In which sky pirates are the best pirates; Wolverine eats chicken in the woods; Xavier’s area loses its status as our least favorite panel; Cable is suspiciously credulous; we search in vain for a consistent metaphor; Storm has a thing or two to learn about restorative justice; and this entire miniseries should probably just have been an annual.
X-PLAINED:
Storm’s pirate adventures
Storm #1-4
Mark Trail
The Morlocks (more) (again)
Unacceptable gradients
Butt murder
Fashion
Several memes of yesteryear
Product placement
The new Worst Panel
Several variations on the Ceremony of Light
How not to identify a body
The Hill (Limbo)
“Daddy”
The inconsistent portrayals of Mikhail Rasputin
Still more members of Gene Nation
A new costume
The most obscure stories we’ve covered
That time Wolverine at his own arm
NEXT EPISODE: Jay’s favorite issue of X-Factor (and some others)!
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In which we decide to stop recognizing the nominal difference between X-Men and Uncanny X-Men; time travel may or may not wait for you; Mister Sinister has probably appeared in at least one Ed Wood film; we are a pro-Tingle podcast; X-Men is about family; the Braddock twins catch up; Sailor Moon > Shinobi Shaw; Generation X is inducted into the baseball tradition; and Storm does what she does with Morlocks in sewers.
X-PLAINED:
Franklin Richards’ impressive lineage
311
Yet another structure for annuals
X-Men Annual 1995
Uncanny X-Men #325
Serious academic discussions
Faye Livingstone
Mister Sinister’s Hollywood adventures
Tyler Dayspring / Tolliver / Genesis (again)
Teenage optimism
An absolutely nonsensical villainous plot
A Hank McCoy that might have been
Friendship
Fraternal correspondence
Romance
Morlocks
The first time Storm stabbed a Morlock leader in the heart
Gene Nation
A really excessive cover
An intergenerational baseball game
Another fairly nonsensical villainous plot
The second time Storm stabbed a Morlock leader in the heart
X-horror
Other media X-fans may enjoy reading, playing, or watching
NEXT EPISODE: Bob Proehl X-Plains the Resonant Duology!
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In which we continue our ongoing tour of the post-Age of Apocalypse X-Universe; Onslaught gets a name; nobody’s sure what Noah Dubois is doing there; Iceman gets to be the practical one, for once; T&A should not generally appear on the same visual plane; someone needs to talk to Cannonball about kink safety; and Emma Frost lets a call go to voicemail.
X-PLAINED:
Tarzan fandom
X-Man, summarized
Uncanny X-Men #322-324
Color as a narrative tool
The evolution of Storm’s shower etiquette
How not to relax with Lucas Bishop
Seat-of-the-pants plotting
Parenting
Noah Dubois, sort of
A road trip
Sexiness vs. sexualization
Emma Frost as Caprica Six
How not to walk a supervillain
Cannonball’s uniform
Sack
Vessel
Greycrow (more) (again)
The worst morgue and/or disco ever
Edna and Norton McCoy
Times Rogue has absorbed Colossus’s powers
X-Men: Marvels Snapshot
NEXT EPISODE: Generation X
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“Go easy on ’em, X-Men – they remembered to use our logo font, and that was very considerate of them.” (Amazing X-Men #2)
Banshee’s facial expression speaks for us all. (Amazing X-Men #2)
Okay, that’s legit terrifying. (Amazing X-Men #2)
Quicksilver? More like FRIPsilver! (Amazing X-Men #2)
If the title wasn’t already taken, Magneto’s autobiography would be called The Brood Saga. (Amazing X-Men #3)
It takes a true villain to make “being stretchy” an intimidating superpower. (Amazing X-Men #3)
Mary Poppins: The Snyder Cut. (Amazing X-Men #3)
Shaking Angel down for information is an X-Men rite of passage. (Amazing X-Men #3)
Open wide and say “flashback”! (Amazing X-Men #3)
you guys I think I’m in the wrong church (Amazing X-Men #4)
This may be bad, but at least he doesn’t have to die of a mutant-targeting virus twice in the Age of Apocalypse the way he does in Earth-616… (Amazing X-Men #4)
Generation Next – ripping our hearts out even when it’s someone else’s comic! (Amazing X-Men #4)
I know you’re mad at Gambit, Rogue, but did you really have to punch his legs off? (Amazing X-Men #4)
Aww, damn – he was just one week away from retirement! (Amazing X-Men #4)
In which Magneto doesn’t really do work/live divide; Amazing X-Men is a bit of a misnomer; Exodus is the lawful evil to Fabian Cortez’s chaotic evil; smoking is bad for you; moisture molecular inversion is fairly definitely not a real thing; Earth-295 Quicksilver and Earth-616 Cyclops would probably get along; OSHA would probably like a word with the Madrii; Gambit had ONE JOB; and there are no superheroes in the Age of Apocalypse.
X-PLAINED:
An unlikely team-up
Relative amazingness
Amazing X-Men #1-5
Color separations
Comics credits
The Brotherhood of Mutants and/or Chaos
The Great Human Airlift
Exodus (more) (again)
Best Quicksilver (Earth-295)
Abyss
A dubiously aerodynamic cape
One last job
Several points of semantic distinction
Lone Nanny & Cub
The most punchable man on Earth-295
A difficult choice
What it means to be X-Men
Dick Valentine
Jamie Madrox (Earth-295)
A world without superheroes
Universe numbering
NEXT EPISODE: X-Man!
CORRECTION: The line about fence-straddling that Jay attributed to Wonder Woman was in fact spoken by Hawkgirl.
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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop! This June, we’ll be donating all of the profits to Trans Lifeline!
In which it’s kind of a relief to be talking about a fictional apocalypse right now; Joe Madureira defines the look of the mid-late 1990s; Sunfire is less cheesecake than crepes Suzette; it all comes back to capes; Wild Child is more than he seems; Holocaust sucks about as much as you’d expect of someone who picked that code name; Jay has surprisingly strong feelings about Morph; Miles is all about judging some babies; resistance is fundamental to the X-Men’s identity within a superhero-universe paradigm; nobody deserves to be quarantined with Quentin Quire; and our two-week lead is making proofing these podcasts an increasingly surreal experience.
X-PLAINED:
Several things Blink might have done but did not.
The status quo as of mid-March, 2020
Earth-295 (more) (again)
Astonishing X-Men #1-4
Our coverage of the core Age of Apocalypse series
Age of Apocalypse as proof of concept
The best character design of Earth-295
Some guy named Rex
A lake of blood which may or may not be figurative
Sabretooth’s last-ish stand
The revolutionary value of silliness
Jay’s favorite Orwell quote
The Infinite Processing Plant
DefCon Armageddon
A very cool fight scene
Catharsis
Mutants without the metaphor
Best and worst X-Men to be quarantined with
NEXT EPISODE: Weapon X!
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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!