Art by David Wynne. Contact David to purchase the original!
Just in case you’ve forgotten since last week! (Uncanny X-Men #271)
Here, have some New Mutants, while we’re at it. (Uncanny X-Men #271)
The Technicolor Knight Returns! (Uncanny X-Men #271)
When even Evil!Sexy Moira has better scientific ethics than you, you’ve got some thinking to do, Moreau. (Uncanny X-Men #271)
“I mean, I know I played a central role in subjugating an entire people and subjecting them to unspeakable horrors, but sometimes I felt kinda bad about it!” (Uncanny X-Men #271)
She’s not wrong, dude. (Uncanny X-Men #271)
Awk-ward. (Uncanny X-Men #271)
Ahhh, THERE it is! (Uncanny X-Men #271)
Spoiler: Nah. (Uncanny X-Men #271)
Liefeld kick! Take a drink! (New Mutants #96)
“Also can I draw on her face with a sharpie?” (New Mutants #96)
When threatened, the wild Jubilee will fan out her tail in a display meant to intimidate predators. (New Mutants #96)
Jean’s face, tho. “Ugh, AGAIN.” (X-Factor #61)
Because we never get tired of those dramatis personae pages. (X-Factor #61)
Bogdanove’s Hodge really is the best Hodge. (X-Factor #61)
I’m pretty sure this is the first hint we’ve gotten at Cable’s mutant powers. (Based on eventually-established continuity, he should be dying of the T-O virus right now, but that wouldn’t be written in until much later.) (X-Factor #61)
These nerds. (X-Factor #61)
I wonder what’s in Xavier’s telepathically-derived files! (X-Factor #61)
That Charles Xavier keeps detailed files on which of his students want to bang each other is the least surprising thing I’ve read in my life. (X-Factor #61)
“I mean, except for the chokehold part! (X-Factor #61)
Art by David Wynne. Contact David to purchase the original!
In which we hit the Empire Strikes Back of X-Tinction Agenda; it’s hard to be Laura Kinney; the psychic knife makes its debut; Evil!Sexy Moira retains some moral high ground; if your society is built on slavery, your society deserves to crumble; words mean things; Havok would be a terrible housecat; the mutants do not have the patent on stupidity; the opposite of blades is cotton; we give Cameron Hodge’s severed head a pep talk; and Cyclops goes full Peralta.
X-PLAINED:
Uncanny X-Men #271, New Mutants #96, X-Factor #61
Laura Kinney’s brief babysitting career
Our upcoming hiatus
Dramatis personae
A figurative battering ram
Focused totality
Best insults of the 1990s
A debate
Ethics of rhetoric
Housecat Havok
Skittering
Mutate numbering systems
The Prisoner vs. Les Miserables
The slow disintegration of reality as we know it
Sneaking with Cable
A singularly anticlimactic cover
A lushly illustrated report
Increasingly petty revenge
S.H.I.E.L.D.’s most advanced bald cap
A rising storm
Art teams
What we’d like to see out of an X-Men cinematic reboot
NEXT EPISODE: Return of the Revenge of the X-Men
You can find the visual companion to this episode on our blog.
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)
Art by David Wynne. Contact David to purchase the original!
In which the X-Tinction Agenda begins in earnest; Jim Lee rocks our world; Cable doesn’t need any Mickey-Mouse schedules; Jean Grey is not paid by the word; Havok makes a heel turn; Boom Boom’s pretext of self-interest fools no one; Cameron Hodge is STILL the worst; and Jay and Miles make an announcement.
X-PLAINED:
Warlock across the multiverse
Uncanny X-Men #270, New Mutants #95, X-Factor #60
X-Tinction Agenda
The first modern crossover
The creative state of the X-line
Limitations of Marvel Unlimited
Dramatis Personae
Mickey-Mouse schedules
The X-Men, who do not die the old-fashioned way
One-way nude teleportation
Magistrate Summers
The return of Cameron Hodge’s angry severed head
Wipeout (again)
Mutates
The death of Warlock
The esoteric paraphernalia of war
Silver Age misogyny
What we’d do differently if we introduced the X-Men in 2017
Our upcoming hiatus
NEXT EPISODE: It gets worse.
You can find the visual companion to this episode on our blog.
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)
In which we continue to follow the post-Siege Perilous X-Men; Dazzler finally makes her big-screen debut; Callisto gets a day job; Colossus gets a ponytail; still more X-Men fake their deaths; Jean Grey gets tentacles; Professor Wolverine is a jerk; and Jay overthinks Community.
