Lockheed – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

359 – Meanwhile in Britain

January 16, 2022 Jay 16 comments

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Excalibur has a lot going on; Margali Szardos is never up to any good; Nightcrawler grows into leadership; we delve into the politics of superheroism; Pete Wisdom earns his keep; Miles catches a Prisoner reference; and we reach the end of Warren Ellis’ Excalibur.

X-PLAINED:

John the Skrull
Excalibur #100-103
The current state of Excalibur
Black Air (again)
The Hellfire Club (London Branch)
Australia
Margali Szardos (more)
Demonic ethernet
Captain Britain’s new-old suit
Emma Steed
Dune
Several fights
Combat IT
Boolean definitions of madness
The Department
Laserdisks
Patriotism
Many doppelgangers
Nightcreeper
Another reference to Dante’s Inferno

NEXT EPISODE: Some absolute nonsense

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 337 – Wild Genes and Old Magic

June 20, 2021 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

The Hellfire Club WISHES Brian bothered to show up in a tux. (Excalibur #96)

Meet the new Kurt: Now 50% more Age of Apocalypse! (Excalibur #96)

Meet the new Meggan: Now 50% more… boobs, I guess? (Excalibur #96)

Scratch. (Excalibur #96)

Brian Braddock, WASP bishop of the Hellfire Club. (Excalibur #97)

hehe (Excalibur #97)

Well, fuck. (Excalibur #97)

Now this cover can live in your memory, too! (Excalibur #98)

Sartorial choices were made. (Excalibur #98)

Alas, poor Douglock. (Don’t worry. He’ll be back.) (Excalibur #98)

Oh. That guy. (Excalibur #99)

NEXT WEEK: Hawk Talk! NEXT EPISODE: X-Factor’s recruitment standards somehow drop even lower.

337 – Wild Genes and Old Magic

June 20, 2021 Jay 15 comments

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In which Excalibur is beset by shady organizations; Nightcrawler gets a new look; nobody hates Pete Wisdom as much as Lockheed hates Pete Wisdom; Brian Braddock should not be allowed to dress himself; Excalibur invades Black Air; and Onslaught continues to lurk.

X-PLAINED:

Some countries Magneto has invaded
Excalibur #96-99
Black Air (more) (again)
The London branch of the Hellfire Club
Nightcrawler’s new look
Meggan’s new look
The return of Alistaire Stuart
How not to dress for the Hellfire Club
The Shadow Cabinet (a little)
Hacking
Agent Scratch
Avengers vs. Avengers
Addiction recovery
Accreditation of the Xavier School
Developing a library X-collection

NEXT WEEK: Hawk Talk!

NEXT EPISODE: X-Factor’s increasingly low recruitment standards!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 170 – Minor Punitive Heart Attacks

October 29, 2017 Jay One comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Man, Excalibur, way to be jerks. (Excalibur #37)

If I had a dollar for every dream that had started this way… (Excalibur #37)

Spoiler: Nah. (Excalibur #37)

Kitty, you probably should’ve seen that coming. (Excalibur #37)

And now, some West Coast Avengers! (Excalibur #37)

The Lady of the… swimming pool? (Excalibur #37)

Convenient, that! (Excalibur #37)

Headcanon: He is definitely singing that music. (Excalibur #37)

Pietro’s not wrong; he’s just an asshole. (Excalibur #38)

Captain Britain, everybody. (Excalibur #38)

The heart of Limbo! (Excalibur #38)

“The reel, on the other hand…” (Excalibur #38)

“For me, it was Tuesday.” (Excalibur #39)

Bye, S’ym! (Excalibur #39)

And then everyone forgot he existed. (Excalibur #39)

Or maybe you should learn how meter works. Y’know, just a thought. (Excalibur #40)

Lockheed X-Plains Excalibur. (Excalibur #40)

Lockheed, NO. (Excalibur #40)

Aw. Dai Thomas has his moments. (Excalibur #40)

Spoiler: They do not kill him. (Excalibur #40)

The punchline is that they STILL haven’t figure out phones. (Excalibur #40)

This gag really never gets old. (Excalibur #41)

‘Kay. (Excalibur #41)

It’s always Inferno in here. (Excalibur #41)

This must be the best day of Dai Thomas’s life. (Excalibur #41)

Is it ever, though? (Excalibur #41)

THERE IS NO WAY THAT THAT WON’T BACKFIRE HORRIBLY. (Excalibur #41)

I like the idea that Cable is basically the X-Switchboard at this point. (Excalibur #41)

NEXT EPISODE: X-Factor Forever!

