Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

30 – New-Wave Superteens in Love


Art by David Wynne
Art by David Wynne


In which the New Mutants are the Bobbsey Twins to the X-Men’s Sam Spade; Nina da Costa is Ms. Frizzle; New Mutants does a Rachel-and-Miles cold open; Selene is the Elizabeth Bathory of lava; Rahne likes Sam, Sam likes Amara, Dani likes Bobby, and Bobby likes everyone; Gil and Art are no Harvey and Janet; Miles has a Del Preston moment, Magma is a Horta; and if something super happens, you should tell a super adult.


  • Selene
  • Externals
  • New Mutants #7-17
  • The da Costa family
  • Axe
  • Some really dubious cosmetic choices
  • Nova Roma
  • Amara Aquilla (Magma)
  • Op-art as a superpower
  • Doug Ramsey’s hair
  • The Massachusetts Academy
  • New-Wave Superteens
  • Deflection
  • The Hellions
  • Not-Particularly-Secret Origins of the Hellfire Club
  • Publishing schedules

Next Week: Lifedeath, time travel, and Forge’s tiny shorts.

You can find a visual companion to the episode – as well as links to recommended reading and the winners of the stealth / plainclothes cosplay contest – on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Support us on Patreon!


  1. George is right, so actually you are going to have to talk about him again soon. Then he eventually appears in a super hero prison that Wolverine is thrown in and eventually he is killed in Fear Itself. So basically 4 appearances.

  2. Listening to you guys talk about who the New Mutants should call in case of an emergency just makes me think how awesome the phone tree Professor X must have set up for them.

    From the Office of Professor Charles Xavier:

    In case of Emergency call the X-MEN
    If not available call the following (in order):
    -The Avengers
    -The Fantastic Four
    -Carol Danvers
    -The Defenders
    -Cloak and Dagger
    -Heroes for Hire (Emergency Funds in my office)
    -Black Bolt and the Inhumans (ask for Medusa)
    -The Champions
    -Team America

    1. My headcanon is that this list is currently taped to the fridge in the kitchen, and only slightly singed from the time Kitty was stalked by that alien on Christmas.

      And Team America has been hastily scrawled in with sharpie marker, while the Champions has been crossed out several times with notes not to try calling them anymore. I mean, the X-Mansion gets destroyed enough times with issues from the X-Men. Professor X didn’t like Herc coming in and wrecking the place while drunk the last time, not to mention hitting on his underage wards.

      Also, I would love to see a “lost story” featuring the time the New Mutants had to call out for help due to some random relatively minor issue and got Carol and the Starjammers to help out. And Bobby winds up man-crushing on Corsair due to the wonderful mustache while the Starjammers get to generally be awesome.
      Maybe some Sentinels went rogue and the Starjammer was in the area?

      1. Actually, there is a pretty great issue of New Mutants that deals with Amara’s crisis of faith, meeting Herc, and the two of them bonding.

      2. @newtypeS3

        That is pretty much EXACTLY what I was thinking, especially with Team America just randomly scribbled at the bottom. And I could see so many notes added to this for when the Inhumans randomly decide to go to Space and are impossible to reach or the Champions of Defenders have disbanded for the 85th time (or Herc/Namor is being a creep/jerk)

        I would just love to see so many New Mutants stories where they don’t even come close to getting the right adults for situations they can’t handle.

        “Professor Richards sir, Ilyanna won’t come out of her room and we really think she might be in some serious personal trouble!”
        “Um…well yes small X-Children. Calling an adult was the right thing to do…is she…well…perhaps…if…science? I’m calling my wife.”

        1. God, that makes me want to write a horribly-done fanfic about the time the New Mutants called the Gutheries (who happened to be vacationing in New York that week) for help because the Danger Room has broken and trapped half the team inside. Again. Because, of course, they would be more than willing to be written onto the emergency list. However, they’re in New York without a car.

          So the New Mutants call up the Fantastic Four, and Reed is more than willing to help… until the New Mutants reveal that they really just need him to fly the Fantasticar over to the Gutheries’ hotel to pick them up.
          And, of course, Reed winds up saving the day in the background while the Gutheries get all the credit, despite not having a clue what happened.

          And Bobby keeps trying to add Tom Selleck to the list, because Magnum PI would always be willing to help. But Professor X keeps shooting him down and putting white-out over the spot Bobby uses.

  3. I have a question for you guys: Where does the idea that Wolverine is like a hundred years old first come from? It really doesn’t seem consistant with how he is characterised in the early to mid Claremont run, where he is struggling to come to terms with who he is, not entirely sure he can overcome his rages, and aknowleges that he’s “not ready” for a leadership role. I almost think it would be truer to the character if he had turned out to be a talking weasel like that leprchaun said.

    1. I think it started to come from later in the 1980s, though I’m not sure myself. I’d put good money on it coming from a Captain America crossover, though, because Cap’s one of the few who could place him as being older than it seems.

  4. Despite being a complete nerd, Doug is actually a ladies man. He’s approached by both Tarot AND Roulette, Rahne, and others that I think I’m forgetting.

  5. So I’m in the middle of this run right now, and Issue 9 may have one of the weirdest clothing panels: Sam and Bobby in tattered loin cloths while imprisoned and waiting to become gladiators. I started thinking about the logistics of this:

    STEP 1. the Nova Romans captured Sam and Bobby (already in tattered clothes)
    STEP 2. rather than just chaining them up in their already tattered clothes, they were like “No, no, no. What are we thinking? They have to be in tattered loin cloths!” Which means they either gave them tattered loin cloths to put on or while they were drugged, changed them into tattered loin cloths. Either way, this means that A) the Nova Romans have tattered loin cloths in storage and prepped for new prisoners and B) they have REALLY strong feelings about that clothing being prisoner attire and already in their tattered state.
    STEP 3: when preparing them for gladiatorial combat, they then change them into other clothes. Which again, means that getting them into the loin cloths was not a necessary step of gladiatorial prep as it was an important step for its own sake.

    Nova Roman culture is weird.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *