Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

Author: Miles

As Mentioned in Episode 497 – Stranger Things

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Astra: shows up for two pages, is a hilarious jerk, refuses to elaborate, leaves. (X-Men Forever #4)
Seriously, there’s a name for the linked-circles-phone-call-thing, right? (X-Men Forever #4)
Getcher Lava Lamp Babies! Three fer the price o’ two! (X-Men Forever #4)
Science is making me feel uncomfortable… (X-Men Forever #4)
Anyway, here’s the history of literally everything. (X-Men Forever #4)
In the future, we will all look more like we do in the movies! (X-Men Forever #5)
Oof, right in the bobbies. (X-Men Forever #5)
It’s Jean’s alternate-alternate-future daughter! (X-Men Forever #5)
“I could defeat you with a single twitch of my left mustache.” (X-Men Forever #6)
“How do I get out of this conversation gaaahhhh he just keeps talking I do NOT want to hear any more about cryptocurrency” (X-Men Forever #6)
In which the art reaches for the stars. (X-Men Forever #6)
A day in the life of an information technology professional. (X-Men Forever #6)
Toad 2.0! Or like, 7.0 if you count all the inconsistencies in his past depictions. (X-Men Forever #6)
Mystique 2.0! But if the first X-Men movie crossed over with Tron. (X-Men Forever #6)
In case you’re wondering, the Stranger’s mustache was already like that even before he got punched in the nose. (X-Men Forever #6)
Toad, as is often the case, has learned nothing. (X-Men Forever #6)
Next time: X-Force gets even more x-treme!

As Mentioned in Episode 496 – Time After Time

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A motley crew if we ever did see one! (X-Men Forever #1)
Say hello to our favorite ancient and benevolent hood ornament, Prosh! (X-Men Forever #1)
Prosh makes some friends. (X-Men Forever #1)
Remember this guy? No? You’re not familiar with Classic X-Men backup stories? Then… good luck. (X-Men Forever #1)
I am trading in my car right now. (X-Men Forever #1)
Prosh x-plains… pretty much everything. (X-Men Forever #1)
Raven Darkholme, making the hard choices. (X-Men Forever #2)
Judgment War reference! Alert! We have a Judgment War reference! (X-Men Forever #2)
If looks could kill… Half the population of Earth would be dead. (X-Men Forever #2)
Legion x-plains the Age of Apocalypse. (X-Men Forever #2)
Fast Travel Mode is weird. (X-Men Forever #2)
This is a very Marvel Comics moment. (X-Men Forever #3)
Things probably don’t get more complicated than this, right? (X-Men Forever #3)
The Snowman Era! (X-Men Forever #3)
Silver Age gotta Silver Age. (X-Men Forever #3)
NEXT TIME: Things do get more complicated.

As Mentioned in Episode 494 – You’ve Got Evil Mail

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Is Thunderbird cosplaying Colossus? (X-Men Unlimited #27)
Meet Neal Shaara! Or sometimes Neal Sharra, depending on who’s writing! (X-Men Unlimited #27)
In which Karima Shapandar literally jump-kicks her way into the issue. (See also the 1977 kung fu film The Invincible Armour.) (X-Men Unlimited #27)
And you haven’t even met Maggott yet! (X-Men Unlimited #27)
embarrassed_werewolf sounds like part of an auto-generated Reddit username. (X-Men Unlimited #27)
“Crap, instead of zapping them with the Robot Servant Ray, we zapped them with the Main Character Ray!” (X-Men Unlimited #27)
Aww, Sanjit. (X-Men Unlimited #27)
Hope you survive the experience! (X-Men Unlimited #27)
Check out Gambit’s sideways-Legion hair! And Beast’s Banshee disguise! (X-Men Unlimited #28)
Darkstar speaks for us all. (X-Men Unlimited #28)
This ain’t Beast’s first brainwashing rodeo. (X-Men Unlimited #28)
Listen, the Darkforce is just cool, okay? (X-Men Unlimited #28)
Dis not what Gambit had in mind. (X-Men Unlimited #28)
More like the Golden Death, really. (X-Men Unlimited #28)
Darkstar’s face is the same as Miles’s when he first discovered Cloud/Sephiroth slash almost 30 years ago. (X-Men Unlimited #28)
“No, my only weaknesses – rain and tasers!” (X-Men Unlimited #28)
Technology safety tip: if you get a suspicious email, blow up your computer! (X-Men Annual 2000)
Adorable downtime! (X-Men Annual 2000)
I love these goofballs so much. (X-Men Annual 2000)
Rogue learned a lot of things during her time with Magneto, like: if you have a problem, throw it into space. (X-Men Annual 2000)
The focused totality of her cutting your goddamn head off. (X-Men Annual 2000)
Everyone just looks really cool here. That’s the only significance. (X-Men Annual 2000)
GUN ARRRRRRMMMSSSSS (X-Men Annual 2000)
That’s some Claremont dialogue, alright (complimentary). (X-Men Annual 2000)
I guess that’s why Stryfe’s not too concerned with peripheral vision. Explains the helmet. (X-Men Annual 2000)
NEXT TIME: The Goth!

