Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

Tag: Dracula

As Mentioned in Episode 517 – Sliding Scale Ransom

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What If vol. 2 #9
Behold: a moppet! (What If vol. 2 #9)
Can you imagine how creepy he looks in the mask, just going about his business? (What If vol. 2 #9)
It also activates whenever there’s a really good sale at Safeway. (What If vol. 2 #9)
Namorita is a delight. (What If vol. 2 #9)
The All-Newer, All-Differenter X-Men! (What If vol. 2 #9)
What If vol. 2 #24
The giant werewolf body with Wolverine’s li’l head really never stops being funny. (What If vol. 2 #24)
Sure, why not? (What If vol. 2 #24)
Considering what you already pay for regular weapons, I don’t think silver bullets are actually gonna be that much of a change. (What If vol. 2 #24)
Frank Punisher, Vampire Hunter! (What If vol. 2 #24)
This dork. (What If vol. 2 #24)
What If: Magik #1
Aw, they’re both so bad at being people. (What If: Magik #1)
Now, THAT is what I call a montage. (What If: Magik #1)
I’M NOT CRYING YOU’RE CRYING (What If: Magik #1)
I want a whole ongoing set in this timeline. (What If: Magik #1)
NEXT EPISODE: Unspooling the X-Gene, with Dr. Jey McCreight!

LINKS & FURTHER HORRORS

517 – Sliding Scale Ransom

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In which we totally forgot to record a cold open (sorry); a lot of characters die (but not in Earth-616); Vampires may already be in command of America’s atomic arsenal; and we revisit a favorite.

X-PLAINED:

  • What If vol. 2 #9
  • What If vol. 2 #24
  • What If: Magik #1
  • Rahne Sinclair (moppet stage)
  • The deaths of the Silver Age and All-New-All-Different X-Men
  • Fancy television
  • Sliding-scale ransom
  • Then Ani-Men, somewhat
  • The Living LASER, somewhat
  • An orgy of satiation
  • Wolverine, Lord of the Vampires
  • Several highlights of Tarot: Witch of the Black Rose
  • Vampire nonsense
  • The Darkhold
  • The Montessi Formula
  • Some alligators
  • August 5
  • Frank Punisher, Vampire Hunter
  • What If vol. 2 #37 (briefly)
  • A kinder alternate history
  • A singularly beautiful montage
  • The Soul Staff
  • Summers family connections
  • How Wolverine climbs

NEXT EPISODE: Unspooling the X-Gene, with Dr. Jey McCreight!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 488 – There Goes the Moon (Mutant X May, Part 3)

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Color-coded Horsemen of Apocalypse! (Mutant X #19)
What’s the magic word? (Mutant X #19)
Someone let that flying aerobics instructor in! The rain is going to wreck her hair! (Mutant X #20)
That A on his belt stands for Ally! (Mutant X #20)
Note that Charles Xavier’s Evil Mullet is never seen outside of these two panels. (Mutant X #21)
Not a bad riff on the Phoenix costume, honestly. (Mutant X #21)
And then Professor X turned into Doctor Fate. (Mutant X #22)
“That’s right, my friends! We must strike Galactus with every color of the traffic light!” (Mutant X #22)
You ever have a dream where someone is mean to you and then you’re still mad at them when you see them in real life? (Mutant X #23)
Behold! Bargain-basement X-Man, with bonus moppets! (Mutant X #23)
Just a hell of a cover. (Mutant X #24)
Why would you put a portal to the Negative Zone in the goddamn FLOOR?! At least put up a guard rail or something! I’m calling OSHA! (Mutant X #24)
Spoiler: they all just go to a bar. (Mutant X #25)
Flowers for Beast-gernon. (Yes, yes, we know Algernon is the mouse.) (Mutant X #25)
ah jeez (Mutant X #25)
It’s cool, Bloodstorm. We’ve all been there. (Mutant X #26)
The Marauders! (Mutant X #26)
Meet Dagger. And also sorta Cloak. (Mutant X #27)
Awwwwww (Mutant X #27)
Okay, that kid is way too chill. (Mutant X #28)
That’s way better than Evil Xavier’s mullet! (Mutant X #29)
Why, it’s the brand new Sabre-Roaster 3000, as seen on TV! (Mutant X #29)
Plus Iron Giant Man, but he’s too big for this panel! (Mutant X #30)
(This caption intentionally left blank) (Mutant X #31)
After this, they blow up the moon! (Mutant X #31)
The Beyonder x-plains Mutant X! And also eats Captain America. (Mutant X Annual 2001)
It’s really hard to pick a favorite! (Mutant X Annual 2001)
Benjamin E. Yonder, you put the population of New York City down right now! (Mutant X Annual 2001)
Well, I would have said “WHAT?!” (Mutant X #32)
Dracula dies not with a bang, but with a PFFFT. (Mutant X #32)
*sniffle* (Mutant X #32)
Goodbye, Earth-1298. It’s been a hell of a ride. (Mutant X #32)
NEXT TIME: Black ops in black leather!

488 – There Goes the Moon (Mutant X May, Part 3)

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In which we reap the consequences of our choices; possession is 18/10 of the law; Sinister dresses for the occasion; Hank gets his groove back; Havok of Earth-1298 is a jerk; Hank loses his groove; Captain America blows up the moon; the Beyonder experiences a stirring; Dracula makes a deal; and Mutant X May comes to an end.

X-PLAINED:

  • The aftermath of Mutant X
  • Mutant X #19-32
  • Mutant X Annual 2001
  • The story so far
  • Character color coding
  • Some telepathic misdirection
  • Apocalypse of Earth-1298
  • Charles Xavier of Earth-1298
  • Professor X’s Juggernaut-fightin’ mullet
  • A whole lot of possession
  • Fake Galactus
  • Several fears
  • X-Man of Earth-1298
  • Child batteries
  • The worst place for a portal to the Negative Zone
  • How Hank McCoy became the Brute
  • Vampire problems
  • The Marauders of Earth-1298
  • The Outcasts of Earth-1298
  • Cloak & Dagger of Earth-1298
  • James Hudson of Earth-1298
  • The Avengers of Earth-1298
  • The Beyonder of Earth-1298 who is also kind of the Goblin Force
  • Several additional superheroes
  • A last stand
  • The appeal of alternate timelines
  • Earth-1298’s best glow-ups

NEXT EPISODE: Attack of the Meatspore Stormtroopers!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 487 – The Only Well-Adjusted Cyclops in the Multiverse (Mutant X May, Part 2)

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…the 2025 story. (Mutant X #9)
The Morlocks! (Mutant X #9)
A damned fine Magneto indeed. (Mutant X #9)
Polaris from X-Factor meets Terra from Final Fantasy VI. (Mutant X #10)
Nightcrawler-1298 can buckle our swashes anytime. (Mutant X #10)
The rest of the X-Men! (Mutant X #10)
The weather is wild today. (Mutant X #11)
I think this might be a big deal, you guys. (Mutant X #12)
Drama! (Mutant X #12)
The Goblin Queen falls. (Mutant X #12)
The secondary theme of Mutant X is the relationship between Ororo Munroe and rodents. (Mutant X #13)
Someone missed the memo about Diaphanous Romper Fridays. (Mutant X #13)
Ninja versus vampire: a tale as old as time. (Mutant X #13)
The most well-adjusted Cyclops in the Multiverse (and friends)! (Mutant X #14)
Bros! (Mutant X #14)
Meet Katherine Pryde, Black Queen of the Hellfire Club; Sebastian Shaw in an iron lung; palette-swapped Captain America; and Sunfire! (Mutant X #15)
De T’ieves Guild. (Mutant X #16)
A thief and a t’ief. (Mutant X Annual 2000)
“Dear Diary, only you understand me.” (Mutant X Annual 2000)
The origin of Gampire/Vambit. (Mutant X Annual 2000)
That first panel is just adorable. (Mutant X Annual 2000)
What a great guy, that Cap! Hope he doesn’t blow up the moon or anything later. (Mutant X #17)
And again: bros! (Mutant X #17)
Seems fine. (Mutant X #18)
Hey, that’s our podcast’s schtick! No swiping! (Mutant X #18)
NEXT TIME: The end of Mutant X May!