X-PLAINED:
The new-new Howling Commandos
Hit-Monkey
Uncanny X-Men #259-263
Dazzler: The Movie (again)
Freddie Stanacheck
Eric Beale
What Dazzler would do
Peter Nicholas
Jenny Ransome and Phillip Moreau (again)
Twin Peaks references, canonical and otherwise
Genoshan foreign policy
The value of allegory
Some regrettable X-costumes
That time Jean Grey got tentacles
Molly the cat
Dubious medical ethics
Hardcase and the Harriers
An unlikely pizza party
A theoretical Community/X-Men costume party
NEXT EPISODE: Spotlight on the Starjammers!
You can find the visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
In which Jubilee is the sassiest Xenomorph; Lady Deathstrike is way too good for the Reavers; Wolverine gets a sidekick; Forge arm wrestles the Shadow King; Moira takes a cavalier approach lab safety; Magneto’s motives get kind of reconciled; Legion is a chaos gamer; Mystique and Destiny break our hearts; queer erasure in fiction reflects erasure in life; and the Shadow King is not even a little bit subtle.
X-PLAINED:
That one time Donald Pierce pretended to be Cyclops for like a year
The post X-Men X-Men
What may be our deepest cut yet
Uncanny X-Men #252-255
Where’s Wolverine?
The Reaver Bunch
Major-League lumpoids
Robot dingoes
A prescient vision
Trouble at sea
Several significant deaths
Subtext and queer erasure
The key of agony
Smile noises
Non-mutants we’d team up with the X-Men
NEXT WEEK: Back to Asgard!
You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 11/22/2015 at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
It is reasonably appropriate to judge this book by its cover. (X-Men Annual #3)
Spot the references. (X-Men Annual #3)
ARKON THE MAGNIFICENT! (X-Men Annual #3)
I guess when your job is cleaning up after Tony Stark, the existential hellscape of Funky Winkerbean starts to feel like a vacation. (X-Men Annual #3)
DON’T TOUCH THE HAIR! (X-Men Annual #3)
You’d think the Danger Room would have ANY KIND OF REMOTELY FUNCTIONAL SAFETY PROTOCOLS BY NOW, but no. (X-Men Annual #3)
The art makes a really, really good counterpoint to the conversation in these panels. (X-Men Annual #3)
Cyclops encouraging other characters to talk about their feelings: NEVER NOT FUNNY. (X-Men Annual #3)
Don’t forget to watch TV, kids! You never know when it’ll come in handy! (X-Men Annual #3)
The best thing about this panel is Wolverine’s understated “Geez.” (X-Men Annual #3)
“I mean, look, there’s a really good chance we’re just going to straight-up explode.” (X-Men Annual #3)
Starman #4 is about a Hawaiian shirt that is a gateway to heaven. In related news, you should all go read Starman RIGHT NOW, because it is WONDERFUL.
If you’re not hearing Queen in your head right now, I don’t really understand you. (X-Men Annual #3)
Things that are not awesome about this fight panel: NONE OF THEM. (X-Men Annual #3)
SHE’LL SAVE EVERY ONE OF US! (X-Men Annual #3)
“Oh, y’know, just stole a dragon from some flying commandos. No big deal.” (X-Men Annual #3)
This planet sucks. (X-Men Annual #3)
Wolverine, that’s not… y’know what? Never mind. (X-Men Annual #3)
I’m pretty sure that no writer will ever reference this again. (X-Men Annual #3)
“Well, that, or the colorist forgot to make it red, which also happens sometimes.” (X-Men Annual #3)
Somewhere in the multiverse, there’s a universe where the X-Men went, “Fuck it. Let’s just go be space barbarians.” (X-Men Annual #3)
NEXT WEEK: This jerk.
LINKS & FURTHER READING:
Special thanks to the Vegas Valley Comic Book Festival–and in particular to Andy and Suzanne–for a fantastic con, and for hosting our second-ever live episode!
Comics Alliance collects the month’s most depressing Funky Winkerbean strips over at FunkyWatch.
If you haven’t seen the 1980 Flash Gordon movie, you should, because it is spectacular. Not good, mind. But spectacular.
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 11/22/2015 at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
In which we travel back in time to 1979 for our second live convention special; X-Men Annual #3 desperately needs a Queen soundtrack; George Perez draws great Banshee; Polemachus is kind of a bullshit planet; we dream of a world without Funky Winkerbean; Cyclops’s costume does not mix and match well; if you can be someone else, you should probably be Brian Blessed; Colossus gets a dragon; and Vegas Valley Comic Book Festival is awesome.
