Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 5/10/2015 in the shop, or contact David for the original.
We really can’t blame her. (Uncanny X-Men #202)
You’d think Piotr would have caught on to the existence of spandex by now, what with being a superhero and all. (Uncanny X-Men #202)
Daaaaaaaang. (Uncanny X-Men #202)
Well, that’ll end well. (Uncanny X-Men #202)
Aw, kiddo. (Uncanny X-Men #202)
A miracle of magnetism! (Uncanny X-Men #202)
The Beyonder sucks, y’all. (Uncanny X-Men #202)
I know it’s just a flashback, but man, Rogue, serious dick move there. (Uncanny X-Men #203)
Don’t worry–we’ll X-Plain this whole thing at more length next episode. (Uncanny X-Men #203)
Whaaaaaaaaaaat. (Uncanny X-Men #203)
I’m pretty sure no one ever brings this up again, which seems weird in retrospect. (Uncanny X-Men #203)
The Phoenix Force lends itself to some damn cool layouts. (Uncanny X-Men #203)
And again. (Uncanny X-Men #203)
And then the Beyonder went away and everyone lived happily ever… HA NO JUST KIDDING. (Uncanny X-Men #203)
THAT COVER, THO (Uncanny X-Men #204)
Nightcrawler likes Secret Wars about as much as we do. (Uncanny X-Men #204)
There are some very specific benefits to living in a comic-book universe. (Uncanny X-Men #204)
How do people always work out what’s going on so quickly? “Oh, I must clearly be in a giant pinball machine.” Really? REALLY? (Uncanny X-Men #204)
NIGHTCRAWLER IS DELIGHTFUL. (Uncanny X-Men #204)
ARCADE IS ALSO DELIGHTFUL. (Uncanny X-Men #204)
Comics Should Be Fun: A Manifesto by Kurt Wagner. (Uncanny X-Men #204)
Nightcrawler and Arcade make really excellent mutual foils–both of them appreciate the theatricality of the genre in ways that few of their peers do. (Uncanny X-Men #204)
OKAY THEN (Uncanny X-Men #204)
At this point, the X-Men going to any kind of cultural event is basically an invitation for a super-fight to land on their front lawn. (Alpha Flight #33)
Well, then. (Alpha Flight #33)
Third-worst honeymoon ever. (Alpha Flight #33)
I know there’s plot-relevant stuff going on here, but can we also take a moment to appreciate Wolverine’s awesome opera suit? (Alpha Flight #33)
Awk-ward. (Alpha Flight #33)
“Seriously, what the hell, lady?” (Alpha Flight #33)
I wonder if James Hudson and Charles Xavier are friends. It seems like they would be. (Alpha Flight #34)
Yer a good kid, Wolverine. (Alpha Flight #34)
Not actually plot relevant. We just think it’s funny. (Alpha Flight #34)
Daaaaaaaamn, Barry Windsor-Smith. (Uncanny X-Men #205)
No, seriously: Daaaaaaaamn, Barry Windsor-Smith. (Uncanny X-Men #205)
Subtitle: “Someday Katie Power is going to make a therapist very rich.” (Uncanny X-Men #205)
Look at this awesome badass 5-year-old. (Uncanny X-Men #205)
That layout! (Uncanny X-Men #205)
It really sucks to be Wolverine a lot of the time. (Uncanny X-Men #205)
A) This page is amazing. B) Still can’t get over how much Barry Windsor-Smith’s Wolverine–drawn in 1986–looks like Hugh Jackman. (Uncanny X-Men #205)
Wolverine has reconsidered his stance on transhumanism. (Uncanny X-Men #205)
Kestrel and Jasper also love X-Men and Power Pack and X-Men: First Class, as well as the original animated series; but Katie cautions that all of those involve some adult themes you’ll need to either read around or be ready to have some challenging conversations about.
In which Secret Wars II ruins everything (more) (again) (forever); Rachel Summers hates the Beyonder almost as much as we do; Miles gets mad at comics; Nightcrawler does not do gritty well; Lady Deathstrike gets wired; and we consult our favorite 3-year-old for book recommendations.
