Morlocks – Page 4 – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

65 – The Mutant Massacre, Part 1

July 13, 2015 Jay 47 comments

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Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 7/19/2015 in the shop, or contact David for the original.

In which we hit the first big X-centric crossover; a lot of Morlocks die; X-Factor is a dark farce; Kitty Pryde talks down a mob without using racial slurs; when Doug Ramsey tells you there’s a problem, you listen; and Callisto should be one of the iconic leaders of the Marvel Universe.

X-PLAINED:

Death by intellectual-property dispute
The Mutant Massacre
Mutant Massacres that might have been
Uncanny X-Men #210-213
New Mutants #46
The Marauders
The best way to guarantee the New Mutants’ involvement in a storyline
Limbo fashion
The responsibility of leadership
Wolverine vs. Sabretooth
Psylocke vs. Sabretooth
The evolution of crossovers
Characters we’d like to see more of post-Secret Wars

NEXT WEEK: The Mutant Massacre, Part 2!

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

As Mentioned in Episode 60 – Rachel Summers and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

June 8, 2015 Jay 4 comments

Listen to the podcast here!

Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 6/14/2015 in the shop, or contact David for the original.

The last thing you see before you die. (Uncanny X-Men #206)

Do you ‘ship Storm and Bree Morrell now? You probably should. (Uncanny X-Men #206)

The outfits in this arc are just 100% amazing. (Uncanny X-Men #206)

Damnit, Rachel. This is why we can’t have nice things. (Uncanny X-Men #206)

“Teamwork! Our only weakness!” (Uncanny X-Men #206)

“It’s Madelyne! They’ve shot her! And dyed her hair! And given her fairly extensive cosmetic surgery!” (Uncanny X-Men #206)

Wolverine hates Arizona. (Uncanny X-Men #207)

We were going to make up a drinking game based around how many times Wolverine really or metaphorically kills Rachel in this story, but you would die of alcohol poisoning by the end of the first issue. (Uncanny X-Men #207)

Spoiler: It’s a metaphor. (Uncanny X-Men #207)

THE OUTFITS, THO. (Uncanny X-Men #207)

…And again. (Uncanny X-Men #207)

Same song, different issue. (Uncanny X-Men #207)

Neither of you is wrong. You’re just both assholes. (Uncanny X-Men #207)

Well, that escalated quickly. (Uncanny X-Men #207)

THOSE. OUTFITS. THO. (Uncanny X-Men #208)

Kitty tells it like it is. (Uncanny X-Men #208)

Damnit, Selene. (Uncanny X-Men #208)

Feelings are boring. Murder is awesome. (Uncanny X-Men #208)

It really sucks to be a mortally wounded telepath, y’all. (Uncanny X-Men #208)

Oh, SNAP. (Uncanny X-Men #208)

What. Selene. No. What are you even doing. No, Selene. (Uncanny X-Men #208)

No, but seriously: costume satin, right? (Uncanny X-Men #208)

Well, then. (Uncanny X-Men #208)

Never not funny. (Uncanny X-Men #209)

And then, it got weird. Weirder. (Uncanny X-Men #209)

‘Kay. (Uncanny X-Men #209)

That one time a member of the Inner Circle wore a costume so bad it actually killed him. (Uncanny X-Men #209)

Fun fact: this is the second time they’ve pulled this particular move. (Uncanny X-Men #209)

Okay, that’s actually pretty awesome. (Uncanny X-Men #209)

Seeya in Excalibur, kid! (Uncanny X-Men #209)

Next Week: New Mutants breaks our hearts, over and over and over.

LINKS AND FURTHER ~~READING~~ LISTENING:

60 – Rachel Summers and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

June 7, 2015 Jay 47 comments

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In which Rachel Summers went to sleep with Wolverine’s claws in her dreams and now there’s claws in her lungs and when she got out of bed this morning she tripped on her traumatic backstory and by mistake she dropped the Phoenix Force in the sink while the water was running and she could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

X-PLAINED:

Freedom Force
Supervillains’ day jobs
Uncanny X-Men #206-209
The X-Men’s first brief tenure in San Francisco
Terrible house guests
Lindsay McCabe
David Ishima
Bree Morrell
A metaphorical ghost story
Lycanthropy, but dumber
The crossing of several ethical lines
Death by narrative stasis (and also impaling)
Craft night at the Hellfire Club
Death by costume satin (and also heart failure)
One way to write someone out of a book
Our favorite Summers kids
X-Music

Special thanks to Elle Collins

NEXT WEEK: The New Mutants break your heart.

