Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

Tag: illyana rasputin

107 – Fairy Tale Ending

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Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.

 

In which everyone’s got Inferno issues; Brett Blevins makes it work; Belasco is conspicuously absent from Inferno; you should never go into Hell barefoot; the greatest X-Men stories are about loss; and Illyana Rasputin finally gets a fairy tale ending.

X-PLAINED

  • Tempus (Eva Bell)
  • Storm and Illyana: Magik #1-4 (briefly)
  • The two major Inferno plotlines
  • New Mutants #71-73
  • The best of Brett Blevins
  • The rise and fall of Magik
  • The ethics of time-travel interventions
  • A weaponized retcon
  • N’astirh Guy™
  • A chair that is also a moral event horizon
  • A significant soul-armor upgrade
  • Several variations on a chapter title
  • Possessed New York
  • An overly complex conspiracy theory
  • A bittersweet reunion
  • The Kobayashi Maru scenario as applied to X-Men
  • An even more bittersweet victory (of sorts)
  • The eventual return of Magik (sort of)
  • Why it’s really irresponsible to affiliate your school with a superhero team
  • Our favorite versions of Wolfsbane’s transitional form

NEXT WEEK:

The Rise of the Goblin Queen!

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

As Mentioned in Episode 106 – The X-Terminators

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Listen to the podcast here.

Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
Hi, Bill Gaines! (X-Terminators #1)
In which Bogdanove goes full Silver-Age romance-cover! (X-Terminators #1)
And so it was. (X-Terminators #1)
Wellp. (X-Terminators #1)
Can Bogdanove draw Boom Boom forever, please? (X-Terminators #1)
THIS KID IS AWESOME. (X-Terminators #1)
The cartoonishness of this series is really, really fun. (X-Terminators #1)
“Classic goblin behavior.” Did she learn about this in school? (X-Terminators #1)
JAIL BREAK TIME! (X-Terminators #1)
Boom Boom vs. vending machines. (X-Terminators #2)
I love the extent to which Hostess Fruit Pies became a running joke within actual Marvel comics. (X-Terminators #2)
So doomed. (X-Terminators #2)
This is probably a little too niche to describe as “every parent’s worst nightmare,” but I’m sure it hit home for someone. (X-Terminators #2)
#WINNING (X-Terminators #2)
Seriously, though–wouldn’t it be funnier if this were just a regular Viewmaster? (X-Terminators #2)
I can’t find the Ghostbusters production photo this is an homage to, but I swear it exists. (X-Terminators #3)
The living landscape of NYC quickly becomes legitimately terrifying, without ever quite losing its cartoonishness. (X-Terminators #3)
Incidental transitional panel, or hidden pitch for a whole new series? (X-Terminators #3)
Magic spells are ridiculous. (X-Terminators #3)
THOSE FACES. (X-Terminators #4)
You know that feeling when a crossover flies in from nowhere and whacks you in the back of the head? Yeah. (X-Terminators #4)
OKAY, THEN. (X-Terminators #4)
Wouldn’t that be multiplying it by 100? (X-Terminators #4)
Are… pigeons particularly notorious for meekly accepting destruction? Is that a thing? (X-Terminators #4)
And they all lived happily ever–HA, NO, JUST KIDDING. GO READ NEW MUTANTS. (X-Terminators #4)
NEXT WEEK: The fall of Magik.

LINKS & FURTHER LISTENING:

106 – The X-Terminators

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Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.

In which Nextwave is both canon and not-canon; Inferno officially begins; X-Terminators is basically a cartoon; Bill Gaines cannot catch a break; Artie and Leach are superbabies; Takeshi Matsuya is fantastic; you should probably never take our advice about anything; Boom Boom is pretty good at superhero costume design; Walter Peck was right; Miles still won’t stop saying that one line about stealing a baby; N’astirh is no pigeon; and “No Mutant Is an Island” is a patently inaccurate statement.

X-PLAINED:

  • The Beyond Corporation
  • The Defilers
  • X-Terminators #1-4
  • The first 35 issues of X-Factor, briefly
  • Two teams with the same name
  • Fredric Wertham
  • Bill Gaines
  • Crotus
  • Babies
  • A boarding school that may or may not be Phillips Exeter Academy
  • Muffy
  • Saint Simon’s Academy
  • Wiz Kid (Takeshi Matsuya)
  • Nuprin
  • Medical advice from goblins
  • The Goblin Buster
  • Metareferential snack food
  • RadSport Sport Fashion Outfitters
  • An exceptionally specific Ghostbusters reference
  • Helen and Tim
  • Dubious spell semantics
  • How not to incorporate a crossover into a miniseries, and vice versa
  • “No Mutant Is an Island”
  • A brief history of Magneto’s helmet
  • Definitive Magnetos

NEXT WEEK: The fall of Magik.

