Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

Tag: days of future past

As Mentioned in Episode 31 – Chekhov’s Raygun

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Listen to the episode here!

You can get prints of David Wynne’s “Back to the Future Past” art here, or contact David for the original!
This guy.
We searched for the source for this for like an hour, with no luck. Wherever it comes from, we would very much like to send it back. (Update: It’s from X-Factor #69, with art by Whilce Portacio. Thank you, Breadcrumb!)
Rogue, no! He’s not worth it! He’s not even a Super Doctor Astronaut! (Uncanny X-Men #182)
Rogue’s schtick was–very briefly–throwing silver dollars. It did not last. (Uncanny X-Men #182)
Ooh, moral awakening! (Uncanny X-Men #182)
Aw, Kitty. Also, ace tandem use of speech and thought balloons. (Uncanny X-Men #183)
Remember when artists used to draw Wolverine at the proper height? (Uncanny X-Men #183)
SUNDAY PUNCH. Juggernaut, you delightful scamp. (Uncanny X-Men #183)
Wolverine is full of valuable life lessons, a remarkable number of which involve massive real-estate damage. (Uncanny X-Men #183)
Forge’s sweet, sweet pad. (Uncanny X-Men #184)
LOOK AT THIS DELIGHTFUL GENTLEMAN AND HIS DELIGHTFUL SHORTS (Uncanny X-Men #184)
Fun fact: Wolverine and the X-Men Forge is an unsettlingly accurate Miles doppelgänger.
He’s a nice dude. Too bad he’s SUPER DOOMED. (Uncanny X-Men #184)
Pro tip: the better Storm’s haircut, the better the general state of the timeline. (Uncanny X-Men #184)
Rachel Summers: THE SADDEST TIME TRAVELER. (Uncanny X-Men #185)
“What would Dracula do?” (Uncanny X-Men #185)
Well, then. (Uncanny X-Men #185)
And that’s why you always leave a note. (Uncanny X-Men #185)
And now, Barry Windsor Smith! (Uncanny X-Men #186)
God, that opening. (Uncanny X-Men #186)
Storm does not need superpowers to be more badass than you. (Uncanny X-Men #186)
Straight talk. (Uncanny X-Men #186)
In a lot of ways, Storm’s arc over the last twenty or so issues has equipped her with the tools to get through this. (Uncanny X-Men #186)
Straight talk, part two. Love that “Lifedeath” is veyr much a love story that very much doesn’t resolve as such. (Uncanny X-Men #186)
Let’s take a moment to consider the logistics of this kick, shake our heads, and weep quietly. (Uncanny X-Men #187)
SHADOW PTEROSAURS (Uncanny X-Men #187)
Yukio callback! (Uncanny X-Men #187)
The best part is that he dressed up as a pilot, like that will somehow make this less conspicuous. (Uncanny X-Men #187)
Colossus: Terrible boyfriend, pretty great brother. (Uncanny X-Men #187)
As it happens, Magneto’s asteroid got knocked out of orbit by THE BEST SPACE-ROBOT TEENAGER EVER, but we’ll get to that next episode. (Uncanny X-Men #187)
Seriously. Saddest time traveler. (Uncanny X-Men #187)
Next episode: Where we’re going, we don’t need roads.

31 – Chekhov’s Raygun

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Art by David Wynne
Art by David Wynne

In which there is a whole, whole lot going on; we continue to have no use for Michael Rossi; Wolverine should be an advice columnist; Forge makes bold fashion choices; the health of a timeline is directly tied to the awesomeness of Storm’s hair; and the X-Men get their first dark-future refugee.

