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As Mentioned in Episode 348 – Onslaught Continues

October 3, 2021 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In Apocalypse’s defense, this is also roughly what I wear to sleep. (Uncanny X-Men #335)

“Quick! Let’s fight for no reason!” (Uncanny X-Men #335)

“Next, we’re gonna shut down Blue Man Group.” (X-Men Unlimited #11)

This is what every bar is like, right? (X-Men Unlimited #11)

Rogue has no time for your nonsense. (X-Men Unlimited #11)

Damn, Bastion. Cold. (X-Men Unlimited #11)

“Do you like… magnets?” (X-Men Unlimited #11)

SEE? GUN ARM! (X-Men Unlimited #11)

Did Thor ever actually wear that outfit in a comic book? (Avengers #401)

Vision is RIGHT THERE, man. (Avengers #401)

Including this panel entirely for Gratuitously Topless Thor. (Avengers #401)

Uncalled for, Silver-Age callback. (Avengers #401)

That is not the face of a man who has driven around in a magnet-shaped car. (Avengers #401)

NEXT EPISODE: More Onslaught (but also Sinister)!

348 – Onslaught Continues

October 3, 2021 Jay 8 comments

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In which all the heroes fight each other, a lot.

X-PLAINED:

Teenage Iron Man
Onslaught thus far
What Onslaught wants
Uncanny X-Men #335
X-Men Unlimited #11
Avengers #401
The rebirth of Apocalypse
The Apocalocophagous
The Age of Wonders
X-Man vs. Professor X
Nate Grey-sitting
Humanity’s Last Stand
Simon Trask
Bastion
Rogue and Joseph
Avengers fashion
Assumptions
Other characters who could merge Onslaught-style
Origins of the Angry Claremontean Narrator

NEXT EPISODE: Yes, still Onslaught.

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 347 – Onslaught Begins

September 26, 2021 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

What, indeed? (Uncanny X-Men #334)

He’s a man of simple pleasures. (Uncanny X-Men #334)

We ship it. (Uncanny X-Men #334)

What the HELL, Professor X? (Uncanny X-Men #334)

Again: THE HELL?! (Uncanny X-Men #334)

It sucks to be Dark Beast, as it should. (X-Men #54)

The wreck of Professor Xavier’s office… (X-Men #54)

…and the wreck of Professor Xavier. (X-Men #54)

Before there was SIXIS, there was OVALZNO. (Onslaught: X-Men #1)

Shielded thoughts get red borders. (Onslaught: X-Men #1)

HE’S SO DRAMATIC (Onslaught: X-Men #1)

I know he’s evil right now, but I bet Xavier was also just a super creepy kid. (Onslaught: X-Men #1)

NEXT EPISODE: More Onslaught.

LINKS & FURTHER ALLUSIONS

Muscle March sure is a real video game that actually exists.

347 – Onslaught Begins

September 26, 2021 Jay 14 comments

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In which we stop procrastinating and dive headfirst into Onslaught; Professor Xavier is a jerk; Dark Beast wasn’t even supposed to be here today; Onslaught declaims like it’s the Silver Age; Bishop gets some long-awaited closure; and we pitch alternate candidates for the X-traitor.

X-PLAINED:

Hyperstorm
Onslaught (entity)
Onslaught (event)
Uncanny X-Men #334
X-Men #54
Onslaught: X-Men #1
How to pronounce “Buccellato”
The opposite of a pep talk
Nate Grey vs. Professor X
The Z’noxx (again)
One of several times Charles Xavier has faked his own death
Muscle March
Franklin Richards
The Gem of Cyttorak
A villain speech
That one recording Bishop found in the future
The X-traitor
Li’l Charlie
Magneto’s hood ornament
Alternate takes on the X-traitor

NEXT EPISODE: Onslaught continues.

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 344 – Where No Mutant Has Gone Before

August 29, 2021 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

A long, long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away… (Star Trex)

And then, Gladiator punched the Enterprise. (Star Trex)

This throwaway gag basically carries the issue. (Star Trex)

Everything Deathbird knows about diplomacy, she learned from Edgar Rice Burroughs novel covers. (Star Trex)

Several hundred years later… (Star Trek: The Next Generation / X-Men: Second Contact)

“I mean, we pay about as much attention to the Prime Directive…” (Star Trek: The Next Generation / X-Men: Second Contact)

This scene really looks like they should all be holding cocktails. (Star Trek: The Next Generation / X-Men: Second Contact)

Kang saying “Civility costs nothing” never stops being funny. (Star Trek: The Next Generation / X-Men: Second Contact)

Well, he’s doomed. (Star Trek: The Next Generation / X-Men: Second Contact)

And so’s she. (Star Trek: The Next Generation / X-Men: Second Contact)

We told you about that so we could tell you about this. (Planet X)

NEXT EPISODE: All of the Marvels. ALL of them. (feat. Douglas Wolk)

LINKS & FURTHER CROSSOVERS

Listen to Tina’s X-Plain debut in Episode 62 – Giant-Size Special #2…
…Check out her other podcasts at Welcome to Television…
…and follow her on Twitter!
Learn more about Proteus in Episode 10 – Not All Mandroids and Episode 166 – Proteus Has Two Mommies.
For the lowdown on Kang, listen to Episode 85 – Secret Convergence on Infinite Podcasts Part 9!

