Onslaught – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

As Mentioned in Episode 306 – Between Here and There

August 30, 2020 Miles 3 comments

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Kids, send in your answers for a prize! (Uncanny X-Men #322)

Pink was IN for pretty much all projectiles in 1995. (Uncanny X-Men #322)

Jeez, Warren, get over it. Everyone has to wear a mask these days. It’s not that hard. (Uncanny X-Men #322)

Now I want to see what Bishop would think of Mandy. (Uncanny X-Men #322)

I really like Jean’s family. Shame what Claremont did to them in 2006. (Uncanny X-Men #322)

Getting punched by the Juggernaut is a way quicker method of depilation than waxing or electrolysis. (Uncanny X-Men #322)

Uncanny X-Men #12-13 could’ve been cut down to about a page and a half if Psylocke had been around. (Uncanny X-Men #322)

Sigh. (Uncanny X-Men #322)

This page was very important to young Miles. (Uncanny X-Men #323)

Okay, who spiked the Danger Room? (Uncanny X-Men #323)

X-Force’s former leader, folks. (Uncanny X-Men #323)

Low blow, Trish. (Uncanny X-Men #323)

On one hand, Iceman is a loyal and caring friend. On the other hand, he calls himself The Bobster. It kind of evens out. (Uncanny X-Men #323)

Logan, this is how we got banned from Denny’s, remember? (Uncanny X-Men #323)

The Container Crew. (Uncanny X-Men #323)

DC’s Azrael only wishes he could look this cool. (Uncanny X-Men #324)

Look at my teeth! LOOK AT THEM! (Uncanny X-Men #324)

Would’ve been funnier if it was a vampire bar. (Uncanny X-Men #324)

You said it, Logan. (Uncanny X-Men #324)

1.5 stars in Yelp’s morgue section (Uncanny X-Men #324)

This Fall on CBS! (Uncanny X-Men #324)

Letting Bobby’s call go to voicemail? Jeez, this is almost as bad as that time she blew up a pony! (Uncanny X-Men #324)

NEXT TIME: Hey, it’s these kids!

LINKS & FURTHER ATROCITIES:

Check out Episode 203 – The X-Man’s Burden for more on the apparent death of the Morlocks!
WHOA, DANG! Jay wrote an official X-Men comic, which comes out on September 16!

306 – Between Here and There

August 30, 2020 Jay 9 comments

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In which we continue our ongoing tour of the post-Age of Apocalypse X-Universe; Onslaught gets a name; nobody’s sure what Noah Dubois is doing there; Iceman gets to be the practical one, for once; T&A should not generally appear on the same visual plane; someone needs to talk to Cannonball about kink safety; and Emma Frost lets a call go to voicemail.

X-PLAINED:

Tarzan fandom
X-Man, summarized
Uncanny X-Men #322-324
Color as a narrative tool
The evolution of Storm’s shower etiquette
How not to relax with Lucas Bishop
Seat-of-the-pants plotting
Parenting
Noah Dubois, sort of
A road trip
Sexiness vs. sexualization
Emma Frost as Caprica Six
How not to walk a supervillain
Cannonball’s uniform
Sack
Vessel
Greycrow (more) (again)
The worst morgue and/or disco ever
Edna and Norton McCoy
Times Rogue has absorbed Colossus’s powers
X-Men: Marvels Snapshot

NEXT EPISODE: Generation X

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 301 – Can’t Beat the Real Thing

July 19, 2020 Jay One comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

This is in fact an ENTIRELY REASONABLE position under the circumstances. (X-Men Prime #1)

Dennis is his own disparaging narrator. (X-Men Prime #1)

I don’t know why John Constantine is here to question Trish Tilby’s ethics, but SOMEONE needs to. (X-Men Prime #1)

Why is Val here? WHO KNOWS? (X-Men Prime #1)