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

As Mentioned in Episode 41 – Hated and Feared

January 25, 2015 Jay 6 comments

Listen to the episode here!

Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 2/1/2015 in the shop, or contact David for the original.

Not a dream! Not an imaginary story! (X-Men #193)

“The hard part wasn’t bringing you back from the dead–it was getting you into those leather pants.” (X-Men #193)

Firestar’s first comic-book appearance. We’d like to tell you it goes uphill from here, but, no. (X-Men #193)

Let’s take a moment to admire the complete impracticality of Kitty’s jacket. (X-Men #193)

“That’s right, Sam. And when you’re headmaster of your own school, you can dress however you want.” (X-Men #193)

Kitty’s jacket again, because it is just so gloriously awful. (X-Men #193)

The robot enforcers of the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission. Or something. (X-Men #193)

Empath: Literally the worst kid. (X-Men #193)

In which Charles Xavier takes advantage of a teachable moment. (X-Men #193)

Aw, Nimrod, you’re so wacky. (X-Men #193)

It seems like a waste that this sequence isn’t accompanied by sitcom opening-credits music. (X-Men #194)

Things about Rachel Summers that are not The Saddest Thing at this point in continuity: None of them. (X-Men #194)

Really, Earth-811? Limitless budget, and you couldn’t design anything that looked better than THAT? (X-Men #194)

Voltron special! (X-Men #194)

The scene depicted on the cover ABSOLUTELY DOES NOT TAKE PLACE AT ANY POINT DURING THIS ISSUE. Good god, Marvel. (X-Men #195)

And now, an actual nightmare that you have actually had! (X-Men #195)

Seriously, what the hell, George? (X-Men #195)

Aw. (X-Men #195)

Damn, Shadowcat. That’s cold. Not entirely inaccurate, but cold. (X-Men #195)

I have no idea how they’re going to explain this one to their parents. (X-Men #195)

Next Week: Firestar!

41 – Hated and Feared

January 25, 2015 Jay 25 comments

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In which Nimrod is probably an honorary Summers by this point; Claremont hits a centennial; it’s probably pretty hard to get an unconscious person into tight leather pants; the X-Men finally encounter a world that actually hates and fears them; and the Power Pack fits somewhat uneasily with the grown-up Marvel Universe.

X-PLAINED:

Nimrod
Uncanny X-Men #193-195
Thunderbird II (James Proudstar)
Situation-inappropriate attire
The worst Hellions
Firestar (Angelica Jones)
Why you call ahead before breaking into NORAD
Leadership
Public opinion
Juggernaut fights
How the X-Men wake up
Nazgûl
Tyranny of the Masses: The Robot
The Voltron Special
The Power Pack
Navigating crossovers

NEXT WEEK: Firestar!

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Support us on Patreon!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

As Mentioned in Episode 29 – Mutant in a Box

November 2, 2014 Jay 27 comments

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We’re having a stealth / plainclothes cosplay contest, with guest X-Pert judge Kris Anka, and prizes from TVStoreOnline! Submissions are open ’til November 7. JOIN US.

Yep, that’s our Fantomex.

This ridiculous motherfucker who is now THREE PEOPLE. What the hell, Fantomex?

This isn’t Cyclops’s worst vacation. Hell, it’s not even his worst honeymoon. (X-Men #176)

Wolverine and Mariko: dealing with relationship issues like grown-ups. We choose to believe that wearing a mask that looks like your hair is a prerogative of adulthood. (X-Men #176)

You’d REALLY THINK Scott would know what an octopus looks like by now, but I guess he was blindfolded for a lot of his time in Octopusheim. (X-Men #176)

Scott! The sea’s a lovely lady when you play in her. But if you play with her, she’s a BITCH! Play in the sea, yes, but never play with her. You’re lucky to be here! You’re lucky to be ALIVE! (X-Men #176, with sincere apologies to the late, great Spalding Gray. Seriously, go watch Swimming to Cambodia. And Monster in a Box. And Gray’s Anatomy. Now.)

