Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

As Mentioned in Episode 134 – Live at Vegas Valley Comic Book Festival

Listen to the episode here.

Here are the lyrics to all thirty-nine verses of Dear Mister Sinister (you’ll have to hit Tea or Scott up for the chords):

Dear Mister Sinister
My name is Alex; I’ve
Got a school project
I hope you can help with
My teacher said we have to
Map out our families
Parents and grandparents
Brothers and sisters
She gave us poster board
She gave us markers, but
I’m having trouble with
Several specifics
You see, I’m adopted
But I’ve got a brother
We used to have parents
We don’t anymore
Dad’s name was Christopher
Mom’s name was Katherine
Dad’s mom and dad were named
Philip and Deborah
That part is easy, the
Trouble’s my brother, see
His name is Scott and he’s
Kind of a pain
But that’s not the problem, the
Problem is Maddy and
Nathan and Rachel and
Also some time travel
Maddy is Scott’s ex, and
Nathan’s their son, he
Grew up in the future
And Scott and Jean raised him
Jean is another ex
Maddy’s her clone, but
Jean’s also the Phoenix
Except so is Rachel
Rachel’s Scott’s kid
(with Jean not with Maddy)
She’s Mother Askani
Or she will be someday
(‘Cept Scott’s not her father
At least, not my brother
Because she was born in
An alternate timeline
That said, her parentage
Is somewhat hazy; it
Involves the Phoenix and
Rachel cloned Nathan in
Case of emergency
That clone is Stryfe; he
Was raised by Apocalypse
Nathan’s got Hope
Who is also adopted
(She isn’t a clone, though
Her last name was Spalding)
His son was named Tyler
But Wolverine killed him
And then we all kind of
Forgot he’d existed
But that’s Nathan Summers
Nate Grey’s someone different
He’s kind of like Rachel, but
From a worse timeline
Nate is a clone or grew
Up in a test tube; And
You might have raised him (Well,
Not you, exactly)
And now Scott’s with Emma
And Ruby’s their daughter, at
Least in one future where
Scott is a cyborg
They also have kids from
A different timeline; a
daughter named Meagan
With twin baby sisters
I married Jan in an
Alternate future and
We had a daughter but
Kang started meddling
Our daughter’s named Katie
Or will be or was, and
Her timeline is gone and
It’s kind of an issue
Did I forget Hepzibah?
She’s Dad’s new girlfriend, ’cause
Dad’s alive after all
And he’s a space pirate
Speaking of space stuff, I
Should mention Gabriel
My younger brother, at
Least ’til I killed him
He was born after mom died
And aged artificially
He married Deathbird and
Then he killed Dad again
Deathbird was pregnant
The Kree got involved and now;
No one is certain if
She’s given birth yet
Oh! And I should tell you
That I am some sort of
Multiversal nexus
Which complicates matters
See, there’s also Scotty
(My son, not my brother)
Well, not mine exactly
A parallel Alex’s
And that Alex married
a Madelyne Pryor
Who in this dimension
Is Scott’s ex-wife Maddy
(I mean Scott, my brother,
Of whom there are two now
And one is sixteen it’s
Incredibly awkward)
I’m also supposed
To trace my name’s history
That’s also a problem, see,
‘Cause there’s a time loop
‘Cause once Scott went back to
The late Nineteenth Century
To thwart a villain
Or something like that
And he saved a guy who
I think was your prisoner
His surname name was Edge, but
He changed it to Summers
He came to the States and he’s
My twice-great granddad, which
All seems a bit too
Complex for a poster
That’s why I am writing; see,
Your machinations are
Largely at fault for the
Mess that I’m in
I used to blame Scott but
It’s really not his fault
You’re clearly the one
Who was pulling the strings
Out of some weird obsession
With all our genetics
(Well, less so with mine, but
It’s still pretty creepy)
I mean, you cloned Scott’s girlfriend
And kidnapped my nephew
The least you can do is
Help me diagram this
Yours very sincerely,
Alex “Havok” Summers
(Scott’s younger brother)
(In case you’d forgotten)
Dear Mister Sinister
My name is Alex; I’ve
Got a school project
I hope you can help with

134 – Live at Vegas Valley Comic Book Festival (feat. Scott Koblish)

Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.

In which Deadpool and X-Men ’92 artist Scott Koblish joins us to present the Summers Family Tree as you’ve never experienced it before; the X-Men go to Dante’s Hell; Dr. Strange gets his Virgil on; Wolverine sniffs snakes; Iceman has probably killed a lot of people; and X-Men fans have remained remarkably consistent over the years.


  • The Summers family
  • Birthdays at the Xavier mansion
  • A package as sinister as it is stylish
  • Uncanny X-Men King-Size Annual #4
  • One version of Hell
  • A demon who is also a sorting hat
  • Another X-Men crossover conspiracy theory
  • The X-Men’s religious affiliations and lack thereof
  • Nuance of self-narration
  • Snakes with arms, and the vocalizations thereof
  • Dangers of encasing people in ice
  • The death of Stefan Szardos
  • An overly complex revenge plot
  • The origin of that one angry mob from Giant-Size X-Men #1
  • Kinda-incest
  • Reader responses to the Dark Phoenix Saga
  • X-Men vs. board games
  • The appeal of the Outback X-Men
  • Artist-character associations

NEXT EPISODE: Kurt Wagner: Warlord… of our hearts!

