Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

As Mentioned in Episode 247 – The Butt-Kick Scale

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Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
In French, Sabretooth’s name is “Dents du Sabre,” and it’s not nearly as menacing. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1)
“Fetch the pestridder, Birdy–We’ve got ninjas in the rutabagas.” (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1)
As seen in Marvel vs. Capcom !(Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1)
Sabretooth is a terrible boss, but marginally better than the Hand, maybe, I guess. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1)
Ah, yes, the sound of telepathic soothing: PHOOOOOO. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1)
Note the arms and the axe. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1)
TURBO-SABRETOOTH! (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1)
Tribune: Banker. Politician. Pundit. Supervillain. Definitely about to go to BotCon cosplaying his OC. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1)
This series has consistently excellent covers. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #2)
I was going to make an Elements of Style joke based on that sound effect, but it seemed like kind of a stretch. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #2)
HI, MYSTIQUE! (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #2)
Do you think Mystique spends an inordinate amount of time researching who from the pasts of people she knows will make them the most uncomfortable? Probably. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #2)
I’m not saying this is peak Mystique; but I’m also not saying it’s not. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #2)
Sabretooth: Death Hunt #3: Large Angry Men Yelling!
TEETH. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #3)
I appreciate this panel so damn much. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #3)
“Look at us: just a pair of stone cold badasses doing stone-cold badass stuff.” (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #3)
‘Kay. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #3)
HOW DID HE FIT THE PAULDRONS UNDER THE TUXEDO? (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #3)
I love that Mystique still has her cigarette holder. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #3)
rghrargh (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #4)
OKAY THEN (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #4)
YEP THIS SURE IS HAPPENING (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #4)
AND SO IS THIS (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #4)
SURE WHY NOT (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #4)
AND THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER PROBABLY (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #4)
NEXT EPISODE: There should be leprechauns, and there aren’t, and I’m still angry about it.

And now, for your edutainment, a selection of Mark Trail panels, presented in no particular order:

LINKS & FURTHER WOODLAND CREATURES:

  • Experience the magic of Mark Trail for yourself.
  • If Jay wrote a Mark Trail parody Twitter account–which we’re certainly not admitting that he does–it would probably read exactly like this one.
  • The D- Poems of Jeremy Bloom is one of many delightful novels by Gordon Korman, who was a mainstay of Jay’s childhood. (It’s so weird that there are Bruno & Boots movies now!)

 

 

247 – The Butt-Kick Scale

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which the Hand probably doesn’t even offer dental; literally everyone is less creepy than the Joker and Harley Quinn; toxic masculinity is Sabretooth’s adamantium; Mark Trail is a wild ride; Wolverine trashes the dress code and gets funky; Larry Hama is your god now; and Sabretooth: Death Hunt scores a solid six on the butt-kick scale.

X-PLAINED:

  • Mark Trail vs. X-Men
  • Sabretooth (Victor Creed)
  • Clones of Sabretooth
  • Birthday traditions
  • Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1-4
  • Ps[i don’t remember; that one guy]
  • Low-context ninjas
  • A somewhat tasteful omission, I guess
  • The glow (and its counterintuitive sound effect)
  • Turbo Sabretooth
  • Tribune (Graydon Creed)
  • Mark Trail
  • Affirmations with Sabretooth
  • “Leni Zauber”
  • Dress codes
  • The butt-kick scale
  • A tearaway tuxedo
  • Dubious grenade handling
  • Parenting with Mystique
  • One thing Wolverine knows
  • The CHK-LIT gun
  • Comics bankers
  • A very qualified recommendation
  • Our preferred versions of Sabretooth’s origin
  • Relative redeemability

NEXT EPISODE: Siena Blaze and the Mystery of the Missing Leprechauns!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 246 – Foreshadow Puppets

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Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Four arms–and a conscience. (X-Force #27)
Does he just live in Gyrich’s garage? Or, like, under the lawn? (X-Force #27)
Too many muscles for one panel: The X-Force Story. (X-Force #27)
Who’s that? SURELY not Danielle Moonstar! (X-Force #27)
‘Kay. (X-Force #28)
And that’s the last we’ll see of Sunspot for a while. (X-Force #28)
Sometimes it’s like that. (X-Force #28)
Confirmed canonical: Shatterstar’s hair is independently mobile. (X-Force #29)
What happened to Sam, and who is this alarmingly beefy stranger? (X-Force #29)
Cable is leaning full into the Dad thing these days; and I, for one, am here for it. (X-Force #29)
I’m fairly sure that I saw this movie in an 8th-grade assembly. (X-Force #29)
Kids these days, amirite? (X-Force #29)
Based on her facial expression, I imagine her delivering this line in roughly the style of Aubrey Plaza as April Ludgate. (X-Force #29)
Sure thing, buddy. (X-Force #29)
Look at these angry, pointy boys. (X-Force #30)
So angry. So pointy. (X-Force #30)
Angry but not pointy. (X-Force #30)
“You’ll probably do okay; you’re not a major character.” (X-Force #30)
How much better would this issue have been if they’d done a skate-off? (X-Force #30)
Don’t worry, he’ll be fine. (X-Force #30)
Aw, look at him learning to person! (X-Force #30)
NEXT EPISODE: More spiky people yelling!