487 – The Only Well-Adjusted Cyclops in the Multiverse (Mutant X May, Part 2)

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In which Mutant X May continues; the X-Men return from space; it’s okay not to fill in every detail of a world; Havok leans into parenthood; we meet the only well-adjusted Cyclops in the multiverse; in any universe, Forge has terrible judgment; and the Six get some new members.

X-PLAINED:

  • Several notable upcoming events in Mutant X
  • What’s happened so far
  • Mutant X #9-18
  • Mutant X Annual 2000
  • The Morlocks of Earth-1298
  • The Mole Man of Earth-1298
  • The Yancy Street Underground
  • Magneto of Earth-1298
  • Superhero costume color theory
  • Polaris of Earth-1298
  • The X-Men of Earth-1298
    • Magneto
    • Polaris
    • Nightcrawler
    • Rogue
    • Mystique
    • Quicksilver
  • The Goblin Entity
  • Doctor Doom of Earth-1298
  • Namor of Earth-1298
  • The origin of Bloodstorm
  • Dracula’s fellas
  • The Starjammers of Earth-1298
    • Cyclops
    • Binary
    • Nova
    • Lockheed
    • Silver Surfer
  • Space alien problems
  • A fairly literal deus ex machina
  • Captain America of Earth-1298
  • A terrible idea
  • The United Guild of Thieves and Assassins
  • Gambit of Earth-1298
  • Raven LeBeau
  • The origin of Vampire Gambit
  • Mister Sinister of Earth-1298
  • Jean Grey of Earth-1298
  • Where Scott Summers of Earth-1298 ranks on the Cyclops Has a Good Day scale
  • Where to put X-logos on a costume

NEXT EPISODE: Mutant X May concludes!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!

 

As Mentioned in Episode 441 – Dracu-tastic

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Sadly, not a sequel to Banshee’s Angels. (Generation X #48)
I mean, once or twice for most of them, but that’s considered pretty healthy by X-standards. (Generation X #48)
DO NOT TRUST THAT MAN JONO (Generation X #48)
I wish I could have all my arguments while fighting Asgardian trolls. (Generation X #48)
I feel like a lot of women end up making that face at Chamber. (Generation X #48)
Fair point, Gaia, albeit one that raises a number of questions… as do all your points. (Generation X #48)
Husk’s breakup haircut, meet Maggott’s cartoon hearts. (Generation X #49)
Constantine Francis Slaughter IV, level 60 Dwarven Hunter. (Generation X #49)
It’s probably good for Iceman’s self esteem that he never really hung out with Chamber. (Generation X #49)
Emma Frost x-plains Emma Frost. (Generation X #49)
Over the next 26 issues, Adrienne Frost will proceed to ruin absolutely everything. (Generation X #49)
Better or worse than syncing with Glob Herman? (Generation X #49)
Jay cannot even with this face. (Generation X / Dracula Annual 1998)
This issue – the highly collectible first appearance of Jubilee’s bunny slippers! (Generation X / Dracula Annual 1998)
Such good horror movie staging. (Generation X / Dracula Annual 1998)
Look at these awesome weirdos. (Generation X / Dracula Annual 1998)
“BAT!” (Generation X / Dracula Annual 1998)
“It’s the Scary Vampire, Charlie Brown!” (Generation X / Dracula Annual 1998)
And then Dracula’s ghoul gave Chamber the D. (Generation X / Dracula Annual 1998)
Jubilee versus fonts. (Generation X / Dracula Annual 1998)
We’ve all been there, kid. (Generation X / Dracula Annual 1998)
Chamber’s Kirby krackle! Dracula’s impossibly long bloody claws! Husk’s deathly pallor! (Generation X / Dracula Annual 1998)
Man, no one’s powers ever look as cool as when Synch uses them. (Generation X / Dracula Annual 1998)
A for effort, though. (Generation X / Dracula Annual 1998)
NEXT TIME: Victor Von Doom X-Plains the X-Men.

LINKS AND FURTHER READING

  • We talked about Dracula here and here!
  • Wet Leg probably met Dracula too.

441 – Dracu-tastic

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In which Banshee should eat the rich; the real Monet is way more of a jerk than the fake one; the Marvel Universe is the world inside your brain-case; Maggott joins and quits Generation X at almost the speed of Sunfire; Dracula gives Chamber the D; and if Jay and Miles die in this episode, they die in real life.

