sentinels – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

As Mentioned in Episode 314 – Feelings, Alaska

November 16, 2020 Jay 3 comments

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Of course, that’s also exactly what a hologram would say. (X-Factor #115)

WHY DOES FORGE HAVE ALL THIS STUFF SAVED IN HIS HOLODECK? (X-Factor #115)

I’m putting all three pages of this flashback in the visual companion, because, while this scene has been shown roughly a zillion times, this one is the gold standard. (X-Factor #115)

This scene is ALSO a pretty good thumbnail guide to how to write Alex Summers and why. (X-Factor #115)

And that’s that, folks! (X-Factor #115)

“I mean, why do YOU come to Alaska? (X-Factor #115)

HECK YEAH (X-Factor #115)

THESE DORKS I LOVE THEM (X-Factor #115)

*wipes away a single tear* (X-Factor #115)

MILES WAS RIGHT. I stand corrected. -J (X-Factor #116)

Shard is cool, but she’d be cooler if she weren’t a cop. (X-Factor #116)

WHAT?! Superheroes trying to TALK through a misunderstanding? Surely Alpha Flight will jump straight to the punching, at least. (X-Factor #116)

…NOPE. (X-Factor #116)

Uncalled for, Roma. (X-Factor #117)

Seriously, don’t sic a sentinel on your team *because you’re not sure one of its members can adequately control his powers.* (X-Factor #117)

I’m pretty sure Random mostly wants a Jolt Cola(TM) and a Sega CD. (X-Factor #117)

…THEY FIGHT CRIME! (X-Factor #118)

Seriously, Random, nobody cares. (X-Factor #118)

Ah, yes, the flaming chasms of… somewhere. (X-Factor #118)

Well, that’s Random. (X-Factor #118)

NEXT EPISODE: Gambit & Wolverine!

LINKS & FURTHER MISUNDERSTANDINGS:

Lauretta Jean’s makes the best pie on earth, and Jay misses it desperately.
Wanna make comics? Wally Wood’s 22 Panels That Always Work are an incredibly useful resource.
We watched so much Sealab 2021 in college.
If you’re interested in the intersections of psychology and superhero comics, check out The Arkham Sessions!
PREVIOUSLY ON JAY & MILES X-PLAIN THE X-MEN
- For more about Scott and Alex’s origin story and picking which versions of canon count, check out Episode 308 – No Story Is the Whole Story.
- Hear about Roma and The Adversary’s last fight in Episode 86 – Legends.
- Dr. Andrea Letamendi joined us to discuss representations of mental illness and therapy in X-Factor in Episode 216 – X-Amining X-Factor.
- Our coverage of the Age of Apocalypse starts in Episode 287 – Welcome to the Age of Apocalypse…
- …and we focus on Cyclops and Havok’s relationship in that universe in Episode 292 – Weekend at Sinster’s.

314 – Feelings, Alaska

November 16, 2020 Jay 7 comments

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In which Haven deserved better; Cyclops and Havok have a lot of feelings in Alaska; X-Factor is the cop team; breaking up with your girlfriend between issues is a massive faux pas; Haven got a bad deal; no one cares about Random’s feelings; Spiral is weird Twitter; and Alex Summers once again fails to finish his dissertation.

X-PLAINED:

Chaos (Daniel Dash)
Pie
Power suits vs. power suits
X-Factor #115-118
Haven (more) (again)
The Adversary (more) (again)
Naze (more) (again)
Several people who may or may not be holograms
One of Jay’s all-time-favorite single issues
Howard Mackie
Wally Wood’s 22 Panels
The Summers Family plane crash
Cyclops and Havok’s relationship
Havok’s Silver Age origins
Trans readings of Alex Summers
Shard (more) (again)
Canadian drama
A trap
The return of Random
Roma (again)
Mojoworlders on social media
Which X-teens should be audience surrogates in a new animated series

NEXT EPISODE: Wolverine & Gambit!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 296 – Hard Choices

