Do you wish Les Miserables were about X-Men? TODAY YOU ARE IN LUCK: Here is a downloadable version of the parody of “At the End of the Day” that closed Episode 226!
Tag Archive for Val Cooper
At the End of the Fight
As Mentioned in Episode 226 – Les Mutants
Listen to the podcast here!
Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line! 
Meet Random. (X-Factor #88) 
Quesada ribbons: totally a thing! (X-Factor #88) 
Look, if it works, it works. (X-Factor #88) 
Well, THAT can’t be good. (X-Factor #88) 
Who Wore It Better, Garden of Earthly Delights Edition! Genosha, or… (X-Factor #89) 
…Hieronymus Bosch? (Bosh. Definitely Bosch.) 
Oh, kiddo. (X-Factor #89) 
Romance! (X-Factor #88) 
AND THAT’S WHY YOU ALWAYS LEAVE A NOTE (X-Factor #89) 
Big mood. (X-Factor #90) 
Remember when Alex Summers was actually pretty awesome? (X-Factor #90) 
GENOSHA WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU (so much) (X-Factor #90) 
Harsh but valid. (X-Factor #90) 
Meet Mutate #24601, whose mutant power is probably painfully complex internal rhymes. (X-Factor #90) 
Aw, these goofballs. (X-Factor #90) 
Genosha’s sanitation system is ridiculous. (X-Factor #91) 
A+ lurking, Rahne! (X-Factor #91) 
This definitely won’t come back to haunt Jamie. (It definitely will.) (X-Factor #91) 
NEXT EPISODE: Wolverine vs. Everything!
At the End of the Fight
Lyrics by Jay Edidin, with apologies to Herbert Kretzmer
Performed by *Luz Bianca, Greg Black, Jeremy Borders, Lucas Brown, Kitty Byrne, *Tina Carelton, *Finn Carter, Everett Christensen, Veryan Croggan, Chris Eddleman, *Christina Eddleman, edibleflowers, Sol Foster, Emily Freville, Matt Gardner, Eric Michael Gray, Pete Gresser, Becky Hawkins, Andrew Hill, Jeff Holland, Al Kennedy, Steve Lacey, Kevin Lanigan, Elana Levin, *Alex Lundquist, Dan McMahon, William Mason, Steve Neal, notwhelmedyet (Lynn), Duck Orsino, Shannon Pack, Erin Pence, *Steve Pence, Philthy, Mariana Poole, rainproof, Samantha Riedel, Scott Sharplin, Adam Slevison, Richaundra Thursday, Dave Tomaine, Devin Toohey, and Grace Young.
*Soloists
[X-FACTOR]
At the end of the fight you’re another page older
And that’s all you can say for the X-Factor life
It’s a struggle, it’s a war
And just when you think that you’re winning
You find yourself stuck on the moon, facing down Stryfe
And the fight’s just beginning
At the end of the fight you’re another fight older
And the X on your jacket won’t keep out the chill
And the readers all hurry past
To the six other X-books they’re buying
As the Legacy Virus spreads fast, ready to kill
One fight nearer to dying
[COMPANY]
A tthe end of the fight there’s another fight coming
A crossover next week, an annual soon
Like a storm that’ll break any second
Foreshadowing Fatal Attractions
There’s a reckoning still to be reckoned
Plus the critics’ hot takes and reactions
And the future is not looking bright
At the end of the fight
[VAL COOPER]
At the end of the fight there will be a debriefing
You don’t get to slack in a government job
[STRONG GUY]
We’ve got better things to do
And this system doesn’t seem fair
After all, we threw all the punches
[POLARIS]
Plus, we don’t care
[STRONG GUY+ WOLFSBANE]
And we need a vacation.
[MULTIPLEMAN]
Have you seen how Val Cooper is fuming today
[QUICKSILVER]
She might be possessed, she seems so out of sorts
[VAL]
Step it up Summers, there’s paperwork waiting–
They’re not dissertations, just mission reports
[COMPANY]
At the end of the fight it’s another fight over
To whatever extent superhero fights end
Fight Magneto, fight the Blob
Fight some guy we just met in a sewer
What the hell, at least it’s a job
Just find us the next evildoer
‘Cause there’s no resolution in sight
At the end of the fight
LINKS & FURTHER NONSENSE:
- David Dinkins was New York City’s first Black mayor and a pretty interesting dude.
