Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

As Mentioned in Episode 122 – Boom Boom von Doom and the Ontology of Monsters

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Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
“Hey, let’s play Final Fantasy! You bring the drama and I’ll bring the fetch quest!” (Uncanny X-Men Annual #13)
Imagine a world where Boomslang showed up in Giant-Size X-Men #1 instead of Wolverine. IMAGINE IT. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #13)
“Brightly-colored pureed veggies – my only weakness!” (Uncanny X-Men Annual #13)
This is the happiest Longshot will ever be. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #13)
Namorita’s pretty awesome, but… why would you wear that underwater? (New Mutants Annual #5)
Please note Undertow’s tastefully covered nipples. He’s a gentleman. (New Mutants Annual #5)
I believe the sound effect you’re looking for is TOOT, Ghaur. Are you even trying? (New Mutants Annual #5)
I’ll give you this, Rob: you draw a pretty awesome weird-Fizzgig-monster-thing. (New Mutants Annual #5)
In which John Byrne’s writing and art are two great tastes that taste great together. (X-Factor Annual #4)
Come on, Attuma – didn’t you read Avengers #263 and Fantastic Four #286? (X-Factor Annual #4)
“No time to process your deep-seated trauma at watching half your friends die – time to punch my dad!” (X-Factor Annual #4)
FUCK YEAH JEAN GREY (X-Factor Annual #4)
I mean, there’s really no subtlety here. It’s just straight-up the Blues Brothers. (X-Factor Annual #4)
Hey, it’s that guy! (X-Factor Annual #4)
I mean, this panel is fine, but it mainly makes me miss Marc Silvestri. (X-Factor Annual #4)
Watch out for Magneto’s brain-hat! (X-Factor Annual #4)
And also watch out for Doom’s brain-face! (X-Factor Annual #4)
Magneto’s backstory: more tragedy than any three Lifetime movies. (Seriously, though – poor guy.) (X-Factor Annual #4)
Everything about Boom Boom and Rictor’s body language is perfect. Jon Bogdanove, please draw both of them forever. (New Mutants Annual #5)
Tabitha Smith, living cartoon. (New Mutants Annual #5)
No caption can add to the perfection that is this sequence. (New Mutants Annual #5)
Do you know how many coats it takes to get adamantium to hold color? (New Mutants Annual #5)
This narration? Yeah, the entire story’s like this. And it is PERFECT. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #13)
Amid all the motormouth bluster, Jubilee basically just wants friends. Aww, kid. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #13)
The origin of both the best costume parts Jubilee didn’t keep and the best part she did. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #13)
Next time: the X-Babies! (Excalibur: Mojo Mayhem)

122 – Boom Boom Von Doom and the Ontology of Monsters

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Podcast: Play in new window | Download

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Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.

In which the back-up stories of Atlantis Attacks are way better than the main event; the Serpent Society is hilarious; Longshot finds a rock; the S.U.R.F.E.R.S. are no Neutrinos; our volume of digressions is inversely proportional to our investment in this crossover; Jay overthinks sunglasses; and somehow we still aren’t entirely done with Inferno.

X-PLAINED:

  • Leonard McKenzie
  • Princess Fen
  • Tiger Shark
  • A dubious crossover event and three splendid backup stories
  • The best thing in Marvel Puzzle Quest
  • Skateman
  • Atlantis Attacks
  • Uncanny X-Men Annual #13
  • New Mutants Annual #5
  • X-Factor Annual #4
  • Ghaur
  • Llyra
  • Homo mermanus
  • The Serpent Society
  • Boomslang
  • Why snakes don’t wear vests
  • The Maple Hill Farm books
  • The Horn of Doom (again)
  • Namorita
  • Impractical swimwear
  • Surf, or S.U.R.F.E.R.S., or whoever the hell they are
  • Zak and the Neutrinos
  • The trouble with mobile landmarks
  • A case of mistaken identity
  • The true meaning of something, probably
  • Ralph Macchio, but not that Ralph Macchio
  • Circumstances in which it is acceptable to throw a small child down an elevator shaft
  • The definitive Boom Boom
  • Eligible gentlemen of the Marvel Universe
  • Boom Boom Von Doom
  • A false dichotomy
  • Sally Pashkow
  • A really great outfit
  • Presidencies rated by X-Books
  • Best and worst moral inversions

NEXT WEEK: Mojo Mayhem!

ART CHALLENGE: Send your best Boom Boom romance stories, covers, and pin-ups to xplainthexmen(at)gmail.com by SEPTEMBER 15, with the subject line BOOM BOOM RULES.

NOTE: In this episode, Jay briefly confused two Marvel villain teams: the Serpent Society (snake-themed villains); and the Sons of the Serpent, also known as the Serpent Men (hate group). We would like to offer our apologies to the Serpent Society, who are ridiculous but not, as far as we know, racist.

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

Jay & Miles Review the X-Men, Episode 96

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Weeks of 8/10/2016 and 8/17/2016:

In which we make a vaguely triumphant return, review two weeks’ worth of books, and have a lot of feelings about fictional teenagers.

REVIEWED:

  • *All-New X-Men #12 (00:53)
  • Old Man Logan #10 (06:41)
  • All-New Wolverine #11 (10:29)
  • Civil War II: X-Men #3 (13:51)

*Pick of the Fortnight (18:23)

Come see us at Rose City Comic Con!

Filmed at Books With Pictures in Portland, OR.

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. These video reviews–and everything else here–are made possible by the support of our Patreon subscribers. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Come join us on Imzy!

Buy stuff at the shop!

121 – Two Sides of a Narcissistic Coin (feat. Ben Acker)

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Art by David Wynne.
Art by David Wynne.

In which Jay may or may not have sold their voice to a sea witch; Gambit and Deadpool are somewhat lackadaisical superheroes; everything Fat Cobra does is amazing; Miles is a prepared gentleman; Gambit is there to look pretty and throw something; and there is now a Ben Acker vocaloid hovering around the studio.

X-PLAINED:

  • Acker & Blacker
  • Thrilling Adventure Hour
  • X-Men #214, but not the real one
  • Deadpool v. Gambit
  • As-needed approach to continuity
  • The ontology of Deadpool
  • The time the Absorbing Man turned into cocaine
  • Wolverine Season One
  • What makes Gambit creepy
  • The roadtrip miniseries you didn’t know you needed
  • A theoretical poker game and its theoretical outcome

NEXT EPISODE: Atlantis Attacks!

There is no visual companion to this episode! Go read Deadpool v. Gambit! It’s great!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Contact David Wynne to inquire after the original of this week’s illustration.

What I Did on My Summer Vacation, by Jay (Age 33)

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The closest approximation of Havok’s powers in the standard emoji set is concentric hearts.

I discovered this a few months back, texting with the amazing Tea Fougner. “It kind of fits,” I remember typing. “I mean, the movie version has very Care Bear powers.”

There followed a Step 3, with a series of question marks; but by the end of the conversation, we had decided to make and exchange Summers Brothers Care Bears.

(I also ended up making a tiny Captain America bear, which astute readers will recognize as a panel-accurate replica of the Captain America bear Cyclops canonically owns, which appeared for one panel sometime in the late ’90s. Jean won it for him at a fair. Comics are great, y’all.)

ANYWAY, here are some process photos and notes. ENJOY!