170 – Minor Punitive Heart Attacks

October 29, 2017 Jay 34 comments

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In which Miles speculates about superheroes’ sex lives; Doctor Doom is an incorrigible scamp; the Lady of the Lake visits California; Captain Britain lacks basic superheroic social skills; Jay has strong feelings about doggerel; the warwolves know how to commit to a bit; and Excalibur and the X-Men continue to have terrible communication skills.

X-PLAINED:

One aspects of doombot functionality
Excalibur #37-41
The Soul Sword’s origins and current status
Promethium
Semantic disambiguation with regards to Limbo
The West Coast Avengers
The Lady of the Swimming Pool
Doctor Doom’s personal demons
Several team-ups
The heart of Limbo
Phoenix science
Darkoth the Demon (Desmond Pitt)
The Trial of Lockheed
A long-awaited reunion that isn’t actually a long-awaited reunion
A theoretical Frost-Summers wedding
What happened to Jen Askani post- “Endgame”

NEXT EPISODE: X-Factor Forever

You can find the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 129 – They Don’t Allow Dragons in Here

October 10, 2016 Jay 5 comments

Listen to the podcast here.

Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.

Lockheed, I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore. (Excalibur #12)

Spoiler: this ends exactly the way you’d expect it to. (Excalibur #12)

This guy. (Excalibur #12)

IT’S SUCH A GOOD SIGHT GAG! (Excalibur #12)

Fisticuffs! (Excalibur #12)

This series has the best covers, man. (Excalibur #13)

Swell new threads, Cap! (Excalibur #13)

Princess Kitty, now 100% more bland. (Excalibur #13)

‘Kay. (Excalibur #13)

THIS IS NOT A GOOD FOUNDATION FOR A RELATIONSHIP. Also, I’m pretty sure they’re both, like, fourteen. (Excalibur #13)

Another classic. (Excalibur #14)

I’m not saying he’s not, but… (Excalibur #14)

Whoa, dang. (Excalibur #14)

Oh. THAT guy. (Excalibur #14)

The more you know! (Excalibur #14)

Swell new threads, Meggan! (Excalibur #14)

I always remember Albert being in this scene, which he’s obviously not, because he didn’t exist yet. Go figure. -J (Excalibur #14)

It’s like the dog ending of Silent Hill II, but instead of shibas, you get Chris Claremont and John Byrne. (Excalibur #14)

You tell ’em, Galactus! (Excalibur #14)

Look, we get what you were going for, but, no. (Excalibur #12)

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. (Excalibur #13)

You can go home now. We’ve hit single greatest panel of Excalibur, ever. (Excalibur #15)

Ah, “the old-fashioned way.” (Excalibur #15)

MEANWHILE… (Excalibur #15)

AND THEN… (Excalibur #15)

Jamie Jaspers is terrifying. (Excalibur #15)

LATER… (Excalibur #15)

AND THAT’S WHY YOU ALWAYS LEAVE A NOTE. (Excalibur #15)

NEXT EPISODE: Killing the X-Men, with Charles Soule!

LINKS & FURTHER READING:

129 – They Don’t Allow Dragons in Here (The Cross-Time Caper, Part 1)

October 10, 2016 Jay 44 comments

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In which “Cross-Time Caper” is something of a misnomer; Excalibur is an awful lot of fun to summarize; none of us will ever live up to Oscar Wilde’s expectations; Captain Britain secretly derives his powers from genre; sometimes things turn out to be simple; Kitty Pryde is better at everything than you; manipulation and murder are the new flowers and candy; context may or may not ruin everything; Meggan gets a new outfit; Technet takes Brighton; and some universes are just too silly to survive.

X-PLAINED:

Rick Jones, Sidekick Supreme
The Cross-Time Caper
Excalibur #12-15
Three love triangles
Jay’s mom’s late iguana
Captain Marshall, Lord Champion of the Realm
Prince William
Butch the ogre
Princess Kate
Fisticuffs
Instant air conditioning, Excalibur-style
Bagpipe Vader
An anticlimactic solution to a protracted problem
Sorcery 101
Several profoundly unethical ways to initiate a relationship
Arrested Excalibur
The Campsite Rule of relationships
The logistics and social history of tarring and feathering
A protracted parody
A very large number and several names for it
A theoretical team-up
Ultimate Hunger
An unidentified comic that is not Ultimate Hunger
Some less-than-ideal creative choices
A multiversal montage
Jamie Braddock (more) (again)
A duck
The unenviable fate of Doctor Crocodile
Pairing mutants with metal genres
Inconsistent flight safety measures

NEXT EPISODE: Killing the X-Men, with Charles Soule

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

As Mentioned in Episode 120 – Observed by a Family of Lizard People

August 8, 2016 Jay 8 comments

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.