X-PLAINED:

  • Dracula as a universal standard
  • Earth-441
  • Generation X #48-49
  • The missed potential of 13,000-year-old teenager Gaia
  • The Jay Faerber run of Generation X
  • Emma and Banshee’s forgotten X-friendship
  • That time that Moira ripped off Banshee’s skin and wore it like a Halloween costume (again)
  • Cordelia Frost, Emma’s younger sister
  • Adrienne Frost, Emma’s older sister
  • Interpersonal arguments by way of Asgardian combat scenarios
  • Jubilee, fox; versus M, scorpion
  • Alaska, moping capital of the Marvel Universe
  • Clever scene transitions
  • Constantine Francis Slaughter IV and his mustache
  • Puberty as body horror
  • Husk’s breakup haircut
  • Slug emulation
  • Generation X / Dracula Annual 1998
  • The Council of Cross-Time Draculas
  • Chamber’s goofy face
  • Vampire fonts
  • Jubilee’s bunny slippers
  • Charlie Brown in Snow Valley
  • Count von Count (again)
  • Monsters as class metaphor
  • What would happen if Synch synced with Legion
  • Who would pronounce Cable like Britta Perry pronounces bagel

NEXT EPISODE: Victor Von Doom X-Plains the X-Men.

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 223 – Live at Vegas Valley Comic Book Festival

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
We went to Vegas Valley Comic Book Fest!
Possibly the grooviest Dracula-related cover ever published. (X-Men Annual #6)
HELL, YEAH, IT’S DRACULA! (X-Men Annual #6)
Kitty is having SO MANY FEELINGS, and you will NEVER UNDERSTAND! (X-Men Annual #6)
Check out Cyclops and Nightcrawler exchanging a look, like, “Parents? What the hell are those?” (X-Men Annual #6)
This panel is actually a pretty good encapsulation of what I remember about being 13. (X-Men Annual #6)
TBH, a lot of Kitty’s dreams probably start like this. (X-Men Annual #6)
THAT’S NOT A BAT. (X-Men Annual #6)
Dracula is probably the only person who looked at a bright green catsuit and yellow pouches and thought “stealth.” He’s mysterious like that. (X-Men Annual #6)
Ah, 13: that tender age when a young girl’s heart turns to eldritch summonings. (X-Men Annual #6)
Dracula, that’s really the kind of thing you should be keeping track of. (X-Men Annual #6)
[Eliot Spencer voice] “It’s a very distinctive sound effect.” (X-Men Annual #6)
How does Nightcrawler know the Montesi Formula? Who knows? Who cares? He’s a good pal. (X-Men Annual #6)
OH, SNAP. (X-Men Annual #6)
That’s our Wolvie! (X-Men Annual #6)
Lilith really looks like she’s visiting from an Archie comic. (X-Men Annual #6)
Skids and Northstar!
NEXT EPISODE: Fix the future!

And here’s a bonus gallery of Jay’s convention sketches:

Quentin Quire is indisputably the Nancy of the X-Men.
Warlock!
Smol Magneto.
Iceman assures you that he is rad.

LINKS & FURTHER GAMBLES:

223 – Live at Vegas Valley Comic Book Festival

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Dracula probably doesn’t drink his blood from a World’s Greatest Dad mug; Miles massively underestimates the cultural ubiquity of Sexy Dracula; Bill Sienkiewicz may or may not have ever seen a bat; Kitty gets possessed; and Dazzler is singularly well suited to a Vegas residency.

X-PLAINED:

  • Dracula’s ungrateful children
  • Marvel Dracula
  • A fortuitously named writer
  • Rachel Van Helsing
  • X-Men #159 (again) (briefly)
  • Sexy Dracula
  • The secret origin of sexy Draculas
  • Fastball Special body mechanics
  • X-Men Annual #6
  • A nightmare
  • “Bats”
  • Yet another Castle Dracula
  • The Montesi Formula
  • Sound effects, spoken or otherwise
  • Lilith
  • Chairs
  • The relative efficacy of holy symbols against Dracula
  • X-Vegas
  • Characters we have grown to love as a result of the podcast

NEXT EPISODE: Fix the future!

Check out the visual companion to this episode–along with Jay’s convention sketches–on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)