Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

Tag: scott summers

As Mentioned in Episode 11 – Who Would Win in a Fight

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Rachel and Miles of 2003, testing out early “Who Would Win in a Fight” hypotheses. Rachel hasn’t had long hair in years, but she still fights dirty.
Cycloptometry, from X-Factor #39.
Some of our favorite X-spinoffs.
That’s Rachel Summers, sending Kitty Pryde’s consciousness back in time in the original “Days of Future Past” comic. (X-Men #141)
Fun fact: the title of this podcast is roughly 90% Michael C. Maronna’s fault. (Photo courtesy of Will McRobb.)
Mystique and Destiny: CANONICAL AS FUCK. (Astonishing X-Men #51)
The Siege Perilous will body-swap you with a Japanese assassin, or send you to Australia, or whatever. Unless you’re Quentin Quire, anyway. (Uncanny X-Men #229)
Lee Forrester takes shit from nobody. (X-Men #143)
You can, in fact, judge this book by its cover. (Nightcrawler #1)
Would you buy logical causality from this man? YES. Yes, you would.
From That One Time Rachel Discovered Blingee and Spent Two Days Doing Nothing but Animating Starbursts on Longshot and Dazzler Covers.
Miles’s favorite superhero.
Just in case you were wondering what it looked like.
Paracyclophus, by Legitimus Maximus.
Janet K. Lee is the inventor of the Metawolverine, the most powerful creature in Canada.
Next week: The Dark Phoenix Saga!

Links and Further Reading: UncannyXMen.net

11 – Who Would Win in a Fight

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In which we answer 45 straight minutes of your questions and alienate everyone with our answer to Jean vs. Emma, Miles is probably too nice to win in a fight, we are really into The Adventures of Pete & Pete, Rachel is the Vega to Miles’s Shepard, Excalibur is awesome, you should stop punching the DNA, Wolverine is Rogue, Longshot is the prettiest man, and Professor X is a pufferfish.

X-Plained:

  • Who would win in a fight
  • The Rachel & Miles Fastball Special
  • Cycloptometry
  • Backissues, collections, and where to find them
  • Podcaster ‘shipping
  • Spinoffs
  • Rachel Summers (more) (again)
  • Five tattoos
  • Non-X stuff we’re into
  • X-Force versus the Comics Code Authority
  • Ultimate X-Men
  • How to keep track of crossovers
  • Textual queerness
  • The Siege Perilous
  • Jean vs. Emma
  • Some good Nightcrawler and Iceman stories
  • Dream teams
  • The Glammest Timeline
  • Best and worst code names
  • Bendis’s X-books
  • X-animals

You can find a visual companion to the episode – and links to recommended reading – on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Next week: The Dark Phoenix Saga

 

As Mentioned In Episode 10 – Not All Mandroids

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Multiple Man’s powers essentiall make him a retcon elemental.
Punching pterosaurs is the gift that keeps on giving. (X-Men #114)
Best Worst Reveal (X-Men #114)
“Robes” (X-Men #114)
We really can’t fault Cyclops for giving up on trying to explain Sauron. (X-Men #115)
The final fight of X-Men #116 Dark City.
Remember when we didn’t know everything about Wolverine? (X-Men #118)
Sadly, this story is really low on Sunfire Sass. Misty Knight, however, is AWESOME. (X-Men #118)
Mandroids. (X-Men #118)
Moses Magnum, P.I. (X-Men #118)
Heist stories are the best stories. (X-Men #119)
That’s Mariko Yoshida. She’s going to be really important later. (X-Men #120)
And that’s why you always leave a note. (X-Men #118)
Spoiler: Nope. (X-Men #109)
Alpha Flight. (X-Men #120)
Vindicator is a thoughtful antagonist. (X-Men #120)
Not actually episode-relevant. We just think these panels are hilarious. (X-Men #120)
Wolverine, we are pretty sure the APA would not approve of your approach to therapy. (X-Men #122)
Don’t fuck with Storm. (X-Men #122)
Ugh, THIS guy. (X-Men #122)
Based on the graffiti, this apartment was previously occupied by the 1970s Marvel bullpen. (X-Men #122)
Cyclops comes to terms with dynamic storytelling. (X-Men #125)
This is an awesome reunion, and notable as one of the only times Cyclops has ever successfully completed a hug. (X-Men #125)
Well, that’s portentous. (X-Men #104)
Angus McWhirter has REALLY STRONG FEELINGS about hovercraft. (X-Men #119)
Moira MacTaggert does science in a superhero uniform, because, comic books. (X-Men #125)
Proteus’s secondary mutation is superhuman levels of creepiness. (X-Men #127)
Well, damn. (X-Men #128)

10 – Not All Mandroids

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In which Phoenix has nothing on Jamie Madrox when it comes to retcons, Pterosaurs have super punchable faces, Colossus gets laid, we are uninterested in the Savage Land, Wolverine and Storm are both pretty interesting, smiling costs extra if you’re Doctor Doom, Banshee saves the day, Alpha Flight tries, Angry Hovercraft Guy comes back, and Proteus is fairly upsetting.

X-Plained:

  • X-Men #109, 114-16, 118-122, and 125-128
  • Multiple Man
  • Metacontinuity
  • The Savage Land
  • Pterosaurs
  • Shi’ar mustache technology
  • Karl Lykos
  • Misty Knight
  • Colleen Wing
  • Wolverine in Japan
  • Mandroids
  • Moses Magnum
  • A Heist
  • Angus McWhirter, disgruntled hovercraft rental guy
  • Alpha Flight
  • Team Dynamics
  • Why you always leave a note
  • Proteus

You can find a visual companion to the episode – and links to recommended reading – on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Next week: Secret origins, shipper wars, the Siege Perilous, and which of us would win in a fight.

As Mentioned in Episode 7 – Cyclops Has a Good Day

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Proof that Miles does, in fact, have a Corsair costume.
I’m not sure there’s any scene from X-Men that’s been redrawn as frequently as this one. (Guardians of the Galaxy #12)
Corsair’s first appearance in X-Men #104
Look at these glorious weirdos. LOOK AT THEM. (X-Men #107)
Make good choices, Jean. (X-Men #107)
The best scene in X-Men, ever. (X-Men #114)
Sometimes Scott Summers is not the brightest crayon in the box. (X-Men #114)
Cyclops is the worst at hugs. (Uncanny X-Men #391)
Dude has a point. (Uncanny X-Men #391)
Reports of Corsair’s death have been somewhat exaggerated. (All-New X-Men #23)
Scott has questions. (Guardians of the Galaxy #12)
Aw, kiddo. (Guardians of the Galaxy #12)
Remember when you were sixteen, and everything was super serious, and your not-quite girlfriend got kidnapped by space birds and put on trial for the crimes that her past-future adult self committed by possessed by a cosmic force? (Guardians of the Galaxy #13)
Remember when you were sixteen, and everything was super serious, and also your dad was a space pirate? (Cyclops #1)
Key party in Shi’ar space!. (Cyclops #1)
Hepzibah and Corsair are one of the great unsung romances of the Marvel universe. (Cyclops #1)
Grown-up Cyclops finds out about the new Cyclops ongoing series. (All-New X-Men #26)

Links and Further Reading:

Greg Rucka

A visual introduction to the worst Summers brother

Rachel’s “Cyclops Has a Good Day” sketchbook

Cyclops #1

Lazarus

Veil

Stumptown

Lady Sabre and the Pirates of the Ineffable Aether

7 – Cyclops Has a Good Day

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With guest Greg Rucka!

In which death is a revolving door, we really liked Days of Future Past, space pirates are the best pirates, Vulcan is (still) the worst, Miles has a Corsair costume, Lilandra has lovely plumage, no one knows how to pronounce “M’Kraan,” we studiously avoid discussing the Phoenix force, Saurids speak Hebrew, Raza Longknife’s name is a bit on the nose, Rachel is the worst at hugs, Greg has a ‘ship, and we all kind of identify with Cyclops.

X-Plained:

  • The Starjammers (and how to pronounce their names)
  • The Shi’ar
  • The Neremani Dynasty
  • Plumage
  • Apostrophe abuse
  • Corsair
  • The secret origins of the Starjammers
  • Why Hepzibah talks like that
  • The Rule of Cool
  • Visor iterations
  • Summerstaches
  • Cyclops’s dubious deductive skills
  • Hugs
  • The All-New, All-the-Same X-Men
  • Teenagers, again
  • Cyclops #1
  • Cyclops vs. Scott
  • Space-parenting
  • Rachel’s convention sketchbook
  • Greg’s Kitty Pryde feelings
  • An exceptionally vivid threat
  • Intergalactic fashion
  • Corsair’s pecs
  • Key parties in space
  • The greatest romance of the Marvel Universe

You can find a visual companion to the episode – and links to recommended reading – on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Next week: Welcome to the Claremont era, listeners—hope you survive the experience!

 

Summers School: Gabriel 101

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On Episode 5 – The Retcon that Walks Like a Man, we met Gabriel Summers, and did a very quick drive-by introduction to the Summers family and their really depressing space adventures. Because this shit is complicated, Rachel,* the resident Summers Family Continuity expert, has put together a brief visual guide to Gabriel’s backstory. Click through for the origin of the third and worst Summers Brother:

Meet Scott and Alex Summers! They’re brothers. Their parents have just pushed them out of a burning airplane. Scott and Alex are going to crash in a minute and then have awful childhoods, but all you really need to know for now is that they’re going to become X-Men when they grow up.
Meet Mister Sinister! He’s a creepy, creepy man who knows even more about the Summers family than Rachel does (and that’s a lot). In 1993, Mister Sinister let slip that Scott and Alex might have a third brother, and for over a decade, pretty much every orphan in the Marvel Universe had “probably a Summers brother” stuck on to the end of their official bio.
But in 2005, X-Men: Deadly Genesis came around. Deadly Genesis was a straight-up retcon of 1975’s Giant-Size X-Men #1. It also—finally—resolved the question of the third Summers brother.
Meet Christopher and Katherine Summers! They’re Scott and Alex’s parents. They’ve just thrown Scott and Alex out of a burning airplane, then gotten abducted by aliens. This part of the story has been X-canon since the ’70s—but what Deadly Genesis reveals is that Katherine is pregnant. Christopher gets sent off to the slave pens, and Katherine ends up a Comics Code-compliant-analogue-to-concubine of the evil space emperor. Christopher breaks out and tries to free her, but he’s caught, and Katherine—and apparently her now-nearly-to-term fetus—are killed. (Christopher later becomes a space pirate named Corsair, which is awesome but irrelevant to this particular story.)
Meet Fetus Summers, who turns out to be viable after all! He gets rapid-aged by means of Fancy Space Science, named Gabriel, and sent to be a slave of the Shi’ar’s representative on Earth. Later, his powers manifest and he kills the only person who was ever nice to him, then escapes into the sewers with nothing but his favorite book of Roman myths and a case of dramatically expedient amnesia.
Gabriel gets picked up by Dr. Moira MacTaggert—Professor X’s ex—and becomes one of her group of teen mutants in training, under the code name Kid Vulcan. X consults—and, in the process, pieces together Gabriel’s history but doesn’t tell anyone, in keeping with a long tradition of lying to Scott about the existence of his living relatives. Professor X is a dick.
To confirm his theory, X brings Scott out to train with Gabriel for a day—but still doesn’t tell either of them that they might be brothers. (Gabriel’s powers, incidentally, have to do with energy manipulation and redirection, which his how he can do that with Scott’s eye beams.)
When the X-Men are all captured on Krakoa (the Island That Walks Like a Man!), X convinces Moira’s kids to go rescue them. Immediately before they leave, he tells Gabriel that Scott and Alex are his brothers. The new kids rescue Scott, and Gabriel tells him that they’re brothers. Scott’s super beat up and his powers are broken, so the new kids leave him and go to rescue the rest of the captive X-Men—but instead, they all get killed.
Scott returns to the X-mansion, understandably distraught. X decides the most expedient course of action is to totally wipe Gabriel out of Scott’s memory. Did I mention that Professor X is a dick? Professor X is a dick. When the new X-Men return to Krakoa to rescue the original team, he continues to mess with their perceptions to support this version of events.
What X doesn’t know is that Gabriel and his teammate Darwin are actually still alive, so when the X-Men launch Krakoa into orbit, Gabriel and Darwin go with it. They get stuck in stasis for years, in space. OOPS.
Later, Gabriel wakes up pissed, comes back to earth, kills Banshee, kidnaps Scott and Scott’s alternate-timeline-future-daughter (I know, I know. Just run with it.), and forces Professor X to show them what actually happened. Darwin—still in stasis inside Gabriel—is extracted and revived, Gabriel flies off to fight an evil space empire, and absolutely no one lives happily ever after. X-Men!

*Edidin, not Summers or Grey.

As Mentioned on Episode 5 – The Retcon That Walks Like a Man

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Giant-Size X-Men #1. Prepare for forty years of riffs on this cover.
The best-dressed mob in Germany.
And THAT’S how you punch a tractor.
“Oh, y’know. Fight crime, see the world, get your memory rewritten every few weeks, maybe go on a really fucked up date with Dracula…”
When Xavier finds him, Thunderbird is literally wrestling a buffalo to death.
Sunfire’s first appearance, in X-Men #64.
Most of the New & Different X-Men get a full page or two to join the team. Banshee? Two panels. He’s just that chill.
“Think you can just walk away, Wolverine? We’ll come after you with our deadliest weapon yet: Alpha Flight crossovers!”
Wow. You… certainly made some choices there, Professor.
Sunfire is absolutely delightful.
At this point, I’m pretty sure he’s just messing with them for fun.
This is the second of three times Sunfire calls Nightcrawler “Misfit” on one page–which is actually a pretty welcome break from the X-Men referring to each other exclusively by ethnic epithets. Len Wein, DON’T DO THAT.
This jerk.
This is pretty much the platonic ideal of an X-Men fight scene: teamwork, cool powers, and narration busting Kool-Aid-Man-style through the fourth wall.
Fun fact: Polaris will later go on to get an advanced degree in geophysics.
“You know… stuff?”
We see what you did, there.
Moira MacTaggert has opinions about retcons.
Introducing: The Worst Summers Brother
“Hey, kids, want to be superheroes?”
It’s worth noting that Moira’s team’s emergency psychic training regimen includes a Hostess Fruit Pie ad callback.
They are so doomed.
It’s almost like you live with a telepath who messes with people’s memories all the time.
Wait, what? But that’s not how it…
…oh. That explains some things.
Damn, X. That’s cold.
Professor X: Master of the retcon, worst surrogate parent ever.
Sorry ’bout that, guys.
Then Gabriel goes and punches an empire to death.

Further Reading:

Rachel made a separate guide to Kid Vulcan, which you can find here.

Giant Size X-Men #1

X-Men: Deadly Genesis

Cheryl Lynn Eaton on Storm and race

 

5 – The Retcon That Walks Like a Man

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In which the Bronze Age begins; Dave Cockrum is your god now; the band gets together; Sunfire joins the team; cultural sensitivity is not Marvel’s strong suit; Sunfire quits the team; it sucks to be Cyclops; Professor X crosses a moral event horizon; Sunfire joins the team; Ed Brubaker channels Thomas Hardy; you are probably a Summers brother; and Sunfire quits the team.

X-Plained:

  • Bamf-Voltron Nightcrawler
  • Giant-Size X-Men #1
  • The worst hat of the Marvel Universe
  • The Mostly-New, Mostly-Different X-Men
  • A business-casual angry mob
  • The limits of creative good intentions
  • Tractor punching on the Ust-Ordynski Collective
  • The correct spelling of “fine”
  • Canada
  • Sunfire’s utter disdain for everything, including you
  • Krakoa: The Island That Walks Like a Man!
  • Characteristics of good X-fights
  • Yet another miracle of magnetism
  • X-Men: Deadly Genesis
  • Summers Family Continuity (Introductory)
  • More hats
  • The Muir-MacTaggert Research Facility
  • Summers Family Continuity (Intermediate)
  • The Charles Xavier Scale of Supervillainy
  • Relative immunity
  • Wolverine’s ubiquity

AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION:

  • What would you do with thirteen X-Men?
  • Help us find all-ages-friendly Marvel Girl stories!

You can find a visual companion to the episode – and links to recommended reading – on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Lazerwolf Wants Your Questions!

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As promised, David sent over a clean scan of his awesome, awesome LAZERWOLF drawing:

LAZERWOLF

Meanwhile, we’re busy getting ready for our scintillating second episode! Got a burning question you’d like to hear Rachel and Miles answer on the podcast? Drop it in the comments below or our tumblr ask-box, or tweet it to @RaeBeta with the hashtag #xplainthexmen!