Special thanks to multiversal metacontinuity wizard Al Ewing for the last-minute assist on the cold open!

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes, Google Play, or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

As Mentioned in Episode 101 – Not Bad, Just Drawn That Way

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Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
Magneto, you know that’s not gonna work. (New Mutants #67)
Teenagers, amirite? (New Mutants #67)
BLEVINS, STOP THAT. (New Mutants #67)
Chessboard cover. Take a drink, or manipulate your friends and loved ones in a complex tactical gambit. (New Mutants #68)
Eep. (New Mutants #68)
Aw, Illyana. (New Mutants #68)
There’s either a whole lot or very little going on here, and sometimes it’s difficult to work out which. (New Mutants #68)
Basically any PUA forum. (New Mutants #68)
Aw, Rahne. (New Mutants #68)
There are a few ways to read this scene. You do you. (New Mutants #68)
The problem with this era is that we can’t describe anything as “sinister” without implications. (New Mutants #68)
Aw, Rahne. (New Mutants #68)
If I had a dollar for every time I’d seen this exact scenario pop up in Seventeen Magazine‘s “Most Embarrassing Moments”… (New Mutants #68)
Spyder then posts a long string of rants on Twitter, in which he refers to women exclusively as “females.” (New Mutants #69)
INFERNOWATCH, AHOY! (New Mutants #69)
Haven’t we all got eldritch abominations inside us, when it comes down to it? (New Mutants #69)
You’re a good kid, Bobby. (New Mutants #69)
This is a man who’s one bad day away from writing “Surrender Dorothy” in the sky with iron filings. (New Mutants #70)
That doesn’t even… y’know what? Never mind. Let’s just run with it. (New Mutants #70)
And you thought your family reunions were rough. (New Mutants #70)
There are too many reasons that this doesn’t make sense to list here. Go listen to the episode. (New Mutants #70)
NEXT EPISODE: Decapitatoin and baby theft with X-Factor

101 – Not Bad, Just Drawn That Way

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Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.

In which it’s pretty much always terrible to be Magik; Y is a sometimes vowel; Wolfsbane is a secret Disney Princess; feelings ruin everything; and Gossamyr may or may not be an allegory (but is pretty interesting either way).

X-PLAINED:

  • What Lila Cheney is up to these days
  • New Mutants #67-70
  • Gratuitous space spelling
  • Gossamyr
  • Spyder
  • The Accountants
  • Magneto’s ongoing slide into supervillainy
  • A few fairly specific elements of teen-girl social dynamics
  • Wolfsbane’s greatest desire
  • Practical logistics of teleporting aliens into a sun
  • Approaching the X-books as a new writer
  • Who we’d put on an all-X-Men trivia team

NEXT EPISODE: BabyRace 2000; and Archangel vs. Cameron Hodge

Special thanks to Kieron Gillen for the X-pert consult; and to Arvin Bautista for the use of “I Will Steal Your Heart.”

InfernoWatch:

  • Illyana’s descent continues
  • S’ym gains near-complete control of Limbo
  • First instances of possessed machinery and architecture

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

As Mentioned in Episode 96 – Horsemen of the Playground

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Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Prints, cards, and travel mugs available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
How you know a psychic event is a big deal: the cross-franchise reaction montage! (X-Factor Annual #3)
Well, that’s certainly one way to stage an intervention. (X-Factor Annual #3)
These delightful scamps. (X-Factor Annual #3)
Warlock, never change. (New Mutants Annual #4)
Can we have a moment of rapt silence for how well June Brigman draws body language? (New Mutants Annual #4)
The High Evolutionary’s head scientist, Stack, appears to be dual-wielding a cane and a staple gun. Because, evolution. (New Mutants Annual #4)
“On Wednesdays, we wear pink.” (New Mutants Annual #4)
Hell, yeah, equal-opportunity battle lingerie! (Well, except for Magneto, but he marches to the beat of his own fuchsia drum.) (New Mutants Annual #4)
Horses: totally the worst. (New Mutants Annual #4)
The scene that blew tiny Miles’s tiny mind. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #12)
AND THAT’S WHY YOU ALWAYS LEAVE A NOTE. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #12)
Man, if we had a dollar for every time that happened… (Uncanny X-Men Annual #12)
POIT: Definitely the cutest sound effect. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #12)
In which Alex comes *this close* to the realization that Charles Xavier is totally a supervillain. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #12)
SURE, WHY NOT? (Uncanny X-Men Annual #12)
Remember the time Storm had adventures on pirate space city on the back of a flying wolf? Because that was definitely a thing that actually happened. (Classic X-Men #22)
Oh, THAT guy. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #12)
I’m not actually certain they ever followed up on this. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #12)
It’s kind of a shame this logo didn’t stick around, because it’s pretty sweet. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #12)
NEXT EPISODE: Captain Britain!