- The Lindbergh baby was not in fact safely returned. Sorry, Rahne.
- If you want to know more about Genosha, check out Episode 99 – Those Who Walk Away From Genosha.
- You can hear about Havok’s short career as a magistrate in Episode 156 – Genosha Strikes Back.
- For Val Cooper’s unfortunate encounter with a tentacle monster, listen to Episode 216 – X-Amining X-Factor.
226 – Les Mutants
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
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In which Havok actually used to be pretty great; there are at least four attorneys in the Marvel Universe; Genosha continues to be wildly problematic; Hieronymus Bosch was not Comics Code-compliant; Quicksilver goes on vacation; Polaris has no time for your love triangle; Wolfsbane can maul as many magistrates as she wants; and Multiple Man makes a choice.
X-PLAINED:
• Damian Tryp
• An unconventional staffing practice
• Genosha (more) (again)
• The devolution of Alex Summers’ personality
• Several attorneys in the Marvel Universe
• X-Factor #88-91
• Random (Marshall Stone III)
• Joe Quesada’s signature ribbons
• Checkbook heroism
• Kids these days
• Genoshan reconstruction
• Several gardens of earthly delights
• Puberty
• A mercifully abandoned plan
• A conspiracy
• A significant tonal shift
• Mutate #24601
• RoboJean
• Genosha’s sanitation system
• Dick Chalker
• Magneto Rex
• Humans in Magneto’s Genosha
NEXT EPISODE: Wolverine vs. everything
Thanks to everyone who helped bring Jay’s weird musical dream to life:
*Luz Bianca, Greg Black, Jeremy Borders, Lucas Brown, Kitty Byrne, *Tina Carelton, *Finn Carter, Everett Christensen, Veryan Croggan, Chris Eddleman, *Christina Eddleman, edibleflowers, Sol Foster, Emily Freville, Matt Gardner, Eric Michael Gray, Pete Gresser, Becky Hawkins, Andrew Hill, Jeff Holland, Al Kennedy, Steve Lacey, Kevin Lanigan, Elana Levin, *Alex Lundquist, Dan McMahon, William Mason, Steve Neal, notwhelmedyet (Lynn), Duck Orsino, Shannon Pack, Erin Pence, *Steve Pence, Philthy, Mariana Poole, rainproof, Samantha Riedel, Scott Sharplin, Adam Slevison, Richaundra Thursday, Dave Tomaine, Devin Toohey, and Grace Young.
*Soloists
Special thanks to Juliana Finch, Christian Lipski, and Laser Webber for technical advice; Christina Eddleman for recording the demo track; and Matt Gardner and Peter Gresser for [Easter egg description redacted].
Check out the visual companion to this episode–as well as the full lyrics to “At the End of the Fight”–on our blog!
Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)
As Mentioned in Episode 216 – X-Amining X-Factor
Listen to the episode here.
X-Factor does not take particularly well to therapy, to nobody’s particular surprise. (X-Factor #87)
Nope. (X-Factor #87)
Looking forward to a visual companion full of cleverly framed two-person conversations? No? TOO BAD, ‘CAUSE THAT’S WHAT YOU’RE GETTING. (X-Factor #87)
It’s rough to be Pietro Maximoff; but at least you get to dress like THAT. (X-Factor #87)
I love how character-specific these layouts are– (X-Factor #87)
–none moreso than Multiple Man’s. (X-Factor #87)
“It doesn’t help that my only hobby is lurking in foliage.” (X-Factor #87)
I’m putting this in so that you’ll get why the next sequence is so clever. (X-Factor #87)
See what I mean? (X-Factor #87)
This could have worked, handled differently; but boy does it not. (X-Factor #87)
SIGH.
Val Cooper is the most sitcom of sitcom bosses. (X-Factor #87)
And that’s why you don’t armchair diagnose! (X-Factor #87)
NEXT EPISODE: Rasputin Family Reunion!