XplaintheXmen Live in Washington DC!

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Join us for an X-beginner-friendly, mutant-metaphor-focused, live episode of Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men: presented by LC-GLOBE, the LGBTQ+ organization of employees of the Library of Congress!

When: 6:00 PM on Friday 06/06/25

Where: The Mumford Room (LM-649) in the James Madison Building of the Library of Congress in Washington, DC
If you’d like to join the staff in attending, you’d be very welcome – to reserve seats, please email us so we can get a headcount and make sure you’re on the list. Hope to see you there!

As Mentioned in Episode 488 – There Goes the Moon (Mutant X May, Part 3)

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Color-coded Horsemen of Apocalypse! (Mutant X #19)
What’s the magic word? (Mutant X #19)
Someone let that flying aerobics instructor in! The rain is going to wreck her hair! (Mutant X #20)
That A on his belt stands for Ally! (Mutant X #20)
Note that Charles Xavier’s Evil Mullet is never seen outside of these two panels. (Mutant X #21)
Not a bad riff on the Phoenix costume, honestly. (Mutant X #21)
And then Professor X turned into Doctor Fate. (Mutant X #22)
“That’s right, my friends! We must strike Galactus with every color of the traffic light!” (Mutant X #22)
You ever have a dream where someone is mean to you and then you’re still mad at them when you see them in real life? (Mutant X #23)
Behold! Bargain-basement X-Man, with bonus moppets! (Mutant X #23)
Just a hell of a cover. (Mutant X #24)
Why would you put a portal to the Negative Zone in the goddamn FLOOR?! At least put up a guard rail or something! I’m calling OSHA! (Mutant X #24)
Spoiler: they all just go to a bar. (Mutant X #25)
Flowers for Beast-gernon. (Yes, yes, we know Algernon is the mouse.) (Mutant X #25)
ah jeez (Mutant X #25)
It’s cool, Bloodstorm. We’ve all been there. (Mutant X #26)
The Marauders! (Mutant X #26)
Meet Dagger. And also sorta Cloak. (Mutant X #27)
Awwwwww (Mutant X #27)
Okay, that kid is way too chill. (Mutant X #28)
That’s way better than Evil Xavier’s mullet! (Mutant X #29)
Why, it’s the brand new Sabre-Roaster 3000, as seen on TV! (Mutant X #29)
Plus Iron Giant Man, but he’s too big for this panel! (Mutant X #30)
(This caption intentionally left blank) (Mutant X #31)
After this, they blow up the moon! (Mutant X #31)
The Beyonder x-plains Mutant X! And also eats Captain America. (Mutant X Annual 2001)
It’s really hard to pick a favorite! (Mutant X Annual 2001)
Benjamin E. Yonder, you put the population of New York City down right now! (Mutant X Annual 2001)
Well, I would have said “WHAT?!” (Mutant X #32)
Dracula dies not with a bang, but with a PFFFT. (Mutant X #32)
*sniffle* (Mutant X #32)
Goodbye, Earth-1298. It’s been a hell of a ride. (Mutant X #32)
NEXT TIME: Black ops in black leather!

