Rachel Summers – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

405 – Morally Purple

March 27, 2023 Jay 7 comments

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In which Jay returns; babies are bad at pretty much everything; continuity flies straight out the window; Cable should speak English with a Scottish accent; Harry Leland knows how to dress; Tanya Trask makes the same time travel mistake everyone makes; and we love Al Kennedy forever.

X-PLAINED:

Sentry (but not that one)
Babies
Flashback
Cable #-1
Excalibur #-1
Generation X #-1
Uncanny X-Men #-1
The preturn of Angus McWhirter, angry hovercraft-rental guy
Hippie Cable
Veins of science
Yet another time travel loop
What may or may not be how Nightcrawler quit the circus
Sabu
“Science”
A large volume of dubious continuity
Larry Trask (more) (again)
Jay’s cosplay aspirations
Sanctity (Tanya Trask)
The Twelve (somewhat)
A possible splinter timeline
The X-Men of 1602
Rube Goldberg

NEXT EPISODE: Flashback continues!

The visual companion to this episode will be up later this week!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 299 – Toaster Ovens of the Gods

June 28, 2020 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

For full effect, there really needs to be an inset panel of Storm mugging at the reader. (What If? vol. 2 #77)

Forge is a JERK. (What If? vol. 2 #77)

What the hell kind of weird drills does this universe have? (What If? vol. 2 #77)

It’s weird that there’s a universe where both of these kids exist. (What If? vol. 2 #77)

I wonder if the Phoenix designs new costumes every time; and, if so, what its aesthetic phases have been. (What If? vol. 2 #77)

Is this page foreshadowing a Days of Future Past-style dystopia? Discuss. (What If? vol. 2 #77)

No, seriously, he JUST KEEPS SAYING IT. (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)

That hair. (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)

Brother Voodoo X-Plains the premise. (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)

Uncalled for, Ben. (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)

Damnit, Nate. (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)

Just had to work it in again, huh? (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)

The costume just isn’t the same without metal wings. (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)

DAMNIT, NATE. (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)

Why does Magneto look kind of like Keanu Reeves here? (What If? vol. 2 #81)

The more I look at the art from this issue, the angrier I get about it. (What If? vol. 2 #81)

[cries in comics editor] (What If? vol. 2 #81)

Galactus is a poet, and he didn’t even know it! (He knew it.) (What If? vol. 2 #81)

Relatable sentiment. (What If? vol. 2 #81)

Hello, mid-1990s CG. You… sure do exist. (What If? vol. 2 #81)

NEXT EPISODE: The end of a world. (Also, #300? So, that’s a thing.)

LINKS & FURTHER HYPOTHETICALS

You can hear all about Be X-Tra Safe With the X-Men in Episode 177 – The Less You Know.
Read Teen Vogue. Seriously.
You can see the Havok Care Bear–along with the Cyclops one that Jay made–over here.
Waiting for the Trade Magneto is the One True Magneto, now and forever.

299 – Toaster Ovens of the Gods

June 28, 2020 Jay 15 comments

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In which some universes are more pleasant than others; Havok is basically a Care Bear; Wolverine is a P.R. nightmare; Nate Grey tries; stealth is not among the Silver Surfer’s strengths; Night Thrasher ascends to godhood; Jay and Miles dive down the What If rabbit hole.

X-PLAINED:

Earth-200500 (again)
Earth-42409
What If? vol. 2 #77
What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse
What If? vol. 2 #81
Earth-77995
Fashion editorials
One of the worse versions of Forge
Superheroes x fashion
Care Bears vs. X-Men
The Hellfire Club of Earth-77995
A surprisingly normal Grey-Summers family
Several uses for the Phoenix Force
Worst-case scenarios
Earth-93074
Savage Land home ec
Bad choices
The Defenders of Earth-93074
How to manipulate Nate Grey
Narrative benefits of omnipotence
A time loop
Earth-9601
A meeting on the moon
What the Watcher watches
Galactus
The Silver Surfer
Grandpa Magneto
Some remarkable technology
A heavy-handed metaphor
Our takes on What If scenarios
The Corbeau-Grey scale of decision making
Storm’s eyes
Our character voices

NEXT EPISODE: X-Men Omega

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop! This June, we’ll be donating all of the profits to Trans Lifeline!

As Mentioned in Episode 256 – Mullets of Time and Space

July 14, 2019 Jay 3 comments

Listen to the podcast here!