DEAR MISTER SINISTER lyrics by Jay Edidin & music by Tea Fougner. Performed by Scott Koblish.

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

March 2015 T-Shirt of the Month: What’s New Shadowcat?

Saving the world is all well and good, but Kitty Pryde knows what superheroism is REALLY about: the costumes!

Screen Shot 2015-03-01 at 3.41.38 AM

What's New Shadowcat

This month, we’re celebrating Kitty’s myriad and multiversal superthreads with David Wynne’s fantastic homage to the classic Frazetta What’s New Pussycat? poster, featuring a whopping seven of Kitty’s signature looks over the years. For bonus mileage, go meta and incorporate it into your own superhero costume—or use the matching mugs to get you through the Kitty’s Costumes drinking game next time you marathon the Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men archives!

What’s New Shadowcat? shirts will be available until April 1, then disappear forever (mugs, tote bags, and/or throw pillows may persevere longer). David also has the original art for sale over here!

As Mentioned in Episode 33 – Crossoverload

Listen to the episode here!

Links and Further Reading

33 – Crossoverload

Art by David Wynne! Prints here, or contact David for the original.
Art by David Wynne! Prints here, or contact David for the original.

In which we dive into two crossovers; our DCU is the DCAU; the Greys just cannot catch a break; Darkseid is basically Santa Claus; the Phoenix Force has Cyclops feels; Baron Karza is the sonic screwdriver of supervillains; and the Enigma Force is aptly named.

CONTENT NOTE: The Micronauts portion of this episode involves not-particularly-graphic but still fairly involved discussions of sexual violence. If that’s not something you want to listen to, we’d recommend stopping the episode after the Teen Titans portion at 26:26, and fast-forwarding to 47:52 for conclusions, questions, and outro.


  • Crossover Earth
  • Amalgam
  • Crossovers
  • The Uncanny X-Men and the New Teen Titans
  • The Teen Titans
  • The One True Flash
  • Cosmic Kirby
  • Darkseid
  • Metron
  • The Source Wall
  • Deathstroke the Terminator
  • Ravok
  • Butte sex
  • Cyclops and the Phoenix Force
  • The X-Men and the Micronauts #1-4
  • Bill Mantlo
  • The Hero Initiative
  • Micronauts
  • The Microverse
  • Baron Karza
  • Evil Xavier (more)(again)(seriously, how is anyone still surprised when this happens)
  • Several moral event horizons crossed in quick succession
  • Female protagonists in X-books

Next Week: Captain America in a loincloth!

You can find a visual companion to the episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Support us on Patreon!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration here, or contact David Wynne for the original!

As Mentioned in Episode 30 – New-Wave Superteens in Love

Listen to the episode here!

Links and Further Reading:

30 – New-Wave Superteens in Love


Art by David Wynne
Art by David Wynne


In which the New Mutants are the Bobbsey Twins to the X-Men’s Sam Spade; Nina da Costa is Ms. Frizzle; New Mutants does a Rachel-and-Miles cold open; Selene is the Elizabeth Bathory of lava; Rahne likes Sam, Sam likes Amara, Dani likes Bobby, and Bobby likes everyone; Gil and Art are no Harvey and Janet; Miles has a Del Preston moment, Magma is a Horta; and if something super happens, you should tell a super adult.


  • Selene
  • Externals
  • New Mutants #7-17
  • The da Costa family
  • Axe
  • Some really dubious cosmetic choices
  • Nova Roma
  • Amara Aquilla (Magma)
  • Op-art as a superpower
  • Doug Ramsey’s hair
  • The Massachusetts Academy
  • New-Wave Superteens
  • Deflection
  • The Hellions
  • Not-Particularly-Secret Origins of the Hellfire Club
  • Publishing schedules

Next Week: Lifedeath, time travel, and Forge’s tiny shorts.

You can find a visual companion to the episode – as well as links to recommended reading and the winners of the stealth / plainclothes cosplay contest – on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Support us on Patreon!

Halloween X

We’ve been talking up the Stealth/Plainclothes cosplay contest a lot lately (reminder: deadline is Friday, November 7!), but right in the middle of that came Halloween–and our listeners turned out in some stellar X-wear. Check it out:

As Mentioned in Episode 25 – The Best at What He Does

Listen to the episode here!

Further Reading:

25 – The Best at What He Does

Art by David Wynne, after Katsushika Hokusai.
Art by David Wynne, after Katsushika Hokusai.

In which Wolverine gets his first miniseries, Yukio is still (and forever) the best, we categorically reject the classification “manic pixie dreamgirl,” everything is noir as hell, Wolverine gets an Iron Giant moment, Storm is too cool for your dress code, and we finally made “Probably a Summers Brother” t-shirts.


  • X-23
  • The 1982 Wolverine miniseries
  • Uncanny X-Men #172-173
  • Rachel’s Wolverine feelings
  • An auspicious road trip
  • Early Frank Miller
  • A really epic team-up
  • Plug’n’play storytelling
  • How to tell a good Wolverine story
  • Mariko Yashida
  • Honor
  • Shingen Yashida
  • Yukio
  • The Inverse Law of Ninjas
  • The Forty-Seven Ronin
  • Silver Samurai
  • Viper
  • A Ninja meet-cute
  • The Cyclops / Wolverine double standard
  • The secret origins of Wolverine’s mask and hair

Next Week: The New Mutants meet Team America!

You can find a visual companion to the episode – and links to recommended reading – on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Support us on Patreon!