LINKS & FURTHER ANALYSES:
- Follow Dr. Andrea Letamendi on Twitter; and check out The Arkham Sessions!
- Wally Wood’s 22 Panels are legendary for a reason.
- For more on David Haller and representations of mental illness in X-Books, check out Episode 44 – Assembling Legion, with Si Spurrier.
- If you can’t get enough out of the intersection of fictional therapy and podcasting, we recommend the hell out of The Bright Sessions.
216 – X-Amining X-Factor (feat. Dr. Andrea Letamendi)
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Android | Google Podcasts | Stitcher | RSS
In which Dr. Andrea Letamendi of Arkham Sessions joins us to analyze some analysis; Doc Samson has major scope-of-practice issues; Ren & Stimpy references continue to fail to age well; it’s hard to be Quicksilver; Val Cooper is not your friend; Polaris pretty much always deserves better; Charles Xavier should not be allowed to inhabit positions of power; and labels are often not the best tools for good representations of mental illness and neurodivergence.
X-PLAINED:
- A very high-stakes 3-D puzzle
- X-Factor #87
- Doc Samson
- Making talking heads interesting
- Wolfsbane’s relationship to pop culture
- Appropriate boundaries
- Several remarkable fashion choices
- Pietro Maximoff in perspective
- Therapeutic assessment vs. intervention
- The extremely tragic backstory of Jamie Madrox
- Imposter syndrome
- A brief history of Polaris’s brushes with possession
- A really poorly planned and presented sequence
- Consequences of armchair diagnosis
- Interactions of telepathy and psychology
- Legion as a portrayal of mental illness
- Writing mental illness in fiction
NEXT EPISODE: Rasputin Family Reunion!
Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)
As Mentioned in Episode 208 – The X-Patriots
Listen to the podcast here!
Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Prodigal Was Right. (X-Factor #81)
No matter how many times I look at this, I still imagine this dude moving like tumbleweed. (X-Factor #82)
HEY, LOOK, MARVEL GOT A NEW LICENSE! (X-Factor #82)
Havok: Actually a reasonably good boss! (X-Factor #82)
I spent a LOT of time googling jaw injuries to try to figure out what the hell the hardware on Lorna’s face is supposed to be. Verdict: IT’S A MYSTERY. (X-Factor #82)
Live your best life, Toad. (X-Factor #82)
The fastest withering insults in the West. (X-Factor #82)
The new Phantazia.
THIS IS A VALID CONCERN. (X-Factor #82)
(It’s okay; Sam’s fine and possibly immortal.) (X-Factor #82)
Remember like five pages ago when it was a big deal that Lorna’s jaw was wired shut? (X-Factor #82)
I feel you, Lukas. (X-Factor #83)
Oh, this is gonna be awkward. (X-Factor #83)
WELL THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY. (X-Factor #83)
They’re going to bond over how much they hate everyone else. (X-Factor #83)
I’m still trying to figure this out. Maybe mutate children are artificially physically matured as part of the mutate process? (X-Factor #83)
Stairs are funny. (X-Factor #83)
Sure, why not? (X-Factor #83)
Aw, they’re best friends now. Because they’re both jerks. (X-Factor #83)
Poor Zachary. (X-Factor #83)
He’ll be okay, but this storyline is not going to get resolved until after X-Cutioner’s Song. (X-Factor #83)
Rick Chalker, on the other hand, will definitely not be okay. (X-Factor #83)
NEXT EPISODE: X-Editor Jordan D. White!
LINKS & FURTHER ENRICHMENT:
- FLAMECON IS ONLY TWO WEEKS AWAY! COME SEE US! WE ARE DELIGHTFUL!
- As Jay mentioned in this episode, The Ren & Stimpy Show was created by a really fucking terrible person. (CW: child abuse, predatory grooming, and a whole bunch of other horrific stuff.)
- You can get the skinny on Jenny Ransome and Philip Moreau in Episode 99 – Those Who Walk Away from Genosha.