As Mentioned in Episode 487 – The Only Well-Adjusted Cyclops in the Multiverse (Mutant X May, Part 2)

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…the 2025 story. (Mutant X #9)
The Morlocks! (Mutant X #9)
A damned fine Magneto indeed. (Mutant X #9)
Polaris from X-Factor meets Terra from Final Fantasy VI. (Mutant X #10)
Nightcrawler-1298 can buckle our swashes anytime. (Mutant X #10)
The rest of the X-Men! (Mutant X #10)
The weather is wild today. (Mutant X #11)
I think this might be a big deal, you guys. (Mutant X #12)
Drama! (Mutant X #12)
The Goblin Queen falls. (Mutant X #12)
The secondary theme of Mutant X is the relationship between Ororo Munroe and rodents. (Mutant X #13)
Someone missed the memo about Diaphanous Romper Fridays. (Mutant X #13)
Ninja versus vampire: a tale as old as time. (Mutant X #13)
The most well-adjusted Cyclops in the Multiverse (and friends)! (Mutant X #14)
Bros! (Mutant X #14)
Meet Katherine Pryde, Black Queen of the Hellfire Club; Sebastian Shaw in an iron lung; palette-swapped Captain America; and Sunfire! (Mutant X #15)
De T’ieves Guild. (Mutant X #16)
A thief and a t’ief. (Mutant X Annual 2000)
“Dear Diary, only you understand me.” (Mutant X Annual 2000)
The origin of Gampire/Vambit. (Mutant X Annual 2000)
That first panel is just adorable. (Mutant X Annual 2000)
What a great guy, that Cap! Hope he doesn’t blow up the moon or anything later. (Mutant X #17)
And again: bros! (Mutant X #17)
Seems fine. (Mutant X #18)
Hey, that’s our podcast’s schtick! No swiping! (Mutant X #18)
NEXT TIME: The end of Mutant X May!

As Mentioned in Episode 485 – The House of Correction

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Being the boss means you get the yellow pouches! (Generation X #63)
Teenagers! (Generation X #63)
The new and… improved… Emma Frost. (Generation X #63)
DEAR GOD THOSE PANTS (Generation X #63)
Remember, this issue came out before we knew what happened to Synch… (Generation X #63)
NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE (Generation X #64)
Fashion? (Generation X #64)
Fashion! (Generation X #64)
Jubilee, you are the worstbest. (Generation X #64)
The most dangerous game! (Generation X #64)
Super-speed, part one! (Generation X #65)
Super-speed, part two! (Generation X #65)
I see no flaws with this plan. (Generation X #65)
We have our complaints about this era, but… man, it can just be so charming! (Generation X #65)
I have so many questions, and yet I do not want them answered. (Generation X #66)
Miles just saw Eraserhead at a David Lynch retrospective, and you know that mix of revulsion and pity you feel toward the baby in that movie? …yeah. (Generation X #66)
Banshee, you rule and we’re sorry everyone always forgets you exist. (Generation X #66)
An only slightly less abrupt ending than that of X-Factor #149. (Generation X #66)
NEXT TIME: Yes, really.

As Mentioned in Episode 484 – Hell Tuba

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A miniseries based on a miniseries! (X-Men: Magik #1)
What are we looking at? Not sure. Is it rad? Definitely. (X-Men: Magik #1)
To paraphrase: it doesn’t have to be practical if it’s AWESOME. (X-Men: Magik #1)
Not the most efficient way to blow up a bunch of Teslas, but certainly stylish. (X-Men: Magik #1)
Only one of them got the note about the dress code. But which? (X-Men: Magik #1)
The Battle for Hell’s Deep. (X-Men: Magik #1)
So, like, what if the sky broke and then cut off your goddamned head, is my question (X-Men: Magik #2)
Everyone’s outfits are very long. (X-Men: Magik #2)
Did we mention that this series is in a hell dimension? (X-Men: Magik #2)
(Pushes up Norse glasses:) Technically, Surtur’s sword Twilight would only be on fire if he’d entered Asgard upon the day of Ragnarök, and… (X-Men: Magik #2)
And then sometimes the art is suddenly beautiful. (X-Men: Magik #2)
(wailing guitar solo) (X-Men: Magik #2)
I now pronounce you Hell-Lord and Sorceress! (X-Men: Magik #3)
Hey, tell us more about Lord Militant Phemous and his Huscarls! (X-Men: Magik #3)
Meanwhile, in the Hell-actic Senate… (X-Men: Magik #3)
You get out of the sky and finish your evil-chrome-skeleton-god dinner this instant, young man! (X-Men: Magik #3)
All hail the Hell Tuba! (X-Men: Magik #4)
Welp, there you have it. (X-Men: Magik #4)
Hey, it’s Death’s Head II! Hi, Death’s Head II! (X-Men: Magik #4)
I’m pretty sure Judas Priest has a song about this. (X-Men: Magik #4)
We need to start a metal band just so we can use this as an album cover. (X-Men: Magik #4)
The last day of summer camp is always bittersweet. (X-Men: Magik #4)
NEXT TIME: Generation X versus that thing!

