havok – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

As Mentioned in Episode 450 – Live at the Clinton Street Theater

May 26, 2024 Jay Leave a comment

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A smooth criminal. (Uncanny X-Men #428)

X-Men: First Class: The Draco (Uncanny X-Men #428)

Well, then. (Uncanny X-Men #428)

I love that Wolverine tries to stop nude Nightcrawler from stealing the plane by throwing a beer can at it. (Uncanny X-Men #429)

You’d think he could at least let the cafeteria staff know he was planning on sleeping in there. (Uncanny X-Men #429)

Annie, no. (Uncanny X-Men #429)

This Hell sucks. (Uncanny X-Men #431)

And then Mystique flew violently out of a child’s abdomen, in one of the less bizarre scenes in this story arc. (Uncanny X-Men #431)

Dinner in Hell. (Uncanny X-Men #432)

*grumble grumble Daimon Hellstrom grumble* (Uncanny X-Men #432)

So, that happened. (Uncanny X-Men #433)

Either, really. (Uncanny X-Men #434)

Ginniyeh is the only remotely adequate demon in this arc. (Uncanny X-Men #434)

Awkward. (Uncanny X-Men #434)

NEXT EPISODE: Business as usual.

LINKS & FURTHER NONSENSE

AIWeirdness.com is both delightful and educational!

450 – Live at the Clinton Street Theater

May 26, 2024 Jay 6 comments

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In which we celebrate our tenth anniversary by X-Plaining what may be the most reviled X-arc; you should not try this at home; Mystique is so much better than this story; Azazel is a really boring devil; Nightcrawler should probably be missing a hand; the Xavier School definitely does not have an HR department; and we would prefer that you not pee on Iceman.

X-PLAINED:

Nightcrawler’s (most recent) parentage
Uncanny X-Men #428-434
X-Men Blue: Origins #1
The X-Men, like, in general
Nightcrawler (Kurt Wagner)
Some narrative choices
Mystique
Baron Christian Wagner
Marvel Europe
Azazel
Church sex
Nightstreaker
Isla des Demonas
Foibles of Warren Kenneth Worthington III
Annie and Carter Ghazikhanian
Abyss
Kiwi Black
The Cheyarafim and Neyaphem
Bad times with psychic therapy
Post-traumatic supervillainy
Uncool Hell
A miracle of magnetism
The only cool thing in Uncool Hell
A very elegant retcon
X-Muppets
Characters who deserve more page space
Miles’s favorite X-Person
What the Worthington Corporation does
A character who could reasonably be Azazel’s kid

NEXT EPISODE: Back to X-business as usual!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 424 – Times Change

September 17, 2023 Jay One comment

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Looking for a stand-alone file of the muppet opening? Here you go:

Fixx just wants to be friends. (X-Factor #146)

Seriously, what the hell is going on with that facial hair? (X-Factor #146)

Havok’s powers look so good in this whole arc. (X-Factor #146)

Aw, Shard. (X-Factor #147)

I really enjoy this scene. (X-Factor #148)

Again: Havok’s powers, looking cool. (X-Factor #148)

It really is a terrible sweater. I should probably knit it someday. (X-Factor #149)

“Have fun in Alaska!” (X-Factor #149)

Madrox doesn’t betray anyone in that future, at least. (X-Factor #149)

And that’s that. (X-Factor #149)

Narrator voice: It was, in fact, the end. (X-Factor #149)

NEXT EPISODE: Psi-War!

424 – Times Change

September 17, 2023 Jay 5 comments

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In which everything is Havok’s fault; Jay is a bad influence; Polaris makes some valid points; Jamie Madrox is the Bobby Drake of X-Factor; and X-Factor vol. 1 ends with a bang.

X-PLAINED:

Muppet rules
X-Factor, vol. 1, in general
X-Factor #146-149
Sense of place
Jude Black and his inexplicable facial hair
Boundaries
Edible Arrangements
A different kind of sports bar
Kevin
Nostalgia, I guess?
Several confrontations
Temporal insanity
A very specialized course
What happens next
The universe where Dazzler replaced Jean Grey in the original X-Factor
Characters we would like to have seen more of

NEXT EPISODE: Psi-War!

Special thanks to muppets Michal Richardson, Bilal Dardai, and Matt Hunter!

(You can find an mp3 of just the muppet opening in the visual companion.)

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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414 – Blackwater Boy Band

June 18, 2023 Jay 7 comments

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In which Wild Child makes an unlikely Santa Claus; Sabretooth champions continuity; Random’s last name should’a been Violence; Forge doesn’t have to like you; and Mackie’s X-Factor run gets interesting—right before its untimely end.

X-PLAINED:

Another X-Factor
X-Factor #142-145
Unrealized anticipation
Deadline
What Val Cooper wants for Christmas
The evolutionary symbolism of noses
Several breeds of dog
The secret history of Val Cooper and Wild Child
Wildheart
The Secret Empire
The X.U.E. (more) (again)
Ice skating, interrupted
Another cool way to draw Havok’s powers
A clever retcon
The X-Factor that might have been
Greystone’s origins
Micah
A temple of doom
The hierarchy of cool skulls
Branching timelines and the implications thereof
An Alex Summers / Moira MacTaggert chimera

NEXT EPISODE: Gambit, again.

