Hellions – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

As Mentioned in Episode 378 – The Unstoppable Huggernaut

July 10, 2022 Miles 2 comments

Listen to the episode here.

That is a lot of Cain Marko. (Juggernaut #1)

WE’VE GOT SMEK SIGN! WE’VE GOT SMEK SIGN! (Juggernaut #1)

I do not want to be in Juggernaut’s fraternity, please. (Juggernaut #1)

I honestly do not know whether D’Spayre or his chompy demons look cooler. (Juggernaut #1)

They’ve been busy. (Juggernaut #1)

Presenting Black Tom Cassidy’s forked beard and his forked… boots? (Juggernaut #1)

Same outfit as last time, but Spite looks rad as hell in this story. (Juggernaut #1)

Aww shit D’Spayre looks even cooler here (Juggernaut #1)

Even Juggernaut’s skeleton is beefy. (Juggernaut #1)

Jay disapproves of this butt. (Generation X Annual 1997)

“You can’t be Catseye! Your hair is wrong and you’re not talking like Yoda! Aaaaaaand also you’re dead!” (Generation X Annual 1997)

“Thanks for saying my logo right, Jubes.” (Generation X Annual 1997)

Aww, kids. (Generation X Annual 1997)

March 2020 – present (Generation X Annual 1997)

Nothing brings out backstory like a Fear Lord! (Generation X Annual 1997)

Did the power pairings of the current New Mutants run get their start here? Prrrrrobably not. (Generation X Annual 1997)

That’s one biiiiig leprechaun in that executioner’s hood. (Generation X Annual 1997)

When Chamber’s mutant powers first manifested, they destroyed not only his lower jaw and upper chest, but also his swole-ness. (Generation X Annual 1997)

NEXT TIME: Space fashion!

378 – The Unstoppable Huggernaut

July 10, 2022 Jay 12 comments

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In which our favorite(?) fear lord returns; Sirocco Sprawl is an extremely unpleasant fictional town; the Juggernaut is not a subtle man; we really need to get our hands on the Generation X novels; Tarot gets a logo font; and Banshee is menaced by spectral leprechauns.

X-PLAINED

Several Juggernauts
Soap Operas
D’Spayre (again)
D’Spayre vs. Nightmare
Juggernaut #1
Generation X Annual 1997
Magical pants
Juggernaut (Cain Marko) and what he’s been up to lately
Incidental reptiles
Sirocco Sprawl, NM
Marvin T. Rocksalt
A spree of cartoonish destruction
Spite (again)
Black Tom Cassidy (again)
A really cool skeleton
Generation X novels
Several episodes we should probably do someday
A very poorly-drawn butt
The Hellions (more) (again)
One way to put out a fire
Garden Plots with Skeletor
Several nightmare scenarios
Alex Summers’s adoptive family
What would happen if Super Doctor Astronaut Peter Corbeau met Cameron Hodge

NEXT EPISODE: Space!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

As Mentioned in Episode 255 – Rules of the Game

July 7, 2019 Jay 2 comments

Listen to the podcast here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

On one hand: Yes, it’s still a cool design. On the other hand: Remember when it wasn’t sexualized? (X-Force #32)

Any resemblance to Bill Watterson is entirely incidental, probably, maybe. (X-Force #32)

Oh. THEM. (X-Force #32)

Meanwhile in X-Men #29… (X-Force #32)

Meanwhile in a cameo in X-Men #29… (X-Force #32)

Paige Guthrie, during the two pages when she could briefly turn into a bird. (X-Force #32)

Yeah, that swimsuit is… improbable. (X-Force #32)

Fitzroy, now with knock-off Transformer armor! (X-Force #32)

The Gamesmaster X-Plains the current round. (New Warriors #45)

KARMA! We missed you!! (New Warriors #45)

You… you sure just said that, didn’t you? (New Warriors #45)

OH, SNAP. (New Warriors #45)

It kind of feels like a waste that he didn’t say “Let me slip into something more comfortable.” (X-Force #33)

DON’T PUT HUSK IN A CORNER! (X-Force #33)

Oh, no! Not… an unnecessarily complicated radial containment array! (X-Force #33)

Aw, Shinobi. (X-Force #33)

Bold of you to imply that you ever do otherwise. (New Warriors #46)

I considered zooming waaaay in and seeing if I could recognize anyone in this, but then I decided not to. (New Warriors #46)

Paige Guthrie plays to win. (New Warriors #46)

This is… a really, really big dangling thread. Dangling rope, maybe. (New Warriors #46)

NEXT EPISODE: Mullets of time and space!