208 – The X-Patriots
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Android | Google Podcasts | Stitcher | RSS
Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
In which nobody wears the pants in the X-Plain family; Havok is a remarkably okay boss; Polaris may want to find a new doctor; Quicksilver has no time for your nonsense; we are very conditionally okay with resurrections; and if you spoil Season 5 of Steven Universe for Miles, we will never ever ever forgive you.
X-PLAINED:
- Jay & Miles at FlameCon
- Advantages of recording remotely
- X-Factor #81-83
- What Genosha’s been up to
- Prodigal
- An impassioned speech
- An unfortunate accident
- Yet another return(ish) of Sauron
- Chain of command
- Lukas
- Pirouette
- Yet another justification for the name of the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants
- Phantazia (again)
- Immovable vs. unstoppable
- What you do on a boat
- Taylor
- When Havok still cared
- “The Mutant Rap”
- Adventures in New York
- How to bond with Quicksilver
- An angry mob
- A derailed storyline
- The ignominious death of Rick Chalker
- Our opinions on the revolving door of death
- X-Men vs. electronics
- Superheroes from the Balkans
- Theoretical X-Men and Steven Universe team-ups
NEXT EPISODE: X-Editor Jordan D. White!
Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)
As Mentioned in Episode 199 – Space, Geeks, and Gaveedra Seven
Listen to the episode here.
Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
It’s weird, but it could be SO MUCH WEIRDER. (X-Men Annual #1)
These two really have their battle banter down to a science. (X-Men Annual #1)
Well, this is awkward in retrospect. (X-Men Annual #1)
Hi, Retrieval Team. (X-Men Annual #1)
Again: I want these characters to be SO MUCH WEIRDER. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #16)
Stop trying to make “bohunk” happen. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #16)
GOOD LORD JOE QUESADA DRAWS A TERRIFYING MOJO (Uncanny X-Men Annual #16)
This comic does not include a countdown of enemies, but if it did, #1 would definitely be condiments. (X-Factor Annual #7)
This actually explains a depressing lot about Mojoworld. (X-Factor Annual #7)
SPIRAL IS SO COOL. (X-Factor Annual #7)
Spiral X-Plains Spiral, Part 1. (X-Factor Annual #7)
Spiral X-Plains Spiral, Part 2. (X-Factor Annual #7)
Okay, getting marginally weirder, but still not quite there. (X-Force Annual #1)
You can tell he’s a big deal now because he wears his hair down. (X-Force Annual #1)
I just realized that the good Spineless Ones are named after Borscht Belt comedians. (X-Force Annual #1)
Behind every Facebook meme about positivity is this panel. (X-Force Annual #1)
Powerpax! (X-Force Annual #1)
Darkchild! (X-Force Annual #1)
Banshee! (X-Force Annual #1)
Cyberlock! (X-Force Annual #1)
Sunspot, but with a mullet! (X-Force Annual #1)
You’d think a guy who grew up on a media-saturated world would know better than to trust an administrator in a fancy hat. (X-Force Annual #1)
Kill your television. (X-Force Annual #1)
I feel really good about the fact that Longshot aged into Estelle Getty. (X-Force Annual #1)
Ignore these blueprints; they will never be followed consistently. (X-Men Annual #1)
SELF-FRIEND (X-Men Annual #1)
Remember the good ol’ days, when comics NEVER dabbled in politics or even direct allegory? *snort* (X-Men Annual #1)
“I can also cross over with DC properties, but that’s not really gonna be on the table for a while.” (Uncanny X-Men Annual #16)
Val Cooper’s subconscious is an appropriately frightening place. (X-Factor Annual #7)
NOPE. (X-Factor Annual #7)
Taki! We missed you! (X-Force Annual #1)
We’re only posting one of the many pin-ups; but DANG, it’s a good one. (X-Force Annual #1)
NEXT EPISODE: Louise Simonson!
LINKS & FURTHER READING:
- For more background on Longshot and Mojoworld, listen to Episode 49 – Of Mullets and Miracles.
- Get Bishop’s backstory in Episode 180 – Lawful Badass.
- The Kobayashi Maru is a really fun book, if you like that kind of thing (which Jay does).
- If you happen to end up in New York, the Jim Henson exhibit at the Museum of the Moving Image is AMAZING.
