blob – Page 2 – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

As Mentioned in Episode 195 – Johnny Got His Robot Arm

April 29, 2018 Jay Leave a comment

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

LOOK AT ALL THOSE POUCHES. (X-Force #8)

And now for something completely different. (X-Force #8)

Fun fact: You can drop this dialogue into almost any panel involving Cable and at least one other character, and it’ll still work. (X-Force #8)

On one hand: Mignola is great. On the other hand: I have some questions about the decision to just straight-up draw Garrison Kane as Marlon Brando. (X-Force #8)

Aw, A.I.M., you wacky kids. (X-Force #8)

Cable’s sense of drama is ON POINT. (X-Force #8)

Domino is pretty genre-aware. (X-Force #9)

Not gonna lie: I dig Liefeld’s take on Blob. (X-Force #9)

If you weren’t imagining Feral’s line in the voice of a 10-year-old Danny Tamberelli, congratulations: you are now. (X-Force #9)

‘Kay. (X-Force #9)

And that, kids, is why balloon placements matter. (I mean, there are a lot of other reasons, too. But this is one of them.) (X-Force #9)

Stryfe’s armor doesn’t just have nipples. Stryfe’s armor has FOUR nipples. (X-Force #10)

Nothing is okay about this picture. (X-Force #10)

Speaking of likenesses, remember the time Cannonball was David Bowie? (X-Force #10)

NEXT EPISODE: Excalibur vs. the Anti-Phoenix!

LINKS & FURTHER READING

Shing Yin Khor’s A.I.M. comics are delightful.
Jay’s Bela Lugosi is but a pale imitation of the real deal.

195 – Johnny Got His Robot Arm

April 29, 2018 Jay 23 comments

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In which Jay may have Stockholm syndrome; Nick Fury is objectively sillier than G. W. Bridge; we get a brief artistic reprieve; Cable’s legal expertise does not extend to trademarks; our favorite Ship returns; Miles’s grandmother calls it like it is; Sauron is bad at taxonomy; and Garrison Kane is basically a very violent Inspector Gadget.

X-PLAINED:

Brother Mutant
X-Force #8-10
X-Force (again)
A protracted flashback
The Wild and/or Six Pack
A heist
A trap
Yet more Ed Wood references
A future
The Professor (Ship)
Gratuitous face shadows
A mystery
Cable casting
Several misplaced word balloons
The logistics of tentacle arms
The High Lords (Externals)
Michael Bay’s Johnny Got His Gun
General Clark and his diving suit
Good Magneto stories
How to get your dad into X-Men

NEXT EPISODE: Excalibur vs. the Anti-Phoenix!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 189 – How Do You Solve a Problem Like Nate Summers?

March 21, 2018 Jay 2 comments

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A day in the life of a never-nude pterosaur. (X-Force #5)

That’s a lot of teeth, Toad. (X-Force #5)

Somewhere, Bruce Banner has just felt a great disturbance in the force. (X-Force #5)

I keep changing my mind about my favorite part of this page. Right now, it’s Zero mugging facelessly at the reader. (X-Force #6)

Seriously, why does the Brotherhood have so many teeth? Are they EVIL TEETH? (X-Force #6)

Genuinely unsure whether Toad is supposed to have two or three rows of teeth in this one. (X-Force #6)

That’s a lot of bathtub. (X-Force #6)

My bad–on second look, they are not actually making PB&Js. (X-Force #6)

If I have to keep seeing these teeth, so do you. (X-Force #7)

t e e e e e e e e e e e e t h (X-Force #7)

Feral vs. Thornn. (X-Force #7)

It’s okay. He’ll be back. And possibly immortal? It’s complicated. (X-Force #7)

NEXT EPISODE: BLOODLUST!

LINKS & FURTHER READING:

189 – How Do You Solve a Problem Like Nate Summers?

March 21, 2018 Jay 45 comments

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In which Jay’s mom broke the Internet; correct credits are important; everyone has a Danger Room; no one needs that many teeth; there are so many reasons to laugh at Stryfe; the Watcher is probably affiliated with Pepperidge Farm; Boom Boom is the Rogue of X-Force; and Cable’s pouches are definitely full of menstrual products.

X-PLAINED:

The Franklin Richards of Earth X
The One True Cable
X-Force #5-7
Pocket-Size Juggernaut
A novel approach to trauma surgery
A moment of intersectionality
Teeth of the early ’90s
Soft pink bags of rice-paper flesh
A villain speech
X-Force’s bathtub
Several Shel Silverstein poems that may or may not be about superheroes
Cooking with Boom Boom
Why the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants keeps the “Evil” in their name
Thornn (Lucia Callasantos)
Phantazia
Writers vs. Scripters
Sex Ed at the Xavier School
The Worst Twitter Thread

NEXT EPISODE: BLOODLUST! (But not inquiry.)

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 64 – Ski Lodge of Apocalypse

July 5, 2015 Jay 4 comments

Listen to the episode here!

Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 7/12/2015 in the shop, or contact David for the original.

A very happy 4th birthday to the Littlest Consulting X-Pert, Kestrel!

Because she is AWESOME, Kes decided that she wanted a party with all her kid friends and all her grown-up friends as superheroes. Here’s Rachel as slightly off-brand O5 Cyclops, and Miles as DIY Thor.

Full O5 group: Rachel as Cyclops, Dave Proctor as Beast, Douglas Wolk as Iceman, Jesse Miller as Angel, and Katie Proctor as Marvel Girl.