LINKS & FURTHER CONSUMABLES:

 

246 – Foreshadow Puppets

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Danielle Moonstar is not a master of disguise; the MLF are bad enough dudes to kidnap a guy who works near the president; Tempo wasn’t even supposed to be here today; Reignfire is no Magneto; we now desperately want X-Force matryoshka dolls; Feral quits the team; Henry Peter Gyrich fails to learn from experience (or anything else); small children are bad at everything; Shatterstar gets a tagline; Sam Guthrie REALLY needs a vacation; and it’s surprisingly difficult to choose a favorite resurrection.

X-PLAINED:

  • Cortex
  • The kinder, gentler Cable
  • Several matters related to Nicholas Cage
  • X-Force #27-30
  • Broome jaws
  • The Area jar
  • The Mutant Liberation Front
  • Reignfire (again)
  • Hardaway
  • A cyborg asshole
  • Locus
  • Moonstar
  • “Of Faith and Fable”
  • Foreshadow puppets
  • Bobby da Costa’s greatest fear
  • Dad jokes with Cable
  • X-Force’s day off
  • Shatterstar vs. Adam X the X-Treme
  • Windsong
  • An inevitable team-up
  • A Very Special Episode moment
  • The return of Wine Mom Domino
  • The return of Jean Grey’s telepathy
  • Our favorite resurrections

NEXT EPISODE: Sabretooth

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 245 – Natural Causes

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Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
I love this cover, and I love this series. (Rogue #1)
I wonder if she just kisses planes every once in a while just in case one turns out to be a Transformer. (Rogue #1)
And that’s how we deal with street harassers. (Rogue #1)
Rogue’s backstory has stayed remarkably consistent over the years, especially by X-Men standards. (Rogue #1)
Gambit’s awkward facial expressions in this series are absolutely delightful. (Rogue #1)
Oh. THIS guy. (Rogue #1)
Meanwhile in a late ’80s music video… (Rogue #1)
The Assassins’ guild has the weirdest cell phone plans. (Rogue #1)
Gambit gets a lot more interesting when you realize his flirting is largely performative. (Rogue #2)
The uncontested champions of Pairs’ Punching! (Rogue #2)
Oh, hell, yeah. (Rogue #2)
As a responsible teacher, Wolverine makes sure to brief all his students about Inverse Ninja Law. (Rogue #3)
“I WAS coming up with new cheers, but den you showed up on dat motorcycle.” (Rogue #3)
I didn’t notice this my first time through, but what the HELL is going on with Lapin’s facial hair? (Rogue #3)
Oh. Hell. Yeah. (Rogue #3)
OH HELL YEAH (Rogue #4)
Seriously, why is Cody eight years old? (Rogue #4)
NEXT EPISODE: Pointy boys, yelling!

LINKS & FURTHER ADVENTURES:

245 – Natural Causes

12 comments

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Android | RSS

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Rogue flouts air traffic regulations; Jay is very sorry for how badly he butchers Gambit’s accent; stealth is directly proportionate to how loudly you dress; Rogue and Gambit win the gold in Pairs Punchin’; Candra is a big jerk; you should ABSOLUTELY NOT remove an impaled object; Rogue busts through some tropes; and we have complicated feelings about the Ultimate universe.

X-PLAINED:

  • Rogue’s biological parents
  • Marvel New Orleans
  • Brood Trouble in the Big Easy
  • Rogue/rogue disambiguation
  • Rogue #1-4
  • Bella Donna Boudreaux
  • What may or may not happen if Rogue kisses a Transformer
  • Cody Robbins (again)
  • Natural causes
  • Supervillain funeral crashers (again)
  • Inverse Ninja Law (Law of Conservation of Ninjutsu)
  • The Bill the Pony incident
  • Relative culpability
  • Nature vs. nurture
  • Tante Mattie (Mattie Baptiste)
  • Candra’s new threads
  • How long it takes to drive from Westchester, NY, to Caledcott, MI
  • How Jay learned to love Gambit (but not to stop worrying)
  • Gris-Gris
  • Lapin
  • Fifolet
  • Punching hallucinations
  • Questa
  • Knives as superpowers
  • Inversions of several gendered superhero tropes
  • Closure
  • The limits of intent
  • Magnetos’ (sometimes) kids’ hair
  • Whether we’ll cover Ultimate X-Men