Yeah, good luck with that, Sparky. (X-Men #176)

Val Cooper: Definitely the sister of Special Agent Dale Cooper.

The early ’80s: A more innocent time, when all a hero needed was coke and epic shoulder pads, and you could kill Wolverine by slitting his throat. (X-Men #177)

Why is Alex dressed like an elf? (X-Men #177)

As diversions go, that’s a pretty impressively orchestrated one. Go, Brotherhood! (X-Men #177)

CYCLOPS WHAT THE HELL IS EVEN WRONG WITN YOU (X-Men #178)

“Get the asprin, Rogue. I feel a crossover event coming on.” (X-Men #178)

Awyeah. (X-Men #178)

Why is Kitty wearing an unbranded Fantastic 4 costume? Who the hell knows? Do we even need a reason, at this point? (X-Men #178)

99% sure Cyndi Lauper wrote a song about this. (X-Men #179)

This is innocuous in context, until you realize he’s sniffing a dead teenager in a morgue. (X-Men #179)

Aw, Leech. (X-Men #179)

LOOK AT THIS FUCKING WIZARD LOOK AT HIS HAT LOOK AT HOW HE CLEARLY BELONGS ON THE SET OF FLASH GORDON (X-Men #179)

Professor Xavier engages in a rare moment of being absolutely delightful. (X-Men #178)

I like to imagine that Kitty and Doug’s side adventures are the subject of a mid-’80s feature film starring Jenny Lewis. (X-Men #180)

Sky closure is the best closure. (X-Men #180)

Literally the only worthwhile panel in all twelve issues of Secret Wars. (Secret Wars #1)

“I’ll see she’s raised as if she were my own. HOPE SHE LIKES BEING DROWNED IN PUDDLES.” (X-Men #181)

Oh. That guy. Again. (X-Men #181)

This Erica Henderson drawing of Warlock and Cypher doing Troy and Abed in the Morning may be the single nerdiest thing Rachel owns, and that’s saying something.

Next week: These delightful scamps.

29 – Mutant in a Box

November 2, 2014 Jay 8 comments

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In which Cyclops is the worst at vacations, Mystique is your favorite MurderMom™, Havok is eternally ABD, Kitty Pryde does science, Callisto doesn’t give a damn about her bad reputation, Xavier has a Troy Barnes moment, Miles may be the only person with fond memories of Secret Wars, and Rachel finally gets to make Spalding Gray references.

X-Plained:

Fantomex
Uncanny X-Men #176-181
Reset issues
Scott Summers’s second-worst honeymoon
Cephalopod disambiguation
Project Wideawake (more) (again)
Valerie Cooper
Foreshadowing
Public displays of affection
Leech
How X-Men age
A sewer wizard
Doug Ramsey
Secret Wars
Japan
Mystique’s kids
Douglock
Mystique’s powers
The other X-Men Forever

Next Week: The New Mutants gets weird!

You can find a visual companion to the episode – and links to recommended reading – on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Support us on Patreon!

Send us your submissions to the Stealth / Plainclothes Cosplay Contest until the end of the day on Friday, November 7!

As Mentioned in Episode 24 – Ororo, Queen of the Galaxy

September 28, 2014 Jay 18 comments

Listen to the episode here!

ORORO, QUEEN OF THE GALAXY, by David Wynne. (Prints available here until October 5.)