May 31, 2020 Miles Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

“Are you coming too, mysterious hooded stranger? My sister, Carmen Sandiego, would love to have you along!” (Amazing X-Men #1)

Danger Room cold open, Earth-295-style! (Amazing X-Men #1)

“Just a few more hours and a few dozen more cigarettes until Tom Waits karaoke night!” (Amazing X-Men #1)

“For further details, my X-Men, you must buy every other X-comic on the stands. Excelsior!” (Amazing X-Men #1)

As the famous thinker Parappa the Rapper once so wisely said: you gotta believe. (Amazing X-Men #1)

Earth-295 Sentinels may be lacking in toboggan hats and robot one-piece swimsuits, but they’re still pretty impressive. (Amazing X-Men #1)

Half unspooled VHS tape, half Slinky, all nuisance. (Amazing X-Men #2)

“Go easy on ’em, X-Men – they remembered to use our logo font, and that was very considerate of them.” (Amazing X-Men #2)

Banshee’s facial expression speaks for us all. (Amazing X-Men #2)

Okay, that’s legit terrifying. (Amazing X-Men #2)

Quicksilver? More like FRIPsilver! (Amazing X-Men #2)

If the title wasn’t already taken, Magneto’s autobiography would be called The Brood Saga. (Amazing X-Men #3)

It takes a true villain to make “being stretchy” an intimidating superpower. (Amazing X-Men #3)

Mary Poppins: The Snyder Cut. (Amazing X-Men #3)

Shaking Angel down for information is an X-Men rite of passage. (Amazing X-Men #3)

Open wide and say “flashback”! (Amazing X-Men #3)

you guys I think I’m in the wrong church (Amazing X-Men #4)

This may be bad, but at least he doesn’t have to die of a mutant-targeting virus twice in the Age of Apocalypse the way he does in Earth-616… (Amazing X-Men #4)

Generation Next – ripping our hearts out even when it’s someone else’s comic! (Amazing X-Men #4)

I know you’re mad at Gambit, Rogue, but did you really have to punch his legs off? (Amazing X-Men #4)

Aww, damn – he was just one week away from retirement! (Amazing X-Men #4)

*raises lighter* (Amazing X-Men #4)

NEXT EPISODE: This guy.

296 – Hard Choices

May 31, 2020 Jay 8 comments

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In which Magneto doesn’t really do work/live divide; Amazing X-Men is a bit of a misnomer; Exodus is the lawful evil to Fabian Cortez’s chaotic evil; smoking is bad for you; moisture molecular inversion is fairly definitely not a real thing; Earth-295 Quicksilver and Earth-616 Cyclops would probably get along; OSHA would probably like a word with the Madrii; Gambit had ONE JOB; and there are no superheroes in the Age of Apocalypse.

X-PLAINED:

An unlikely team-up
Relative amazingness
Amazing X-Men #1-5
Color separations
Comics credits
The Brotherhood of Mutants and/or Chaos
The Great Human Airlift
Exodus (more) (again)
Best Quicksilver (Earth-295)
Abyss
A dubiously aerodynamic cape
One last job
Several points of semantic distinction
Lone Nanny & Cub
The most punchable man on Earth-295
A difficult choice
What it means to be X-Men
Dick Valentine
Jamie Madrox (Earth-295)
A world without superheroes
Universe numbering

NEXT EPISODE: X-Man!

CORRECTION: The line about fence-straddling that Jay attributed to Wonder Woman was in fact spoken by Hawkgirl.

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop! This June, we’ll be donating all of the profits to Trans Lifeline!

