beast – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

386 – No Puppies for Storm

September 25, 2022 Jay 9 comments

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which treading water isn’t always a bad thing; Storm remains an irresponsible leader; nobody should ever trust Dark Beast; we are befuddled by a large metal man; Maggott makes his debut; and we ship the heck out of Deathbird and Bishop.

X-PLAINED:

The time Captain America dated a supervillain
Treading water
Gene Nation (again)
Uncanny X-Men Annual 1997
Uncanny X-Men #345
Razors
Humanity’s Last Stand
Surprise
Boost and Tether
D’gard
A Star Trek allusion
The Morlock retcon
Maggott (Japheth)
A large metal individual
Foreshadowing
A large, inconvenient spaceship
Magneto’s relationship to Judaism
Recovery from the Legacy Virus

NEXT EPISODE: Field Trip to Mount Wundagore!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 379 – Stardate: Today

July 24, 2022 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

FAO Schwarz, allegedly. (Uncanny X-Men #341)

Gladiator is not great at diplomacy. (Uncanny X-Men #341)

I AM SO WORRIED ABOUT THIS POOR MAN AND HIS HORSE (Uncanny X-Men #341)

New Outfits: Trish (Uncanny X-Men #342)

New Outfits: Bishop and Rogue (Uncanny X-Men #342)

New Outfits: Gambit, Joseph, and Beast (Uncanny X-Men #342)

Well, that’s a new look for the Phalanx. (Uncanny X-Men #343)

One for your reaction files. (Uncanny X-Men #343)

Word balloons on the cover are an underrated gimmick. (Uncanny X-Men #344)

Where babies come from! (Uncanny X-Men #344)

NEXT EPISODE: Generation X vs. Black Tom Cassidy!

379 – Stardate: Today

July 17, 2022 Jay 7 comments

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In which what happens in space stays in space; a horse is imperiled; Joseph does some dubious science; Gladiator’s name is absolutely not Gary; everybody gets new costumes; and we learn where babies come from.

X-PLAINED:

Shi’ar taxonomy, sort of
The Shi’ar (again)
The Phalanx (again)
Uncanny X-Men #341-344
A whole bunch of callbacks to X-Men #98
A carriage ride
The Z’noxx chamber (again)
One way to have safer sex
FAO Schwarz
The Shi’ar Imerial Guard (again)
Diplomacy, kind of
Space outfits
Trademarks
Pure Phalanx
Dinosaur Kingdom 2
Where Shi’ar babies come from
Flirting
The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl vs. Isca the Unbeaten
Characters we would happily voice if invited to do so

NEXT WEEK: Hawk Talk

NEXT EPISODE: Generation X vs. Black Tom Cassidy!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

As Mentioned in Episode 375 – One Thousand Kicks to the Face

June 19, 2022 Miles Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

So many textures! (X-Men #60)

Ororo, you’re a good enough thief that you could probably afford clothes without holes in them… or is that a style thing? (X-Men #60)

I mean, this is definitely implying that Storm ran around the bronze age with Candra’s Heart as a fashion accessory, right? (X-Men #60)

“Dammit Ororo, did you learn nothing from my brother?!” (X-Men #60)

Candra as shibari lobster once more, now with ear-mandibles! (X-Men #60)

Remember that one Punisher movie where Frank set a bunch of cars on fire in the shape of a big skull? That was kinda cool. (X-Men #60)

Tiny mustache or shadow – you be the judge! (X-Men #60)

I know the Shadow King is supposed to be dead at this point, but that has to be him! Look at the speech bubble borders! (X-Men #60)

Suddenly, ninjas. (X-Men #61)

Ooh, nice visual flow. (X-Men #61)

“As opposed to that time I had kidney stones, which was only about three hundred kicks to the face!” (X-Men #61)

Logan is tasting the air like a snake! (X-Men #61)

Storm gets Candra’s hopes up… (X-Men #61)

…before Cyclops ZARKs them upon the rocks. That’s cold, guys. (X-Men #61)

Is it, though? (X-Men Unlimited #14)

Matching nightshirts! (X-Men Unlimited #14)

Whoa. Nicely done, Jim Cheung. (X-Men Unlimited #14)

Idyllic! (X-Men Unlimited #14)

Never change, Artie. (X-Men Unlimited #14)

Ever see Children of the Corn, Joe? (X-Men Unlimited #14)

I wish everyone had a dad this supportive. (X-Men Unlimited #14)

No moppet should moppet alone! (X-Men Unlimited #14)

NEXT TIME: Back to Asgard!

