magneto – Page 7 – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

322 – Do More Crimes

January 31, 2021 Jay 18 comments

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which the X-Babies fail to charm; clones are people, too; Iceman doesn’t (quite) come out; Gambit and Bishop bond; Joseph comes into ambiguous being; and Principal Nezu and Charles Xavier would probably get along okay.

X-PLAINED:

Inconsistent quality
X-Men #46-47
Uncanny X-Men #327
The X-Babies (more) (again)
Sfogliatelle
Gog
Gog’n’Magog
Politics of the Mojoverse
Personhood of constructed entities
What makes an X-Babies story work
Jay’s favorite episodes of The Muppet Show
Age-appropriate literature
Fictional books
Fun with Bishop
Several restaurants
Hypothetical casting
What Magneto’s been up to
Joseph
Sister Maria
Why Magneto gets de-aged a lot
Amnesia
Various orphans and individuals affiliated therewith
How to keep up with upcoming X-titles
A cross-media friendship
True Believer: The Rise and Fall of Stan Lee

NEXT EPISODE: HAWK TALK

THE ONE AFTER THAT: MORE X-BABIES SO MANY X-BABIES

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Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 300 – Götterdämmerung

July 5, 2020 Jay 2 comments

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Trust us–it looks better on foil. (X-Men: Omega)

Those skulls can’t be stable. (X-Men: Omega)

The gang’s mostly here! (X-Men: Omega)

[Cries in Dark Phoenix Saga] (X-Men: Omega)

Truly, he has been preparing for this moment for his entire life.

It’s cute how Nate assumes that it’s possible to talk Magneto out of fighting anybody, ever. (X-Men: Omega)

I’d like to imagine that the M’Kraan crystal made the conscious choice not to show her Onslaught. (X-Men: Omega)

YES! (X-Men: Omega)

Just, um, imagine that he’s holding a gun and also using his powers out of… enthusiasm? For the gun? I guess? (X-Men: Omega)

“Wait, are you the angry Claremontean narrator?!” (X-Men: Omega)

It’s okay. He’ll be back in about 14 years. (X-Men: Omega)

Nobody expects an ongoing series! (X-Men: Omega)

And that, as they say, is that. (X-Men: Omega)

NEXT EPISODE: Back in the 616!

LINKS & FURTHER EPICS:

Janet K. Lee makes really, really gorgeous comics and other art.
A lot of the episodes we mentioned are in the roundup from our 5th anniversary episode.
You can hear more about Jay’s chickens-in-law in Hawk Talk: Florida Mans

300 – Götterdämmerung

July 5, 2020 Jay 11 comments

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In which the Age of Apocalypse comes to an end; Angel briefly lives up to his potential; Bishop was sometimes right; It’s not a climactic ending without an X-Men #137 reference; Colossus breaks our hearts; X-Men: Marvels Snapshot will be out in September; and somehow we have made 300 of these things.

X-PLAINED:

Beast vs. Dark Beast
X-Men: Omega
The entirety of the (first) Age of Apocalypse
Potpourri vs. incense
Dramatic hair
Many, many errors
Unforeseen consequences
A long-anticipated team-up
Many deaths
Art as artifact
Narration that has haunted Jay for 20 years
One of the more persistent deaths of David Haller
Blast Attack
The end of a world
Refugees from the Age of Apocalypse
Our favorite X-milestone issues
Theoretical teams
Orphans
When X-Men: Marvels Snapshot is actually coming out
Our favorite show bits
How Jay’s chickens-in-law are doing

NEXT EPISODE: X-Men Prime

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 299 – Toaster Ovens of the Gods

June 28, 2020 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

For full effect, there really needs to be an inset panel of Storm mugging at the reader. (What If? vol. 2 #77)

Forge is a JERK. (What If? vol. 2 #77)

What the hell kind of weird drills does this universe have? (What If? vol. 2 #77)

It’s weird that there’s a universe where both of these kids exist. (What If? vol. 2 #77)

I wonder if the Phoenix designs new costumes every time; and, if so, what its aesthetic phases have been. (What If? vol. 2 #77)

Is this page foreshadowing a Days of Future Past-style dystopia? Discuss. (What If? vol. 2 #77)

No, seriously, he JUST KEEPS SAYING IT. (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)

That hair. (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)

Brother Voodoo X-Plains the premise. (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)

Uncalled for, Ben. (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)

Damnit, Nate. (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)

Just had to work it in again, huh? (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)

The costume just isn’t the same without metal wings. (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)

DAMNIT, NATE. (What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse)

Why does Magneto look kind of like Keanu Reeves here? (What If? vol. 2 #81)

The more I look at the art from this issue, the angrier I get about it. (What If? vol. 2 #81)

[cries in comics editor] (What If? vol. 2 #81)

Galactus is a poet, and he didn’t even know it! (He knew it.) (What If? vol. 2 #81)

Relatable sentiment. (What If? vol. 2 #81)

Hello, mid-1990s CG. You… sure do exist. (What If? vol. 2 #81)

NEXT EPISODE: The end of a world. (Also, #300? So, that’s a thing.)