The only remotely appropriately colored Care Bear was Grumpy Bear. I feel pretty okay about that.
Eyes.
Care Bear eyes are riveted in. Fortunately, I had help from my friend Dave, who owns…
…a drill press!
Since the lights were smaller than the actual eyes, I threw on a few coats of red paint once we had ’em out.
Seriously, I have never identified more closely with Mister Sinister.
And here’s Cyclops Bear, reassembled!
Still not lasers.
The visor is part of a leftover container from Rite-Aid. The actual lens is cut from a ski visor.
Finished Cyclops and Cap bears.
The Cap Bear’s single canon appearance.
The Summers Bears united. Cyclops and Cap stayed in New York with Tea; Havok relocated to the Pacific Northwest with me, presumably to finish his dissertation. For some reason this photo WILL NOT display upright.

UPDATE: Tea just sent me a slew of Havok Bear process photos and notes, so those will be up next week!

Also, since I forgot to link it initially, you can see both bears in action in this video review!

 

 

As Mentioned in Episode 120 – Observed by a Family of Lizard People

8 comments

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
Hi, there. (Excalibur #8)
They’re totally a girl gang, though, right? (Excalibur #8)
Ouch. (Excalibur #8)
Hi, Brian. (Excalibur #8)
Seriously, it’s never not funny. (Excalibur #8)
I want a statue of this cover SO BAD. (Excalibur #9)
Meet Lightning Force: The Nazi Excalibur you really, really don’t need in your life. (Excalibur #9)
The many faces of Meggan (and some slightly disastrous sound effects from Brian). (Excalibur #9)
Alastaire Stuart and his banana. (Excalibur #9)
Kittys Pryde. (Excalibur #9)
HI, BRIAN. (Excalibur #10)
Just gal pals, pallin’ around. (Excalibur #11)
If I had a dollar for every time this had happened… (Excalibur #11)
Well, then. (Excalibur #11)
Sure, why not? (Excalibur #11)
NEXT EPISODE: Deadpool v Gambit, with Ben Acker!

LINKS & FURTHER READING:

120 – Observed by a Family of Lizard People

24 comments

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Android | RSS

Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.

In which everything is worse with Nazis; Excalibur gets its groove back; Meggan has an identity crisis; Kitty gets a crush; a dragon gets interdimensional sanctuary; and the Cross-Time Caper starts not with a bang, but a foomp.

X-PLAINED:

  • The death of Lilandra Neramani
  • Excalibur #8-11
  • The best name in Hollywood
  • Still more of Inferno’s aftermath
  • A basketball game
  • Blackbird disambiguation
  • Several long-delayed reunions and one subsequent resolution
  • Alastaire Stuart (and his banana)
  • Tourists who are also lizards
  • Lightning Force
  • A number of unfortunate encounters
  • The difference between Errol Flynn characters and Errol Flynn
  • The fall of Nigel Frobisher
  • The switch that turns the engine invisible
  • What may be the world’s least subtle euphemistic use of the term “roommate”
  • How the discourse around comics has changed since the ’80s
  • Jubilee vs. power creep

NEXT EPISODE: Deadpool v Gambit, with Ben Acker!

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes, Google Play, or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

Jay & Miles Review the X-Men, Episode 95

4 comments

Week of August 3, 2016

In which Uncanny X-Men is somewhat underserved by its art; Deadpool V Gambit remains a delightful confection; and Jay participates via captions.

REVIEWED:

  • Uncanny X-Men #11 (00:44)
  • *Deadpool V Gambit #3 (05:36)

*Pick of the Week (08:57)

Filmed at Books With Pictures in Portland, OR.

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. These video reviews–and everything else here–are made possible by the support of our Patreon subscribers. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Come join us on Imzy!

Buy stuff at the shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 119 – Red Night of the Soul (Feat. Elisabeth Allie)

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Listen to the episode here!

Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
“So you’re saying she’s definitely not my actual, literal grandmother, right? Cool; glad we made that absolutely, incontrovertibly clear.” (New Mutants #53)
Previously, on New Mutants… (New Mutants Forever #1)
“I mean, I know things are urgent what with the gunfight we’re trying to stop, but those old outfits were so 1987.” (New Mutants Forever #1)
Hela’s presence makes any scene in which she appears at least 20% more epic than it would otherwise have been. I mean, damn – that hat, right? (New Mutants Forever #1)
Remember when Magneto and the New Mutants were actually capable of completing a conversation without Sunspot throwing something? (New Mutants Forever #1)
Absorbing that wretch’s life-force also gave her a gift certificate to Frederick’s of Hollywood. (New Mutants Forever #1)
I personally think Warlock is hotter as a Sienkiewicz-style asymmetrical scribble-monster, but tastes vary. (New Mutants Forever #2)
Roberto’s pretty perfect, but what’s up with Warlock’s generic robot form? You’re better than this, Warlock. (New Mutants Forever #2)
Nice visual continuity work, Al Rio. Seriously. (New Mutants Forever #2)
Okay, that’s legitimately horrifying. It’s a good thing nothing bad ever happened to Doug Ramsey in mainstream continuity. (New Mutants Forever #2)
“Selene… What the hell are they wearing?” “I… I have no idea, kids.” (New Mutants Forever #3)
This would be disturbing regardless, but Rio’s rendition of Warlock as more purely mechanical makes his injuries that much more viscerally cringe-inducing. (New Mutants Forever #3)
The art / dialogue disconnect here makes me giggle every time. (New Mutants Forever #3)
Limbo as we’ve never seen it. (New Mutants Forever #3)
Red Skull, you are officially a terrible person. Ew. (New Mutants Forever #4)
Okay, that’s actually pretty awesome. A little silly, sure, but still pretty awesome. (New Mutants Forever #4)
I AM SO UNCOMFORTABLE RIGHT NOW (New Mutants Forever #4)
Cool, Warlock got Muscular Augments and Grooved Spines! (New Mutants Forever #4)
Pathos, thy name is skullified-Doug-in-tighty-whities. (New Mutants Forever #4)
Hey, Amara’s not wearing her weird Nazi fetish outfit anymore! …Oh, she’s still mind-controlled. Damn. (New Mutants Forever #4)
This battle sequence is rad, but I wish we could swap out a couple of those Nova Romans for Dani and Rahne. (New Mutants Forever #5)
Eh, it’s only a bullet to the head. She’ll be fine by the next page. (New Mutants Forever #5)
“I’ll beat you with my fists and my knowledge of first century Roman political history!” (New Mutants Forever #5)
Weirdly, the most perfectly on-model characters in New Mutants Forever aren’t actually the New Mutants. (New Mutants Forever #5)
This was a really weird episode of House, MD. (New Mutants Forever #5)
Next time: even more Nazis. (Excalibur #9)

LINKS:

  • Check out guest host Elisabeth Allie’s blog!
  • And: check out the band she represents, the Doubleclicks: a nationally touring, Billboard charting pop band with a cello, a meowing cat keyboard, and songs about Dungeons and Dragons!

119 – Red Night of the Soul (feat. Elisabeth Allie)

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Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Android | RSS

Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.

In which Elisabeth hacks the Matrix; Magneto is the worst at small talk; Hela overreaches; parents just don’t understand human speech; everything is better with super-rings; Selene has a Xena moment; almost anything can be solved with a kiss; and even if you transform Doug Ramsey into a giant red murder monster, he’ll still be a huge nerd.

X-PLAINED:

  • The S-Men
  • New Mutants Forever #1-5
  • Magma’s revised family tree
  • Updating the New Mutants
  • The delicate balance of the Forever line
  • The web
  • Idiom confusion
  • A flawed cultural analogy
  • Tiberius the Generic
  • Several profoundly dubious costumes
  • Family resemblance
  • Skull v. Skull
  • The dearth of canonically asexual X-characters

NEXT EPISODE: Different Nazis

Miles here – in one of the questions for this episode, I conflated asexuality and aromanticness. Those are totally two different things. Apologies – I’m still learning!

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes, Google Play, or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!