NEXT EPISODE: Spiky boys, yelling!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 244 – Terminal Nudity

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Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
You can tell he’s evil because he’s the only assassin who… wears black? (Gambit #1)
“And how is your mustache?!” (Gambit #1)
Wolverine is basically the Mary Worth of the X-Men. (Gambit #1)
…Okay, yeah, I get why he’s kind of cool. (Gambit #1)
You can tell the captions are serious business because of the fake torn edges. (Gambit #1)
It seems weird that the first thing he did was throw his coat over her. That’s weird, right? (Gambit #2)
Maybe the accents skip a generation. (Gambit #2)
They have fun. (Gambit #2)
The Tithe Collector knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men! (Gambit #2)
No, seriously, look at this Shadow-looking dude. (Gambit #2)
Fashion! (Gambit #3)
Well played. (Gambit #3)
I just really love that he changes into THIS for infiltration. (Gambit #3)
Candra got over pants centuries ago. (Gambit #3)
It’s cool that she survives and everything; but, ew. (Gambit #4)
Remy “John Constantine” LeBeau. (Gambit #3)
NEXT EPISODE: Rogue’s turn!

LINKS & FURTHER DRAMA:

  • Jay is writing a thing that may be relevant to your interests in the intersection of Marvel and audio.
  • We first encountered the T’ieves’ Guild in Episode 194 – Brood Trouble in the Big Easy.
  • Go watch Intacto; it’s brilliant.
  • The Thief of Always is basically Clive Barker in Ray Bradbury drag. It’s not going to blow your mind; but it’s a fun read.
  • As a gloomy ’90s teen, Jay was of course very into The Crow; which holds up surprisingly well. It can’t rain all the time!

 

244 – Terminal Nudity

18 comments

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Android | RSS

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which X-Men don’t get to take vacations; Jay makes a somewhat belated announcement; sometimes Gambit is legitimately pretty cool; the assassins get a day-glo-up; The Crow holds up surprisingly well; Gambit gets exiled again; and Artie and Leech damn well better get to live happily ever after.

X-PLAINED:

  • Rogue and Gambit’s honeymoon
  • A thing that Jay is working on
  • Brood Trouble in the Big Easy
  • Bella Donna Boudreaux
  • Gambit #1-4
  • The New Orleans trilogy
  • “X-Ternally Yours”
  • The tithe collector
  • Things about which your mama may or may not have warned you
  • Dramatic captions
  • Candra
  • The Thieves’ and Assassins’ Guilds
  • The pact
  • Julian Boudreaux (again)
  • Henri LeBeau and his mustache
  • Critical nudity
  • Terminal nudity
  • Marius Boudreaux
  • Accent inconsistencies
  • Draping
  • Jean Luc LeBeau
  • Treachery most foul
  • (Select elements of) Gamit’s origin story
  • How thieves get kids
  • Gambit as a romantic hero
  • Ungrateful children of the Marvel Universe
  • Petite Chou
  • Clubbing with Gambit
  • Subtlety (for some value of the term)
  • Lifestyles of the rich and immortal
  • The Church of Lost Thieves
  • The Elixir of Life
  • An undersold side effect
  • A very lucky break
  • Artie and Leech’s probable adult lives
  • Villains we’d like to see on the X-Men

NEXT EPISODE: Rogue!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 243 – And Now We Are Five

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Listen to the episode here!

Art by David Wynne.

These are the episodes we mentioned, in chronological order:

And, just for kicks, here are all the episodes with songs:

Special thanks to all our patrons; to Bobby Roberts, Kyle Yount, Kurt Loyd, Matt Hunter, David Wynne, Mike Miller, Katie Proctor, Books With Pictures, The Steep & Thorny Way to Heaven, Phoenix Comics & Games, Tea Fougner, Anna Sheffey, our families, and the Mutant Revolution Discord; and to the X-Men and everyone who’s given them life over the last 56 years. Mutatis Mutandis!

 

243 – And Now We Are Five

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Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Android | RSS

Art by David Wynne.

In which we celebrate a red-letter birthday with a look back at five years of milestones, favorite moments, dubious headwear, and our own convoluted continuity!

NEXT EPISODE: It Gambit time!

You can find a full list of the episodes we mentioned here over on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!