)

Look at this nonsense. (Cable #46)

That’s… that’s a whooooole lotta captions, there. (Cable #47)

And a whole lotta beer. (Cable #47)

Meanwhile in X-Man… (X-Man #30)

This fuckin’ urchin, man. (X-Man #30)

Nate “It’s always the ’90s somewhere” Grey. (X-Man #30)

It’s easy to forget that even in the Marvel Universe, not everyone would take flight for granted. (X-Man #30)

NEXT WEEK: HAWK TALK
NEXT EPISODE: Generation X!

391 – Mansion of Theseus

November 6, 2022 Jay 12 comments

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In which the X-Mansion has unusually large vents; Cable’s hair should not be floppy; Nate Grey meets his maternal grandparents; and we would really like to know more about the Siege of the Vapor Ants.

X-PLAINED:

Cable #45-47
X-Man #30
What various Nathans have been up to
Operation Zero Tolerance (again)
The Siege of the Vapor Ants
Three grenades
Beefy vents for beefy men
Danger
Shi’arese
Cable vs. Bastion
So much beer
Three rad ladies
Several Greys
Roust
Every appearance of Joey and Gaylin Bailey
Several faked deaths
Possible impact of the MCU on the X-comics’ status quo
Character ages

NEXT WEEK: Hawk Talk

NEXT EPISODE: Generation X

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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388 – Deceit and Death

October 9, 2022 Jay 18 comments

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In which there’s a lot of good television out there; Shang-Chi says the title of the story at every possible opportunity; Wolverine is probably not a Deadhead; Sebastian Shaw thinks he’s a bigger deal than he is; and Operation Zero Tolerance officially begins.

X-PLAINED:

Storm’s ruby
X-Men #62-65
The Story So Far
Space LEGOs
Shang-Chi
Shang-Chi’s dad
An excellent fight scene
Word balloon placements
Agent Reston
Elixir Vitae
Several varyingly unexpected resurrections
Cyber Ninjas
Product placement for your own product
Bludgeon, Katana, Fist, and some other guy
Fujikawa Enterprises
Richard Fisk
Rambo heresay
Prime Sentinels
Children of Apocalypse
Carol Danvers substitutions

NEXT WEEK: Hawk talk

NEXT EPISODE: Generation X floats on

The visual companion to this episode will be up later this week.

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 363 – Licked by a Shadow

February 20, 2022 Jay 6 comments

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

It’s hard to be Warren Kenneth Worthington III. (Uncanny X-Men #338)

Hey, feathers! (Uncanny X-Men #338)

Peep those teeny peepers! (Uncanny X-Men #338)

YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN? SHE’S TOTALLY POUNCING ON PSYLOCKE! (Uncanny X-Men #338)

That’s our J. Jonah Jameson! (Uncanny X-Men #338)

Guys. GUYS. (Uncanny X-Men #338)

Ouch. (X-Men #58)

In which William Drake has a rare moment of conscience. (X-Men #58)

Rogue can’t sleep without dramatic irony. (X-Men #58)

“What do kids like these days? Dirtbikes, right?) (X-Men Annual 1996)

Well, that’ll ruin a baseball game. (X-Men Annual 1996)

Aw, man. (X-Men Annual 1996)

Can we discuss the apparent existence of X-Beer? (X-Men Annual 1996)

ALLL RIIIGHT indeed. (X-Men Annual 1996)

LOOK AT ALL THOSE X-MANS! (X-Men Annual 1996)

NEXT EPISODE: Pryde & Wisdom

363 – Licked by a Shadow

February 20, 2022 Jay 8 comments

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In which standing in fields looking confused is a way of life; Psylocke gets a new superpower; when you gotta confess you gotta confess; Iceman’s dad stands up for justice; we mourn a Sentinel; and it’s probably a good thing that most companies don’t do mind melds as a team-building exercise.

X-PLAINED:

Levels of mutant power
Omicron-level mutations
Miles’s brief baseball career
Uncanny X-Men #338
X-Men #58
X-Men Annual 1996
Archangel’s wings
Joseph vs. Holographic Magneto
Shadow teleportation
The errand theory of confession
Graydon Creed (more) (again)
“Drake Roberts” and “Samson Guthry”
Several ways to memorialize the Mutant Massacre
Onslaught, but an anteater
A fight
Several JJJ cameos
X-baseball games
A highly atypical Sentinel
Several oblique warnings
X-Men ‘97
Media inspired by the X-Men

NEXT EPISODE: Pryde & Wisdom

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 355 – All Sentinels Are Bastards

December 12, 2021 Miles 3 comments

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

See, this is why I’ll never drive in New York. (Amazing Spider-Man #415)

“Did I say guardian angels? I meant guardian spiders. Hey, things were different in the sixties.” (Amazing Spider-Man #415)

What year did this comic come out? Oh, right. 1996. (Amazing Spider-Man #415)

“Also, my son is a magical astronaut werewolf, and he’d stay and help!” (Amazing Spider-Man #415)

Inkers don’t get enough respect. (Spider-Man #72)

Jeez, even the Sentinels have traffic jams! What did I say about never driving in New York? (Spider-Man #72)

Weekend At Spider-Bernie’s. (Spider-Man #72)

Aww, these kids. (Spider-Man #72)

Now this is how you Spider-Man. (Spider-Man #72)

Phillip Urich’s Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, Part 1. (Green Goblin #12)

Phillip Urich’s Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, Part 2. (Green Goblin #12)

Phillip Urich’s Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, Part 3. (Green Goblin #12)

Phillip Urich’s Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, Part 4. (Green Goblin #12)

Phillip Urich’s Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, Part 5. (Green Goblin #12)

Phillip Urich’s Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, Part 6. (Green Goblin #12)

Frank Punisher is in over his head. (Punisher #11)

“A mustache and a wing-suit? Those student loans were worth every cent!” (Punisher #11)

This has never once happened in the history of the Marvel Universe. Never. Once. (Punisher #11)

The speech bubble says DOGS but the jet-ski says DOGZ – I don’t know who to believe! (Punisher #11)

Cap’n Bloodscream smiles approvingly from the next ship over. (Punisher #11)

“And I just had some firemen hose me down, so I am ready for this.” (Punisher #11)

NEXT TIME: End-slaught.

355 – All Sentinels Are Bastards

December 12, 2021 Jay 18 comments

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In which we take a break from X-Men to talk Onslaught tie-ins; Miles learns about coffee shop AUs; Sentinels are very large; there are no bystanders in a crossover event; we are really not Punisher people; and all the bad guys have plans.

X-PLAINED:

The Clone Saga (briefly)
How not to dispose of a dead clone
Ben Reilly
Amazing Spider-Man #415
Spider-Man #72
Green Goblin #12
Punisher #11
Onslaught’s increasingly nebulous goals
Sentinel timing
Coffee shop AUs
Sentinels in Manhattan
Several fights with Sentinels
Green Goblin (Phil Urich)
Uncles Ben
The Lunatic Laugh
Punisher (Frank Castle) (briefly)
Yet another helicarrier crash
The happiest cannon fodder
The Junkyard Dogs
Rashid Hammer Jones
The surprisingly exciting world of NYC maritime salvage
Make-believe superpowers
Deadlines

NEXT EPISODE: A Big Fight

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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