X-Plained:

  • Dire Wraiths
  • ROM
  • Tailoring
  • Uncanny X-Men #182-188
  • Just how much story can be shoehorned into seven issues
  • A dubious Silent Hill metaphor
  • The people in Rogue’s head
  • Inexorable momentum
  • Several profoundly uncomfortable conversations
  • Parallel narrative in comics
  • Being friends with Wolverine
  • Casual enmity
  • Forge
  • Miles’s X-doppelganger
  • Tiny shorts
  • Chekhov’s Raygun
  • Rachel Summers (again)
  • Timeline disambiguation
  • Rachel disambiguation
  • “Lifedeath: A Love Story”
  • Feelings
  • Storm, powers, and identity
  • X-Men Mad-Libs
  • Hound marks
  • X-Men: The End

Next Week: THE DEMON BEAR SAGA!

You can find a visual companion to the episode – as well as links to recommended reading and the winners of the stealth / plainclothes cosplay contest – on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Support us on Patreon!

As Mentioned on Episode 18 – You’ve Got a Dracula Problem

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Listen to the episode here!

Dr. Nemesis is delightful.
Kinda in love with this cover. (X-Men #159)
What could it be? (X-Men #159)
Ah, there’s the Bill Sienkiewicz we know and love! (X-Men #159)
Note that we are still classily refraining from making a “gave her the D” joke. (X-Men #159)
Well, then. (X-Men #159)
Kitty Van Helsing. (X-Men #159)
Well, that resolved neatly. (X-Men #159)
The crossover leaves something to be desired, but the covers are superlative. (X-Men #1)
Comics industry: This is why we can’t have nice things. This panel. Specifically. (X-Men #1)
Well, that was a rapid and largely unsupported conclusion, Cyclops. (X-Men #1)
“WE’VE GOT OURSELVES A DRACULA PROBLEM.” (X-Men #1)
Blade has all the best toys. (X-Men #2)
You know how sometimes vampires are a metaphor for sex? Yeah, that. (X-Men #2)
Note that the vampire X-Men are just the normal X-Men, but with teeny, adorable fangs. (X-Men #2)
Remember that time Blade Godwin’d an entire crossover event? (X-Men #2)
We won’t lie to you, Cyclops: It’s pretty bad.
That’s very Castlevania 2 of you. (X-Men #2)
On one hand, they’re hella sexualizing a teenager. On the other hand, at least the vampires seem to be pretty body-positive about it? (X-Men #3)
WELL, THEN. (X-Men #3)
“Oh, my god! She’s TERRIBLE AT SPANISH WEB!” (X-Men #3)
Remember that time Cyclops told Dracula to follow his heart? Remember that time Cyclops told Dracula to follow his heart? Remember that time Cyclops told Dracula to follow his heart? (X-Men #3)
So, that happened. (X-Men #3)
In which Wolverine and Jubilee are 100% the bad kids from a Chick Tract. (X-Men #4)
“Vampires? Sure, cher, but first guess what Gambit is wearing…” (X-Men #4)
Curse of the Mutants Cyclops kinda reads like someone who read a bunch of hard-boiled detective novels but didn’t quite understand the jargon. (X-Men #4)
Great idea. Questionable execution–would’ve made a great mid-fight reveal–but great idea. (X-Men #5)
Suddenly, hundreds of ‘shippers felt a great disturbance in the force. (X-Men #5)
Yes, Cyclops. Yes, we are. (X-Men #5)
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh. (X-Men #5)
Dracula, ladies and gentlemen. (X-Men #5)
He’s not wrong. (X-Men #6)
Creepiest bluff ever? Creepiest bluff ever. (X-Men #6)
The world legitimately needs more Storm-and-Gambit-being-sneaky stories. They’re good bros, those two. (Storm and Gambit #1)
Someday, we’ll do a roundup of every variation of this line that has appeared in an X-book, but not today. (Storm and Gambit #1)
DAMN SKIPPY. (Storm and Gambit #1)
Remember how Dr. Nemesis is delightful? Dr. Nemesis is delightful (X-Men: Smoke and Blood #1)
They do this gag like five times over the course of the issue, and it never stops being funny. (X-Men: Smoke and Blood #1)
Madison Jeffries and Kavita Rao: also delightful (but not as delightful as Dr. Nemesis). (No one is as delightful as Dr. Nemesis.) (X-Men: Smoke and Blood #1)
See? (X-Men: Smoke and Blood #1)
Jury’s still out on this one. (X-Men: Smoke and Blood #1)
PITCH: A limited series where Dazzler and Northstar team up with the disco vampires. CALL US, MARVEL. (X-Men vs. Vampires #1)
Next week: Rachel and Miles go to Hell (sort of)!