LINKS & FURTHER LISTENING

Miles was on Unpacking the Power of the Power Pack, which you can listen to right here!
We were both all over the Internet in June.

255 – Rules of the Game

July 7, 2019 Jay 16 comments

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In which the Upstarts are the worst at Calvinball; Moonstar remains a non-mystery; Speedball gets a new costume; Shinobi Shaw never gets to finish a bath; Gamesmaster comes perilously close to getting context; Cable gets a new superpower; and Rahne Sinclair is too good for your crossover.

X-PLAINED:

The time Husk went evil
An anniversary
A guest appearance
X-Force #32-33
New Warriors #45-46
A crossover
A game
Younghunt
The semi-debut of Paige Guthrie
Deeply uncomfortable bathing-suit choices
A toy that never actually existed
The New Warriors
Justice (Vance Astrovik)
Night Thrasher (Dwayne Taylor)
Nova (Rich Rider)
Silhouette (Sil Chord)
Kymaera
Speedball (Robbie Baldwin)
Rage (Elvin Haliday)
Firestar (Angelica Jones) (more) (again)
A plan
Bantam
A lot of mind control
A very ambiguous game and its potential implications
Favorite ads
The narrative economy of resurrection

NEXT EPISODE: Mullets of time & space!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 225 – Class Reunion (feat. Austin Gorton)

December 2, 2018 Miles 2 comments

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

I miss when comics had dialogue on their covers! And when Emma Frost was ten feet tall. (New Warriors #10)

“Your uzi is no match for my very tall right boot!” (New Warriors #10)

If Emma’s telepathy weren’t invisible, this is exactly how viscerally violent it would look. (New Warriors #10)

Oh, Speedball – never change. Like, especially into a mopey edgelord with spikes inside his costume. (New Warriors #10)

Angelica Jones, you warm my heart. And also everything else. (New Warriors #10)

The tarot of the who now? (New Warriors #10)

You tell her, Firestar! (New Warriors #10)

Darick Robertson, you sure can draw… everything. (New Warriors #31)

Background-Cyclops is annoyed at the damned teenagers always hogging the phone line with their endless calls and their AOLs. (New Warriors #31)

Cannonball’s facial expression speaks for us all. (New Warriors #31)

Remember – neither of these women actually has flame powers! (New Warriors #31)

I bet there’s a long German word for the terror that comes from knowing you’re about to crash into your friend’s crotch at seventy miles per hour (and a second word for the terror that comes from being on the receiving end). (New Warriors #31)

Shine on, you justifiedly resentful diamond. (New Warriors #31)

That’s it. That’s the whole explanation. (New Warriors #31)

Emma Frost believes strongly in clear labels. (New Warriors #31)

I liked the yellow better, but this ain’t bad. (New Warriors #31)

Next time: X-Factor finally makes it to Genosha!

LINKS & FURTHER READING

We talked all about Firestar in Episode 42 – A Firestar Is Born
Check out Austin Gorton’s X-Aminations – writeups of every X-issue from 1963 on!
Listen to Austin on his podcast, A Very Special Episode!

225 – Class Reunion (feat. Austin Gorton)

December 2, 2018 Miles 16 comments

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In which we check in on Firestar and the New Warriors; superheroes often celebrate Bring Your Mom To The Amazon Day; Fabian Nicieza employs only the finest of lampshades; and Emma Frost still doesn’t apologize for blowing up that pony.

X-PLAINED:

Vance Astro(vik)
Penance (but not that one)
Austin Gorton’s X-Aminations
New Warriors #10
Firestar (Angelica Jones)
The New Warriors
Visual representations of invisible mutant powers
The Hellions (more) (again)
Tarot and her Morrisonian powers
Bevatrons
Oxy-cution
The inevitably increasing complexity of superhero origins
The Miracle of Microwaves
New Warriors #31
Nova Roma
Magma (Amara Aquilla) (or Allison Crestmere, I guess)
A brief and futile attempt at Roman soldier disambiguation
Empath and his large collection of red flags
Gender-based intuition
A massive, stupid, and quickly undone retcon
Super-nature versus super-nurture
The hypothetical psychological roots of Emma Frost’s fashion phases

NEXT EPISODE: X-Factor finally makes it to Genosha!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 180 – Lawful Badass

January 14, 2018 Jay 3 comments

Listen to the podcast here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

What you see is pretty much what you get. (Uncanny X-Men #281)

Cybernetic fuckboys. Don’t worry, they’re all going to die soon. For now. Mostly. (Uncanny X-Men #281)

That is… certainly some dialogue, there. (Uncanny X-Men #281)

And that’s why she’s the boss. (Uncanny X-Men #281)

