Graydon Creed – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

As Mentioned in Episode 249 – The Parent Trap

May 26, 2019 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here!

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Sieniewicz, ahoy! (X-Men Unlimited #3)

I can’t stop imagining some poor craftsman meticulously working on this window and then disappearing forever. (X-Men Unlimited #3)

We have fun. (X-Men Unlimited #3)

“We’ll kill him sometime between 8 AM and maybe about 1 PM on Monday, unless we have to cancel.” (X-Men Unlimited #3)

I like this guy. He’s sensible and he dresses like a Capcom protagonist. (X-Men Unlimited #3)

Spoiler: Nah. (X-Men Unlimited #3)

Maverick is pretty much the worst houseguest. (X-Men Unlimited #3)

THAT FACE. (X-Men Unlimited #3)

Supersenses out of nowhere would be pretty awful. (X-Men Unlimited #3)

Damn, Creed. (X-Men Unlimited #3)

I like that it’s unclear which of them constitutes the main threat in this horror scene. (X-Men Unlimited #3)

How much funnier would this cover have been with Graydon? (X-Men Unlimited #4)

Mystique takes pride in her murder-work. (X-Men Unlimited #4)

After he storms out, the camera goes soft-focus and she sings “Somewhere That’s Green.” (X-Men Unlimited #4)

Parenting lessons with Kurt Wagner! (X-Men Unlimited #4)

Mystique is so classy. (X-Men Unlimited #4)

Nobody will tell him. It’s the tragedy equivalent of a running joke. (X-Men Unlimited #4)

This kid! (X-Men Unlimited #4)

Family is where the skulls are. (X-Men Unlimited #4)

And you thought Summers family reunions were awkward! (X-Men Unlimited #4)

Moms, amirite? (X-Men Unlimited #4)

Oof, that footnote. (X-Men Unlimited #4)

Family! (X-Men Unlimited #4)

NEXT EPISODE: Fabian Nicieza!

LINKS & FURTHER MUTATIONS:

Go look at Peter Nguyen’s Gifted illustrations and cry for the comics that might have been!

249 – The Parent Trap

May 26, 2019 Jay 7 comments

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In which Sabretooth is weirdly ubiquitous; Maverick is a terrible guest; not all second chances are equivalent; Graydon Creed is the red delicious apple of people; Mystique is the master of murder monologues; and the Darkholmes give the Summers family a run for its dysfunctional money.

X-PLAINED:

X-Men Unlimited #3-4
Sabretooth (more) (again)
Emergency back-up Wolverine
Faces
A stained-glass window that is probably a metaphor
Evocation
Maverick’s nose
Maverick’s manners
Commcast (but not that one)
Sabretooth’s mind
The “mystery” of Nightcrawler’s parentage
Mystique’s murder monologues
Killing Eve
The skull of friendship
Several versions of Nightcrawler’s backstory
Glove magic
One way to get out of an awkward family conversation
The ‘90s X-Men cartoon
Character migration between media

NEXT EPISODE: Fabian Nicieza!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 247 – The Butt-Kick Scale

May 12, 2019 Jay 5 comments

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In French, Sabretooth’s name is “Dents du Sabre,” and it’s not nearly as menacing. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1)

“Fetch the pestridder, Birdy–We’ve got ninjas in the rutabagas.” (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1)

As seen in Marvel vs. Capcom !(Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1)

Sabretooth is a terrible boss, but marginally better than the Hand, maybe, I guess. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1)

Ah, yes, the sound of telepathic soothing: PHOOOOOO. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1)

Note the arms and the axe. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1)

TURBO-SABRETOOTH! (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1)

Tribune: Banker. Politician. Pundit. Supervillain. Definitely about to go to BotCon cosplaying his OC. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1)

This series has consistently excellent covers. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #2)

I was going to make an Elements of Style joke based on that sound effect, but it seemed like kind of a stretch. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #2)

HI, MYSTIQUE! (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #2)

Do you think Mystique spends an inordinate amount of time researching who from the pasts of people she knows will make them the most uncomfortable? Probably. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #2)

I’m not saying this is peak Mystique; but I’m also not saying it’s not. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #2)

Sabretooth: Death Hunt #3: Large Angry Men Yelling!

TEETH. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #3)

I appreciate this panel so damn much. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #3)

“Look at us: just a pair of stone cold badasses doing stone-cold badass stuff.” (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #3)

‘Kay. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #3)

HOW DID HE FIT THE PAULDRONS UNDER THE TUXEDO? (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #3)

I love that Mystique still has her cigarette holder. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #3)

rghrargh (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #4)

OKAY THEN (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #4)

YEP THIS SURE IS HAPPENING (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #4)

AND SO IS THIS (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #4)

SURE WHY NOT (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #4)

AND THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER PROBABLY (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #4)

NEXT EPISODE: There should be leprechauns, and there aren’t, and I’m still angry about it.

And now, for your edutainment, a selection of Mark Trail panels, presented in no particular order:

marktrail_a_little_something_about_wildlife

LINKS & FURTHER WOODLAND CREATURES:

Experience the magic of Mark Trail for yourself.
If Jay wrote a Mark Trail parody Twitter account–which we’re certainly not admitting that he does–it would probably read exactly like this one.
The D- Poems of Jeremy Bloom is one of many delightful novels by Gordon Korman, who was a mainstay of Jay’s childhood. (It’s so weird that there are Bruno & Boots movies now!)

