Acolytes – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

As Mentioned in Episode 301 – Can’t Beat the Real Thing

July 19, 2020 Jay One comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

This is in fact an ENTIRELY REASONABLE position under the circumstances. (X-Men Prime #1)

Dennis is his own disparaging narrator. (X-Men Prime #1)

I don’t know why John Constantine is here to question Trish Tilby’s ethics, but SOMEONE needs to. (X-Men Prime #1)

Why is Val here? WHO KNOWS? (X-Men Prime #1)

Pretty sure this is supposed to be Onslaught, but it’s not going to be confirmed, so… (X-Men Prime #1)

“I repurposed all the brain parts that would normally go to fashion sense. On one hand, I can keep track of every team in play. On the other hand, this is how I dress myself.” (X-Men Prime #1)

Mondays, amirite? (X-Men Prime #1)

That’s… exactly what a chaperone is, though. (X-Men Prime #1)

GUYS SOMETIMES PEOPLE ARE JUST IN A HURRY (X-Men Prime #1)

Just wait ’til Age of X-Man. (X-Men Prime #1)

Emplate: still exceptionally creepy. (X-Men Prime #1)

nopenopenopenopenope (X-Men Prime #1)

I’ve seen at least three horror movies that basically start this way. (X-Men Prime #1)

NEXT EPISODE: The fall of Avalon, and some related situation comedy.

LINKS & FURTHER HOMECOMINGS:

301 – Can’t Beat the Real Thing

July 19, 2020 Jay 19 comments

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In which we enter our fourth century of podcasting with brand new theme music; we have both Wolverine questions and wolverine questions; it is extremely rough to be Bishop; the creator of Garfield may or may not live in a sewer on Earth-616; Rogue needs better coping mechanisms; bigotry is depressingly timeless; and everything is Onslaught now.

X-PLAINED:

Joseph’s Brotherhood of Evil Mutants
Our new theme music
X-Men Prime #1
A genuinely cool cover gimmick
What happened after the end of the world
Boundaries
War crimes vs. fashion crimes
Destruction of real landmarks in fiction
A mysterious assailant
Actual embodied chaos god Jim Davis and his Earth-616 namesake
Several memorable Garfield stories
Marrow (Sarah Rushman)
The secret origin of the Morlocks
A friendship we miss
Unhealthy coping mechanisms
The perennially dubious journalistic ethics of Trish Tilby
Dennis
The death of Dennis
Flaws of the mutant metaphor (more) (again)
Several refugees from Earth-295
Mr. Summers and Mr. Summers
The secret origin of the Genoshan mutates
The Acolytes
The continuing relevance of the mutant metaphor (more) (again)
Cross-universe characterization

NEXT EPISODE: The fall of Avalon!

NOTE: The Garfield strips Jay mentions appeared in newspapers, on purpose, in October 1989.

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 267 – The Saddest Joyride

October 7, 2019 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here!

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

One of those images that has really, really stuck with us over the years. (Uncanny X-Men #314)

It took a lot of self restraint not to post every single drawing of Emma in Bobby’s body from this issue. (Uncanny X-Men #314)

Those Sienkiewicz inks! (Uncanny X-Men #314)

DAMN, Emma. (Uncanny X-Men #314)

You can almost see Generation X forming between the panels. (Uncanny X-Men #314)

Programming a hologram of his dead sister to harangue him in the Danger Room may be the most Bishop move yet. (Uncanny X-Men #314)

He sewed that cape out of SO MANY cheap vinyl Catwoman costumes. (X-Men Annual #18)

Never take teenagers hostage; they’ll just judge you ’til you let them go out of sheer insecurity. (X-Men Annual #18)

[Insert Jude the Obscure joke here.] (X-Men Annual #18)

Don’t fuck with Jean Grey. (X-Men Annual #18)

WHY IS THERE A GIANT SQUID HERE (X-Men Annual #18)

Aw, Bishop. (X-Men Annual #18)

For more of this beautiful friendship, we’d recommend giving canon a miss and going straight to fellow X-Podling Adam Reck’s delightful Bish & Jubes–and, while you’re at it, supporting the collected edition on Kickstarter!

On Fridays, we wear fuchsia. (Uncanny X-Men #315)

That is one sweet coma beard. (Uncanny X-Men #315)

Yes, this is a good speech; but also, I just realized that given that the whole trial happens in space, it definitely falls under maritime law, AND I FORGOT TO MAKE ANY JOKES ABOUT IT IN THE EPISODE. (Uncanny X-Men #315)

NEXT EPISODE: We’re so close to nearly reaching what’s almost the Phalanx Covenant!