AND NOW, THE CONTEST WINNERS!

Last week, we asked you to pitch your best ideas for X-Men games to win a download code for the <em>Days of Future Past</em> mobile game. (Thanks again, Glitchsoft!)

Before we announce the winners, let us take a moment to rave: You are brilliant, and we are legitimately pretty pissed off that we can’t play most of these games, because they look awesome. We wish we could give you all prizes.

Based on a complicated imaginary algorithm involving on originality, narrative/gameplay fit and integration, playability, and personal whim, we are pleased to announce that the grand-prize winners are as follow:

Newtype53:

1) The Silver-Age X-Men (taking heavily from Season One and First Class), going right up to the Bronze age with the Phoenix/Dark Phoenix Saga. Why?

2) It’s a Japanese-style “dating sim” game, with a heavy focus on character relations. Any mutant combat will cover RPG elements in an old 8-bit Final Fantasy format, with a 5-man team selectable for the squad.

3) Marvel Girl. However, each of the other original 5 X-Men have their own storyline that unlock after beating Jean’s, with Jean’s storyline being the canon one that follows up through her canonical death as the Dark Phoenix (or does it? Multiple endings with potential happy endings, anyone?). Do you choose to follow the canon and romance Cyclops? What about his brooding brother who just wants a damned normal life? Or the magnificent Angel? The brooding Wolverine? The angry Thunderbird? Do you still love Hank when he’s literally blue? Or are you more into Iceman? The potential is endless! Romance Professor X (ewwwwwww) for the bonus unlockable option to play through a storyline as Professor X, manipulating the hell out of your students to your own ends!

As a bonus, any Mutant met can be drawn into the X-Men through specific dialogue choices, though none of the recruited X-Men can be romanced. However, this may alienate other members of the team, and can even cause them to leave the X-Men!

Craig S:

1) X-Treme X-Men

2) Turn-based RPG

3) James Howlett, Kurt Waggoner, Emmeline Frost, Xavier’s Head, Dazzler

Chrono-trigger style game where you travel from timeline to timeline hunting down evil Charles Xaviers, generally in the order you choose. You’d start with a basic team, and collect new members as you go to their individual timelines.

We’ll be e-mailing you those download codes later today!

We also want to take a moment to acknowledge two other really superlative entries. You do not get download codes, so, as a compensation prize, here is another picture of that panel of Cyclops telling Dracula to follow his heart:

FollowYourHeart

SO ANYWAY.

BEST JUST-FOR-FUN:

Elle:

1. Kitty Pryde and Wolverine (the ’84-85 miniseries)
2. Ninja Gaiden-esque sidescrolling platformer with melodramatic cutscenes. Ninjas ninjas ninjas.
3. Alternate levels as Kitty getting into trouble in Japan and Wolverine trying to find her. In the last level you can choose which of them to play as you fight the other one, but then the winner has to take on final boss Ogun.

BEST NOT-SURE-THIS-ACTUALLY-COUNTS-AS-A-GAME-BUT-WE-ARE-BOTH-IMPRESSED-AND-SLIGHTLY-FRIGHTENED-BY-YOUR-INGENUITY:

McArdle:

1. Name: Siege Perilous: The Game
2. Platform: pervasive throughout your life. You download an app on your phone and it replaces your twitter, your facebook, your instagram, your contacts, and everything else with the media and social life of a better version of yourself. The game is to learn to live as that person. There is no going back.
3. Playable character: you, but maybe a ninja version of you.

Win a Copy of the Days of Future Past Mobile Game!

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Screen Shot 2014-08-04 at 4.12.32 PM

UPDATE: WINNERS HAVE BEEN ANNOUNCED HERE.