375 – One Thousand Kicks to the Face

June 12, 2022 Jay 13 comments

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In which there is definitely a wrong way to enjoy your comics; Storm could probably use a more secure storage system; the Externals need more camp; and Joseph makes some valid points.

X-PLAINED

What Storm’s up to
X-Men Unlimited #7 (again) (briefly)
X-Men #60-61
X-Men Unlimited #14
Karima
Jamil
Candra (again)
A surprising absence of Howard Mackie
Candra’s heart
Some excessively complex psychic powers
Phylacteries
The origin of Storm’s romance with T’Challa
Kicks to the face as a unit of pain
Undercloaks
The alternate universe where the McCoys live in Indiana
The moppet squad (again)
Dunfee, IN
Yet another angry mob
Multiverse-variable powers
Favorite X-relationships

Correction: The Brandalorian let us know that “Phylacteries (tefillin) are not Chasidic; they’re a ritual object mentioned by the Torah, used by Jews of all sorts.” Apologies for our error, and we appreciate the correction!

NEXT EPISODE: X-Force goes to Asgard!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 370 – The Sound of Evil

April 24, 2022 Miles One comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

So sad… but so colorful! (Uncanny X-Men #46)
(M – Jean’s yellow plaid garment is what we fashionistas call a “coat.” -J)

There’s a reason the Juggernaut’s armor makes him look kinda like a mushroom. (Uncanny X-Men #46)

Angel’s normally better than his teammates at dodging, but he’s weighed down by his fashion choices. Well, Jean’s, I guess. She made his costume. Possibly out of spite. (Uncanny X-Men #46)

JEAN GREY YOU ARE BETTER THAN THIS (Uncanny X-Men #46)

That’s more like it! (Continuity aside.) (Uncanny X-Men #46)

Cheer up, kids. You’ll be back together in just a few issues. (Uncanny X-Men #46)

This is pretty much how Drag Race works, right? (Uncanny X-Men #52)

Shortest cold open ever. (Uncanny X-Men #52)

“Scott, you wore that out? I just made that for you for Bedroom Time! (Uncanny X-Men #52)

I appreciate how very 60s this pair of panels is. (Uncanny X-Men #52)

More 60s! (Uncanny X-Men #52)

It’s… it’s way more complicated than that, Lorna. (Uncanny X-Men #52)

Now that is how you start an issue! (Uncanny X-Men #60)

SCOTT SUMMERS YOU ARE BETTER THAN THIS (Uncanny X-Men #60)

I wish we got to see more of Jean and Lorna as buds. (Uncanny X-Men #60)

We didn’t talk about this in the episode, but I love the story the Brotherhood’s body language is telling in the foreground. (Uncanny X-Men #60)

Miles’s favorite two-page spread. (Uncanny X-Men #60)

How can something so ridiculous be so genuinely tense? (Uncanny X-Men #60)

Aww Jager (Uncanny X-Men #60)

Name a better origin story – we dare you. (Uncanny X-Men #60)

Well, it beats the costume with the suspenders. (Uncanny X-Men #60)

NEXT TIME: Kitty makes some choices.

LINKS & FURTHER READING:

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More from Max Carleton:

370 – The Sound of Evil (feat. Max Carleton)

April 24, 2022 Miles 22 comments

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In which Max Carleton and Miles take a trip back to the Silver Age, the origins of Marvel Girl’s telepathy are questionable, the nature of Polaris’s parentage is also questionable, and the quality of Sauron’s origin story shall never be questioned.