LINKS & FURTHER HYPOTHETICALS

You can hear all about Be X-Tra Safe With the X-Men in Episode 177 – The Less You Know.
Read Teen Vogue. Seriously.
You can see the Havok Care Bear–along with the Cyclops one that Jay made–over here.
Waiting for the Trade Magneto is the One True Magneto, now and forever.

299 – Toaster Ovens of the Gods

June 28, 2020 Jay 15 comments

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In which some universes are more pleasant than others; Havok is basically a Care Bear; Wolverine is a P.R. nightmare; Nate Grey tries; stealth is not among the Silver Surfer’s strengths; Night Thrasher ascends to godhood; Jay and Miles dive down the What If rabbit hole.

X-PLAINED:

Earth-200500 (again)
Earth-42409
What If? vol. 2 #77
What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse
What If? vol. 2 #81
Earth-77995
Fashion editorials
One of the worse versions of Forge
Superheroes x fashion
Care Bears vs. X-Men
The Hellfire Club of Earth-77995
A surprisingly normal Grey-Summers family
Several uses for the Phoenix Force
Worst-case scenarios
Earth-93074
Savage Land home ec
Bad choices
The Defenders of Earth-93074
How to manipulate Nate Grey
Narrative benefits of omnipotence
A time loop
Earth-9601
A meeting on the moon
What the Watcher watches
Galactus
The Silver Surfer
Grandpa Magneto
Some remarkable technology
A heavy-handed metaphor
Our takes on What If scenarios
The Corbeau-Grey scale of decision making
Storm’s eyes
Our character voices

NEXT EPISODE: X-Men Omega

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop! This June, we’ll be donating all of the profits to Trans Lifeline!

As Mentioned in Episode 296 – Hard Choices

May 31, 2020 Miles Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

“Are you coming too, mysterious hooded stranger? My sister, Carmen Sandiego, would love to have you along!” (Amazing X-Men #1)

Danger Room cold open, Earth-295-style! (Amazing X-Men #1)

“Just a few more hours and a few dozen more cigarettes until Tom Waits karaoke night!” (Amazing X-Men #1)

“For further details, my X-Men, you must buy every other X-comic on the stands. Excelsior!” (Amazing X-Men #1)

As the famous thinker Parappa the Rapper once so wisely said: you gotta believe. (Amazing X-Men #1)

Earth-295 Sentinels may be lacking in toboggan hats and robot one-piece swimsuits, but they’re still pretty impressive. (Amazing X-Men #1)

Half unspooled VHS tape, half Slinky, all nuisance. (Amazing X-Men #2)

“Go easy on ’em, X-Men – they remembered to use our logo font, and that was very considerate of them.” (Amazing X-Men #2)

Banshee’s facial expression speaks for us all. (Amazing X-Men #2)

Okay, that’s legit terrifying. (Amazing X-Men #2)

Quicksilver? More like FRIPsilver! (Amazing X-Men #2)

If the title wasn’t already taken, Magneto’s autobiography would be called The Brood Saga. (Amazing X-Men #3)

It takes a true villain to make “being stretchy” an intimidating superpower. (Amazing X-Men #3)

Mary Poppins: The Snyder Cut. (Amazing X-Men #3)

Shaking Angel down for information is an X-Men rite of passage. (Amazing X-Men #3)

Open wide and say “flashback”! (Amazing X-Men #3)

you guys I think I’m in the wrong church (Amazing X-Men #4)

This may be bad, but at least he doesn’t have to die of a mutant-targeting virus twice in the Age of Apocalypse the way he does in Earth-616… (Amazing X-Men #4)

Generation Next – ripping our hearts out even when it’s someone else’s comic! (Amazing X-Men #4)

I know you’re mad at Gambit, Rogue, but did you really have to punch his legs off? (Amazing X-Men #4)

Aww, damn – he was just one week away from retirement! (Amazing X-Men #4)

*raises lighter* (Amazing X-Men #4)

NEXT EPISODE: This guy.

296 – Hard Choices

May 31, 2020 Jay 8 comments

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In which Magneto doesn’t really do work/live divide; Amazing X-Men is a bit of a misnomer; Exodus is the lawful evil to Fabian Cortez’s chaotic evil; smoking is bad for you; moisture molecular inversion is fairly definitely not a real thing; Earth-295 Quicksilver and Earth-616 Cyclops would probably get along; OSHA would probably like a word with the Madrii; Gambit had ONE JOB; and there are no superheroes in the Age of Apocalypse.

X-PLAINED:

An unlikely team-up
Relative amazingness
Amazing X-Men #1-5
Color separations
Comics credits
The Brotherhood of Mutants and/or Chaos
The Great Human Airlift
Exodus (more) (again)
Best Quicksilver (Earth-295)
Abyss
A dubiously aerodynamic cape
One last job
Several points of semantic distinction
Lone Nanny & Cub
The most punchable man on Earth-295
A difficult choice
What it means to be X-Men
Dick Valentine
Jamie Madrox (Earth-295)
A world without superheroes
Universe numbering

NEXT EPISODE: X-Man!

CORRECTION: The line about fence-straddling that Jay attributed to Wonder Woman was in fact spoken by Hawkgirl.

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop! This June, we’ll be donating all of the profits to Trans Lifeline!

As Mentioned in Episode 295 – The Nuclear Naked

May 17, 2020 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Hey, ‘dere. (Gambit and the X-Ternals #1)

This, but with a hawk. (Gambit and the X-Ternals #1)

Seriously, why the visor? (Gambit and the X-Ternals #1)

He pulls this look off alarmingly well. (Gambit and the X-Ternals #1)

SUPER DOCTOR ASTRONAUT PETER CORBEAU IS HERE TO SAVE THE UNIVERSE (Gambit and the X-Ternals #1)

“Just a sec, I gotta go find the Power Glove.” (Gambit and the X-Ternals #1)

This torso is unacceptable. (Gambit and the X-Ternals #1)

In an homage, obviously. Dang, Jubes. (Gambit and the X-Ternals #2)

BUT, WAIT! THERE’S MORE! (Gambit and the X-Ternals #2)

“Just us, and a bunch of chickens. It got weird fast.” (Gambit and the X-Ternals #2)

Y E S (Gambit and the X-Ternals #2)

I maintain that everything is better if his name is pronounced “Jeff.” (Gambit and the X-Ternals #3)

AND THAT’S WHY YOU ALWAYS LEAVE A NOTE (Gambit and the X-Ternals #3)

Jeff has no patience for events. (Gambit and the X-Ternals #3)

Oh, c’mon. I bet he’s got a ton of cool stolen stuff, too. (Gambit and the X-Ternals #3)

Welcome to the Hall of Tautology. (Gambit and the X-Ternals #4)

It’s okay, but it’s no X-Men #41… (Gambit and the X-Ternals #4)

Well, fuck. (Gambit and the X-Ternals #4)

The Nuclear Naked (reconstruction).

NEXT EPISODE: “Amazing” may be a bit of a stretch.

LINKS & FURTHER INVENTIONS:

Read the comments. No, seriously–they’re really interesting and hella civil.
Star Trek: Voyager was quite a show.

295 – The Nuclear Naked

May 17, 2020 Jay 18 comments

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In which this episode may or may not be a temporal aberration; Gambit is bad at marketing; Jubilee’s sixth birthday was probably worse than yours; Earth-295’s chronology doesn’t make that much more sense than 616’s; Super Doctor Astronaut Peter Corbeau wears this timeline well; Rictor makes a terrible Javert; Jubilee has no time for your makeouts; superheroes are basically preschoolers; there is only one Jahf; babies are bad at stealing; and Apocalypse is not a tactician.

X-PLAINED:

How Magneto got his own country
A numerical convergence
Earth-295
Gambit and the X-Ternals #1-4
X-Ternals
The human resistance
The Temple of Human Redress
A terrible way to celebrate your birthday
Lila Cheney of Earth-295
The Nuclear Naked
Super Doctor Astronaut (mermaid) Peter Corbeau of Earth-295
Julio Richter (Earth-295)
Mudir
Homage
Cross-timeline vocabulary
Cosmic peril
The state of the Shi’ar Empire in Earth-295
The Starjammers of Earth-295
Varyingly versatile energy absorption
Jahf
An exchange
Some fancy sewers
Guido Carosella’s devil’s bargains
Earth-295… IN SPACE
The nominal justification for Apocalypse’s society
Which Apocalypse is currently running around Earth-616

NEXT WEEK: Hawk Talk!

NEXT EPISODE: “Amazing” might be pushing it.

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!