344 – Where No Mutant Has Gone Before (feat. Tina Carleton)

August 29, 2021 Jay 15 comments

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In which the X-Men cross over with two generations of Star Trek; your grandma invented slash fiction; Gladiator punches a starship; we designate a universe; Leonard McCoy gets bowdlerized; “Gary” is a silly name for a god; Elizabeth Dehner deserves better; a lot of things happen in space; Worf and Wolverine enjoy a brief but intense romance; the X-Men should have more to say about the ethics of “curing” mutation; and we successfully delay Onslaught by another week.

X-PLAINED:

Cross-franchise creative footprints
Collecting Star Trek in the ‘90s
Secret origins of Tina and Jay’s friendship
Star Trex
Star Trek: The Next Generation / X-Men: Second Contact
Star Trek: The Next Generation / X-Men: Planet X
Delta Vega
“Where No Man Has Gone Before”
The Shi’ar (again)
The relationship of Star Trek to the Marvel Universe
Earth-1701, which may or may not also be Earth-200500
Proteus (again)
A dubious date
First Contact
The Borg
Several temporal anomalies
The Traveler
Michael Jan Friedman
Xhaldia
Time Hooks and/or Chrono-compasses
Prune juice
Your new ship
The Drakkon
A simulated Charles Xavier
A Highland sex ghost, apparently?

NEXT EPISODE: All of the Marvels, with Douglas Wolk!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 343 – The Water Cooler of Violence

August 15, 2021 Jay 5 comments

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

LIES ALL LIES (X-Force #55)

(Probably not a LMD. This time.) (X-Force #55)

I’m not sure sound works like that, but it’s still cool. (X-Force #55)

And now you know how animated Wolverine feels. (X-Force #55)

Well, that’s one way to open a giant door. (X-Force #55)

Seriously, why is he in his underwear? (X-Force #55)

It’s really not any harder to believe than anything else in this comic. (X-Force #55)

Sacrelicious! (X-Force #56)

The Benjamin Russell storyline really doesn’t make any sense when you break it down… (X-Force #56)

I have nightmares like this. (X-Force #56)

IT WAS GAMESMASTER ALL ALONG SURE WHY NOT (X-Force #56)

We kinda forgot to cover this first time ’round. (X-Men Unlimited #8)

Puberty’s rough, buddy. (X-Men Unlimited #8)

“There’s a new mutant about to manifest! Let’s have the MOST UNSETTLING X-Man go follow him around!” (X-Men Unlimited #8)

Seriously, there is NO evidence at this point that it’s the word “mutant” that sends the kid running and not, say, the lightning. (X-Men Unlimited #8)

This is the part where it starts to feel like one of those books you could get in the ’80s with your kid’s name as the protagonist. (X-Men Unlimited #8)

See what I mean? (X-Men Unlimited #8)

“They usually bring you back in a dozen or so issues. Why?” (X-Men Unlimited #8)

And they all lived happily ever after.* *Joined the Thunderbolts, became Maverick, maybe blew up? (X-Men Unlimited #8)

NEXT EPISODE: Where no mutant has gone before!

LINKS & FURTHER CATASTROPHES:

For the backstory on the Weisman Institute, listen to Episode 304 – Explosive Ops.
Please enjoy the genius that is Hans Jensen.

343 – The Water Cooler of Violence

August 15, 2021 Jay 13 comments

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In which X-Force carries on the New Mutants’ tradition of property damage; a lot of people have infiltrated Helicarriers; G.W. Bridge makes it weird; Gamesmaster returns to no particular end; and we go back in time to cover the origins of Chris Bradley.

X-PLAINED:

The deaths of several Worthingtons
X-Force #55-56
X-Men Unlimited #8
A legacy of explosions
Uncanny X-Men #333 (briefly) (again)
A heist
Several of the many characters who had successfully infiltrated Helicarriers as of 1996
Dum Dum Dugan
Contessa Valentina Allegra de Fontaine
The glory days off LASER tag
Church fights
Subtext
The Weisman Institute for the Criminally Insane (more) (again)
How to pronounce “Risque”
Chris Bradley
Hans Jensen
Nostalgia goggles and their absence
Civilian awareness of cosmic Marvel
Asgard, Oklahoma
Annalee

NEXT WEEK: Hawk Talk

NEXT EPISODE: Where No Mutant Has Gone Before

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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342 – Angry Birds

August 8, 2021 Miles 12 comments

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In which Miles does his best, birds are weird, some of the most dangerous villains are pink, and we are in the Onslaught Zone.

X-PLAINED:

- - Malibu Comics and Marvel Comics, sitting in a (multiversal) tree, KILLING
  - Archangel: Phantom Wings
  - Unorthodox artistic decisions
  - Archangel (Warren Kenneth Worthington III)
  - Angst, renewed
  - Bird ichor
  - Tuesday Bird and her Mad Max outfit
  - How (not?) to flirt
  - Uncanny X-Men #333
  - Various Roberts Kelly
  - Graydon Creed, doin’ Mom proud
  - Bastion, Nimrod, & Master Mold
  - Operation Zero Tolerance
  - X-Teams and their lanes
  - A naked murder-uncle
  - Pink villains
  - Obscure callbacks
  - Event synergy
  - X-Men #53
  - Day to-day challenges of telepathy
  - Super-Saiyan Magneto
  - Phoenix (Jean Grey), actual adult
  - Onslaught
  - That scene from 1964’s X-Men #3
  - A surprisingly insightful look at Professor X’s dark side
  - Logan’s assorted friendships with teen girls
  - XMEN Disease

NEXT EPISODE: X-Force gets, predictably, x-treme.

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!