“We eat dinner naked. It’s very sexy. And then we do the sexy dishes, sexily.” (Uncanny X-Men #281)

Oh, no! Not Bevatron! (Uncanny X-Men #281)

If you had told me a year ago that there was armor worse than Cameron Hodge’s ruby quartz armor, I would not have believed you. Mea culpa. (Uncanny X-Men #281)

Oh, no, not again. (Uncanny X-Men #281)

OH HELL YES. (Uncanny X-Men #282)

Professor X is kind of a sore winner. (Uncanny X-Men #282)

And then, suddenly, Storm was telekinetic. (Uncanny X-Men #282)

That’s gotta sting. (Uncanny X-Men #282)

“But first, The Very Hungry Caterpillar.” (Uncanny X-Men #282)

Earth-1191 is AMAZING. (Uncanny X-Men #282)

I really want to know if all these criminals dressed up special for the occasion, or if this is just what everyone hangs out looking like in the future. (Uncanny X-Men #282)

ABOUT DAMN TIME. (See what I did, there?) (Uncanny X-Men #282)

“Ha, ha!” (Uncanny X-Men #283)

Aw, this kid. (Uncanny X-Men #283)

“I’m going to the comics shop to cancel my subscription RIGHT NOW!” (Uncanny X-Men #283)

Bishop, I know you come from a difficult timeline, but even you have to appreciate how rad that Walt Simonson Archangel design is. (Uncanny X-Men #283)

Are… Iceman and Colossus levitating? (Uncanny X-Men #283)

This is why we–or at least the Upstarts–can’t have nice things. (Uncanny X-Men #283)

NEXT EPISODE: Guns ‘n’ Pouches!

180 – Lawful Badass

January 14, 2018 Jay 59 comments

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In which Jay is deeply invested in The Gifted; Trevor Fitzroy is generally inexcusable; there are a lot of reasons to be uncomfortable in the Hellfire Club; the mix just got altered in this little clambake; Jean Grey (kind of) dies (again); Earth-1191 gives the Age of Apocalypse some glam competition; Lucas Bishop is a pretty decent metaphor for fan culture; everyone is probably Kang the Conqueror; and now Miles really has no excuse for not watching The Prisoner.

X-PLAINED:

The Chronomancer and his Chronobots
The Gifted
Lucas Bishop’s creative origins
Trevor Fitzroy
Goatee Theory
X-Factor #67
Uncanny X-Men #281-283
Dapper Lesbian Shinobi Shaw
A briefly useful mnemonic
Cybernetic fuckboys
The return of Warren Kenneth Worthington III’s hair
Beef and Bevatron
The deaths of the Hellions
Warhammer
Some of the challenges of X-Plaining the ’90s
Bringing a knife to a Sentinel fight
Bantam
A bunch of bad guys from the future
Bishop
Randall
Malcolm
Earth-1191
The Gamemaster
X-Men we’d like to see come out as trans (revisited)
Whether either or both of us are Kang the Conquerer

NEXT EPISODE: Pouches and Guns

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

119 – Red Night of the Soul (feat. Elisabeth Allie)

August 1, 2016 Jay 22 comments

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Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.

In which Elisabeth hacks the Matrix; Magneto is the worst at small talk; Hela overreaches; parents just don’t understand human speech; everything is better with super-rings; Selene has a Xena moment; almost anything can be solved with a kiss; and even if you transform Doug Ramsey into a giant red murder monster, he’ll still be a huge nerd.

X-PLAINED:

The S-Men
New Mutants Forever #1-5
Magma’s revised family tree
Updating the New Mutants
The delicate balance of the Forever line
The web
Idiom confusion
A flawed cultural analogy
Tiberius the Generic
Several profoundly dubious costumes
Family resemblance
Skull v. Skull
The dearth of canonically asexual X-characters

NEXT EPISODE: Different Nazis

Miles here – in one of the questions for this episode, I conflated asexuality and aromanticness. Those are totally two different things. Apologies – I’m still learning!

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

As Mentioned in Episode 82 – Birds and Boys

November 13, 2015 Jay 12 comments

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne.

Teenagers, amirite? (New Mutants #55)

This dress was one of the most memorable parts of this issue for both of us. (New Mutants #55)

“Psst, kid. Drugs make you cool. Pass it on!” (New Mutants #55)

One more of the dress. (New Mutants #55)

This jerk. (New Mutants #55)

Raise your hand if you’ve had nightmares along these thematic lines. (New Mutants #56)

That’s… an interesting deck you’re using, Tarot. (New Mutants #56)

Somewhere there’s a universe where June Brigman drew the rest of this arc, and it was roughly a million times better than the version we got. (New Mutants #56)