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Always aspire to a higher level of time paradox! (Excalibur #75)

How much extra creepiness does this already creepy scene get from the bolding of “his”? (Excalibur #75)

It’s his girlfriend. He called and asked her to come over. There is literally no reason that this should be so mysterious and pseudo-suspenseful. (Excalibur #75)

You do you, Amanda. (Excalibur #75)

PITCH: “What if only Captain Britain’s arms had returned from the timestream?” (Excalibur #75)

If you need me, I will be over here having FEELINGS about the lack of official acknowledgement of this relationship. (Excalibur #75)

“I was going to have some really dubious facial hair.” (Excalibur #75)

This better be worth it. (Excalibur #75)

[Ron Howard narrator voice] It was not worth it. (Excalibur #75)

GET IT? GET IT? GET IT? (Excalibur #75)

I hope you’re happy in the life you’ve chosen for yourself. (Excalibur #76)

“I mean, for some value of the term.” (Excalibur #76)

Well, that’s portentous. (Excalibur #76)

This is UNQUESTIONABLY the face of a man who has attempted to eat a toaster, a tube of lipstick, and several telephones. (Excalibur #76)

Nightcrawler, in his moppet days. (Excalibur #76)

I don’t understand D’Spayre’s torso muscles; and, frankly, I don’t care to. (Excalibur #76)

SEE WHAT I MEAN?! (Excalibur #77)

D’Spayre’s only weaknesses are joy and, by remarkable coincidence, children named Amil. (Excalibur #77)

WHAT?! (Excalibur #77)

The cutest pin-up. (Excalibur #77)

NEXT EPISODE: The adventures of Rachel Summers in the 37th Century!

LINKS & FURTHER LISTENING:

You can hear all about D’Spayre’s first clash with the X-Men (or at least one of them) in Episode 14 – Look Upon My Man-Thing and D’Spayre!
We talked about the time Margali Szardos build Nightcrawler his own private hell in Episode 134 – Live at Vegas Valley Comic Book Festival.

256 – Mullets of Time and Space

July 14, 2019 Jay 16 comments

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In which you raised a lot of money for Trans Lifeline; we continue to miss Alan Davis; Rory Campbell should not be narrating a climactic event; Daytripper needs to dial up her eldritch patter; the universe is dubiously self-correcting; Britannic is not nearly weird enough; and we have ongoing concerns about the anatomy of incarnate concepts.

X-PLAINED:

The X-Men of Earth-77995
Excalibur #75-77
Daytripper
A somewhat pointless sacrifice
Rough times in the timestream
Britannic
X-theology
D’Spayre’s butt
The rest of D’Spayre
Margali Szardos
The blood-brain barrier
Acrobatic flirtation
The Winding Way
Stark emptiness
A shocking possible resurrection
Major X
Essential characters

NEXT EPISODE: The Adventures of Rachel Summers in the 37th Century!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 254 – Carry Each Other

June 30, 2019 Miles 5 comments

Listen to the podcast here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

All these years, Miles thought he was quoting Jean Grey, but it turned out to be Oscar Wilde. AS USUAL. (X-Men: The Wedding Album)

“Dammit, Logan never made me talk about feelings!” (X-Men: The Wedding Album)

Green ain’t your color anyway, kid. (X-Men: The Wedding Album)

I love every aspect of this segment except for every aspect of its format. Except the Jubilee silhouette at the top, that part’s pretty cool. (X-Men: The Wedding Album)

Ian Churchill, please draw more things. (X-Men: The Wedding Album)

Jean’s had tentacles for arms, so I guess legs like that aren’t that weird. (X-Men: The Wedding Album)

At last, indeed. (X-Men #30)

“I’m the best there is at what I do, and what I do is write real pretty.” (X-Men #30)

Oh god Excalibur #75 comes right after this (X-Men #30)

Aww, these guys. (X-Men #30)

Keep this panel in case you ever need to tie a bow tie! (X-Men #30)

Everyone. (X-Men #30)

These two. (X-Men #30)

Perfect vows, part 1. (X-Men #30)

Perfect vows, part 2. (With bonus second-best-kiss-ever.) (X-Men #30)

See? It is wholly appropriate, Bono. (X-Men #30)

Let’s just not think about how Logan wrote that. (X-Men #30)

Family. (X-Men #30)