X-PLAINED:
X-misadventures in Las Vegas
X-Men Annual #3
Arkon the Magnificent
Isadore and Irmagarde Uhman
The Comical Books
Polemachus the planet vs. Polemachus the person
Funky Winkerbean
Several logistical problems with the Danger Room
MVP Cyclops
Some very good visual counterpoint to dialogue
Paperboard lightning bolt disambiguation
Jay’s favorite Starman story
X-title and music pairings
Imperions
Visual perspective in grand melees
How to order a meal on Polemachus
One specific variation on Cyclops’s powers
The X-Men as Spinal Tap
Space-barbarian eyewear
The annual cabinet
The most appropriate X-team placement for Funky Winkerbean
Best worst characters
Our favorite X-Force teams
Secret Convergence on Infinite Podcasts
NEXT WEEK: Somehow, Cameron Hodge manages to get even worse.
You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
We are so ridiculously lucky: our hometown con is the coolest. It’s only a few years old, but Rose City Comic Con is one of the most fun, accessible, welcoming, and all-around celebratory comics shows we’ve ever been to. This was our first con as Rachel & Miles X-Plain the X-Men, and our first ever live episode; and we can’t imagine a better place to start.
Click through the gallery below for photos from the con, the panel, and the party! (We’ll toss the sketches up separately tomorrow!)
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 10/4/2015 at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
Someone left Rachel alone with the button press.
More con prep.
We have a table! (Also, a lot of people were really irate about the word balloon, SIGH.)
WHOADANG, it’s the brand new zines and con-exclusive t-shirts!
Punk Cyclops was one of our favorite cosplays of the show.
Even Marvel characters are sufficiently confused by their own continuity to need our help!
Benja Barker of Portland’s Alter Egos Society hooked us up with this incredibly cool X-Men belt buckle, which sneakily velcros around pretty much any belt.
Monsters of Podcasting celebrating at the Kaijucast booth after our Sunday panel. L to R: Rachel and Miles; Zee and Jamie of the British History Podcast; Kyle of Kaijucast (and our producer!).
“Let’s just meet at the panel room,” we told the guests. “There shouldn’t be a line or anything.”
Damn, there were a lot of you. HI, PORTLAND!
Rachel and Miles X-plain Cable and Stryfe in the live episode cold open. (Photo courtesy of Kyle Yount.)
Left to right: Ann Nocenti, Miles Stokes, Rachel Edidin, Jeff Parker, Chris Yost. (Photo courtesy of Kyle Yount.)
Custom drink menus from The Steep & Thorny Way to Heaven. (The X-Men menu was 21+; New Mutants were all-ages.)
SO. GOOD.
Magneto and friends hang the Days of Future Past wall.
(Magneto also doubled as DJ and bartender. Thank you, Myrrh!)
Live cold-open previews have been a thing since our ECCC meetup. This time, we got some help from Fern. Yes, we have TWO tiny Squirrel-Girl X-perts, and they are both THE BEST. (Photo courtesy of @pawpaw5771)
There are a LOT of variations on this photo, but I think Max and Brandon may have been the first. (Photo courtesy of Brandon Goede.)
White Phoenix has no patience for this post-apocalypse nonsense. (Photo courtesy of Cassandra Carter.)
The word balloons from ECCC were also out in force. (Photo courtesy of Cassandra Carter.)
The British History Podcast wants you to know that your dark future really doesn’t have a damn thing on the past. (Photo courtesy of Jamie and Zee.)
The team-up you weren’t expecting. (Photo courtesy of Christopher Troy.)
We’re gonna go ahead and say that “continuity” is the correct collective noun for Cyclopses. In that spirit: here’s continuity of Cyclopses. (Photo courtesy of Jeff Polier.)
Another homage to the original cover. Dave, on the left, helped build and weather the wall. Katie’s Marvel Girl is updated from the o5 group previously pictured on our blog. (Photo courtesy of the Proctors.)
This Shadowcat is not only an awesomely on-point cosplayer (that Lockheed!) but also one of the coolest teenagers we’ve ever met. (Photo courtesy of Tom Kishel.)
Two very happy, very tired X-Perts. (Photo courtesy of Myrrh Larsen.)
NEXT WEEK: Fallen Angels!
Special thanks to a LOT of people without whom the con and show wouldn’t have been possible:
Panel Guests: Ann Nocenti, Jeff Parker, and Chris Yost
Earth-811 Craft Department: Dave Proctor and Cameron Harris
Everyone from Rose City Comic Con; but particularly Mikey Nielson, Ron Brister, and Paula Brister.
Team X-Plain: Tina Abate, David Wynne, and Kyle Yount.
The Absolute Goddamn Best: Katie Moody and Anna Sheffey.
Last but not least: Max Carleton, Dusty Eppers, Jason Betournay, Scott Hazle, Fern, Kestrel, Jasper, and everyone who turned out to help, yell, party, and X-Plain with us at and after RCCC!