Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

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244 – Terminal Nudity

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which X-Men don’t get to take vacations; Jay makes a somewhat belated announcement; sometimes Gambit is legitimately pretty cool; the assassins get a day-glo-up; The Crow holds up surprisingly well; Gambit gets exiled again; and Artie and Leech damn well better get to live happily ever after.

X-PLAINED:

  • Rogue and Gambit’s honeymoon
  • A thing that Jay is working on
  • Brood Trouble in the Big Easy
  • Bella Donna Boudreaux
  • Gambit #1-4
  • The New Orleans trilogy
  • “X-Ternally Yours”
  • The tithe collector
  • Things about which your mama may or may not have warned you
  • Dramatic captions
  • Candra
  • The Thieves’ and Assassins’ Guilds
  • The pact
  • Julian Boudreaux (again)
  • Henri LeBeau and his mustache
  • Critical nudity
  • Terminal nudity
  • Marius Boudreaux
  • Accent inconsistencies
  • Draping
  • Jean Luc LeBeau
  • Treachery most foul
  • (Select elements of) Gamit’s origin story
  • How thieves get kids
  • Gambit as a romantic hero
  • Ungrateful children of the Marvel Universe
  • Petite Chou
  • Clubbing with Gambit
  • Subtlety (for some value of the term)
  • Lifestyles of the rich and immortal
  • The Church of Lost Thieves
  • The Elixir of Life
  • An undersold side effect
  • A very lucky break
  • Artie and Leech’s probable adult lives
  • Villains we’d like to see on the X-Men

NEXT EPISODE: Rogue!

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262 – Science Fiction Double Feature

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which the Phalanx would make pretty fun novelty candy; “B-Plot” implies that we only have 26; nobody will take Jubilee to the movies; Repo Man and Repo: The Genetic Opera are in fact two entirely different films; Storm is a fashion icon; Sabretooth is the monster in the basement; it’s really rough to be the kid on the X-Men; Yuko gives Gambit a shovel talk; and a number of familiar faces return to the page.

X-PLAINED:

  • One of the many problems with Sentinels
  • Uncanny X-Men #311-313
  • Whether the Phalanx is squishy
  • Robo-Candy
  • Plotline disambiguation
  • A cult classic
  • Carl the X-Cutioner (again)
  • Creative use of Bishop’s powers
  • Storm fashion
  • Technical difficulties
  • A decision Iceman will come to regret
  • Bishop vs. Sabretooth
  • What If Vol. 2 #87
  • Variations on Iceman’s appearance
  • Early seeds of Generation X
  • A night out with Yukio
  • A heavily euphemized relationship
  • Xavier’s mutant underground
  • The Phalanx
  • A shovel talk
  • The return of Steven Lang (and some other people)
  • How Cyclops cries
  • Cassandra Nova’s signature look

NEXT EPISODE: Additional and Varyingly Literal Blasts from the Past

NOTE: Per our expert source Doctor Internet, what Miles knows as “water weenies” are mostly sold as “water wigglers” or “water snakes.”

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245 – Natural Causes

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Rogue flouts air traffic regulations; Jay is very sorry for how badly he butchers Gambit’s accent; stealth is directly proportionate to how loudly you dress; Rogue and Gambit win the gold in Pairs Punchin’; Candra is a big jerk; you should ABSOLUTELY NOT remove an impaled object; Rogue busts through some tropes; and we have complicated feelings about the Ultimate universe.

X-PLAINED:

  • Rogue’s biological parents
  • Marvel New Orleans
  • Brood Trouble in the Big Easy
  • Rogue/rogue disambiguation
  • Rogue #1-4
  • Bella Donna Boudreaux
  • What may or may not happen if Rogue kisses a Transformer
  • Cody Robbins (again)
  • Natural causes
  • Supervillain funeral crashers (again)
  • Inverse Ninja Law (Law of Conservation of Ninjutsu)
  • The Bill the Pony incident
  • Relative culpability
  • Nature vs. nurture
  • Tante Mattie (Mattie Baptiste)
  • Candra’s new threads
  • How long it takes to drive from Westchester, NY, to Caledcott, MI
  • How Jay learned to love Gambit (but not to stop worrying)
  • Gris-Gris
  • Lapin
  • Fifolet
  • Punching hallucinations
  • Questa
  • Knives as superpowers
  • Inversions of several gendered superhero tropes
  • Closure
  • The limits of intent
  • Magnetos’ (sometimes) kids’ hair
  • Whether we’ll cover Ultimate X-Men

NEXT EPISODE: Spiky boys, yelling!

