Phoenix – Page 5 – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

As Mentioned in Episode 365 – A Whole Year of This Nonsense

March 20, 2022 Jay 2 comments

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

It sure is 1996. (X-Force/Cable Annual 1996)

Hi, Pulse! (X-Force/Cable Annual 1996)

I mean, wouldn’t you? (X-Force/Cable Annual 1996)

THAT’S NOT HOW TORSOS WORK. (X-Force/Cable Annual 1996)

Seriously, what is Cyclops attached to? (X-Men Unlimited #13)

Where’s an editorial footnote when you need one? (X-Men Unlimited #13)

The cover of our new metal album! (X-Men Unlimited #13)

No real episode context; I just think this explosion looks really cool. (X-Men Unlimited #13)

How they celebrate in Junction, NY. (X-Men Unlimited #13)

NEXT EPISODE: Beast and/or Karma!

365 – A Whole Year of This Nonsense

March 13, 2022 Jay 15 comments

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In which you can now listen to a unique episode of Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men every day for a year; Shi’ar tech support leaves something to be desired; Super Doctor Astronaut Peter Corbeau does not appear in a story; it’s Deathbird, not Dueprocessbird; Zenn-La gets destroyed a lot; and we shall never speak of this incident again.

X-PLAINED:

Where babies come from
The Shi’ar (again)
Cable/X-Force Annual 1996
X-Men Unlimited #13
Organs
Shi’ar ship names
Pulse
Unconventional use of the Danger Room
Butt-first framing
Interplanetary extradition
The word “contemplative”
Binary (again)
More Shi’ar ship names
Zenn-La
Silver Surfer (Norrin Radd)
The Inciters
A giant metal space skull
Junction, NY
A metaphor for America
Marie Cavendish
Mutants with synthetics-based powers
Literary intersections

NEXT EPISODE: Beast!

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As Mentioned in Episode 356 – The Michael Bay-eux Tapestry

December 19, 2021 Miles Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

The 90s-est Rogue in the 90s-est crossover. (X-Men #56)

“Who but I could pose so impressively?” (X-Men #56)

“SENTINEL TZ-031 REPORTING TO HELP YOU MAKE YOUR POINT, SIR” (X-Men #56)

This Onslaught-form may mostly be a retcon to justify past artistic inconsistency – but damn it looks awesome. (X-Men #56)

“And not even one of them told me the actually-important parts of AoA’s whole deal.” (X-Men #56)

Kubert gets so much credit for making a quiet conversation this visually riveting. (X-Men #56)

“You may be a hybrid monstrosity composed of the worst parts of both myself and my greatest frenemy, but at least you seem to have excellent dental hygiene.” (X-Men #56)

This cover kinda sums it up. And that’s not a bad thing. (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)

Well shit. (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)

Scott Summers, master tactician. (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)

Goosebumps. (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)

The world’s greatest heroes versus a bright orange glow to the right of the two-page spread. (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)

Hope, thy name is Moppet. Despair, thy name is x-treme teen. (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)

“And on that day, the heroes channeled their collective courage and dedication into a single blast of punching and yelling.” (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)

BTOOM (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)

I’m not crying you’re crying (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)

*heavy metal horns* (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)

Thor, that’s not how it… oh, I guess it is. (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)

Man, these two (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)

Nothing I can say will add to these panels. (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)

This shouldn’t work, but damn, it does. (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)

“In the meantime, I guess you could grab that universe-in-a-ball and learn contact juggling?” (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)

NEXT TIME: Onslaught ends, for real.

356 – The Michael Bay-eux Tapestry

December 19, 2021 Miles 7 comments

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which it’s hard to be Joseph; we do our best to explain the inexplicable; Miles is full of feelings; Hulk smashes; and Onslaught finally (mostly) ends.

X-PLAINED:

Heroes Reborn Return
Wild times with the Dreaming Celestial
Onslaught so far
X-Men #56
Onslaught: Marvel Universe
Jay’s definitive Bond
Joseph (more)
The physical evolution of Onslaught
Sense of scale
Hawkeye (TV series)
Onslaught’s goals, to what extent they exist
The three genders
A really big fight
A miracle of magnetism
The (nominal) end of the Age of Heroes
Beast’s scientific career
Chamber’s voice

NEXT EPISODE: Several epilogues

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 343 – The Water Cooler of Violence

August 15, 2021 Jay 5 comments

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

LIES ALL LIES (X-Force #55)

(Probably not a LMD. This time.) (X-Force #55)

I’m not sure sound works like that, but it’s still cool. (X-Force #55)

And now you know how animated Wolverine feels. (X-Force #55)

Well, that’s one way to open a giant door. (X-Force #55)

Seriously, why is he in his underwear? (X-Force #55)

It’s really not any harder to believe than anything else in this comic. (X-Force #55)

Sacrelicious! (X-Force #56)

The Benjamin Russell storyline really doesn’t make any sense when you break it down… (X-Force #56)

