Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

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As Mentioned in Episode 501 – A Bag of Cloacae (Maximum Security, Part 1 of 2)

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Now that we look at them again, the D’Bari were really more Asparagus People than Broccoli People. (Uncanny X-Men #387)
What’s wrong with this picture? (Uncanny X-Men #387)
…I mean, Corsair does make some good points. (Uncanny X-Men #387)
In honor of Cerise: lip massage time! (Uncanny X-Men #387)
“C’mon, mess with us – make our day!!” (Uncanny X-Men #387)
Hey, it’s a Darkmantle! And also yet another instance of a character getting swallowed and slimed! (Uncanny X-Men #387)
That panel reference, though. (Uncanny X-Men #387)
In which Max Power discovers raves. (Iron Man #35)
In which Max Power improves raves. (Iron Man #35)
It’s magic dirt. (Iron Man #35)
What I love is that this scene implies that the spore of Ego the Living Planet has a detailed understanding of retro-idyllic middle America. (Iron Man #35)
PORCH GUY MOUTH (Iron Man #35)
Ego, the Living Town. (Iron Man #35)
Babies always look cuter to their parents than to anyone else. (Iron Man #35)
Welcome back, Bishop! (Bishop the Last X-Man #15)
He’s about to say “Micro Machines.” He’s missed them in his time away. (Bishop the Last X-Man #15)
I don’t know how to say this, man, but I don’t think your girlfriend is good for you. (Bishop the Last X-Man #15)
“If you’d like to know more, son, just listen to Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men episodes 387 through 500.” (Bishop the Last X-Man #15)
“And your nose.” (Bishop the Last X-Man #15)
Man, I missed this guy. (Bishop the Last X-Man #15)
I feel like Deathbird played the “I’m not touching you” game a lot as a kid. (Bishop the Last X-Man #15)
Aww, these two. (Bishop the Last X-Man #15)
NEXT TIME: Maximum Security concludes!

501 – A Bag of Cloacae (Maximum Security, Part 1 of 2)

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In which an event begins; Earth is problematic; the Phoenix Force is an unreliable narrator; Max Power just wants to make safer party drugs; and we miss Opal Tanaka.

X-PLAINED:

  • The fate of the D’Bari
  • Maximum Security: Dangerous Planet
  • Maximum Security #1
  • Uncanny X-Men #387
  • Iron Man #35
  • Bishop the Last X-Man #15
  • Voting in space
  • A bad plan
  • U.S. Agent (John Walker)
  • A peculiar marketplace
  • A dangerous hat
  • Starhammer
  • Space romance problems
  • Breaking into Earth
  • Max Power
  • Magic dirt
  • Littletown, Nebraska
  • An extremely upsetting baby
  • A very impressive crash landing
  • What Bishop’s been up to
  • Human X-characters we’d like to see more of
  • Some kid named Michael
  • Trading cards we’d like

NEXT EPISODE: Maximum Security concludes!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 498 – Home Depot Ossuary

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The Twisted Sisters: “Never heard of ’em.” (X-Men #105)
Torque. Pretty sure that’s not the Invisible Woman in there. (X-Men #105)
Dun dun dun dun dun, Inspector Coil (X-Men #105)
More Logan backstory! MORE! (X-Men #105)
Does Nightcrawler teleport out of his clothes at the end of the day? (X-Men #105)
Psylocke should have worn her unstable cocktail dress. (X-Men #105)
A building sealed with the impenetrable perfection of boards. (X-Men #106)
I submit that if the Neo losing their powers for a few weeks could do this, there maaaaaay have been some flaws with their civilization. (X-Men #106)
Rogue PTUIs for us all. (X-Men #106)
Comics! (X-Men #106)
Just like DARE told us! (X-Men #106)
Hi, new Super Sabre and Crimson Commando! Bye, new Super Saber and Crimson Commando! (X-Men #106)
Behold, the effects of X-Men Forever! (X-Men #106)
Rogue, super spy. (X-Men #106)
Problem solved! (X-Men #106)
Hey, it’s that one scene from the X-Men Evolution intro that’s also that one scene from Buffy the Vampire Slayer! (Uncanny X-Men #386)
“I’ve kissed the lips that kissed you!” (Uncanny X-Men #386)
Thanks for breaking the tension, Paolo. (Uncanny X-Men #386)
WHEEEEE (Uncanny X-Men #386)
See? Not so judgey of Lee Forrester now, are we? (Uncanny X-Men #386)
NEXT TIME: X-Force versus monsters! Again!