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As Mentioned in Episode 245 – Natural Causes

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
I love this cover, and I love this series. (Rogue #1)
I wonder if she just kisses planes every once in a while just in case one turns out to be a Transformer. (Rogue #1)
And that’s how we deal with street harassers. (Rogue #1)
Rogue’s backstory has stayed remarkably consistent over the years, especially by X-Men standards. (Rogue #1)
Gambit’s awkward facial expressions in this series are absolutely delightful. (Rogue #1)
Oh. THIS guy. (Rogue #1)
Meanwhile in a late ’80s music video… (Rogue #1)
The Assassins’ guild has the weirdest cell phone plans. (Rogue #1)
Gambit gets a lot more interesting when you realize his flirting is largely performative. (Rogue #2)
The uncontested champions of Pairs’ Punching! (Rogue #2)
Oh, hell, yeah. (Rogue #2)
As a responsible teacher, Wolverine makes sure to brief all his students about Inverse Ninja Law. (Rogue #3)
“I WAS coming up with new cheers, but den you showed up on dat motorcycle.” (Rogue #3)
I didn’t notice this my first time through, but what the HELL is going on with Lapin’s facial hair? (Rogue #3)
Oh. Hell. Yeah. (Rogue #3)
OH HELL YEAH (Rogue #4)
Seriously, why is Cody eight years old? (Rogue #4)
NEXT EPISODE: Pointy boys, yelling!

LINKS & FURTHER ADVENTURES:

As Mentioned in Episode 280 – Business-Casual Basilisk

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Agent Coulson of Earth-1218 is mostly in it for the belly rubs.
What you see is what you get; and what you get is a large man with large guns and large feelings. (Bishop #1)
The gravitas of the X.S.E. is somewhat undercut by the fact that Bishop’s gun very clearly uses Nerf ammo. (Bishop #1)
You see what I mean about the shirt, right? (Bishop #1)
Do you think the other future criminals made fun of Mountjoy for not wearing a bunch of neon or having a mullet? (Bishop #1)
Bishop X-plains Mountjoy. (Bishop #1)
This effect is so creepy! (Bishop #1)
It’s okay, buddy. We’ve all been there. Sort of. Not really. (Bishop #2)
The utter disconnect between the expressions in this one is such a good detail. (Bishop #2)
TFW your holographic sister will not sit like a normal person on your futuristic bladed motorcycle. (Bishop #2)
Additional evidence against Hancock being Cyclops: he probably wouldn’t imply that his optic blasts generate heat. (Bishop #3)
Mountjoy is everyone! (Bishop #4)
NEXT EPISODE: Callasantos family reunion!

280 – Business-Casual Basilisk

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which the future is not great at codenames; spot foil is cool as hell; Mountjoy is bafflingly business-themed; Bishop goes full Point Break; Jean Grey and Lorna Dane should absolutely be friends; and Jay & Miles are heading to ECCC 2020!

X-PLAINED:

  • Lola vs. L.O.L.A.
  • A very good cat
  • Bishop #1-4
  • Lucas Bishop
  • Earth-1191
  • X.S.E.
  • A surprising convergence
  • Guilt
  • Bantam
  • Mountjoy
  • Some terrible banter
  • Several nontraditional modes of possession
  • Shard Bishop
  • How the kids talk these days
  • Hancock
  • Fashion of the future
  • A complex ethical struggle

NEXT EPISODE: More Cats references.

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 288 – Cape Citadel Remix

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
The brightness of this cover is so distinctive among the generally dark aesthetic of AoA. (X-Men: Chronicles #1)
Scenic Wundagore Mountain. Don’t get too attached. (X-Men: Chronicles #1)
It’s weird how functional their relationship is in this timeline. (X-Men: Chronicles #1)
Dig those primary colors! (X-Men: Chronicles #1)
Ugh, THAT guy. (X-Men: Chronicles #1)
“Also, we’re gonna divide you all up into guilds.” (X-Men: Chronicles #1)
Aw, kiddo. (X-Men: Chronicles #1)
Ah, yes, the traditional horsemen of Death, War, Gideon, Candra, and Sabretooth. (X-Men: Chronicles #1)
This guy is going to get immolated and then change his name to Holocaust, because he makes universally poor choices. (X-Men: Chronicles #1)
Meanwhile on ao3… (X-Men: Chronicles #1)
I like how retro Apocalypse is at the beginning of Earth-295 his rise. (X-Men: Chronicles #1)
So, yeah, that’s Wolverine. (X-Men: Chronicles #2)
I JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND THE SHOULDERS (X-Men: Chronicles #2)
“Who has the least healthy boundaries?” (X-Men: Chronicles #2)
The X-Men’s presence is about 50/50 concern/ogling. (X-Men: Chronicles #2)
Nope. (X-Men: Chronicles #2)
How not to ask your crush out, starring Remy LeBeau, Disaster Bisexual. (X-Men: Chronicles #2)
Any time they have sex. every credit card in the mansion ends up demagnetized. (X-Men: Chronicles #2)
TFW canon sticks an OTP in your OT3. (X-Men: Chronicles #2)
Seriously, HOW? (X-Men: Chronicles #2)
NEXT EPISODE: Somehow, Summers family reunions get even worse.