Lockheed vs. Pete Wisdom. (Excalibur #97)

Ironically, the thing she’s mad about might be the one time he actually isn’t, but the point stands in general. (X-Men #168)

Lockheed lurks. (X-Men #168)

This isn’t really relevant to the episode–we’re just hoping someone will use it as the basis for a Kitty Pryde magical-girl transformation sequence. (X-Men #168)

Scott and Lee: STILL AWESOME. (X-Men #168)

Before that one Hawkeye thing, there was this. (X-Men #168)

AWESOME TEAM-UP OF AWESOME. (X-Men #168)

But I think we all know the REAL point of X-Men #168. (We’re reviving this for this week’s art challenge – send your Kitty Pryde costume redesigns to xplainthexmen(at)gmail(dot)com!)

Very Nude Nightcrawler. (X-Men #169)

Dragon-sitting is basically the X-Men girlfriend test. (X-Men #169)

Remember that time X-Men straight-up did Barbarella? (Also the time Angel got pinned up by his wings in the Morlock tunnels. No, not that time. The other time.) (X-Men #169)

This cover is slashy in every sense of the word. (X-Men #170)

Well, then. (X-Men #170)

Remember that time Storm straight-up stabbed someone through the heart? BECAUSE THAT DEFINITELY HAPPENED. (X-Men #170)

And then Walt Simonson drew Storm, and we had Feelings. (X-Men #171)

Rogue also has feelings, but they’re less about the transcendent perfection of Simonson’s art than about her out-of-control powers. Sorry, Rogue. (X-Men #171)

Well, that escalated quickly. (X-Men #171)

This might be the most Rogue moment ever. (X-Men #171)

Remember that time Professor X was actually pretty fucking awesome? (X-Men #171)

For full effect, you have to imagine Wolverine’s lines in Steven Blum’s voice. I mean, you should really be doing that anyway. (X-Men #172)

YUKIO. Much, much more about her next week, but she’s the best. (X-Men #172)

For real, there is literally nothing you can say that will convince Rachel that these two are not TOTALLY DOING IT. (X-Men #173)

They really can’t kick her off the team after that. (X-Men #173)

BRB HAVING FEELINGS. (X-Men #173)

Oh. THAT asshole. (X-Men #173)

Meanwhile in Alaska, the most awkward meet-cute ever. (X-Men #168)

Here’s the thing about Scott and Madelyne: they’re actually kind of awesome together. Doomed, but awesome. (X-Men #170)

As a character who’s spent most of his life in a Claremont-written world, Scott is unfamiliar with the concept of coincidence. (X-Men #171)

Then, again, having spent years reading stories set in a Claremont-written world, we find it difficult to believe that this was actually just supposed to have been a coincidence. (X-Men #172)

Lilandra agrees. (X-Men #173)

HEPZIBAH, NEVER CHANGE. (X-Men #174)

This is funny because both of these relationships are super doomed. (X-Men #174)

A brief interlude of adorability from these goofy kids. (X-Men #174)

REMEMBER THAT PRIEST? Yeah. Totally Mastermind. God damnit, Mastermind. (X-Men #174)

Look, it’s a reasonable question under the circumstances. (X-Men #174)

Oh. (X-Men #174)

WELL, THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY. (X-Men #175)

Okay. This looks bad. (X-Men #175)

Really bad. (X-Men #175)

Really, really bad. (X-Men #175)

Cyclops-gritting-his-teeth-and-being-brilliant-in-the-face-of-impossible-odds is the best Cyclops. (X-Men #175)

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh. (X-Men #175)

Not elegant, but efficient. (X-Men #175)

This is a really good speech, as such things go, but it’s also really funny that he went to the graveyard in his tux. (X-Men #175)

And then they lived happily ever… oh. (X-Men #175)

Next week: Wolverine demonstrates the Inverse Ninja Law.

24 – Ororo, Queen of the Galaxy

September 28, 2014 Jay 12 comments

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In which Professor X is (canonically!) a jerk, Miles has Sidrian Hunter feelings, Kitty Pryde is Clarissa Darling with a dragon, we introduce a drinking game, the X-Men do Barbarella, Rachel has a ‘shipper moment, Rogue joins the team, Storm gets a haircut, Mastermind is still the worst, and Madelyne Pryor is underrated.