- “Send the Marines” is Tom Lehrer’s tribute to American interventionism, and also a very catchy song.
- Aside from this Onion article, I could find no information about the alleged Stretch Armstrong recall, so I suspect that story may in fact be apocryphal. -J
199 – Space, Geeks, and Gaveedra Seven
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Android | Google Podcasts | Stitcher | RSS
Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
In which Shattershot is definitely better than the Cold War; Beast X-plains the X-teams; Cyclops is a tired babysitter; sustenance is not frivolous; Jim Henson is the hero that Mojoworld needs; Shatterstar is not a great head of state; it’s hard to be Val Cooper; and Cable has definitely figured out how to take you (yes, YOU) out.
X-PLAINED:
- Astra
- Content-to-story ratio
- The Mojoverse (more) (again)
- Longshot
- Shatterstar (Gaveedra Seven)
- Spiral (Ricochet Rita)
- Arize
- X-Men Annual #1
- Uncanny X-Men Annual #16
- X-Factor Annual #10
- X-Force Annual #1
- A pivotal battle
- Mujahideen
- A callback
- Several denizens of Mojoworld
- X-Team disambiguation
- The Death Sponsors
- A dubious solution to the Kobayashi Maru scenario
- Whether Arize is a mutant
- Telepathic favoritism
- Spiral’s origin story
- A new regime
- Earth-84309
- Powerpax (Frankie Power)
- Darkchild
- Cyberlock
- A metasingularity
- A large number of back-up features
- The X-Men’s top ten enemies
- Amalgam (but not that one)
- Darick Robertson’s juvenilia
- The return of Taki
- The Cable Protocols
- Brazilian Marvel characters
- Our feelings about Laura Kinney’s backstory
NEXT EPISODE: Louise Simonson
CORRECTION: BonziBuddy was not released until 1999. We regret the error.
Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)
As Mentioned in Episode 184 – Sweetcakes
Listen to the episode here!
For all its flaws, this arc has its moments. Here is one of them. (The Incredible Hulk #390)
Also, let’s all take a moment to admire Rick Jones’s impeccable early-’90s fashion sense. (The Incredible Hulk #390)
And good times were had by all. (The Incredible Hulk #391)
One more Rick Jones fashion moment for the road. (The Incredible Hulk #391)
That’s kind of ingenious, actually. (The Incredible Hulk #391)
Welcome to the deeply depressing main event. (X-Factor #76)
“You can tell, because of his mustache.” (X-Factor #76)
You’d think gods would have less generic armor. (X-Factor #76)
And then Rahne did some killing. (X-Factor #76)
There is literally no good reason to have this in the story; but then, there’s literally no good reason for most of this story. (The Incredible Hulk #391)
“Good talk! So, back to paternalistic interference?” (The Incredible Hulk #392)
How does that… Why would you even… (The Incredible Hulk #392)
That panel in the middle, tho. (The Incredible Hulk #392)
Larry Stroman is back, and everything will be okay, except I guess for a lot of things, because this is a superhero comic. But still! Larry Stroman is back! (X-Factor #77)
Remember that time the Mutant Liberation Front looked legitimately and ironically awesome? Because that happened. (X-Factor #77)
At least Vic Chalker died as he lived: in a large robot suit. (X-Factor #77)
Not technically the most dangerous game, but definitely not recommended. (X-Factor #77)
RAHNE’S HAIR IS SO COOL (X-Factor #77)
X-Factor’s modular uniforms are really rad. Good job, Val. (X-Factor #78)
Know what else is rad? Tempo. Tempo is rad as hell and deserves so much better than the MLF. (X-Factor #78)
Maybe this is the explanation for everyone’s weird eye spots? (X-Factor #78)
![[Insert canned laughter here.] (X-Factor #78)](https://i1.wp.com/www.xplainthexmen.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/22_xfactor78.png?w=156&h=156&crop=1&ssl=1 "22_xfactor78")
[Insert canned laughter here.] (X-Factor #78)
Ouch. (X-Factor #78)
NEXT EPISODE: Tom Taylor and the true meaning of friendship!