Hey, listeners, we have a treat for you!

As we mentioned a few episodes back, Glitchsoft was kind enough to send us a download code so we could try out their Days of Future Past mobile game, which we’ve been enjoying immensely. It’s not exactly Days of Future Past, but–as far as we’re concerned–it’s something better: X-Men Easter Eggs the Game. It plays fast and loose with continuity, but with an obvious eye to the source material–and the same things that differentiate it from canon make it a really fun platformer in ways that evoke–albeit single-player–the classic-for-a-reason beat ’em up. Rachel, who didn’t grow up playing platformers and so never developed Ninja Gaiden reflexes, was particularly impressed with the learning curve: it’s genuinely challenging, but never frustrating to the point of impossibility.

There’s also a lot of unlockable content–characters, costumes, abilities, and bonus materials–and the first three add a lot of replay value, because you can do different things in different levels with different characters. Note also that we said unlockable, not purchaseable: there are no in-app purchases in Days of Future Past, which, as far as we’re concerned, is a huge point in its favor. It probably won’t win any awards, but it’s an awfully enjoyable way to spend an afternoon.

We’re posting about this here not just to recommend Days of Future Past–which we do–but because, in addition to a copy for us to review, Glitchsoft sent us two additional download codes to give away to listeners.

Here’s the skinny:

If you want to win a copy of Days of Future Past, comment on this post BY 10 PM PST ON FRIDAY, AUGUST 8, with three things:

  1. An X-Men story you think would make a good video game;
  2. What genre of game it would be (platformer, RPG, puzzle, &c.); and
  3. A list of playable characters.

UPDATE: WINNERS HAVE BEEN ANNOUNCED in the Episode 18 “As Mentioned” post.

FINE PRINT:

  • Prizes are courtesy of Glitchsoft.
  • Rachel and Miles are in no way affiliated with Glitchsoft, Marvel, Disney, the Xavier Institute, the Jean Grey School, the Shi’ar Empire, the Hellfire Club, the Massachusetts Academy, or anyone but our own bad selves (and, limitedly, Comics Alliance, which is in no way involved in this contest).
  • This contest is entirely subjective! Feel free to pander to our tastes, but bear in mind that we’ll probably be more favorably inclined to things we haven’t thought of ourselves.
  • Decisions cannot be appealed. This is a benevolent dictatorship, not a democracy.
  • We’ll be evaluating based solely on the three categories we mentioned above; no bonus points for art or additional materials.
  • You can provide context and explanations if you want, but please keep ’em under 50 words; we’re not going to read through ten-page pitch documents. (Also, bear in mind that you’re competing for a $2.99 game–maybe try to keep the amount of work you put in proportional to that.)
  • Winners will be announced on August 10. The codes expire on AUGUST 19. Use ’em or lose ’em.
  • Sorry, Android users: Days of Future Past is currently iOS only. We obviously have no way of regulating this, but gunning for a game just so someone else can’t play it is a total dick move. Please don’t do that.
  • If you want to play along but don’t want a download code, please put **JUST FOR FUN** at the top of your comment.

 

As Mentioned in Episode 11 – Who Would Win in a Fight

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Listen to the podcast here!

Rachel and Miles of 2003, testing out early “Who Would Win in a Fight” hypotheses. Rachel hasn’t had long hair in years, but she still fights dirty.
Cycloptometry, from X-Factor #39.
Some of our favorite X-spinoffs.
That’s Rachel Summers, sending Kitty Pryde’s consciousness back in time in the original “Days of Future Past” comic. (X-Men #141)
Fun fact: the title of this podcast is roughly 90% Michael C. Maronna’s fault. (Photo courtesy of Will McRobb.)
Mystique and Destiny: CANONICAL AS FUCK. (Astonishing X-Men #51)
The Siege Perilous will body-swap you with a Japanese assassin, or send you to Australia, or whatever. Unless you’re Quentin Quire, anyway. (Uncanny X-Men #229)
Lee Forrester takes shit from nobody. (X-Men #143)
You can, in fact, judge this book by its cover. (Nightcrawler #1)
Would you buy logical causality from this man? YES. Yes, you would.
From That One Time Rachel Discovered Blingee and Spent Two Days Doing Nothing but Animating Starbursts on Longshot and Dazzler Covers.
Miles’s favorite superhero.
Just in case you were wondering what it looked like.
Paracyclophus, by Legitimus Maximus.
Janet K. Lee is the inventor of the Metawolverine, the most powerful creature in Canada.
Next week: The Dark Phoenix Saga!

