Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.

Absolutely judge this book by its cover.

That’s definitely a wedding cake. And a whole turkey.

There’s really nothing we can add to improve this already perfect panel.

Seriously, though, wouldn’t you be weirded out if someone gave you this? (Of you, I mean. Not Kurt.)

“Also, he has… STREP!”

“No Solicitors.”

Not gonna lie: I kiiiiinda love this sleazy dude.

The tensile strength of Nightcrawler’s tail is really impressive.

SO THERE.

(Not Storm)

(Storm)

Aw, man, THAT guy.

‘Kay, then.

‘KAY, THEN.

NEXT EPISODE: Kurt Wagner, Warlord… of our hearts!

Here are the lyrics to all thirty-nine verses of Dear Mister Sinister (you’ll have to hit Tea or Scott up for the chords):

Dear Mister Sinister
My name is Alex; I’ve
Got a school project
I hope you can help with
 
My teacher said we have to
Map out our families
Parents and grandparents
Brothers and sisters
 
She gave us poster board
She gave us markers, but
I’m having trouble with
Several specifics
 
You see, I’m adopted
But I’ve got a brother
We used to have parents
We don’t anymore
 
Dad’s name was Christopher
Mom’s name was Katherine
Dad’s mom and dad were named
Philip and Deborah
 
That part is easy, the
Trouble’s my brother, see
His name is Scott and he’s
Kind of a pain
 
But that’s not the problem, the
Problem is Maddy and
Nathan and Rachel and
Also some time travel
 
Maddy is Scott’s ex, and
Nathan’s their son, he
Grew up in the future
And Scott and Jean raised him
 
Jean is another ex
Maddy’s her clone, but
Jean’s also the Phoenix
Except so is Rachel
 
Rachel’s Scott’s kid
(with Jean not with Maddy)
She’s Mother Askani
Or she will be someday
 
(‘Cept Scott’s not her father
At least, not my brother
Because she was born in
An alternate timeline
 
That said, her parentage
Is somewhat hazy; it
Involves the Phoenix and
Parthenogenesis)
 
Rachel cloned Nathan in
Case of emergency
That clone is Stryfe; he
Was raised by Apocalypse
 
Nathan’s got Hope
Who is also adopted
(She isn’t a clone, though
Her last name was Spalding)
 
His son was named Tyler
But Wolverine killed him
And then we all kind of
Forgot he’d existed
 
But that’s Nathan Summers
Nate Grey’s someone different
He’s kind of like Rachel, but
From a worse timeline
 
Nate is a clone or grew
Up in a test tube; And
You might have raised him (Well,
Not you, exactly)
 
And now Scott’s with Emma
And Ruby’s their daughter, at
Least in one future where
Scott is a cyborg
 
They also have kids from
A different timeline; a
daughter named Meagan
With twin baby sisters
 
I married Jan in an
Alternate future and
We had a daughter but
Kang started meddling
 
Our daughter’s named Katie
Or will be or was, and
Her timeline is gone and
It’s kind of an issue
 
Did I forget Hepzibah?
She’s Dad’s new girlfriend, ’cause
Dad’s alive after all
And he’s a space pirate
 
Speaking of space stuff, I
Should mention Gabriel
My younger brother, at
Least ’til I killed him
 
He was born after mom died
And aged artificially
He married Deathbird and
Then he killed Dad again
 
Deathbird was pregnant
The Kree got involved and now;
No one is certain if
She’s given birth yet
 
Oh! And I should tell you
That I am some sort of
Multiversal nexus
Which complicates matters
 
See, there’s also Scotty
(My son, not my brother)
Well, not mine exactly
A parallel Alex’s
 
And that Alex married
a Madelyne Pryor
Who in this dimension
Is Scott’s ex-wife Maddy
 
(I mean Scott, my brother,
Of whom there are two now
And one is sixteen it’s
Incredibly awkward)
 
I’m also supposed
To trace my name’s history
That’s also a problem, see,
‘Cause there’s a time loop
 
‘Cause once Scott went back to
The late Nineteenth Century
To thwart a villain
Or something like that
 
And he saved a guy who
I think was your prisoner
His surname name was Edge, but
He changed it to Summers
 
He came to the States and he’s
My twice-great granddad, which
All seems a bit too
Complex for a poster
 
That’s why I am writing; see,
Your machinations are
Largely at fault for the
Mess that I’m in
 
I used to blame Scott but
It’s really not his fault
You’re clearly the one
Who was pulling the strings
 
Out of some weird obsession
With all our genetics
(Well, less so with mine, but
It’s still pretty creepy)
 
I mean, you cloned Scott’s girlfriend
And kidnapped my nephew
The least you can do is
Help me diagram this
 
Yours very sincerely,
Alex “Havok” Summers
(Scott’s younger brother)
(In case you’d forgotten)
 
Dear Mister Sinister
My name is Alex; I’ve
Got a school project
I hope you can help with