One of those images that has really, really stuck with us over the years. (Uncanny X-Men #314)
It took a lot of self restraint not to post every single drawing of Emma in Bobby’s body from this issue. (Uncanny X-Men #314)
Those Sienkiewicz inks! (Uncanny X-Men #314)
DAMN, Emma. (Uncanny X-Men #314)
You can almost see Generation X forming between the panels. (Uncanny X-Men #314)
Programming a hologram of his dead sister to harangue him in the Danger Room may be the most Bishop move yet. (Uncanny X-Men #314)
He sewed that cape out of SO MANY cheap vinyl Catwoman costumes. (X-Men Annual #18)
Never take teenagers hostage; they’ll just judge you ’til you let them go out of sheer insecurity. (X-Men Annual #18)
[Insert Jude the Obscure joke here.] (X-Men Annual #18)
Don’t fuck with Jean Grey. (X-Men Annual #18)
WHY IS THERE A GIANT SQUID HERE (X-Men Annual #18)
Aw, Bishop. (X-Men Annual #18)
For more of this beautiful friendship, we’d recommend giving canon a miss and going straight to fellow X-Podling Adam Reck’s delightful Bish & Jubes–and, while you’re at it, supporting the collected edition on Kickstarter!
On Fridays, we wear fuchsia. (Uncanny X-Men #315)
That is one sweet coma beard. (Uncanny X-Men #315)
Yes, this is a good speech; but also, I just realized that given that the whole trial happens in space, it definitely falls under maritime law, AND I FORGOT TO MAKE ANY JOKES ABOUT IT IN THE EPISODE. (Uncanny X-Men #315)
NEXT EPISODE: We’re so close to nearly reaching what’s almost the Phalanx Covenant!
LINKS & FURTHER ACTION POINTS
Here’s where to send your strongly worded letter about why Marvel should give us Earth-441:
Marvel Entertainment, LLC
135 W. 50th Street
New York, NY 10020
You can also tweet at them with the hashtag #EarthXPlain!
In which Emma Frost is a better Iceman than Bobby Drake; Generation X is aggressively foreshadowed; Malcolm and Randall are the Rosencrantz and Guildenstern to Bishop’s Hamlet; and we launch a campaign for our own Multiversal designation.
X-PLAINED:
The first time the X-Men met Emma Frost
Uncanny X-Men 314-315
X-Men Annual #18
A game show nobody should ever under any circumstances actually make
Emma Frost’s recruitment tactics
Previously unexplored ice powers
The direct prelude to Generation X
Caliban (more) (again)
SoftPaws(TM)
The giant squids of New York
The neophyte
A trial, kind of
X-Men power fantasies
Earth-X-Plain
NEXT EPISODE: We’re so close to nearly reaching what’s almost the Phalanx Covenant!
Game show music by MusicManiac301; used with permission.
Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
In which Magneto may or may not own a Namor body pillow; Cyclops probably doesn’t color-code his files; Colossus is Not Okay; bats are nature’s flashers; there are a lot of reasons to be mad at Fatal Attractions; Charles Xavier is surprisingly durable; the X-Men know their Aeschylus; Jean Grey goes in through the face; and bringing Wolverine to fight the guy who controls metal was probably not a great idea.
X-PLAINED:
Mutant Alpha
Uncanny X-Men #304
X-Men #25
False foreshadowing
Costume storage and display
Relative moral event horizons
The character dehabilitation of Magneto
The Magneto Protocols
How Cyclops organizes his files
An excellent eulogy
The complicated legacy of Illyana Rasputin
Several noteworthy absences
A memorable funeral
The ‘behold’ thing
A protective mesh of electromagnetic fire
A well-played callback
A strategically dubious plan
Several Prometheus Bound quotations
An uncharitable assumption
The blood-brain barrier
A severe costume injury
The definitive scene of Fatal Attractions
The root of Onslaught
Which X-Men would podcast
Our preferred comics formats
NEXT EPISODE: Colossus still can’t catch a break
Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)
In which DC is out of our bailiwick; Random gets around; someone finally makes an explicit reference to disability politics; death has not improved the Chalkers; Strong Guy can’t catch a break; we’re all whole other people; Sienna Blaze has a crayon name; we totally want to play D&D with Evan Skolnick; a trading card does not a memorable character make; and we are 100% here for the mutant episode of Sesame Street.