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 407 – Freshening Up

April 16, 2023 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

(He is not in fact here to help.) (X-Factor #138)

Heh. Omega Red, man. (X-Factor #138)

The most threatening destroyed football you’ll see today. (X-Factor #138)

THAT IS AN EXCELLENT QUESTION. (X-Factor #138)

(Spoiler: That’s Mystique.) (X-Factor #138)

A delightful cover. (X-Factor #139)

This whole sequence is so good. (X-Factor #139)

Ever is weird, and I say that with all respect and admiration! (X-Factor #139)

Dark Beast DEFINITELY has multiple candy-colored iMacs. (X-Factor #139)

Mystique: once again mother of the year. (X-Factor #139)

The preceding page literally had a Slaughterhouse Five reference, and I’m kind of annoyed about it. (X-Factor #140)

Fixx, Greystone, and Archer. (X-Factor #140)

A guy who is probably not Cable. (He’s not; he’s an alternate-future Forge.) (X-Factor #140)

Batman. (X-Factor #140)

There are actually *multiple* people huffing frogs, if you look closely. (X-Factor #141)

SERIOUSLY WHY WOULD YOU EVER TRUST THIS MAN (X-Factor #141)

THE PLOT THICKENS (X-Factor #141)

NEXT EPISODE: Bishop: X.S.E.!

LINKS & FURTHER TIME SINKS

We covered the first X.S.E. miniseries in Episode 340 – Retconaganda.

407 – Freshening Up

April 9, 2023 Jay 11 comments

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In which X-Factor bounces from one rock-bottom to another; Sabretooth gets his (murderous) groove back; Dark Beast embraces the iMac aesthetic; the tip was righteous; Mystique multitasks like a pro; and Shard Bishop has come unstuck in time.

X-PLAINED:

X-Nation
What X-Factor’s been up to
X-Factor #138-141
Omega Red (again)
The Brotherhood’s new hideout
Mallory Brickman
Miles and/or Ralph Brickman
Gloria Brickman
“Freshening up”
Mystique, but a sitcom
Agent Vargas
Ever
The secret purpose of Havok’s Brotherhood
Exhumes vs. emplates
Fixx
Greystone
Archer
The X.U.E.
Bantam
Leisure activities
What would happen if the T-O virus took over Cable’s body
What we want from X-Men #700

NEXT EPISODE: Bishop: X.S.E.

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 398 – Shanna the Wee Devil

January 15, 2023 Miles One comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

We would never, Maggott. (Uncanny X-Men #347)

Grovel, allergic to sticks. (Uncanny X-Men #347)

Spat: just your average reverse-aging cavegirl bounty hunter. (Uncanny X-Men #347)

Weirder or less weird than the time the Morlocks healed Professor X and then dressed him in bondage gear? (Uncanny X-Men #347)

Big Mother Truckers no more. (Uncanny X-Men #347)

Alas, poor Landscape! I barely knew him, Joseph: a fellow of infinite power, of most excellent colors. (Uncanny X-Men #347)

Nanny’s great and all, but LOOK AT THAT BAT! (Uncanny X-Men #347)

I wish we got to see more of that robo-dragon in the back. (Uncanny X-Men #348)

Thankfully, Bishop is no stranger to being impaled by pipes. (Uncanny X-Men #348)

SabreRogue. (Uncanny X-Men #348)

This is pretty unambiguous, right? (Uncanny X-Men #348)

Chris Bachalo’s back! (Uncanny X-Men #349)

Beast, Beast, Beast of the Jungle, strong as he can be! (Uncanny X-Men #349)

Whoa, that volcano base got a lot more complicated when we switched artists. (Uncanny X-Men #349)

Even Maggott’s hair gets more impressive when he goes into battle-mode! (Uncanny X-Men #349)

Bachalo draws chaos well. (Uncanny X-Men #349)

“Excess”? What do you mean by that word? (Uncanny X-Men #349)

All together now: “DAMMIT REMY!” (Uncanny X-Men #349)

NEXT EPISODE: X-Force hits the road!

398 – Shanna the Wee Devil

January 15, 2023 Miles 5 comments

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In which the rest of the X-Men return from space; Maggott is the new cool; Gambit’s past catches up with him; Chris Bachalo takes over as regular artist on Uncanny X-Men; Deathbird flirts singularly aggressively; Eany and Meany eat a truck; dating a telepathic ninja is going to take some getting used to; and Havok predictably remains ABD.

X-PLAINED

Motormouth (Harley Davis)
Motormouth and Killpower
Uncanny X-Men #347-349
Grovel and Spat
A horse guy who is actually a cat-frog-lizard guy
An extraordinarily half-assed action figure
Load-bearing backstory
Landscape
The other Nanny
Elegant foreshadowing
Beast’s appearance as a mutant power
Gambit’s chest hair
The end of playtime
CCA-compliant foliage
Deathbird and Bishop
A vanity plate
Eany and Meany
One-off psychometry
Psylocke vs. Maggott
Decompression
Havok’s enduring lack of a Ph.D.

NEXT EPISODE: X-Force hits the road!

NOTE: In this episode, Miles theorized Grovel’s voice as sounding halfway between Cable and Kermit the Frog without realizing that he was in fact just describing Sweetums. -Jay

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!