Dammit, Rogue! (X-Men #30)

Double dammit, Gambit! (X-Men #30)

Tears every time. (X-Men #30)

Scott’s only been married a few hours and he’s already so much better at feelings! (X-Men #30)

You’re right, Kitty! Reality does bite! (X-Men: The Wedding Album)

Warren Kenneth Worthington III, this is not the time or place! At all! (X-Men: The Wedding Album)

Shatterstar tries. (X-Men: The Wedding Album)

Sean Cassidy: banned from every karaoke bar on the east coast. (X-Men: The Wedding Album)

Kurt’s still got it. Obviously. (X-Men: The Wedding Album)

NEXT EPISODE: Well, at least the cover’s sparkly.

254 – Carry Each Other

June 30, 2019 Miles 12 comments

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In which Nicole Miller is fashion designer to Earth-1218 and Earth-616, Jay rejects the word “bestest”, we kind of want to just read every word of X-Men #30 aloud, One is a perfect wedding song for Scott and Jean, and you save the last dance for who brought you.

X-PLAINED:

The perils of animated weddings
X-Men: The Wedding Album
Nonstandard trim sizes
Misattributed Oscar Wilde quotes
Shatterstar’s favorite Olympic event
Jean Grey’s short-lived modeling career
Computo, Commander of the Robot Hive
A most excellent wedding dress
Cursive fonts in comics
Jean Grey and Jubilation Lee, ambiguously excellent chosen family
X-Men #30
An event decades in the making
Wolverine, Master of Penmanship
Charles Xavier, reader stand-in
The largely forgotten Madelyne Pryor
The understandably tentative Rachel Summers
The bow-tie scene
A phenomenal two-page spread
A set of perfect vows
A bittersweet song for a bittersweet couple
Victor Creed, vengeful kitty-cat
Rogue and Gambit, best worst wedding guests
Video albums vs. Instagram
Beast and Banshee, jazz combo
Scott and Jean as a couple vs. individuals
The necessity of Scott and Jean’s relationship context

NEXT EPISODE: Goodbye, Phoenix. Hello, Britanic.

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, or your favorite podcatcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

As Mentioned in Episode 248 – Destructo Woman

May 19, 2019 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Sure! Why not? What could POSSIBLY go wrong? (Excalibur #72)

‘Kay. (Excalibur #73)

Damnit, Siena Blaze. (Excalibur #73)

Phoenix demands proportionate arms! (Excalibur #73)

I don’t know why the fact that Moira kept Proteus’s entire genome on CD-ROM strikes me as hilarious; but it really, really does. (Excalibur #73)

Yelling in the Timestream: The Brian Braddock and Rachel Summers Story. (Excalibur #74)

You see the eyes, right? (Excalibur #74)

The odds that Mr. Sinister got that knife at a mall kiosk are basically 100%. (Excalibur #74)

You’re a good kid, Jubilee. (Excalibur #74)

I like to think they’re both just yelling. (X-Force #31)

The garden is a metaphor that is also a real garden. (X-Force #31)

Why is this random blonde dude so hung up on the Cassidy family? We’ll never know. (X-Force #31)

I just really love those yelling pages. (X-Force #31)

“And yet, despite all those years of gardening, I’m still not sure how to hold a rake.” (X-Force #31)

He’s an angry tree, but he’s an angry tree who cares. (X-Force #31)

NEXT EPISODE: More family fun!

248 – Destructo Woman

May 19, 2019 Jay 10 comments

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In which Tom Cassidy and Cain Marko may be the most stable couple in the Marvel Universe; Rory Campbell is no Super Doctor Astronaut Peter Corbeau; Siena Blaze remains a big jerk; the Cassidy family has some issues; and we are dismayed by an inexplicable dearth of leprechauns.

X-PLAINED:

Birthday presents
What Excalibur has been up to
Excalibur #72-74
X-Force #31
How to be mysterious
The Proteus Room
The continually terrible choices of Moira MacTaggert
Porridge ghosts
An unnatural disaster
Chekhov’s solid rock
Rory Campbell
Destructo Woman
Limitations of CD-ROMs
Siryn (Theresa Cassidy)
The Cassidy family
How not to treat a gunshot wound
Kelvin Donaghann and his fancy hair
An intervention
The future of the New Mutants feature film
Underwear

NEXT EPISODE: Family Reunion!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!