498 – Home Depot Ossuary

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In which the Twisted Sisters are vanquished by water; there is no way to make Stryfe cool; and the X-Men fight a hurricane.

X-PLAINED:

  • Ego the Living Planet and his dysfunctional family
  • X-Men #105-106
  • Uncanny X-Men #386
  • The Neo (more) (again)
  • The state of Psylocke and Archangel’s relationship
  • The Twisted Sisters
    • Helix
    • Coil
    • Gyre
    • Ringlet
    • Torque
  • Pelicans
  • Bad decisions of past Jay and Miles
  • A mysterious stranger
  • Unrealized plans
  • Mystique and Wolverine’s forgotten friendship
  • Neo infrastructure
  • Big Casino’s name
  • An unlikely hybrid
  • A surprisingly large femur
  • The new Brotherhood
  • Lee Forrester (again)
  • Weather
  • Fan history

NEXT EPISODE: X-Force vs. Warborgs

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 497 – Stranger Things

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Astra: shows up for two pages, is a hilarious jerk, refuses to elaborate, leaves. (X-Men Forever #4)
Seriously, there’s a name for the linked-circles-phone-call-thing, right? (X-Men Forever #4)
Getcher Lava Lamp Babies! Three fer the price o’ two! (X-Men Forever #4)
Science is making me feel uncomfortable… (X-Men Forever #4)
Anyway, here’s the history of literally everything. (X-Men Forever #4)
In the future, we will all look more like we do in the movies! (X-Men Forever #5)
Oof, right in the bobbies. (X-Men Forever #5)
It’s Jean’s alternate-alternate-future daughter! (X-Men Forever #5)
“I could defeat you with a single twitch of my left mustache.” (X-Men Forever #6)
“How do I get out of this conversation gaaahhhh he just keeps talking I do NOT want to hear any more about cryptocurrency” (X-Men Forever #6)
In which the art reaches for the stars. (X-Men Forever #6)
A day in the life of an information technology professional. (X-Men Forever #6)
Toad 2.0! Or like, 7.0 if you count all the inconsistencies in his past depictions. (X-Men Forever #6)
Mystique 2.0! But if the first X-Men movie crossed over with Tron. (X-Men Forever #6)
In case you’re wondering, the Stranger’s mustache was already like that even before he got punched in the nose. (X-Men Forever #6)
Toad, as is often the case, has learned nothing. (X-Men Forever #6)
Next time: X-Force gets even more x-treme!

497 – Stranger Things

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In which Prosh’s plans sort of come to fruition; we do not know very much about movies; Iceman dies (but is fine); The Stranger gets around; and Toad learns nothing.

X-PLAINED:

  • The Stranger
  • X-Men Forever #4-6
  • Prosh (more) (again)
  • The story so far
  • Astra (again)
  • The Black Womb Project
  • Toad’s secret origins, possibly
  • Fashion
  • Hazard
  • Amanda Mueller (a bit)
  • Anguirus
  • The end of human civilization
  • Foreshadowing
  • A dramatic reveal
  • Several makeovers
  • Darth Toad
  • Fighting arenas / community theaters

NEXT EPISODE: Mystique reassembles the Brotherhood!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!

 

As Mentioned in Episode 496 – Time After Time

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A motley crew if we ever did see one! (X-Men Forever #1)
Say hello to our favorite ancient and benevolent hood ornament, Prosh! (X-Men Forever #1)
Prosh makes some friends. (X-Men Forever #1)
Remember this guy? No? You’re not familiar with Classic X-Men backup stories? Then… good luck. (X-Men Forever #1)
I am trading in my car right now. (X-Men Forever #1)
Prosh x-plains… pretty much everything. (X-Men Forever #1)
Raven Darkholme, making the hard choices. (X-Men Forever #2)
Judgment War reference! Alert! We have a Judgment War reference! (X-Men Forever #2)
If looks could kill… Half the population of Earth would be dead. (X-Men Forever #2)
Legion x-plains the Age of Apocalypse. (X-Men Forever #2)
Fast Travel Mode is weird. (X-Men Forever #2)
This is a very Marvel Comics moment. (X-Men Forever #3)
Things probably don’t get more complicated than this, right? (X-Men Forever #3)
The Snowman Era! (X-Men Forever #3)
Silver Age gotta Silver Age. (X-Men Forever #3)
NEXT TIME: Things do get more complicated.