484 – Hell Tuba

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In which the 2000 Magik miniseries is not a good comics series but is an excellent heavy metal concept album; Nightmare has a nightmare; and tubas work differently in Hell.

X-PLAINED:

  • Belasco: the early years
  • Magik (2000 series) #1-4
  • Magik (Amanda Sefton) (Jimaine Szardos) (more) (again)
  • Some art stuff
  • The realm of Nightmare
  • The Splinter Realms
  • The Soul Sword (Amanda Sefton version)
  • An Archfiend of the Pit
  • Nugent
  • Chekhov’s Hell computer (and its secretions)
  • Kurt Wagner’s short and bizarre career in the church
  • Vitchen
  • Several cool demon battles
  • The Dread Dormammu
  • Gleeg
  • A problem
  • Muspelheim
  • Twilight (sword)
  • Some Mephisto nonsense
  • Hades, maybe
  • Epithets
  • A convocation
  • Weird Hell guys
  • Duke Bleys
  • The Archenemy
  • The Hell Tuba
  • The most demonic brass instrument
  • Some time travel bullshit
  • Stories where Emma Frost is at her best
  • Villain reuse

NEXT EPISODE: Generation X gets new threads!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

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As Mentioned in Episode 483 – Piotr Lovely Locks

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I appreciate that Shadowcat’s new costume involves her perpetually flipping the (very sharp) bird. (X-Men: Black Sun #1)
I mean, it could be worse – you could be Colossus. (X-Men: Black Sun #1)
[Epic metal begins] (X-Men: Black Sun #1)
Is Nightcrawler trying to distract from his awful new color scheme by diving at the reader crotch-first? (X-Men: Black Sun #1)
A different look than usual, but I’m not mad at it. (X-Men: Black Sun #1)
SEEMS FINE. (X-Men: Black Sun #1)
Except that one time! And kind of that other time! (X-Men: Black Sun #1)
Chekhov’s removable skeleton. (X-Men: Black Sun #2)
I mean, we’re not not going to show the shattered-moon-and-mountain-of-skulls every time it comes up. (X-Men: Black Sun #2)
Magik x-plains the miniseries. (X-Men: Black Sun #2)
After this, Warren will be required to take a Defensive Swooping class. (X-Men: Black Sun #2)
Oof – right in the outfit! (X-Men: Black Sun #2)
(bonk) (X-Men: Black Sun #2)
A warm welcome back to Polaris’s chest-skull! (X-Men: Black Sun #3)
“Listen, it’s not my fault I’ve been a terrible boyfriend to every woman I’ve dated! And it definitely doesn’t imply anything!” (X-Men: Black Sun #3)
“Hey! That’s my favorite nipple you almost cut off!” (X-Men: Black Sun #4)
Dude needs to hydrate. (X-Men: Black Sun #4)
We’d normally say not to mess with perfection, but that’s not a bad evolution of the Phoenix costume! (X-Men: Black Sun #4)
Now that’s a demon. Well, Ru’tai. (X-Men: Black Sun #4)
The origin of Magik’s bare midriff! (X-Men: Black Sun #4)
You’re missing a bloodstone and a Banshee! (X-Men: Black Sun #5)
Paging Doctor Belmont… (X-Men: Black Sun #5)
Way better than throwing a Poké Ball. (X-Men: Black Sun #5)
Hey, now there are SIX bloodstones! At least Belasco’s throne is rad. (X-Men: Black Sun #5)
From the Arcane Tome of Evil Fashion. (X-Men: Black Sun #5)
BOOM! (X-Men: Black Sun #5)
What if Magik was She-Ra? (X-Men: Black Sun #5)
NEXT TIME: Magik gets metal.

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