Bella, as seen on FaceTime between rounds of headbutting the phone.
The late, great, immensely fluffy Buzz Lightyear.
What, you thought this whole thing was just gonna be photos of cats? (Sorry) (X-Force #20)
Whoops. (X-Force #20)
That hair, though! Why, Shatterstar? WHY? (X-Force #20)
Those spacesuits look incredibly cumbersome. (X-Force #20)
You never forget your favorite ship. (X-Force #20)
That is a GREAT use of a spread. (X-Force #20)
X-Force really only has the one setting. (X-Force #21)
Aw. AW. (X-Force #21)
AWWWWWWWWW (X-Force #21)
“THE TEETH COMMAND IT!” (X-Force #21)
And that’s why you always leave a note. (X-Force #21)
“The guns were inside you all along!” (X-Force #22)
Well, then. (X-Force #22)
But he looks so happy about it! (X-Force #22)
I was gonna make a callback to that one tangent about how Cable probably carries a bunch of tampons because they are useful and he seems like the kind of dude who has a good attitude about menstruation, but it seemed too forced. (X-Force #22)
This is both excessive and silly, Gideon. (X-Force #22)
“Am I forever damned to eat crackers sideways?!” (X-Force #23)
Look at him! He’s just propped up in the corner! (X-Force #23)
OH, SNAP! (X-Force #23)
I’m still kind of peeved that this isn’t spelled out in Sam’s accent. It just feels wrong like this. (X-Force #23)
In which Miles stops worrying and learns to love X-Force; you should absolutely not google the phrase “face jam”; the kids take a field trip to Graymalkin; Jay reverse-engineers Shatterstar’s hair; Donald Pierce gets a new job; Sam Guthrie is the most trustworthy man in the Marvel Universe; Cable is your guns grandma; Professor earns its name; X-Force really only has one setting; and not every Sluggo is lit.
X-PLAINED:
A bunch of stuff Quicksilver did
Several cats
X-Force #20-23
The Externals (more) (again)
A deeply unlikely hairstyle
Graymalkin / Ship / Professor
A somewhat one-sided reunion
Yahoos
Inaccurate arithmetic
Why Feral sounds like that
Neither Tom, Dick, nor Harry
War Machine (James Rhodes)
Salvage
Sam Guthrie’s long trail of dead father figures
Shatterstar
How to fight an External
The seventh plague
What Domino’s been up to
Hammer’s mom
Tigerstryke (more) (again)
Sluggo (but not that Sluggo)
Learning to appreciate the ’90s
NEXT EPISODE: Psylocke Vs. Revanche!
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Everyone in this comic book is yelling at all times. (Cable: Blood and Metal #1)
There is also a lot of leaping. The early ’90s were very leaping-heavy years. (Cable: Blood and Metal #1)
Garrison, you delightful scamp! (Cable: Blood and Metal #1)
That’s right. The Six Pack is named after beer. (Cable: Blood and Metal #1)
Grizzly is kind of a delight in this series. (Cable: Blood and Metal #1)
Stryfe is ALWAYS a delight. (Cable: Blood and Metal #1)
Look at these ridiculous guns. LOOK AT THEM. (Cable: Blood and Metal #2)
Every fight in this series is exuberantly ridiculous, and it’s great. (Cable: Blood and Metal #2)
Cable is a really, really terrible boss. (Cable: Blood and Metal #2)
More leaping! (Cable: Blood and Metal #1)
MORE LEAPING! (Cable: Blood and Metal #1)
Having studied under Cable, Kane knows how to leap into battle. (Cable: Blood and Metal #1)
Blood and Metal also does the action-movie thing where the hardboiled dialogue is often vaguely suggestive. (Cable: Blood and Metal #1)
“It makes sense, though. Having an evil clone runs in my family.” (Cable: Blood and Metal #1)
Yes, Garrison. Ninjas. (Cable: Blood and Metal #2)
That’s Stryfe; and this explains a thing or three. (Cable: Blood and Metal #2)
We forgot to mention this scene in the episode, but at one point, Garrison Kane is just randomly eating a fucking enormous sandwich. (Cable: Blood and Metal #2)
And then on the next page, he dramatically rips his shirt off, because, look, SOMETIMES YOU JUST GOTTA. (Cable: Blood and Metal #2)
Shorts! (Cable: Blood and Metal #2)
Look, if you haven’t worked out that Stryfe looks like Cable by this point in the series, I’m not sure I can help you. (Cable: Blood and Metal #2)
I keep imagining Stryfe yelling, “Brother!” in Liquid Snake’s voice; and now you can, too. (Cable: Blood and Metal #2)
“I also got you some unflattering but comfortable briefs. (Cable: Blood and Metal #2)
The Adventures of Dr. McNinja is a masterpiece of modern literature; plus, it’s by the only person who will ever love Robocop vs. Terminator as much as Jay does.