X-PLAINED:

The Locust (Dr. August Hopper)
Uncanny X-Men #46, 52, and 60
Genuine tragedy
Funereal fashion
Frederick “Amos” Duncan
The Juggernaut (Cain Marko) (again)
The Crimson Cosmos
Energy globules
Charles Xavier’s telepathy lending library
Jean Grey, spiteful seamstress
Erik the Red (the first one) (Scott Summers)
Lorna Dane, fashion icon
Filially-obligated villainy
Psychic-delia
The sadly short-lived Roy Thomas / Neal Adams run
Suspension of disbelief
Pteranodons
Sauron (Karl Lykos, fantasy nerd)
Alex Summers, perpetual captive and/or villain battery
Miles’s favorite two-page spread
How to choose the perfect supervillain name
X-Men: The Animated Series, 1960s Edition
Our Silver Age X-creator wish list
Magnetism

NEXT EPISODE: Excalibur!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 369 – Carly Askani

April 17, 2022 Miles Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

“This ought to give you” *POW* “a new perspective” *BIFF* “on things, Alex!” (Uncanny X-Men #339)

Head trauma for Lucas BIshop! (Uncanny X-Men #339)

I mean, she’s not wrong. (Uncanny X-Men #339)

“You think I just fell off the turnip truck, McCoy? No one pulls a fast one on J. Jonah Jameson!” (Uncanny X-Men #339)

“I’m Ororo Munroe, and I’m here to x-plain the X-Men… because it’s about time someone did.” (Uncanny X-Men #339)

Never trust a Summers when he tells you he’s fine. (Uncanny X-Men #339)

Well, if they can print it, I guess we can post it. (X-Men #59)

Head trauma for Lucas Bishop! Again! (X-Men #59)

Hell of a Wolverine you’ve got there, Mr. Kubert. (X-Men #59)

JOSEPH I AM CALLING THE POLICE (X-Men #59)

Not quite as good as the Rogue/Gambit kiss from #41, but still… whoa. (X-Men #59)

I’M HUGE (X-Men #59)

“For instance, I can see through this utterly massive chin.” (Wolverine Annual 1996)

Josef Stalin..? (Wolverine Annual 1996)

Up… (Wolverine Annual 1996)

…and up… (Wolverine Annual 1996)

…and up. (Wolverine Annual 1996)

“General Grievious, sir, it’s the Jedi!” (Wolverine Annual 1996)

You know, I think this might be Sunfire’s best non-Age of Apocalypse look! (Wolverine Annual 1996)

*Pacific Rim music plays* (and now it’s in your head too) (Wolverine Annual 1996)

Logan, that… that was there before. Maybe you need to adjust your bandana. (Wolverine Annual 1996)

NEXT TIME: The Silver Age with Max Carleton!

LINKS AND FURTHER READING

369 – Carly Askani

April 17, 2022 Miles 23 comments

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In which Storm & Joseph X-Plain the X-Men, Alex Summers is not brainwashed this time, he promises, Scott Lobdell writes better moments than stories, Ed McGuinness draws very large chins, and it’s Denver the Last Dinosaur, not Denver the Lost Dinosaur

X-PLAINED:

Uncanny X-Men #339
Spider-Man disambiguation
A. Kubert disambiguation
J. Jonah Jameson (again) (hooray!)
Sneaking songs
The history of smoking regulation on airlines
Creed disambiguation
Havok’s Brotherhood of Evil Mutants
Bonding while falling out of planes
X-Men #59
The copyright status of Mr. Smith Goes to Washington
Well-drawn Wolverines
Hercules vs The Tick
Wolverine Annual 1996
The tragic death of Mariko Yashida
Silver Samurai (Kuniuchio Harada)
Sunfire (Shiro Yoshida) and what he’s been up to since Fatal Attractions
Josef Stalin, apparently?
Red Ronin and its nemesis, a time-lost dinosaur who we assure you is not Godzilla
Jedi and/or samurai vs. doors
Our logo fonts
James Howlett, guidance counselor
Onslaught but not evil
Whether Magneto could wield Mjolnir

NEXT EPISODE: The Silver Age with Max Carleton!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!