As Mentioned in Episode 291 – Eat Malarkey and Die

April 12, 2020 Jay 2 comments

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Logan just straight-up has a mane in this timeline. (Weapon X #1)

Seriously, this has to be the worst mode of transportation. (Weapon X #1)

“I’ll finish you, just like I finished my disserta– ohhhh, shit.” (Weapon X #1)

NEVER NOT FUNNY. (Weapon X #1)

Is… is Logan saying that he hopes Havok gets teleported into somebody’s butt? (Weapon X #1)

Snnnnrk. (Weapon X #1)

He spends hours thinking ’em up. (Weapon X #1)

Seriously, if it weren’t for that damn pose, this page would be SO cool. (Weapon X #1)

Logan subscribes to the Dan McNinja school of tactics. (Weapon X #2)

To his credit, I’d be pretty nonplussed if this fell through my ceiling. (Weapon X #2)

The setup… (Weapon X #2)

…and the punchline. (Weapon X #2)

I see what you did, there. (Weapon X #3)

She doesn’t seem to have a sash, so I’m just going to go ahead and assume that Carol-295 just carries rhythmic gymnastic ribbons to make her leaps look more dramatic. (Weapon X #3)

This version of Gateway is really cool, and deserves both more page space and more analysis than he gets. (Weapon X #3)

CAROL FOREVER. (Weapon X #3)

Was Logan just, like, saving this for a rainy day? (Weapon X #4)

That is certainly one way to navigate an airship. (Weapon X #4)

You know nothing pleasant is going to follow this sound effect. (Weapon X #4)

‘Kay. (Weapon X #4)

NEXT EPISODE: Vulcan is still the worst Summers Brother in any universe, though.

LINKS & FURTHER ATROCITIES

Here is a recording of William S. Burroughs performing R.E.M.’s “Star Me Kitten.”

291 – Eat Malarkey and Die

April 12, 2020 Jay 21 comments

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In which we celebrate a birthday; nuclear war is never a good Plan A; every Logan is Old Man Logan; we are underwhelmed by the Pretty Boys of Earth-295; Jean Grey is one hell of a pilot; there are so many reasons not to like Donald Pierce; teleporters are the narrative nuclei of the Age of Apocalypse; and Gateway of Earth-295 deserves significantly more in-depth exploration than we can provide.

X-PLAINED:

Weapon X (Logan)
Weapon X #1-4
Irony
Coordinating costumes to tattoos (and vice versa)
How to ride a sentinel
Apocalypse’s sea wall
Mutant power classifications
The mass human evacuation
Nuclear war
Magma
A load of malarkey
Interactions of telepathy and PTSD
The Pretty Boys of Earth-295
How not to jump out of a zeppelin
What Carol Danvers smells like
Gateway (Earth-295)
An exceptionally high-tech guilt trip
Unconventional navigation
Character transformations between universes
The complex conundrum of Jean Grey
When humans became aware about mutants
Logan’s D&D alignment
Our own D&D character histories

NEXT EPISODE: Factor X!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 263 – The Oldest Teens of Them All

September 15, 2019 Jay Leave a comment

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

This looks like a “Sexy Spider-Woman” costume from Party City. (X-Force #34)

IT’S FOR FLIRTING, RICTOR. (X-Force #34)

I guess this is just his thing now. (X-Force #34)

These guys. <3 (X-Force #34)

At least one person on this art team clearly thought Rictor was Gambit. (X-Force #34)

Seriously, though, why did they come along? (X-Force #34)

Who even sits like that while they’re thinking? (X-Force #34)

Starring Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. (X-Force #35)

The. Worst. Security. System. (X-Force #35)

X-Force kind of needs a team counselor. (X-Force #35)

I want a whole side story about the two of them raising some hell. (X-Force #35)

Okay, but for the record, atomic bombs are also bad. (X-Force #35)

Cable, have you even read this comic? (X-Force #35)

That’s our boy. (X-Force #36)

Sucks to be Nimrod, I guess? (X-Force #36)

I’m really uncomfortable with the concept of “hot Apocalypse.” (X-Force #37)

Later, S’mores. (X-Force #37)

I don’t know why this panel is so funny to me, but IT’S SO FUNNY. (X-Force #37)

That’s not how you coffin, guys. (X-Force #37)

Right there with you, Sam. (X-Force #37)

“Also, you’re big jerks.” (X-Force #37)

NEXT EPISODE: Douglock!