X-PLAINED:
What happened to Fred Duncan
Beastwriting
Marvel’s 1993 Annuals
The speculator boom
X-Factor Annual #8
Uncanny X-Men Annual #17
Excalibur Annual #1
Charlie Ronalds (Charon) and his issues
A protracted Batman reference
How to string pearls
A dubious twist on the danger room
The pure joy of a child, but twisted and distorted like a shredded butterfly
Cloot (Satannish)
Howling Mad, by Peter David
The greatest enemies of X-Factor (but not really)
Cruel and arbitrary moralizing
The other X-Cutioner (Carl Denti)
A protracted illusion
The Amazing Icemaster
Metacommentary
An accidental trap
The death of Jason Wyngarde (Mastermind)
Resolution versus forgiveness
The other first appearance of Sienna Blaze
More wizard stuff
Khaos
Khaos & Gritty 4 Lyfe
Ghath
Irth
Mutants on Sesame Street
Cycling in and out of comics
NEXT EPISODE: Excalibur goes to space!
CORRECTION: Chris Claremont did not in fact write Dragonlance comics.
Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)
I mean, it’s not that much worse than Botox. (Uncanny X-Men #301)
Of all the people Gamesmaster could choose to bring to the forefront of his mind, he chose these assholes. (Uncanny X-Men #301)
I’M NOT CRYING YOU’RE CRYING (Uncanny X-Men #301)
Yes, yes, you’ve made some terrible mistakes, Forge – but at least you’re wearing those shorts again! (Uncanny X-Men #301)
Miles would totally buy that action figure. (Uncanny X-Men #301)
This is how you comic book. (Uncanny X-Men #301)
Damn, Romita. Damn, Storm. (Uncanny X-Men #302)
Just repeat to yourself: it’s just a show, I should really just relax! (Uncanny X-Men #302)
Plato called this “the noble lie”. (Uncanny X-Men #302)
You know, I guess that is about how you’d have to angle your hips if you were balancing on one leg because some green-haired jerk from the future cut off your other one. (Uncanny X-Men #302)
Should’ve known that guy was a racist asshole – look at the color of his baseball cap. (Uncanny X-Men #302)
Can’t blame the guy – for being furious or for pummeling Fitzroy. (Uncanny X-Men #302)
Yes, Jay, Kitty looks pretty weird in this panel, but – FEELINGS! (Uncanny X-Men #302)
Dammit, Friends of Humanity, give Madrox his outfit back! And also stop being murderous bigots! (X-Force #24)
Rusty and Skids have been focusing pretty hard on good posture since leaving the New Mutants. (X-Force #24)
Who has the worse employees, Sam Guthrie or Alex Summers? (X-Force #24)
“Thanks for holding me up while I practice my Liefeld kicks, buddy!” (X-Force #24)
Petey the Dog reference: $34.95. Improbable toaster gun: $1750.00. The look on Grizzly’s face: priceless.(X-Force #24)
Magneto is the best at Space Tetris. (X-Force #24)
Boom-Boom and Feral: best frenemies ever. (X-Force #24)
Remember, at least two of these characters used to train with X-Factor. (X-Force #24)
Boom-Boom and Feral: still the best frenemies ever. (X-Force #24)
Fair enough, kids. (X-Force #24)
Jay’s Warlock figure still kinda freaks Miles out.
Next time: our fifth annual Giant-Size Winter Special!