96 – Horsemen of the Playground

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Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
Art by David Wynne. Prints, cards, and travel mugs available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.

 

In which we play Evolutionary War Mad-Libs; it’s probably a bad sign when Apocalypse decides you need an intervention; Dani is (briefly) the new Doug; horses are jerks; it’s probably really dangerous to be Longshot; Storm has the coolest friends; the High Evolutionary is very high indeed; and we make a (very token) nod to Valentine’s Day.

X-PLAINED:

  • Secret Origins of the High Evolutionary
  • Evolutionary War
  • The actual history of eugenics in America
  • X-Factor Annual #3
  • New Mutants Annual #4
  • Uncanny X-Men Annual #12
  • Classic X-Men #22
  • Purifiers (but not those purifiers)
  • Stack
  • Purge
  • How to tell when an event has major psychic repercussions
  • A Silver-Age callback
  • An Apocalypse-style intervention
  • Toga Steve (Val-Or)
  • The return of Bulk and Glow Worm
  • Equal-opportunity Hellfire lingerie
  • Mirage’s power upgrade
  • Miles vs. puberty vs. Uncanny X-Men
  • The coolest civilization ever
  • Colossus’s illegitimate kid
  • The cutest sound effect
  • Origins of the Scott/Jean/Logan love triangle
  • Stuff Jay likes and Miles doesn’t
  • The Elle Collins Theory of Podcast Roles

NEXT EPISODE: Captain Britain!

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy prints (or travel mugs) of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

93 – The Discreet Charm of the Brood

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Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.

In which airplanes are really dangerous if you’re a mutant, Magik remembers that time she dreamed about remembering a dream, those who live by mystically bad judgment die by mystically bad judgment, It’s Always Mystique (TM), and everything leads to Inferno.

 

X-PLAINED:

  • Forge’s moral compass
  • New Mutants #62-63 and #65-66
  • Empath and irredeemable vs. sympathetic villains
  • Magical postal eagles
  • Nova Roma
  • Jag-u-ars
  • Art as era signifier
  • Time travel nightmare logic
  • Sharpiemancy
  • The “last” Brood
  • Jerk headmasters who won’t even let you commit murder
  • A long-awaited roomie reunion
  • Bret Blevins’s mad Limbo skillz
  • Claremont / Simonson character maturity equilibrium
  • Astrally furry pants
  • Loyalty to the living versus loyalty to the dead
  • The Ultimate Darkchilde
  • Wolverine’s surprisingly non-metallic teeth
  • Partying with the New Mutants

NEXT WEEK: Pryde of the X-Men.

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

As Mentioned in Episode 91 – The Saddest Story Ever Told

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Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
The vaguely slapstick motifs in this story somehow make it even sadder. (New Mutants #64)
And it really only gets more depressing from here. (New Mutants #64)
No, seriously. (New Mutants #64)
Everything is terrible forever. (New Mutants #64)
=( (New Mutants #64)
Yeah, we do not have a sassy caption for this. Sorry. (New Mutants #64)
Aw, man. These kids. (New Mutants #64)
AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT! (Tattoo Tales: X-Men: Masquerade)
Harder than fighting Sentinels, apparently. (Tattoo Tales: X-Men: Masquerade)
“It’s four hours of me, a vacuum cleaner, and a theremin.” (Tattoo Tales: X-Men: Masquerade)
The X-Men take costume parties REALLY DAMN SERIOUSLY. (Tattoo Tales: X-Men: Masquerade)
“Also, that is literally one of the only two non-uniform outfits you own.” (Tattoo Tales: X-Men: Masquerade)
How not to lay out a page for coherent reading order. (Tattoo Tales: X-Men: Masquerade)
SO THEN THAT HAPPENED. (Tattoo Tales: X-Men: Masquerade)
And they all lived happily ever after. THE END! (But Doug Ramsey was still dead.) (Tattoo Tales: X-Men: Masquerade)

91 – The Saddest Story Ever Told

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Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.

 

In which New Mutants #64 is the saddest single issue of any X-book ever; the New Mutants have to grow up fast; Warlock comes to terms with mortality; The Last of Us is harder to play the second time; Tattoo Tales: X-Men: Masquerade is delightfully unhinged; animated Cyclops is totally the worst; Beast probably has a terrible garage band; Jean starts a kitchen fire; and Wolverine saves Jubilee’s birthday.

 

X-PLAINED:

  • The saddest issue ever
  • New Mutants #64
  • The only okay way to watch Grave of the Fireflies
  • The aftermath of Doug Ramsey’s death
  • Several unhealthy coping mechanisms
  • The Last of Us
  • Tattoo Tales: X-Men: Masquerade
  • Some varyingly impressive costumes
  • General irresponsibility
  • Why Wolverine is wearing a clown suit
  • Douglock
  • The New Mutants’ D&D alignments

NEXT WEEK: You never forget your first Ship.

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!