X-Plained:

Lockheed
Uncanny X-Men #168-175
Reset issues
A one-sided rivalry
The lowest-drama X-romance
The Cream of Wheat box as a metaphor for infinity
Kitty’s Kostume Korner
Rachel’s questionably-canon ships
The Morlocks
Class privilege and the mutant metaphor
Callisto
Caliban
Sunder
Plague
Masque
A dubbing error
Gender dimorphism in superhero media
Storm’s first major character arc
Our single favorite superhero artist
Rogue
Rogue’s accent
A Charles Xavier we can believe in
Yukio
Punk Storm
Madelyne Pryor
Closure
Cyclops vs. formalwear

Art Challenge: Send us your Kitty Pryde costume redesigns–any era, any codename–to xplainthexmen(at)gmail(dot)com

Next Week: Claremont and Miller’s Wolverine!

You can find a visual companion to the episode – and links to recommended reading – on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Support us on Patreon!

As Mentioned in Episode 15 – The Ballad of Harvey and Janet

July 20, 2014 Jay 16 comments

Listen to the podcast here!

Angelica of the D’Urbervilles.

Starting July 31, new episodes of Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men will be available every Thursday at Comics Alliance! We’ll also continue to release them every Sunday–along with the visual companion–at our site, as well as iTunes, and Stitcher, ; but if you want to be the first kid on the block to hear ’em, head to ComicsAlliance.com on Thursdays!

Meanwhile, want to help support the podcast–and get additional content and cool swag? Please take a minute to check out our Patreon campaign! We’ve got some very cool rewards, but the best part–we think–are the Milestone goals, which are sort of like the X-Men team-up moves of Patreon: giant-size annuals, written posts, original art, a print zine, and more!

“What wardrobe?” “My point exactly.” (X-Men #148)

Lee Forrester: The Best Ever. (X-Men #148)

Good luck with that, buddy. (X-Men #148)

“No, but you’ll be a sorcerer with your own Hell dimension! Won’t that be nice?” (X-Men #148)

Hi, Siryn! (X-Men #148)

Caliban and the Morlocks: Introducing the concept of passing privilege to the mutant metaphor. (X-Men #148)

last-page-of-the-issue Magneto reveals are the gift that keeps on giving. (X-Men #148)

Professor Xavier, doing our job for us. (X-Men #149)

KITTY PRYDE, YOU ARE DELIGHTFUL. (X-Men #149)

Prydeslaught, by Logan Bonner: Professor X’s unchecked rage, plus the id of a 13-year-old Kitty Pryde. We dearly wish this were canon.

Let us never speak of this again. (X-Men #149)

Still kinda bummed we didn’t make more Ann Veal jokes about this guy. “Who?” (X-Men #149)

Even his villain speech is kinda forgettable, but we will take literally any excuse to post more pictures of Kitty’s amazing outfit, so. (X-Men #149)

Phaseball Special! (X-Men #149)

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA(X-Men #149)

We appreciate how obviously Lee is trying not to laugh in this panel. (X-Men #149)

There’s… a lot going on on that cover. (X-Men #150)

Magneto’s dastardly plan is basically peaceful nuclear disarmament. (X-Men #150)

Dr. Peter Corbeau: That one NPC your DM clearly rolled up as a PC in another campaign but never got to play so instead rolled into his campaign as an overcompetent badass. (X-Men #150)

The Voyage of the Mimi was an educational show, featuring a very young Ben Affleck and an ungodly earworm of a theme song. We both watched a lot of it in middle school science classes.

Wolverine with wet hair. You’re welcome. (X-Men #150)

“Also, man, he’s got killer abs.” (X-Men #150)

If there were an X-Men drinking game, “Dark City-style brain-ray psychic duel” would definitely be on the list. (X-Men #150)

Magneto: Now available with nuance and additional backstory! (Asteroid base sold separately.) (X-Men #150)

Having taken over Storm’s body, Emma Frost celebrates by, um, quoting King Lear. (X-Men #151)

HARVEY AND JANET, WE LOVE YOU. (X-Men #151)

This week in Scenes Only Chris Claremont Could Have Written: A giant robot busting through a ceiling and telling the shocked people inside, “Fear not! All will be revealed in due course!” (X-Men #151)