LINKS & FURTHER ACTION POINTS

Here’s where to send your strongly worded letter about why Marvel should give us Earth-441:
- Marvel Entertainment, LLC
  135 W. 50th Street
  New York, NY 10020
- You can also tweet at them with the hashtag #EarthXPlain!
- Or e-mail the X-office directly at [email protected]!
For more in-depth discussion of Emma Frost, check out Episode 219 – Brutal Hearts: An Appreciation of Emma Frost (feat. Seanan McGuire, Leah Williams, Tea Fougner, Kel McDonald, and Diana Fox)!
Yes, SoftPaws are a real thing.

267 – The Saddest Joyride

October 7, 2019 Jay 5 comments

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In which Emma Frost is a better Iceman than Bobby Drake; Generation X is aggressively foreshadowed; Malcolm and Randall are the Rosencrantz and Guildenstern to Bishop’s Hamlet; and we launch a campaign for our own Multiversal designation.

X-PLAINED:

The first time the X-Men met Emma Frost
Uncanny X-Men 314-315
X-Men Annual #18
A game show nobody should ever under any circumstances actually make
Emma Frost’s recruitment tactics
Previously unexplored ice powers
The direct prelude to Generation X
Caliban (more) (again)
SoftPaws(TM)
The giant squids of New York
The neophyte
A trial, kind of
X-Men power fantasies
Earth-X-Plain

NEXT EPISODE: We’re so close to nearly reaching what’s almost the Phalanx Covenant!

Game show music by MusicManiac301; used with permission.

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 236 – Baggage of Traumas Past

February 24, 2019 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

THAT’S the image I always remember from this scene. (Wolverine #75)

The inside of Wolverine’s mind is surprisingly derivative. (Wolverine #75)

Throes of the Phoenix Saga… Wolverine #75)

Scott is clearly with me on this reading. (Wolverine #75)

There are a lot of people who would have made more sense than Illyana here. (Wolverine #75)

IN THIS HOUSE WE STAN JEAN GREY. (Wolverine #75)

Aw. (Wolverine #75)

That. Sound. Effect. (Wolverine #75)

One very good day to frame a conversation. (Wolverine #75)

I hate it when I get extra body parts via retcon. (Wolverine #75)

Use as you see fit. (Wolverine #75)

And then, everything got awkward. (Excalibur #71)

How you know something big is going on and/or your sales are flagging. (Excalibur #71)

Professor Xavier is a JERK. (Excalibur #71)

Ouch. (Excalibur #71)

Meanwhile in the B-Plot… (Excalibur #71)

AW. (Excalibur #71)

Aw, man, my heart. (Excalibur #71)

WELL THAT WAS A SURPRISE. (Excalibur #71)

Aw, Piotr. I’d like to say that it gets better for him from here, but… (Excalibur #71)

Has anyone ever rocked a blue-and-gold Phoenix costume? It’s not half bad! (Excalibur #71)

NEXT EPISODE: Time to get X-TREME!

LINKS & FURTHER CLONES:

Ask Stryfe
Come see us at Emerald City Comic Con! We’ll be tabling all weekend, and on Saturday, we’ve got both a live show and a party!

236 – Baggage of Traumas Past (Fatal Attractions, Part 3)

February 24, 2019 Jay 27 comments

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In which Decimation was kind of sketchy; you should definitely come see us in Seattle; Wolverine has a rough day; Colossus has yet another rough day; Excalibur plans for the future; and Fatal Attractions comes to a close.

X-PLAINED:

How Professor X got his groove and/or powers back
Jay & Miles at Emerald City Comic Con
Wolverine #75
Excalibur #71
Psychic trauma
High-stakes references
The personal Ragnarok of a shattered soul
A really effective sound effect
The first day of the rest of Logan’s life
Butterflies of the Xavier School
Muir Island’s psychiatric ward
Medical consent
The worst bar, probably
Professorial disambiguation
What Micromax and Kyluun are probably definitely up to
Several variably awkward Grey-Summers family reunions
A betrayal
Amelia Voght
Unuscione
Katu
The future of Excalibur
Proactive superheroism
How not to make a White Russian
Shadowcat’s recovery post-Mutant Massacre
Our etymological destinies

NEXT EPISODE: It’s time to get X-TREME!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 235 – Fatal Extractions

February 17, 2019 Jay One comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

If there’s anything I look for in an event anniversary issue, it’s an interrupted funeral. (Uncanny X-Men #304)

Nobody likes Fabian Cortez. (Uncanny X-Men #304)

“Always alone… and always dramatic.” (Uncanny X-Men #304)

Speaking of dramatic… (Uncanny X-Men #304)

One of the best of many callbacks. (Uncanny X-Men #304)

Ouch. (Uncanny X-Men #304)

I’m curious about a lot of the inclusions and exclusions in this crowd. (Uncanny X-Men #304)

BEHOLD! (Uncanny X-Men #304)