Pretty sure this is supposed to be Onslaught, but it’s not going to be confirmed, so… (X-Men Prime #1)

“I repurposed all the brain parts that would normally go to fashion sense. On one hand, I can keep track of every team in play. On the other hand, this is how I dress myself.” (X-Men Prime #1)

Mondays, amirite? (X-Men Prime #1)

That’s… exactly what a chaperone is, though. (X-Men Prime #1)

GUYS SOMETIMES PEOPLE ARE JUST IN A HURRY (X-Men Prime #1)

Just wait ’til Age of X-Man. (X-Men Prime #1)

Emplate: still exceptionally creepy. (X-Men Prime #1)

nopenopenopenopenope (X-Men Prime #1)

I’ve seen at least three horror movies that basically start this way. (X-Men Prime #1)

NEXT EPISODE: The fall of Avalon, and some related situation comedy.

LINKS & FURTHER HOMECOMINGS:

301 – Can’t Beat the Real Thing

July 19, 2020 Jay 19 comments

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In which we enter our fourth century of podcasting with brand new theme music; we have both Wolverine questions and wolverine questions; it is extremely rough to be Bishop; the creator of Garfield may or may not live in a sewer on Earth-616; Rogue needs better coping mechanisms; bigotry is depressingly timeless; and everything is Onslaught now.

X-PLAINED:

Joseph’s Brotherhood of Evil Mutants
Our new theme music
X-Men Prime #1
A genuinely cool cover gimmick
What happened after the end of the world
Boundaries
War crimes vs. fashion crimes
Destruction of real landmarks in fiction
A mysterious assailant
Actual embodied chaos god Jim Davis and his Earth-616 namesake
Several memorable Garfield stories
Marrow (Sarah Rushman)
The secret origin of the Morlocks
A friendship we miss
Unhealthy coping mechanisms
The perennially dubious journalistic ethics of Trish Tilby
Dennis
The death of Dennis
Flaws of the mutant metaphor (more) (again)
Several refugees from Earth-295
Mr. Summers and Mr. Summers
The secret origin of the Genoshan mutates
The Acolytes
The continuing relevance of the mutant metaphor (more) (again)
Cross-universe characterization

NEXT EPISODE: The fall of Avalon!

NOTE: The Garfield strips Jay mentions appeared in newspapers, on purpose, in October 1989.

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 193 – Sewers of Tomorrow

April 15, 2018 Jay 8 comments

Listen to the podcast here!

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

On one hand: These dudes are pretty rad. On the other hand: being able to detect normal humans is a pretty ridiculous mutant power. (Uncanny X-Men #277)

John Romita, Jr. can be hit-or-miss, but he definitely draws some rad miscreants of the future. (Uncanny X-Men #277)

WOMP. (Uncanny X-Men #277)

Compulsory Fitzroy Hair Appreciation Moment(TM). (Uncanny X-Men #277)

The Witness, in all his really creepy glory. (Uncanny X-Men #277)

Can you imagine trying to have a conversation with this dude? (Uncanny X-Men #277)

I don’t understand what’s happening with Cyclops’s torso; and, frankly, I don’t want to. (Uncanny X-Men #278)

“Look! A distraction!” (Uncanny X-Men #278)

The first appearance of the letter… (Uncanny X-Men #278)

…and the second, FROM THE SAME FLIPPIN’ PAGE. (Uncanny X-Men #278)

Thaaaaat’s our Archangel! (Uncanny X-Men #278)

Can confirm. -Jay (Uncanny X-Men #278)

*Today, at least. (Uncanny X-Men #278)

Long Island cops are clearly unfamiliar with Cyburai. (Uncanny X-Men #279)

Mystique is exceptionally bad at helping. (Uncanny X-Men #279)

Damnit, Forge. (Uncanny X-Men #279)

Storm’s reaction is appropriate. (Uncanny X-Men #279)

Bobby. Have you MET your parents? (Uncanny X-Men #279)

Best. Date. Ever. (Uncanny X-Men #279)

Remember that time Mikhail Rasputin turned a random skater into a tree? Because that certainly happened. (Uncanny X-Men #280)

Hanging out naked in the rain? This dude is DEFINITELY learning the ropes from Storm. (Uncanny X-Men #280)

DAMNIT, Forge. (Uncanny X-Men #280)

NEXT EPISODE: Brood trouble in the Big Easy!