496 – Time After Time

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In which Prosh assembles a peculiar team; the cosmic forces are somewhat paranoid; Mystique gets shit done; and we are very into the concept of Toadland.

X-PLAINED:

  • The Black Womb Project
  • X-Men Forever #1-3
  • Prosh
  • Several custom-grown people
  • A motley crew of mutants (and one human)
  • Cataclysm keys
  • The assassination of Graydon Creed
  • Several poignant reunions
  • The cosmic construction worker (Death)
  • Why the Phoenix Force chose Jean Grey
  • How much continuity is too much continuity
  • Pyro’s romance novels

NEXT EPISODE: The rest of the series!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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495 – The Goth

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In which Rogue is beset with leadership; Psylocke’s telekinetic sword is narratively inconsistent; the Crimson Pirates are bad at their job; and you should not look to Frank Punisher as a role model.

X-PLAINED:

  • Whether Dani Moonstar is still a Valkyrie
  • X-Men #103-104
  • Uncanny X-Men #384-385
  • A crossover
  • Tessa (somewhat)
  • A test
  • The Goth (group)
  • Skulls
  • The Crimson Pirates
  • The mind of Tullamore Voge
  • Something “rough trade” does not mean
  • Visual representation of telepathy
  • Kymri (again)
  • The Goth (individual)
  • Skycycles
  • A ruse
  • How to get the X-Perts at a convention near you
  • What happened to the Massachusetts Academy

NEXT EPISODE: X-Men Forever

The visual companion to this episode will be up in the near future!

Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our Dashery shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 494 – You’ve Got Evil Mail

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Is Thunderbird cosplaying Colossus? (X-Men Unlimited #27)
Meet Neal Shaara! Or sometimes Neal Sharra, depending on who’s writing! (X-Men Unlimited #27)
In which Karima Shapandar literally jump-kicks her way into the issue. (See also the 1977 kung fu film The Invincible Armour.) (X-Men Unlimited #27)
And you haven’t even met Maggott yet! (X-Men Unlimited #27)
embarrassed_werewolf sounds like part of an auto-generated Reddit username. (X-Men Unlimited #27)
“Crap, instead of zapping them with the Robot Servant Ray, we zapped them with the Main Character Ray!” (X-Men Unlimited #27)
Aww, Sanjit. (X-Men Unlimited #27)
Hope you survive the experience! (X-Men Unlimited #27)
Check out Gambit’s sideways-Legion hair! And Beast’s Banshee disguise! (X-Men Unlimited #28)
Darkstar speaks for us all. (X-Men Unlimited #28)
This ain’t Beast’s first brainwashing rodeo. (X-Men Unlimited #28)
Listen, the Darkforce is just cool, okay? (X-Men Unlimited #28)
Dis not what Gambit had in mind. (X-Men Unlimited #28)
More like the Golden Death, really. (X-Men Unlimited #28)
Darkstar’s face is the same as Miles’s when he first discovered Cloud/Sephiroth slash almost 30 years ago. (X-Men Unlimited #28)
“No, my only weaknesses – rain and tasers!” (X-Men Unlimited #28)
Technology safety tip: if you get a suspicious email, blow up your computer! (X-Men Annual 2000)
Adorable downtime! (X-Men Annual 2000)
I love these goofballs so much. (X-Men Annual 2000)
Rogue learned a lot of things during her time with Magneto, like: if you have a problem, throw it into space. (X-Men Annual 2000)
The focused totality of her cutting your goddamn head off. (X-Men Annual 2000)
Everyone just looks really cool here. That’s the only significance. (X-Men Annual 2000)
GUN ARRRRRRMMMSSSSS (X-Men Annual 2000)
That’s some Claremont dialogue, alright (complimentary). (X-Men Annual 2000)
I guess that’s why Stryfe’s not too concerned with peripheral vision. Explains the helmet. (X-Men Annual 2000)
NEXT TIME: The Goth!