247 – The Butt-Kick Scale

May 12, 2019 Jay 17 comments

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In which the Hand probably doesn’t even offer dental; literally everyone is less creepy than the Joker and Harley Quinn; toxic masculinity is Sabretooth’s adamantium; Mark Trail is a wild ride; Wolverine trashes the dress code and gets funky; Larry Hama is your god now; and Sabretooth: Death Hunt scores a solid six on the butt-kick scale.

X-PLAINED:

Mark Trail vs. X-Men
Sabretooth (Victor Creed)
Clones of Sabretooth
Birthday traditions
Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1-4
Ps[i don’t remember; that one guy]
Low-context ninjas
A somewhat tasteful omission, I guess
The glow (and its counterintuitive sound effect)
Turbo Sabretooth
Tribune (Graydon Creed)
Mark Trail
Affirmations with Sabretooth
“Leni Zauber”
Dress codes
The butt-kick scale
A tearaway tuxedo
Dubious grenade handling
Parenting with Mystique
One thing Wolverine knows
The CHK-LIT gun
Comics bankers
A very qualified recommendation
Our preferred versions of Sabretooth’s origin
Relative redeemability

NEXT EPISODE: Siena Blaze and the Mystery of the Missing Leprechauns!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 218 – Careful What You Lick

October 21, 2018 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

They are very excited to be here. (Uncanny X-Men #298)

This is exactly how we dress to watch TV, too. (Uncanny X-Men #298)

Ugh, THESE jerks. (Uncanny X-Men #298)

I mean, they were living there anyway, and it’s probably just as well that you saved them from being murdered, but you do you. (Uncanny X-Men #298)

Forge, you have never been reassuring in your life. (Uncanny X-Men #299)

Somewhere, a damp Magneto is skittering around waiting for his new carapace to harden. (Uncanny X-Men #299)

While I get that Warren’s intentions are probably good here, breaking into schools and holding the children while they sleep is generally frowned upon by LITERALLY EVERYONE. (Uncanny X-Men #299)

Look at him evade like a pro. (Uncanny X-Men #299)

BECAUSE WE WERE TOO MENNY (Uncanny X-Men #299)

Hank McCoy for President. (Uncanny X-Men #299)

I wish they just lied continually to Bishop about the modern world. (Uncanny X-Men #299)

Look at all those Xs! (Uncanny X-Men #300)

Forge, settle down, buddy. (Uncanny X-Men #300)

Iceman speaks for us all, here. (Uncanny X-Men #300)

PROFESSOR XAVIER IS KIND OF CREEPY. (Uncanny X-Men #300)

A good hug. (Uncanny X-Men #300)

And that’s why you always leave a note! Or don’t murder Magneto! One of those, probably! (Uncanny X-Men #300)

These villains are not wildly memorable. (Uncanny X-Men #300)

A rematch that’s been a long time coming. (Uncanny X-Men #300)

Even ’90s Cyclops has his moments. (Uncanny X-Men #300)

There’s the mutant metaphor, and then there’s the Jean Grey metaphor, which is related but not identical. (Uncanny X-Men #300)

“Magnets… I’ve had a few…” (Uncanny X-Men #300)

GLOWER. (Uncanny X-Men #300)

And then nobody was ever happy again. (Uncanny X-Men #300)

NEXT EPISODE: The Emma Frost Appreciation Society (feat. Seanan McGuire, Leah Williams, et. al.)

LINKS & FURTHER NONSENSE:

Come see us at Vegas Valley Comic Book Festival!
The delightful PDX Broadsides will also be there!
This episode involves a LOT of references to past story arcs. Here’s where you can hear us talk about those:
- Learn about one of the less obvious reasons not to masturbate with cacti in Episode 78 – The Eye Killers and Other Cautionary Tales.
- You can hear about the beginning of X-Men vol. 2 in Episode 178 – Giant-Size Special #6.
- We covered God Loves, Man Kills in Giant-Size Special #1.
You can see Miles’s childhood X-Men drawings in Jay & Miles Made a Zine About the X-Men, now available on Gumroad!

218 – Careful What You Lick

October 15, 2018 Jay 28 comments

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Subscribe: Google Podcasts | Spotify | Stitcher | RSS

In which X-Cutioner’s Song may be over, but its repercussions continue; Uncanny X-Men hits a major milestone; superhero comics are and always have been political; Bishop learns to banter; the X-Men gain an unlikely ally; and Magneto remains exceptionally difficult to kill.

X-PLAINED:

Jay & Miles at VVCBF
Uncanny X-Men #298-300
The Acolytes (more) (again)
The Upstarts (more) (again)
Several important lessons
A very fancy room
A very fancy brain
The unpleasant fate of Sharon Friedlander
The all-new, all-different Acolytes
Carmella Unuscione
The return of one of our favorite antagonists
A sick burn
The fate of Asteroid M
Molting
A debate
Graydon Creed (more) (again)
The tentative redemption of Robert Kelly
How to lose a debate with Joe Biden
A large number of prescient political references
Friends of Humanity
How to engage with a fascist in a televised debate
Noah DuBois
Fatale
A generic rural mob
Milan
A narratively convenient superpower
Amelia Voght
Seamus Mellencamp
Neophyte
The gospel of Magneto
A joyous reunion
The helmet that wouldn’t die
Ponytail ethics
Timelust
Several accents
The current state of Rogue’s powers

NEXT EPISODE: All Emma All Episode (feat. Seanan McGuire, Leah Williams, and more)!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

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