254 – Carry Each Other

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Nicole Miller is fashion designer to Earth-1218 and Earth-616, Jay rejects the word “bestest”, we kind of want to just read every word of X-Men #30 aloud, One is a perfect wedding song for Scott and Jean, and you save the last dance for who brought you.

X-PLAINED:

  • The perils of animated weddings
  • X-Men: The Wedding Album
  • Nonstandard trim sizes
  • Misattributed Oscar Wilde quotes
  • Shatterstar’s favorite Olympic event
  • Jean Grey’s short-lived modeling career
  • Computo, Commander of the Robot Hive
  • A most excellent wedding dress
  • Cursive fonts in comics
  • Jean Grey and Jubilation Lee, ambiguously excellent chosen family
  • X-Men #30
  • An event decades in the making
  • Wolverine, Master of Penmanship
  • Charles Xavier, reader stand-in
  • The largely forgotten Madelyne Pryor
  • The understandably tentative Rachel Summers
  • The bow-tie scene
  • A phenomenal two-page spread
  • A set of perfect vows
  • A bittersweet song for a bittersweet couple
  • Victor Creed, vengeful kitty-cat
  • Rogue and Gambit, best worst wedding guests
  • Video albums vs. Instagram
  • Beast and Banshee, jazz combo
  • Scott and Jean as a couple vs. individuals
  • The necessity of Scott and Jean’s relationship context

NEXT EPISODE: Goodbye, Phoenix. Hello, Britanic.

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

As Mentioned in Episode 290 – The Obvious, the Silly, and the True

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Magneto is definitely bowling in this picture, right? (Astonishing X-Men #1)
I dunno if I’d call them astonishing, but they’ll do. (Astonishing X-Men #1)
Magneto’s X-Men are AT LEAST 50% more dramatic than Xavier’s, and I’m okay with that. (Astonishing X-Men #1)
We would x-plain Rex; but he’s honestly just some guy. (Astonishing X-Men #1)
The first thing Apocalypse did upon seizing power was dissolve OSHA. (Astonishing X-Men #1)
Okay, he’s got his moments. (Astonishing X-Men #1)
This is just incandescently delightful. (Astonishing X-Men #1)
Best character design in the AoA. (Astonishing X-Men #2)
Is the lake of blood literal, metaphorical, or both? You be the judge! (Astonishing X-Men #2)
THIS. PERFECT. TWIST. (Astonishing X-Men #2)
Spoiler: No, and no. (Astonishing X-Men #2)
Kinda disappointed that we never got to see this play. (Astonishing X-Men #3)
kyle no (Astonishing X-Men #3)
Is.. is Sabretooth not allowed to say “Hell”? (Astonishing X-Men #3)
Still not as weird as force-feeding superheroes baby food. (Astonishing X-Men #3)
Sure, why not? (Astonishing X-Men #3)
Now you’re thinking with portals! (Astonishing X-Men #4)
And he didn’t even quit the team once! (Astonishing X-Men #4)
Morph is a goof, but he’s also by far the most emotionally literate of the X-Men. (Astonishing X-Men #4)
Rogue is DONE with this event. (Astonishing X-Men #4)
NEXT EPISODE: The beginning of a descent into madness!

As Mentioned in Episode 277 – Hedgehogs of Cairo

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Sauron has hella abs… (X-Men Unlimited #6)
…and apparently a come-hither gaze? (X-Men Unlimited #6)
Sauron’s backstory is a wild ride even by Silver Age standards. (X-Men Unlimited #6)
“Also, I get three mana of any color.” (X-Men Unlimited #6)
That’s our Sauron! (X-Men Unlimited #6)
Karl Lykos is a cheerful guy. (X-Men Unlimited #6)
They say it’s the smell, but I bet the other pterosaurs are actually judging him for his jorts. (X-Men Unlimited #6)
Meanwhile in Cairo… (X-Men Unlimited #7)
It really doesn’t seem like Candra should be able to bend her arms and legs. (X-Men Unlimited #7)
Truly, a fancy beard. (X-Men Unlimited #7)
Urchins: 1, Gambit: 0. (X-Men Unlimited #7)
Later, this kid will be retconned to have been imaginary. Don’t think too hard about it. (X-Men Unlimited #7)
STEALTH! (X-Men Unlimited #7)
X-Men vs. Urchins. (X-Men Unlimited #7)
Seriously, Candra, Storm will stab you in a sewer and not even care. (X-Men Unlimited #7)
NEXT EPISODE: Sex?

LINKS & FURTHER DINOSAURS