In which Miles has a Dracula problem; we are really, really excited about FlameCon; Fabian Nicieza is the unsung hero of the early ’90s; Jay doesn’t explain the Iranian Hostage Crisis; Cable does not have a good history with trademark disputes; Cable: Blood and Metal is secretly an allegory for the X-books of the early 1990s; friendship and explosions don’t have to be mutually exclusive; and history evokes but doesn’t quite repeat itself.
X-PLAINED:
Dracula disambiguation
One way to stop a vampire invasion
Wang beams
Cable: Blood and Metal #1-2
The continuing miracle that is Fabian Nicieza
Cable (as established in 1992)
Stryfe
The Wild Pack and/or Six Pack
The ongoing evolution of John Romita, Jr.
Tolliver
Several heists of varying quality
Numerous patches and their contents
How the Wild Pack became the Six Pack
An idiom, examined
A total dick move
Muscles-and-guns power creep
Guns of tomorrow
The McNinja point
A brief flirtation with Magic: The Gathering
A typo that became canon
The new She-Ra
The new, improved Garrison Kane
European nipple lasers
Mr. Richter
The evolution of Cable
NEXT EPISODE: X-Factor gets political.
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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
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Okay, but seriously, he could have gotten that cape anywhere. (X-Force #11)
Early Deadpool was just kind of a jerk. (X-Force #11)
In which Garrison Kane and all of his teeth are watching you poop. (X-Force #11)
The best thing about this is that Rictor’s shirt changes color from green to read between issues, and I have decided that it is DEFINITELY Hypercolor(TM). (X-Force #11)
Hi, Crule. (X-Force #12)
Somewhere, Flash Gordon is very confused and very naked. (X-Force #12)
Just posting this for Rictor’s outfit, which really only gets more remarkable with every drawing. (X-Force #12)
If I were a better person, I might have pasted this together with the other half of the four-page spread… (X-Force #13)
…but, alas, I’m not. (X-Force #13)
Thaaaaaat’s our Cable! (X-Force #13)
Yeahno. (X-Force #13)
I really like the way Shoemaker draws battle-damaged Cable. (X-Force #14)
MY FEELINGS (X-Force #14)
Awk-ward. (X-Force #14)
Spoiler: FRIENDSHIP WINS. (X-Force #15)
And he would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn’t been for you meddling kids! (X-Force #15)
In which Jay returns from Latveria; Sabretooth is significantly less menacing in French; Fabian Nicieza takes the reins; X-Force wins our hearts and minds; Gideon plunders Flash Gordon’s wardrobe; Crule does not actually rule; Rictor was right; Ship is the friend who helps you move, but better; the X-Force kids strike out on their own; and it’s probably impossible to explain Joseph too much.
X-PLAINED:
The secret origin of Gideon
How to get deported from Latveria
Marvel en français
X-Force #11-15
Some gratuitous posturing
Pico
What the actual Domino has been up to
One hell of an outfit
Peacock powers
Crule
A comical mix-up
A somewhat radical cosmology
A very dramatic strike force
Tygerstryke
X-Force post-Liefeld
Weapon P.R.I.M.E.