I have nightmares like this. (X-Force #56)

IT WAS GAMESMASTER ALL ALONG SURE WHY NOT (X-Force #56)

We kinda forgot to cover this first time ’round. (X-Men Unlimited #8)

Puberty’s rough, buddy. (X-Men Unlimited #8)

“There’s a new mutant about to manifest! Let’s have the MOST UNSETTLING X-Man go follow him around!” (X-Men Unlimited #8)

Seriously, there is NO evidence at this point that it’s the word “mutant” that sends the kid running and not, say, the lightning. (X-Men Unlimited #8)

This is the part where it starts to feel like one of those books you could get in the ’80s with your kid’s name as the protagonist. (X-Men Unlimited #8)

See what I mean? (X-Men Unlimited #8)

“They usually bring you back in a dozen or so issues. Why?” (X-Men Unlimited #8)

And they all lived happily ever after.* *Joined the Thunderbolts, became Maverick, maybe blew up? (X-Men Unlimited #8)

NEXT EPISODE: Where no mutant has gone before!

LINKS & FURTHER CATASTROPHES:

For the backstory on the Weisman Institute, listen to Episode 304 – Explosive Ops.
Please enjoy the genius that is Hans Jensen.

343 – The Water Cooler of Violence

August 15, 2021 Jay 13 comments

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In which X-Force carries on the New Mutants’ tradition of property damage; a lot of people have infiltrated Helicarriers; G.W. Bridge makes it weird; Gamesmaster returns to no particular end; and we go back in time to cover the origins of Chris Bradley.

X-PLAINED:

The deaths of several Worthingtons
X-Force #55-56
X-Men Unlimited #8
A legacy of explosions
Uncanny X-Men #333 (briefly) (again)
A heist
Several of the many characters who had successfully infiltrated Helicarriers as of 1996
Dum Dum Dugan
Contessa Valentina Allegra de Fontaine
The glory days off LASER tag
Church fights
Subtext
The Weisman Institute for the Criminally Insane (more) (again)
How to pronounce “Risque”
Chris Bradley
Hans Jensen
Nostalgia goggles and their absence
Civilian awareness of cosmic Marvel
Asgard, Oklahoma
Annalee

NEXT WEEK: Hawk Talk

NEXT EPISODE: Where No Mutant Has Gone Before

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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342 – Angry Birds

August 8, 2021 Miles 14 comments

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In which Miles does his best, birds are weird, some of the most dangerous villains are pink, and we are in the Onslaught Zone.

X-PLAINED:

- - Malibu Comics and Marvel Comics, sitting in a (multiversal) tree, KILLING
  - Archangel: Phantom Wings
  - Unorthodox artistic decisions
  - Archangel (Warren Kenneth Worthington III)
  - Angst, renewed
  - Bird ichor
  - Tuesday Bird and her Mad Max outfit
  - How (not?) to flirt
  - Uncanny X-Men #333
  - Various Roberts Kelly
  - Graydon Creed, doin’ Mom proud
  - Bastion, Nimrod, & Master Mold
  - Operation Zero Tolerance
  - X-Teams and their lanes
  - A naked murder-uncle
  - Pink villains
  - Obscure callbacks
  - Event synergy
  - X-Men #53
  - Day to-day challenges of telepathy
  - Super-Saiyan Magneto
  - Phoenix (Jean Grey), actual adult
  - Onslaught
  - That scene from 1964’s X-Men #3
  - A surprisingly insightful look at Professor X’s dark side
  - Logan’s assorted friendships with teen girls
  - XMEN Disease

NEXT EPISODE: X-Force gets, predictably, x-treme.

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 333 – Fight Train

May 23, 2021 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

I’d like to think he leaves her office like this afterwards. (Uncanny X-Men #331)

Just another Thursday on the PATH… (X-Men #51)

TFW you run into your boss outside of work and they make it weird. (X-Men #51)

…Somehow. (X-Men #52)

Remember that name; you’ll be sneering it later. (X-Men #52)

I wasn’t kidding when I said that Sinister kidnapped Bishop to find out if his ships were canon. (X-Men #52)

NEXT EPISODE: Emplate sucks!

333 – Fight Train

May 16, 2021 Jay 9 comments

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In which Miles discovers owl legs; Iceman dwells in subtext; Dark Beast overperforms; Daredevil is a delightful trash fire of a person; Graydon Creed’s presidential run is somewhat less shocking in 2021; Rogue does not enjoy playing ‘Got your nose’; and Mister Sinister is not a friend to public transportation.

X-PLAINED:

Post-Decimation resurrections
Owl legs
Uncanny X-Men #331
X-Men #51-52
Iceman’s complicated personal life
Casual crossovers
The facial hair of Warren Kenneth Worthington III
The terrible decisions of Matt Murdock
How to subtly test your in-laws for mutant powers
What Mister Sinister sounds like
A bad plan
The debut of Bastion
DNA
Foreshadowing

NEXT EPISODE: Emplate Sucks

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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