Links and Further Reading: UncannyXMen.net

11 – Who Would Win in a Fight

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In which we answer 45 straight minutes of your questions and alienate everyone with our answer to Jean vs. Emma, Miles is probably too nice to win in a fight, we are really into The Adventures of Pete & Pete, Rachel is the Vega to Miles’s Shepard, Excalibur is awesome, you should stop punching the DNA, Wolverine is Rogue, Longshot is the prettiest man, and Professor X is a pufferfish.

X-Plained:

  • Who would win in a fight
  • The Rachel & Miles Fastball Special
  • Cycloptometry
  • Backissues, collections, and where to find them
  • Podcaster ‘shipping
  • Spinoffs
  • Rachel Summers (more) (again)
  • Five tattoos
  • Non-X stuff we’re into
  • X-Force versus the Comics Code Authority
  • Ultimate X-Men
  • How to keep track of crossovers
  • Textual queerness
  • The Siege Perilous
  • Jean vs. Emma
  • Some good Nightcrawler and Iceman stories
  • Dream teams
  • The Glammest Timeline
  • Best and worst code names
  • Bendis’s X-books
  • X-animals

You can find a visual companion to the episode – and links to recommended reading – on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Next week: The Dark Phoenix Saga

 

Days of Future Past, &c.

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As promised, here’s a link to Rachel’s (miraculously spoiler-free) Days of Future Past review over at Wired.com.

We also want to take a moment to note that making a good movie does not give Bryan Singer a pass for allegedly raping children. Whether that affects your decision to see Days of Future Past is your call—we’re not advising one way or the other—but either way, we hope you’ll join us in making a donation to RAINN.

This week, writer Greg Rucka will be joining us to talk about the Starjammers and his new Cyclops ongoing series! If you have questions for us or for Greg, stick ’em in the comments below or our Tumblr askbox, or tweet ’em to @RaeBeta with the hashtag #xplainthexmen!

6 – Days of Future Whatever

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In which we more or less prepare you for the upcoming feature film; Rachel Summers is a black hole of continuity; Kitty Pryde breaks the Danger Room; Earth 200500 is clearly the best earth; even the X-Men have no idea what’s going on; First Class Emma Frost is so boring that we forget she exists; wolverines are definitely not wolves; and you can have Rachel’s Community references when you pry them from her cold, dead hands.

X-Plained:

  • Rachel Summers
  • “Days of Future Past”
  • Gravestone engraving standards of 2013
  • The Mostly-New, Mostly-Different Brotherhood of Evil Mutants
  • Another unfortunate hat
  • Causality in the Marvel Multiverse
  • Earths 811, 1191, 295, 311, and 200500
  • Hall monitors with laser rifles
  • How to fix a broken timeline
  • The X-Men cinematic universe, and points of divergence from the comics
  • The one thing X-Men: The Last Stand does right
  • The Xavier Index of Cinematic Continuity
  • The difference between Canis lupus and Gulo gulo
  • A Days of Future Past cinematic cram course
  • Fix-it fic
  • Blink, Bishop, and dark-future mash-ups
  • The enduring appeal of Earth-811
  • The significantly less enduring appeal of Earth-242
  • The Nazi Excalibur of Earth-597

You can find a visual companion to the episode – and links to recommended reading – on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Next week: Greg Rucka, Cyclops, and Starjammers!