LINKS & FURTHER READING

Learn all about the Cyburai in Episode 160 – Hank McCoy and the Hickey of Destiny!
Laura Dern is precious and must be protected at all costs.

193 – Sewers of Tomorrow

April 15, 2018 Jay 27 comments

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In which we pour one out for Malcolm and Randall; Cyclops is the worst at fun; Storm is better than you and always will be; Bishop forgets his first name; the X-Men can’t tie bow ties; Iceman’s dad is spectacularly awful; Mikhail Rasputin may have some lingering issues; and Doug Ramsey would probably have been pretty entertained by Hackers if he had survived long enough to see it.

X-PLAINED:

Whether Professor Xavier is dead
Marvel time vs. podcast time
Uncanny X-Men #287-290
The Wit and Wisdom of Henry McCoy
A dance of death and destruction
Styglut
Future flashbacks
Sewers of tomorrow
The Witness
“Fun”
Blood math
A mysterious letter
A terrible date
Several capes
The return of the cyburai
A theoretical Hackers crossover

NEXT EPISODE: Brood trouble in the Big Easy!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

126 – Live at Rose City Comic Con, with Greg Pak

September 18, 2016 Jay 40 comments

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Art by David Wynne. No prints this week, but you can contact David to purchase the original!

In which we return to Rose City Comic Con and somehow manage to one-up last year’s Stryfe cold open; Greg Pak has secretly written all of the X-books; Cullen Bunn may or may not be watching you RIGHT NOW; the X-Men distill down to murder and kissing; Toshiro Mifune should be everybody; Miles swears first (for once); and we can’t wait to see all of your X-Men roller derby names!

X-PLAINED:

Cold open escalation
Onslaught
Greg Pak
Continuity exegesis
Marrying history and narrative
Murder and kissing
X-Treme X-Men vol. 2
Reimagining characters across the multiverse
Governor-General James Howlett
Magneto: Testament
Where superheroes should and shouldn’t intersect with geopolitical events
Our X-Men buddy-cop duos of choice
X-Commencement speakers
X-Men roller derby names
Contemporary vs. retrospective representations of current events

NEXT WEEK: The New Mutants go to Asgard!

There’s not exactly a visual companion to this episode, but you can find a Rose City Comic Con gallery on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

No prints for sale this time, but you can still contact David Wynne for the original of this week’s illustration!

You made art!

July 5, 2014 Jay One comment

You are delightful. Did you know that? It is true.

David Wynne sent us this family picture of Wolverine and his many, many off-brand knockoffs! (Reminder: If you like David’s X-Plain art and want to take it home with you, you can do that!)

Tim Siltala imagines Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men as it might exist within the Marvel Universe:

Logan Bonner has dreamed up the best crossover-event villain EVER: Prydeslaught: the dark impulses of Charles Xavier merged with the SPECTACULAR fashion sense of 13-year-old Kitty Pryde!

Logan also sent us two boxes of blue raspberry Twinkies of Future Past; click through below for a brief chronicle of our (fairly tame) adventures with the Official Snack Food of the Sentinel Apocalypse:

Along with Prydeslaught, Logan sent us two boxes of Twinkies of Future Past.

This is what happens when the Sentinels win!

Like their regular-continuity counterparts, the Twinkies of Future Past are pretty vile, so we brought some to a friend’s 4th of July cookout to see if they’d be any better grilled. (Also, someone there recognized Miles based on his voice, which was both weird and awesome!)