X-PLAINED:
Rogue vs. Carol Danvers
Life before social media
Uncanny X-Men #202-205
Alpha Flight #33-34
Phoenix II vs. the Beyonder (twice)
The Reverse Gwen Stacy
Still more miracles of magnetism
Kitty Pryde disambiguation
SFLANNG!
Good times in Murderworld
The third-worst honeymoon
Lady Deathstrike (Yuriko Oyama)
Spiral’s Body Shop
The Reavers
One way to build a Wolverine antagonist
Skirting the Comics Code
Sound-effects lettering as a narrative device
Good X-books for a 3-year-old
Special thanks to Katie and Kestrel P.
NEXT WEEK: The Beyonder kills the New Mutants!
You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
In which Wolverine doesn’t care about your baby; Storm takes charge; duels are terrible bases for systems of government; editorial mandate is hell on a marriage; Magneto is a pretty cool teacher; Jean Grey comes back; and we have mixed feelings about the Phoenix retcon.
X-PLAINED:
Kenji Uedo
Uncanny X-Men #201
New Mutants #35
Avengers #263
Fantastic Four #286
Classic X-Men #8
The post-Trial of Magneto status quo
Nathan Christopher Charles Summers
A small cross-section of Cyclops’s myriad issues
The wrong means to the right end
Magneto’s educational philosophy
The politics of creative credits
“You Know Who”
The Phoenix retcon
Several unrelated break-ins
The return of Jean Grey
Jean and the Phoenix Force
Alternate-timeline Madelynes Pryor
Jean Grey’s code names
NEXT WEEK: X-Factor begins! (for real, this time – sorry about that SNAFU!)
You can find a companion index to the material mentioned in this episode on our blog!
Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 3/22/2015 in the shop, or contact David for the original.
X-Men! (X-Men Annual #9)
New Mutants! (X-Men Annual #9)
Check out the gorgeous John R. Neill homage going on in that title card. (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
Karma, transformed. Adams draws her very differently–both more realistically and more recognizably–than Sienkiewicz or Leialoha; and it would be awesome to see a superhero with this as their default shape. (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
Marvel Asgard is basically the land of metal album covers. (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
Aw, Doug. No one appreciates you. (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
Asgardian Wars is chock full of pop-culture cameos and references. (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
GET IT? Not if you weren’t reading Longshot as it was coming out! (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
Warlock in a nutshell. (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
Bobby has found his element. (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
AMARA, WHAT IS THE FIRST RULE OF DEALING WITH FAIRIES? (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
The hands-down most awesome variation on the Darkchylde design. If only this had stuck around. (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
No, seriously, Shan is literally on Arrakis. (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
THE WARRIORS THREE ARE THE BEST AND ANYONE WHO TELLS YOU OTHERWISE IS FULL OF WRONG. (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
Fire-elf Magma. (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
Throughout the nine realms, skalds sing of the masterwork fire extinguishers of Nidavellir. (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
The Dani-becomes-a-Valkyrie arc reminds me of the thing where literally everyone else realizes you’re queer before you do. (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
Another Darkchylde panel, because this costume is just so damn good. (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
IT’S STORM AND SHE’S A HAWK AND SHE HAS A TEENY MOHAWK. That’s all. Carry on with your business. (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
Those title cards, though. (X-Men Annual #9)
What, don’t you have a psychic link with your “roommate”? (X-Men Annual #9)
‘Kay. (X-Men Annual #9)
TOO SOON, RACHEL. TOO SOON. (X-Men Annual #9)
Because I was raised by bleeding-heart feminists in the ’80s, I now have “Free to Be… You and Me” stuck in my head. THANKS, CLAREMONT. (X-Men Annual #9)
Aw, man. (X-Men Annual #9)
I want to see a “What If” splinter story where Sam is an epic hero and also basically Carrot from Discworld. I mean, there kind of is one–“What if the New Mutants Had Stayed in Asgard”–but still. MORE. (X-Men Annual #9)
DANI LITERALLY NO ONE IN THIS ROOM HAS PHYSICAL POWERS. (X-Men Annual #9)
Art Adams draws awesome Warlock. (X-Men Annual #9)
WOLF MAKEOUTS! (X-Men Annual #9)
Subtext: Not just for the ladies! (X-Men Annual #9)
This isn’t directly relevant to the episode. It’s just awesome. (X-Men Annual #9)
NOW LET’S GO DEFEAT THE FRENCH! (X-Men Annual #9)
It’s no KRAKADOOM, but I guess it’ll do. (X-Men Annual #9)
Dani is THE BEST VALKYRIE. (X-Men Annual #9)
“Well, at least I have this 1/6-scale statuette to keep me company.” (X-Men Annual #9)
NEXT WEEK: Rachel and Miles get lucky.
LINKS AND FURTHER READING:
The Mighty Thor #362 is one of the best issues of one of the best runs in Marvel history.
For craft wonks, we recommend the hell out of the Thor Artist’s Edition, if you can get your hands on a copy.
Actually, you know what? Just go read the whole Simonson run, right now. It’s collected and available in a bunch of forms. You won’t regret it. we promise.
Once you’re done reading Thor, go watch Leverage, because it is wonderful.
In which Asgardian Wars occupies the precise intersection of Miles’s favorite things; Marvel Asgard is your favorite metal album; no one appreciates Cypher; Wolfsbane gets some action; Warlock gets meta; Cannonball is a catch; Rachel Summers gets a new costume; Loki does Shakespeare; and Rachel overthinks Leverage.
X-PLAINED:
Various Mjolnirs and their attendant powers
Asgardian Wars
New Mutants Special Edition #1
X-Men Annual #9
The Surtwar
Art Adams
Amora the Enchantress
Lorelei
Several pop culture cameos
A really dubious beach party
The Viking Sorceress Asgardian Portrait of Dorian Grey
Ed Grimley
Hrimhari
Wolf makeouts
The Marvel version of Norse mythology
The Warriors Three
Rule #1 of dealing with fairies
A hawk ‘hawk
Valkyries
Einherjar
A costume in somewhat questionable taste
Interdimensional lightning-bolt mixology
Our favorite Thor story, ever
How to get your friends and neighbors into comics
Asgardian mutants (or lack thereof)
X-Leverage cross-casting
NEXT WEEK: Longshot!
You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!
In which we bid a fond farewell to Bill Sienkiewicz; Secret Wars II continues to ruin everything; the New Mutants end up in an improbable number of gladiatorial arenas; Shadowcat’s secondary mutation is queer subtext; Magik gives no fucks about your crossover event; Warlock transcends storytelling conventions; and Karma rejoins the team.
X-PLAINED:
The chronologically inconsistent mobility of Professor Xavier
The Shadow King
New Mutants #29-34
Steve Leialoha
The Arena (more) (again)
Evil group projects
Easter eggs
Rachel Summers: butch fashion icon
Some major failures of positive size diversity in comics
Madripoor
Ashake
The incredible changing Guthries
The wickedest club in Cairo
Default X-teams
Cypher’s powers
NEXT WEEK: Miles and Elisabeth Allie X-Plain X-Men / Alpha Flight
In which Miles and his Doom voice return triumphant; we reach an understanding regarding Lila Cheney; Mob science is pretty shoddy; Magneto has fancy hair; New Mutants Xavier is Best Xavier; no one is more goth than Cloak and Dagger; and you can have Rachel’s Speed Racer references when you pry them from her cold, dead hands.
X-Plained:
Spider-Man crossovers
Cats
Marvel Team-Up Annual #6
New Mutants #22-25
Phone calls with bears
Glam day at the Hellfire Club
Rahne’s fairytale
Cloak & Dagger
Drugs
Eldritch curtains
A seriously flawed evil plan
Harry’s Hideaway
The Sam and Dani Show
Magneto’s hair
Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch’s parentage
Waiting for the T
Whether Cloak and Dagger are mutants
How to buy original art
NEXT WEEK: G. Willow Wilson!
You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Art by David Wynne. Prints and travel mugs available until 1/11/2015 in the shop, or contact David for the original.
Hope you survive the… oh, wait. (Uncanny X-Men #123)
Next Issue: Spider-Man quotes Atlas Shrugged until the Fantastic Four politely ask him to leave. (Uncanny X-Men #123)
Cyclops: the worst at dates, or definitely the worst at dates? (Uncanny X-Men #123)
Pause for a moment to take in the glory of this perfect murder truck and its perfect sound effects. (Uncanny X-Men #123)
Just for the record, we would TOTALLY read a comic about Cracklin’ Rosa. (Uncanny X-Men #123)
Well. That happened. (Uncanny X-Men #123)
Arcade: Really good at his job, until he’s not. (Uncanny X-Men #123)
It’s a “Hope you survive the experience!” riff! Take a drink! (Uncanny X-Men #123)
Cyclops, look, we know you were kind of raised by a supervillain, but pro tip: people who kidnap you and drop you into funhouse death traps ARE GENERALLY NOT TO BE TRUSTED. (Uncanny X-Men #123)
The sound effect in the blast, tho. (Uncanny X-Men #123)
COSPLAY THIS MAN COSPLAY HIM RIGHT NOW (Uncanny X-Men #123)
If Arcade ever makes it to the big screen, he damn well better be played by Jim Rash. Just sayin’. (Uncanny X-Men #123)
Who gift-wraps the hostages? Do they just have those boxes sitting around? WE MAY NEVER KNOW. (Uncanny X-Men #124)
Cyclops solves problems with optic blasts and geometry! Take a drink! (Uncanny X-Men #124)
‘Kay, then. (Uncanny X-Men #124)
Starring the Most Reluctant X-Men Ever (after that one team Jean Grey put together when Magneto had Professor X hostage in the Savage Land, or I guess probably any other version of the team involving Sunfire). (Uncanny X-Men #146)
Let’s take a moment of silence for how much more awesome this panel would be if Arcade were toying idly with a HeroQuest set. (Uncanny X-Men #146)
GOD, Arcade! Don’t you know ANYTHING? (Uncanny X-Men #146)
More festive pudding-cup hostages! Why? Why not? (Uncanny X-Men #146)
No, but, seriously. (Uncanny X-Men #146)
Phil and Tobe are the Harvey and Janet of Doom Minions. (Uncanny X-Men #147)
Aw, Tobe. You’re a stand-up minion. (Uncanny X-Men #147)
The hell whaaaaat? (Uncanny X-Men #197)
This is kind of like when you go to someone’s house and you’re looking for the bathroom and you open a door that you’re pretty sure is the door to the bathroom and it’s actually a room full of robots dressed up like all your mutual friends. I mean, that happens to other people, right? (Uncanny X-Men #197)
‘Kay. (Uncanny X-Men #197)
THIS TRAIN MONSTER IS SO GOOD. (Uncanny X-Men #197)
You know she’s been saving that one up for like a year. (Uncanny X-Men #197)
I kind of love Arcade and Miss Locke’s original dynamic, before it got super screwed up and sex-murdery. (Uncanny X-Men #197)
NEXT WEEK: Miles returns, and Cloak and Dagger meet the New Mutants!
Places Where You can Find Chris Sims on the Internets:
In which we welcome back Emergency Backup Co-Host Chris Sims; comics writers are basically supervillains; Cyclops is not here to have fun; Spider-Man flirts with objectivism; Murderworld is probably not financially sustainable; you should totally cosplay the Proletarian; Arcade may or may not secretly be the Archie Andrews of Earth-616; and Doctor Doom remains absolutely delightful.
X-Plained
Captain Britain
Arcade
Francisco Scaramanga
The vastly inferior Arcade of Earth-1610
Uncanny X-Men #123-124, 146-147, 197
Chris’s first X-Men
A really sweet truck
Spider-Man’s brief flirtation with objectivism
What the X-Men do on their night off
Hella nipples
Murderworld
Miss Locke
Mr. Chambers
Marvel comics in the Marvel Universe
A large number of elaborate deathtraps
Soviet Nick Fury
The Proletarian
Hostage-wrapping
Phil and Tobe
One way to celebrate your birthday
Avengers Arena
Miss Coriander
The best non-X Arcade stories
The end of Axis Sixis
Arcade at the Arcade
NEXT WEEK: Cloak and Dagger!
You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!