A four-page spread
A fight for one is a fight for all
Vance Astro
The death of Copycat
Things only Cable and Domino could do
Joseph (more) (again)
Marvel style and its evolution
NEXT EPISODE: Fire, life, and backstory!
Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)
“We don’t need no conservation of mass!” (New Mutants Annual #7)
Harness and Piecemeal. It only gets creepier from here. (New Mutants Annual #7)
This is definitely the last thing you see before you die. (New Mutants Annual #7)
Spoiler: Nope. (New Mutants Annual #7)
99% sure these dudes do not actually know how to play chess. (New Mutants Annual #7)
How great would it have been if Cable had made a Gulliver’s Travels joke? So great. (New Mutants Annual #7)
“Attack them with all your sound effects!” (New Mutants Annual #7)
Spoiler: They do, and it’s not. (New Mutants Annual #7)
OH, THANK GOD. (New Warriors Annual #1)
Piecemeal’s shirt is a little on-the-nose. (New Warriors Annual #1)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WdJg6Duzzf4 (New Warriors Annual #1)
Namorita is great. (New Warriors Annual #1)
Oh, dear me. (New Warriors Annual #1)
I really like all the character-intro pages in this crossover. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #15)
Mother of the year, y’all. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #15)
You’re never too evil or too sexy for some good, old-fashioned filicide! (Uncanny X-Men Annual #15)
You sure are, James. You sure are. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #15)
Inappropriate, Bobby. (X-Factor Annual #6)
None of my math textbooks were ever this psychedelic. (X-Factor Annual #6)
I briefly considered making this visual companion nothing but character-intro pages. (X-Factor Annual #6)
“Kings of Pain? Oh, yeah, isn’t that the crossover where Cyclops encourages a disturbed youth to commit suicide?” (X-Factor Annual #6)
(Nah, actually, he’s comparatively ethical about it; especially considering that the kid is technically already dead and has been for years.) (X-Factor Annual #6)
Okay, then. (X-Factor Annual #6)
NEXT EPISODE: Summers family bullshit on the moon!
In which we finally announce our NYCC panel lineup; Boom Boom is the Gina Linetti of X-Force; we don’t actually know very much about the New Warriors; Cable grows as a person; Cyclops makes an ethically dubious call; Warren Kenneth Worthington III is a jerk; Jay gets very angry at a fictional character; no one gets a happy ending and the skeleton was inside you all along.
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)
***NOTE: We’re aware of the audio issues in this episode. We’re still troubleshooting our cross-country setup. Thank you for your patience!***
In which Stryfe is the Jan Brady of the Summers family; Miles’s dreams are trampled beneath tiny, delicate feet; Rictor goes on an unnecessary rescue mission; Cable is Washington to Cannonball’s Hamilton; the New Mutants may or may not time travel; Boom Boom scarfs up some chow for the bohunk; you should definitely not mess with Feral’s pigeons; Liefeld fights are pure rule-of-cool; Jay is absolutely not qualified to give legal advice; and we bid a bittersweet goodbye to New Mutants.
X-PLAINED:
Zero
Production transitions
The end of New Mutants
New Mutants #98-100
Plotting vs. scripting
The most valuable issue of New Mutants
Gideon
Liefeld butts (more) (again)
The very dramatic death of Emmanuel da Costa
Tolliver
Some Spider-Man looking jerk
Domino (Neena Thurman)
A specific and likely inaccurate timeline
Feral (Maria Callasantos)
The signature Liefeld Kick™
The Tavern on the Green
Five or six kinds of mutants
A sad goodbye
Shatterstar (Gaveedra Seven)
Cadre Alliance
Nesting habits of the urban bohunk
Some rad moves
A prologue that is also an epilogue
The Stryfe that might have been
How Logan fits into the X-Men movie timeline
X-Men mostly likely to watch Yuri!!! On Ice
Jay at FlameCon!!
NEXT EPISODE: Beast has a sexistential crisis!
You can find the visual companion to this episode on our blog.
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)