Hi, there. (Excalibur #8)

They’re totally a girl gang, though, right? (Excalibur #8)

Ouch. (Excalibur #8)

Hi, Brian. (Excalibur #8)

Seriously, it’s never not funny. (Excalibur #8)

I want a statue of this cover SO BAD. (Excalibur #9)

Meet Lightning Force: The Nazi Excalibur you really, really don’t need in your life. (Excalibur #9)

The many faces of Meggan (and some slightly disastrous sound effects from Brian). (Excalibur #9)

Alastaire Stuart and his banana. (Excalibur #9)

Kittys Pryde. (Excalibur #9)

HI, BRIAN. (Excalibur #10)

Just gal pals, pallin’ around. (Excalibur #11)

If I had a dollar for every time this had happened… (Excalibur #11)

Well, then. (Excalibur #11)

Sure, why not? (Excalibur #11)

NEXT EPISODE: Deadpool v Gambit, with Ben Acker!

LINKS & FURTHER READING:

How the X-Men’s Blackbird Compares to the Original SR-71

120 – Observed by a Family of Lizard People

August 8, 2016 Jay 24 comments

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In which everything is worse with Nazis; Excalibur gets its groove back; Meggan has an identity crisis; Kitty gets a crush; a dragon gets interdimensional sanctuary; and the Cross-Time Caper starts not with a bang, but a foomp.

X-PLAINED:

The death of Lilandra Neramani
Excalibur #8-11
The best name in Hollywood
Still more of Inferno’s aftermath
A basketball game
Blackbird disambiguation
Several long-delayed reunions and one subsequent resolution
Alastaire Stuart (and his banana)
Tourists who are also lizards
Lightning Force
A number of unfortunate encounters
The difference between Errol Flynn characters and Errol Flynn
The fall of Nigel Frobisher
The switch that turns the engine invisible
What may be the world’s least subtle euphemistic use of the term “roommate”
How the discourse around comics has changed since the ’80s
Jubilee vs. power creep

NEXT EPISODE: Deadpool v Gambit, with Ben Acker!

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes, Google Play, or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

As Mentioned in Episode 58 – Miniseries Mayhem

May 25, 2015 Jay 8 comments

Listen to the episode here!

Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 5/31/2015 in the shop, or contact David for the original.

We encourage you to judge this book by its cover. (Nightcrawler #1)

WELL DONE. (Nightcrawler #1)

No idea whether “Boggie” is actually a Bored of the Rings reference, but we’d like to think so. (Nightcrawler #1)

Yowza! (Nightcrawler #1)

We want a vacation home in Dave Cockrum’s brain. (Nightcrawler #1)

AND THEN A SHARK WIZARD HAPPENED. (Nightcrawler #1)

Things about this series that are absolutely delightful: all of them. (Nightcrawler #2)

Boggies X-Plain the plot. (Nightcrawler #2)

OH HELL YES (Nightcrawler #2)

Whoops. (Nightcrawler #2)

Don’t get comfortable! You’ve still got two issues to go! (Nightcrawler #2)

Bamfs are basically terrible sex smurfs. (Nightcrawler #3)

Meen. It’s spelled M-E-E-N. (Nightcrawler #3)

Suuuuuure, we’ve heard that one before. (Nightcrawler #3)

Wellp. (Nightcrawler #3)

X-cellent use of sound effects. (Nightcrawler #3)

Lady Bamfs are ALSO terrible sex Smurfs. (Nightcrawler #4)

CRETACEOUS SAM, WE LOVE YOU. (Nightcrawler #4)

That Illyana Rasputin owns a prodigious collection of pornography is the least surprising revelation of this series. (Nightcrawler #4)

In his defense, she does have extra fancy hair. (Iceman #1)

“You don’t steal another man’s elemental puns!” (Iceman #1)

If we had a dollar for every time this happened… (Iceman #1)

Aw, Bobby. (Iceman #1)

This could definitely not be read as an allegory for anything else ever, right? (Iceman #1)

This is basically how all of our family reunions go, too.

Sneaking in the window, in his underwear (costume, but STILL), carrying an interdimensional projector: kind of the perfect Bobby Drake moment, no? (Iceman #2)