“We live in space.” (Uncanny X-Men #304)

I wonder how many issues have had variations on this title. (X-Men #25)

HE’S VERY CLEARLY FACING AWAY. (X-Men #25)

Dang, Magneto. (X-Men #25)

“Professor, this plan is terrible.” (X-Men #25)

This implies that Xavier’s decision to wipe Magneto’s mind was the plan from the start… (X-Men #25)

Dr. Spock would like a word with you, Magneto. (X-Men #25)

“Damnit, that was my favorite shirt!” (X-Men #25)

That’s gotta smart. (X-Men #25)

…Well, damn. (X-Men #25)

Please note that even bereft of his mind, Magneto’s cape is DRAMATIC AS HELL. (X-Men #25)

NEXT EPISODE: Reality bites.

235 – Fatal Extractions (Fatal Attractions, Part 2)

February 17, 2019 Jay 34 comments

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In which Magneto may or may not own a Namor body pillow; Cyclops probably doesn’t color-code his files; Colossus is Not Okay; bats are nature’s flashers; there are a lot of reasons to be mad at Fatal Attractions; Charles Xavier is surprisingly durable; the X-Men know their Aeschylus; Jean Grey goes in through the face; and bringing Wolverine to fight the guy who controls metal was probably not a great idea.

X-PLAINED:

Mutant Alpha
Uncanny X-Men #304
X-Men #25
False foreshadowing
Costume storage and display
Relative moral event horizons
The character dehabilitation of Magneto
The Magneto Protocols
How Cyclops organizes his files
An excellent eulogy
The complicated legacy of Illyana Rasputin
Several noteworthy absences
A memorable funeral
The ‘behold’ thing
A protective mesh of electromagnetic fire
A well-played callback
A strategically dubious plan
Several Prometheus Bound quotations
An uncharitable assumption
The blood-brain barrier
A severe costume injury
The definitive scene of Fatal Attractions
The root of Onslaught
Which X-Men would podcast
Our preferred comics formats

NEXT EPISODE: Colossus still can’t catch a break

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 234 – Magnetic Feels

February 10, 2019 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

WHOA DANG! This is David Wynne’s 200th illustration for our show! Wanna buy one of David’s original illustrations, or commission a new piece? Drop him a line!

Clearly Marvel Unlimited had more success peeling the hologram off the cover of X-Factor #92 than most readers!

What the FUCK, Acolytes? (X-Factor #92)

File this one under “panels that scarred Miles for life.” (X-Factor #92)

Well, that took a turn. (X-Factor #92)

Exodus just nopes the hell outta there. (X-Factor #92)

Oh, fuck off, Senator. (X-Factor #92)

AND THAT’S WHY YOU ALWAYS LEAVE A NOTE and/or just don’t build giant racist robots. (X-Factor #92)

“You know, most people would just use the phone.” (X-Factor #92)

This is the worst signature move. (X-Factor #92)

You really would think he’d learn eventually. (X-Factor #92)

Well, that’s awkward. (X-Factor #92)

Holograms really feel like Cable’s home form. (X-Force #25)

Yearbook X, now available on like fifteen CD-roms! (X-Force #25)

Cable is a very considerate home invader. (X-Force #25)

They have fun. (X-Force #25)

Have I decided to include ever panel of Cable getting hugged in this issue? Yes. Yes, I have. (X-Force #25)

He’s a good dude when he remembers to use his words! (X-Force #25)

I mean, there are only two, but that’s two more Cable hugs than we usually get. (X-Force #25)

Cable X-Plains Cable (somewhat). (X-Force #25)

In Magneto’s defense, if I had a bathrobe that nice, I’d wear it everywhere, too. (X-Force #25)

The villain, revealed! (X-Force #25)

Ouch. (X-Force #25)

NEXT EPISODE: Also ouch.

LINKS & FURTHER LISTENING

In the first Summer Special, we may or may not have learned what Australians have to celebrate.
Nimrod problems are unusually complex.

234 – Magnetic Feels (Fatal Attractions Part 1)

February 10, 2019 Jay 14 comments

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In which the Acolytes are pretty terrible; Exodus considers his options; Val Cooper is not wildly trustworthy; Cable uses his words; and people with significant metal implants should probably stop confronting Magneto.

X-PLAINED:

How not to get possessed by Mister Sinister
Crossover structures
How not to make friends or influence people
The Acolytes (again)
X-Factor #92
A total dick move
The new Project Wideawake
X-Force #25
A first appearance
Cable #1-3
A reunion
Avalon
Magneto’s bathrobe
The evolution of X-Force
Mojoworld in the multiverse
X-characters who haven’t officially died at least once

NEXT EPISODE: Fatal Extractions!

Happy podiversary to our beloved illustrator, David Wynne!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

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