263 – The Oldest Teens of Them All

September 8, 2019 Jay 10 comments

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In which Cable and Domino may or may not be very old teenagers; disguises are not Dani Moonstar’s strong suit; Empath remains awful; Shatterstar probably talks exactly like a telenovela; X-Force needs an office manager; Mothra is larger than most things; and if you get to choose between being an External or a Guthrie, always be a Guthrie.

X-PLAINED:

Bastion, to some extent
X-Force #34-37
Optical disambiguation
Moonstar
Face tentacle semantics
Sandwiches (again)
The Richter family
An entirely avoidable fight
Some time-travel bullshit
Hannigan Electronics
An insecurity system
Nimrods
Things neural networks would probably do instead of murdering you
Defining traits of the Externals
Adoption, X-Factor style
Wolverine: The Long Night

NEXT EPISODE: Douglock!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

224 – Fix the Future

November 25, 2018 Jay 24 comments

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In which Alan Davis performs his pièce de résistance; the personification of Death is surprisingly supportive; Rachel Summers is the One True Phoenix; Kitty Pryde goes full ’90s; syntax saves the world; and the first Excalibur series should really have ended with #67.

X-PLAINED:

Origins of Phoenix mythology
Excalibur #61-67
The Phoenix Force (more) (again)
Rachel Summers (more) (again)
Earth-811 (more) (again)
Phoenix vs. Galactus
A pep talk from Death
The One True Phoenix
The dark, distant future of 2013
The dark, even more distant future of 2015
The extremely complicated future of Kate Pryde
Rory Campbell / Ahab
What may or may not be Ahab’s theme song
Moby Dick, kind of
That one time Widget was a car
Resistance Coordination Executive
Dark Angel
Killpower
Albion
Grace
Tangerine
Arthur
An Excalibur #54 callback
Excalibur (the gun)
Kitty’s new image
How to hack the robot apocalypse
Saved by the Bell: The College Years
Where Excalibur should have ended
Tactical use of Magneto’s hat
Anti-assimilation stories in X-Men

NEXT EPISODE: The Passion of Butter Rum (feat. Austin Gorton)

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 180 – Lawful Badass

January 14, 2018 Jay 3 comments

Listen to the podcast here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

What you see is pretty much what you get. (Uncanny X-Men #281)

Cybernetic fuckboys. Don’t worry, they’re all going to die soon. For now. Mostly. (Uncanny X-Men #281)

That is… certainly some dialogue, there. (Uncanny X-Men #281)

And that’s why she’s the boss. (Uncanny X-Men #281)

“We eat dinner naked. It’s very sexy. And then we do the sexy dishes, sexily.” (Uncanny X-Men #281)

Oh, no! Not Bevatron! (Uncanny X-Men #281)

If you had told me a year ago that there was armor worse than Cameron Hodge’s ruby quartz armor, I would not have believed you. Mea culpa. (Uncanny X-Men #281)

Oh, no, not again. (Uncanny X-Men #281)

OH HELL YES. (Uncanny X-Men #282)

Professor X is kind of a sore winner. (Uncanny X-Men #282)

And then, suddenly, Storm was telekinetic. (Uncanny X-Men #282)

That’s gotta sting. (Uncanny X-Men #282)

“But first, The Very Hungry Caterpillar.” (Uncanny X-Men #282)

Earth-1191 is AMAZING. (Uncanny X-Men #282)

I really want to know if all these criminals dressed up special for the occasion, or if this is just what everyone hangs out looking like in the future. (Uncanny X-Men #282)

ABOUT DAMN TIME. (See what I did, there?) (Uncanny X-Men #282)

“Ha, ha!” (Uncanny X-Men #283)

Aw, this kid. (Uncanny X-Men #283)

“I’m going to the comics shop to cancel my subscription RIGHT NOW!” (Uncanny X-Men #283)

Bishop, I know you come from a difficult timeline, but even you have to appreciate how rad that Walt Simonson Archangel design is. (Uncanny X-Men #283)