In which it still sucks to be a Rasputin; John Romita Jr. has a solid, if muscular, grasp of anatomy; Jay and Miles are better exes than Forge and anyone; and Cannonball’s many younger siblings have almost prepared him for running X-Force.
X-PLAINED:
Peters Parker
The Merry X-Men Holiday Special
Comic book release schedules vs. J&MXPtXM
Uncanny X-Men #301-302
Trevor F**king Fitzroy, possibly the worst Upstart
Comics Code Authority closeting versus real-life closeting
21st Century Torture Devices
Risky mood fonts
Robert’s Rules of Upstart Order (this week)
Gamesmaster vs. the Isolationist
Shinobi Shaw: Good At Sex
Russian tragedy (more, again)
Charles Xavier and his poor decisions
Shi’ar tech support
Pants and villainy
Racist jerks vs. rhetorical questions
TIME PARADOX
Weirdly specific contingencies
Piotr Rasputin and his justified fury
X-Force #24
Meaningless (but fun!) timestamps
The Friends of Humanity (who are not our friends)
Rusty and Skids’ latest arrest
Disappointed Dad Sam Guthrie
Action vs. public perception
Vinz Clortho
Domino’s continuing quest to figure out what exactly an X-Force is
The dramatic return of… well, you know
Spacesuit logistics
Numerical universe designations
Plastic Warlock
NEXT EPISODE: Our Fifth Annual Giant-Size Winter Special!
Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)
Possibly the grooviest Dracula-related cover ever published. (X-Men Annual #6)
HELL, YEAH, IT’S DRACULA! (X-Men Annual #6)
Kitty is having SO MANY FEELINGS, and you will NEVER UNDERSTAND! (X-Men Annual #6)
Check out Cyclops and Nightcrawler exchanging a look, like, “Parents? What the hell are those?” (X-Men Annual #6)
This panel is actually a pretty good encapsulation of what I remember about being 13. (X-Men Annual #6)
TBH, a lot of Kitty’s dreams probably start like this. (X-Men Annual #6)
THAT’S NOT A BAT. (X-Men Annual #6)
Dracula is probably the only person who looked at a bright green catsuit and yellow pouches and thought “stealth.” He’s mysterious like that. (X-Men Annual #6)
Ah, 13: that tender age when a young girl’s heart turns to eldritch summonings. (X-Men Annual #6)
Dracula, that’s really the kind of thing you should be keeping track of. (X-Men Annual #6)
[Eliot Spencer voice] “It’s a very distinctive sound effect.” (X-Men Annual #6)
How does Nightcrawler know the Montesi Formula? Who knows? Who cares? He’s a good pal. (X-Men Annual #6)
OH, SNAP. (X-Men Annual #6)
That’s our Wolvie! (X-Men Annual #6)
Lilith really looks like she’s visiting from an Archie comic. (X-Men Annual #6)
Skids and Northstar!
NEXT EPISODE: Fix the future!
And here’s a bonus gallery of Jay’s convention sketches:
Quentin Quire is indisputably the Nancy of the X-Men.
In which Dracula probably doesn’t drink his blood from a World’s Greatest Dad mug; Miles massively underestimates the cultural ubiquity of Sexy Dracula; Bill Sienkiewicz may or may not have ever seen a bat; Kitty gets possessed; and Dazzler is singularly well suited to a Vegas residency.
X-PLAINED:
Dracula’s ungrateful children
Marvel Dracula
A fortuitously named writer
Rachel Van Helsing
X-Men #159 (again) (briefly)
Sexy Dracula
The secret origin of sexy Draculas
Fastball Special body mechanics
X-Men Annual #6
A nightmare
“Bats”
Yet another Castle Dracula
The Montesi Formula
Sound effects, spoken or otherwise
Lilith
Chairs
The relative efficacy of holy symbols against Dracula
X-Vegas
Characters we have grown to love as a result of the podcast
NEXT EPISODE: Fix the future!
Check out the visual companion to this episode–along with Jay’s convention sketches–on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)