Come for the superheroics, stay for the soap opera! (X-Factor #6)

“Sorry I burned down your village. Here’s some gold.” (X-Factor #6)

Oh, THERE’S the Apocalypse we know and love! (X-Factor #6)

Even your villains are fed up with your angst, X-Factor. (X-Factor #6)

Ladies and gentlemen: the world’s oldest and most powerful mutant. (X-Factor #6)

Phoenix flare or pareidolia? YOU BE THE JUDGE! (X-Factor #6)

The Saddest Mutants (TM). (X-Factor #7)

“Look! A distraction!” Cyclops, we love you, but sometimes you really are the worst. (X-Factor #7)

These guys. (X-Factor #7)

SERIOUSLY WHY ARE YOU NOT ALREADY COSPLAYING SKIDS GO COSPLAY SKIDS (X-Factor #7)

Valid. (X-Factor #7)

This is almost embarrassing to read. (X-Factor #7)

X-Factor: fighting themselves metaphorically AND literally! Side note: This scene is funny until you realize X-Factor is turning Bulk and Glow Worm’s last desperate attempt to make a difference before their inevitable death into a farce. (X-Factor #7)

What. (X-Factor #8)

Aw, man. Right in the feels. (X-Factor #8)

Jean Was Right. (X-Factor #8)

VERA. (X-Factor #8)

Freedom Force briefings are so weird. (X-Factor #8)

“An invitation to a crossover? Hot dog!” (X-Factor #8)

I don’t know why I find Spiral just taking off mid-fight for a different comic so funny, but GOD, I do. (X-Factor #8)

“Come with me if you want to be FABULOUS!” (X-Factor #8)

NEXT WEEK: The Mutant Massacre begins!

LINKS & FURTHER READING:

We’ve linked before to Chris Claremont’s X-Men, but we’re doing it again, because it’s fascinating and you should all go watch it.
If you are fond of loving snark and deep dives into Marvel continuity, you should really already be reading Max Carleton’s Waiting for the Trade. (If you’re not fond of those things, why are you here?)

64 – Ski Lodge of Apocalypse

July 5, 2015 Jay 27 comments

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In which Louise Simonson saves X-Factor; Apocalypse gets off to a rough start; Cyclops is bad at people; Apocalypse should be the Kingpin of X-Men; Jean Grey is sick of your bullshit; you should totally cosplay Skids; and Mystique fundamentally misunderstands branding.

X-PLAINED

The Maximoff family tree
The Whizzer
X-Factor as sketch comedy
Louise Simonson
X-Factor #6-8
Apocalypse
Bulk
Glow Worm
Skids (Sally Blevins)
Weaponized fashion
Trish Tilby
Favorite Claremontisms
X-Finance

NEXT WEEK: The Mutant Massacre!

Special thanks to Master of Maximoffs Max Carleton of Waiting for the Trade.

A very happy birthday to the Consulting X-Pert Kestrel!

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

Rachel Recaps X-Men: Evolution
S1E6: Middleverse

May 14, 2015 Jay 35 comments

I like this episode, because this is where Evolution starts to catch its stride and find its voice. “Middleverse” is kind of a mess animation-wise, but it’s also a one-off, a lighthearted breath of fresh air before we dive headfirst into the Big Ongoing Story next episode.

It also gets bonus points for being a Forge episode, which is almost always a plus. Comics Forge tends to be dark and brooding and at the center of convoluted storylines and soap opera, but two out of three animated Forges are uncomplicatedly delightful. The best animated Forge, of course, is Wolverine and the X-Men Forge, who just straight-up is Miles to the extent that we had his action figure in college and more than one person assumed it was a custom portrait. But Evolution Forge is pretty great, too.

Rachel Recaps X-Men: Evolution
S1E4: Mutant Crush

April 14, 2015 Jay 40 comments

Let me get this out of the way fast: “Mutant Crush” is my least favorite episode of X-Men: Evolution. Yes, even more than “The Cauldron,” which I’m pretty sure is objectively the worst episode of the series.¹

But while “The Cauldron” is terrible, it’s hilariously terrible. “Mutant Crush” is. Well. It’s a decently written episode, I guess. And it’s got a lot of moments I dig. It’s just also really fucked up and disturbing, and not in hilarious and pedantic ways.

Seriously: Shit gets dark in this episode. If you don’t want to read a humorous write-up of a story that is essentially about stalking and kidnapping, you may want to skip this one. I recognize that this is essentially a humor column, and I tried to find okay ways to be funny about this episode, but I mostly ended up with a lot of tonal whiplash, and a pretty high volume of commentary on the ways women are socialized to appease violent men, and some really inappropriate references to John Fowles’ The Collector.²

And on that note: Here is a link to the National Domestic Violence Hotline’s help page. NDVH is a pretty solid organization, and in addition to the actual hotlines–which include a phone line and web-based chat, both confidential and anonymous–they’ve got a very good list of resources, including LGBTQI and teen-specific stuff. (NDVH is, however, mostly U.S.-specific. If you know of international resources or have other specific recommendations, please stick ‘em in the comments, and maybe we can get something useful out of this clusterfuck of an episode.)

Right. So. LET’S TALK ABOUT SOME X-MEN!

6 – Days of Future Whatever

May 18, 2014 Jay 12 comments

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In which we more or less prepare you for the upcoming feature film; Rachel Summers is a black hole of continuity; Kitty Pryde breaks the Danger Room; Earth 200500 is clearly the best earth; even the X-Men have no idea what’s going on; First Class Emma Frost is so boring that we forget she exists; wolverines are definitely not wolves; and you can have Rachel’s Community references when you pry them from her cold, dead hands.

X-Plained: