Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

Tag: beast

108 – What Price Glory

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Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.

In which we recap nearly 200 issues in under three minutes; Madelyne Pryor is the Medea of X-Men; Mister Sinister takes the stage; Dazzler is basically an ’80s movie refugee; Scrambler may or may not be an exchange student from the Riverdale Marauders; Marc Silvestri is excellent at some things and less so at others; nothing good happens in Nebraska; Trish Tilby is the April O’Neil of X-Factor; and we swear that it was a total coincidence that this episode went up on Mother’s Day.

X-PLAINED:

  • One solution to the existential conundrum of the Carol Danvers who is also kind of part of Rogue
  • Pretty much everything that’s happened since the Dark Phoenix Saga
  • The structure of Inferno
  • Uncanny X-Men #239-241
  • X-Factor #36-37
  • The rise of the Goblin Queen
  • Several deaths in elevators
  • Mister Sinister and his amazing action-figure collection
  • The evolution of Mark Silvestri
  • Madelyne and Alex
  • A very symbolic dress
  • The Rainbow Room
  • M-Squad
  • That damn costume
  • 1989 in outfit form
  • Jay’s favorite Marauder
  • Rats-R-Us
  • Wolverine vs. a mail box
  • The X-Men, but evil
  • The secret origin of Madelyne Pryor
  • A long-anticipated reunion
  • Objects we’d demonically animate
  • Which X-Man should do your taxes

NEXT WEEK: The Passion of Madelyne Pryor

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes, Google Play, or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

As Mentioned in Episode 102 – Baby Race 2000

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Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
Okay, then. (X-Factor #32)
I wanna hang out there. (X-Factor #32)
Please note that Boom Boom pauses to put on sunglasses before doing cool cool stuff. Boom Boom knows what’s up. (X-Factor #32)
MVP. (X-Factor #32)
Well, that’s certainly one way to do that. (X-Factor #33)
In Boom Boom’s defense, shopping is terrible. (X-Factor #33)
Go set something on fire for justice, kiddo! (X-Factor #33)
BEAST! We missed you! (X-Factor #33)
Y’know, most people would just send a C&D. (X-Factor #33)
Kinda answered your own question, there, buddy. (X-Factor #34)
Nanny and the Orphan-Maker walk the line between sad and terrifying SO beautifully. (X-Factor #34)
N’astirh got no time for your rationalizations, Hodge. (X-Factor #34)
Later, he’s going to go home and listen to Stabbing Westward in the dark. (X-Factor #34)
Aw. (X-Factor #34)
It’s okay. He’ll be back. (X-Factor #34)
Yes, Warren, we get it. (X-Factor #34)
Welcome to the State Home for Gaslighting. Hope you survive the… (X-Factor #35)
Worst. Orphanage. Ever. (X-Factor #35)
GAH. There is literally nothing in this issue that is not wildly unsettling. (X-Factor #35)
The orphanage is a metaphor that is also a real fictional orphanage. (X-Factor #35)
‘Kay. (X-Factor #35)
Sometimes you gotta prioritize. (X-Factor #35)
NEXT WEEK: Excalibur goes ongoing!

102 – Baby Race 2000

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Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.

In which Beast’s DNA is basically held together with spit and baling wire; Boom Boom wins MVP; Angel goes full goth; Cameron Hodge loses his head; Cyclops is basically a Silent Hill protagonist; and the Nebraska Department of Social Services is probably not adequately equipped to deal with Mister Sinister.

X-PLAINED:

  • The Horsemen of Death
  • X-Factor #32-35
  • Xartans
  • Superheroic triage
  • A vague prophecy
  • Fake Avengers
  • Fake-band disambiguation
  • KiLLeR DWaRfS
  • Crippled Puppies
  • Audiophile Apocalypse
  • Shopping
  • Dubiously zealous trademark protection
  • Acronym disambiguation
  • The death of Candy Southern
  • The not-exactly death of Cameron Hodge
  • Nanny
  • Orphan-Maker
  • Baby Race 2000
  • An orphanage that is also a metaphor
  • Unreliable narration
  • The dubious partnership of Mister Sinister and Apocalypse
  • Best iterations of Boom Boom

NEXT EPISODE: Excalibur goes ongoing!

InfernoWatch

  • Malicious inanimate objects
  • Early signs of Marvel Girl’s returning telepathy
  • First clues of Cyclops’s connection to Sinister
  • First mention of Goblin Queen by name

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Hang out with us on Imzy!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

As Mentioned in Episode 96 – Horsemen of the Playground

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Art by David Wynne. Prints, cards, and travel mugs available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
How you know a psychic event is a big deal: the cross-franchise reaction montage! (X-Factor Annual #3)
Well, that’s certainly one way to stage an intervention. (X-Factor Annual #3)
These delightful scamps. (X-Factor Annual #3)
Warlock, never change. (New Mutants Annual #4)
Can we have a moment of rapt silence for how well June Brigman draws body language? (New Mutants Annual #4)
The High Evolutionary’s head scientist, Stack, appears to be dual-wielding a cane and a staple gun. Because, evolution. (New Mutants Annual #4)
“On Wednesdays, we wear pink.” (New Mutants Annual #4)
Hell, yeah, equal-opportunity battle lingerie! (Well, except for Magneto, but he marches to the beat of his own fuchsia drum.) (New Mutants Annual #4)
Horses: totally the worst. (New Mutants Annual #4)
The scene that blew tiny Miles’s tiny mind. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #12)
AND THAT’S WHY YOU ALWAYS LEAVE A NOTE. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #12)
Man, if we had a dollar for every time that happened… (Uncanny X-Men Annual #12)
POIT: Definitely the cutest sound effect. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #12)
In which Alex comes *this close* to the realization that Charles Xavier is totally a supervillain. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #12)
SURE, WHY NOT? (Uncanny X-Men Annual #12)
Remember the time Storm had adventures on pirate space city on the back of a flying wolf? Because that was definitely a thing that actually happened. (Classic X-Men #22)
Oh, THAT guy. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #12)
I’m not actually certain they ever followed up on this. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #12)
It’s kind of a shame this logo didn’t stick around, because it’s pretty sweet. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #12)
NEXT EPISODE: Captain Britain!

96 – Horsemen of the Playground

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Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
Art by David Wynne. Prints, cards, and travel mugs available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.

 

In which we play Evolutionary War Mad-Libs; it’s probably a bad sign when Apocalypse decides you need an intervention; Dani is (briefly) the new Doug; horses are jerks; it’s probably really dangerous to be Longshot; Storm has the coolest friends; the High Evolutionary is very high indeed; and we make a (very token) nod to Valentine’s Day.

X-PLAINED:

  • Secret Origins of the High Evolutionary
  • Evolutionary War
  • The actual history of eugenics in America
  • X-Factor Annual #3
  • New Mutants Annual #4
  • Uncanny X-Men Annual #12
  • Classic X-Men #22
  • Purifiers (but not those purifiers)
  • Stack
  • Purge
  • How to tell when an event has major psychic repercussions
  • A Silver-Age callback
  • An Apocalypse-style intervention
  • Toga Steve (Val-Or)
  • The return of Bulk and Glow Worm
  • Equal-opportunity Hellfire lingerie
  • Mirage’s power upgrade
  • Miles vs. puberty vs. Uncanny X-Men
  • The coolest civilization ever
  • Colossus’s illegitimate kid
  • The cutest sound effect
  • Origins of the Scott/Jean/Logan love triangle
  • Stuff Jay likes and Miles doesn’t
  • The Elle Collins Theory of Podcast Roles

NEXT EPISODE: Captain Britain!

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy prints (or travel mugs) of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

As Mentioned in Episode 92 – Living in Ship

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Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
Love, X-Factor style. (X-Factor #27)
Days later, Manhattan is flooded. (X-Factor #27)
“Everything was going really well for like five whole pages!” (X-Factor #27)
Jean, you knocked! You really have grown up! (X-Factor #27)
Aww, squishface. (X-Factor #27)
“And I was only a few days away from retirement…” (X-Factor #28)
Gotta catch ’em all. (X-Factor #28)
Aww, Hank… (X-Factor #28)
Check out that panel composition – this is how you do show-don’t-tell. (X-Factor #28)
Just sayin’. (X-Factor #28)
Okay, I just posted this one because of Scott’s amazing death-glare. “Damn it, Bobby, I’m the one who gets to do press conferences.” (X-Factor #29)
Nabbit. Whunk. (X-Factor #29)
Aww, Hank..! (X-Factor #29)
I can’t say I fully blame Infectia for monsterizing some of these jerks. (X-Factor #29)
Walter Simonson: master of making soap opera look Epic As Hell. (X-Factor #29)
Whoa. (X-Factor #30)
I mean, she’s kind of endearing in her awfulness, right? (X-Factor #30)
Bobby Drake: overcompensating. (X-Factor #30)
These panels could have come straight out of The Mighty Thor. (X-Factor #30)
Aww, crap, they’re holding hands – you know that means you guys are completely screwed, right? (X-Factor #30)
*cue laugh track* (X-Factor #31)
Well that’s terrifying. (X-Factor #31)
Louise and Walter Simonson do the best Destiny. (X-Factor #31)
Jeez, the USPS is way more hardcore than I thought. (X-Factor #31)
Well crap. (X-Factor #31)
Next time: Sorcerers’ Duel.

92 – Living in Ship

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Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.

In which X-Factor loves press conferences, Archangel provides many opportunities for terrible puns, Cyclops gets to be happy for a whole five pages, X-Factor learns how doors work, the X-kids are generous (except Boom Boom), Infectia makes monsters to fight the patriarchy, Ship is your cool aunt, and Destiny accidentally predicts Cable.

 

X-PLAINED:

  • Apocalypse versus Ed Wood
  • X-Factor #27-31
  • Superhero mortality
  • Star-crossed mugger romance
  • Marvel Girl as, and not as, Team Mom
  • The greatest line in all of X-Factor
  • Ship’s anatomical resemblances
  • Combat and relationship discussion multitasking
  • X-Men Evolution Syndrome
  • Iceman as joker-by-necessity
  • Infectia and the Anti-Bodies
  • Rambo Nukes Commando In Nicaragua
  • Wacky sitcom humor
  • Warren Worthington, PI
  • Earth 13122 and LEGO optic blasts
  • Musical careers of the X-Men

NEXT WEEK: Magik versus Forge.

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

As Mentioned in Episode 91 – The Saddest Story Ever Told

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Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
The vaguely slapstick motifs in this story somehow make it even sadder. (New Mutants #64)
And it really only gets more depressing from here. (New Mutants #64)
No, seriously. (New Mutants #64)
Everything is terrible forever. (New Mutants #64)
=( (New Mutants #64)
Yeah, we do not have a sassy caption for this. Sorry. (New Mutants #64)
Aw, man. These kids. (New Mutants #64)
AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT! (Tattoo Tales: X-Men: Masquerade)
Harder than fighting Sentinels, apparently. (Tattoo Tales: X-Men: Masquerade)
“It’s four hours of me, a vacuum cleaner, and a theremin.” (Tattoo Tales: X-Men: Masquerade)
The X-Men take costume parties REALLY DAMN SERIOUSLY. (Tattoo Tales: X-Men: Masquerade)
“Also, that is literally one of the only two non-uniform outfits you own.” (Tattoo Tales: X-Men: Masquerade)
How not to lay out a page for coherent reading order. (Tattoo Tales: X-Men: Masquerade)
SO THEN THAT HAPPENED. (Tattoo Tales: X-Men: Masquerade)
And they all lived happily ever after. THE END! (But Doug Ramsey was still dead.) (Tattoo Tales: X-Men: Masquerade)

91 – The Saddest Story Ever Told

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Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.

 

In which New Mutants #64 is the saddest single issue of any X-book ever; the New Mutants have to grow up fast; Warlock comes to terms with mortality; The Last of Us is harder to play the second time; Tattoo Tales: X-Men: Masquerade is delightfully unhinged; animated Cyclops is totally the worst; Beast probably has a terrible garage band; Jean starts a kitchen fire; and Wolverine saves Jubilee’s birthday.

 

X-PLAINED:

  • The saddest issue ever
  • New Mutants #64
  • The only okay way to watch Grave of the Fireflies
  • The aftermath of Doug Ramsey’s death
  • Several unhealthy coping mechanisms
  • The Last of Us
  • Tattoo Tales: X-Men: Masquerade
  • Some varyingly impressive costumes
  • General irresponsibility
  • Why Wolverine is wearing a clown suit
  • Douglock
  • The New Mutants’ D&D alignments

NEXT WEEK: You never forget your first Ship.

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

As Mentioned in Episode 88 – …Just Before Dawn

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Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
You never forget your first ship. (X-Factor #24)
“I mean, if those ridiculous spring arms aren’t evil, I don’t know what is.” (X-Factor #24)
Vannapocalypse White. (X-Factor #24)
This and the following seven panels are the bottoms of eight pages of X-Factor #24, running parallel to the bulk of the action taking place above.
(X-Factor #24)
(X-Factor #24)
(X-Factor #24)
(X-Factor #24)
(X-Factor #24)
(X-Factor #24)
(X-Factor #24)
And then, Caliban joins the rest of the cast. (X-Factor #24)
Okay, this looks bad. (X-Factor #24)
Recognizable presidents are few and far between in comics. (X-Factor #25)
Remember that time Power Pack straight-up killed an old lady? Because that DEFINITELY HAPPENS in this issue. (X-Factor #25)
As a former student of Charles Xavier, Iceman knows that the most expedient solution to any crisis is to fake his own death. (X-Factor #25)
Well, that was cathartic. (X-Factor #25)
Look at those sharp new costumes! (X-Factor #26)
Aw, Hank. (X-Factor #26)
ABOUT DAMN TIME. (X-Factor #26)
AND THEN! (X-Factor #26)
NEXT WEEK: Giant-Size Winter Special #2!

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