miniseries – Page 3 – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

As Mentioned in Episode 247 – The Butt-Kick Scale

May 12, 2019 Jay 5 comments

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In French, Sabretooth’s name is “Dents du Sabre,” and it’s not nearly as menacing. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1)

“Fetch the pestridder, Birdy–We’ve got ninjas in the rutabagas.” (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1)

As seen in Marvel vs. Capcom !(Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1)

Sabretooth is a terrible boss, but marginally better than the Hand, maybe, I guess. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1)

Ah, yes, the sound of telepathic soothing: PHOOOOOO. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1)

Note the arms and the axe. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1)

TURBO-SABRETOOTH! (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1)

Tribune: Banker. Politician. Pundit. Supervillain. Definitely about to go to BotCon cosplaying his OC. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1)

This series has consistently excellent covers. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #2)

I was going to make an Elements of Style joke based on that sound effect, but it seemed like kind of a stretch. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #2)

HI, MYSTIQUE! (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #2)

Do you think Mystique spends an inordinate amount of time researching who from the pasts of people she knows will make them the most uncomfortable? Probably. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #2)

I’m not saying this is peak Mystique; but I’m also not saying it’s not. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #2)

Sabretooth: Death Hunt #3: Large Angry Men Yelling!

TEETH. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #3)

I appreciate this panel so damn much. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #3)

“Look at us: just a pair of stone cold badasses doing stone-cold badass stuff.” (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #3)

‘Kay. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #3)

HOW DID HE FIT THE PAULDRONS UNDER THE TUXEDO? (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #3)

I love that Mystique still has her cigarette holder. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #3)

rghrargh (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #4)

OKAY THEN (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #4)

YEP THIS SURE IS HAPPENING (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #4)

AND SO IS THIS (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #4)

SURE WHY NOT (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #4)

AND THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER PROBABLY (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #4)

NEXT EPISODE: There should be leprechauns, and there aren’t, and I’m still angry about it.

And now, for your edutainment, a selection of Mark Trail panels, presented in no particular order:

marktrail_a_little_something_about_wildlife

LINKS & FURTHER WOODLAND CREATURES:

Experience the magic of Mark Trail for yourself.
If Jay wrote a Mark Trail parody Twitter account–which we’re certainly not admitting that he does–it would probably read exactly like this one.
The D- Poems of Jeremy Bloom is one of many delightful novels by Gordon Korman, who was a mainstay of Jay’s childhood. (It’s so weird that there are Bruno & Boots movies now!)

247 – The Butt-Kick Scale

May 12, 2019 Jay 17 comments

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In which the Hand probably doesn’t even offer dental; literally everyone is less creepy than the Joker and Harley Quinn; toxic masculinity is Sabretooth’s adamantium; Mark Trail is a wild ride; Wolverine trashes the dress code and gets funky; Larry Hama is your god now; and Sabretooth: Death Hunt scores a solid six on the butt-kick scale.

X-PLAINED:

Mark Trail vs. X-Men
Sabretooth (Victor Creed)
Clones of Sabretooth
Birthday traditions
Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1-4
Ps[i don’t remember; that one guy]
Low-context ninjas
A somewhat tasteful omission, I guess
The glow (and its counterintuitive sound effect)
Turbo Sabretooth
Tribune (Graydon Creed)
Mark Trail
Affirmations with Sabretooth
“Leni Zauber”
Dress codes
The butt-kick scale
A tearaway tuxedo
Dubious grenade handling
Parenting with Mystique
One thing Wolverine knows
The CHK-LIT gun
Comics bankers
A very qualified recommendation
Our preferred versions of Sabretooth’s origin
Relative redeemability

NEXT EPISODE: Siena Blaze and the Mystery of the Missing Leprechauns!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 245 – Natural Causes

April 28, 2019 Jay 2 comments

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

I love this cover, and I love this series. (Rogue #1)

I wonder if she just kisses planes every once in a while just in case one turns out to be a Transformer. (Rogue #1)

And that’s how we deal with street harassers. (Rogue #1)

Rogue’s backstory has stayed remarkably consistent over the years, especially by X-Men standards. (Rogue #1)

Gambit’s awkward facial expressions in this series are absolutely delightful. (Rogue #1)

Oh. THIS guy. (Rogue #1)

Meanwhile in a late ’80s music video… (Rogue #1)

The Assassins’ guild has the weirdest cell phone plans. (Rogue #1)

Gambit gets a lot more interesting when you realize his flirting is largely performative. (Rogue #2)

The uncontested champions of Pairs’ Punching! (Rogue #2)

Oh, hell, yeah. (Rogue #2)

As a responsible teacher, Wolverine makes sure to brief all his students about Inverse Ninja Law. (Rogue #3)

“I WAS coming up with new cheers, but den you showed up on dat motorcycle.” (Rogue #3)

I didn’t notice this my first time through, but what the HELL is going on with Lapin’s facial hair? (Rogue #3)

Oh. Hell. Yeah. (Rogue #3)

OH HELL YEAH (Rogue #4)

Seriously, why is Cody eight years old? (Rogue #4)

NEXT EPISODE: Pointy boys, yelling!

LINKS & FURTHER ADVENTURES:

The popular perception of Juggaloes is both inaccurate and classist as hell. Don’t be that guy.
Jay is not wrong about Gambit and Johnny Castle.
Conservation of Ninjutsu (as illustrated in The Adventures of Dr. McNinja)
SERIOUSLY, DON’T PULL THE KNIFE OUT!!!!!

245 – Natural Causes

April 28, 2019 Jay 12 comments

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In which Rogue flouts air traffic regulations; Jay is very sorry for how badly he butchers Gambit’s accent; stealth is directly proportionate to how loudly you dress; Rogue and Gambit win the gold in Pairs Punchin’; Candra is a big jerk; you should ABSOLUTELY NOT remove an impaled object; Rogue busts through some tropes; and we have complicated feelings about the Ultimate universe.

X-PLAINED:

Rogue’s biological parents
Marvel New Orleans
Brood Trouble in the Big Easy
Rogue/rogue disambiguation
Rogue #1-4
Bella Donna Boudreaux
What may or may not happen if Rogue kisses a Transformer
Cody Robbins (again)
Natural causes
Supervillain funeral crashers (again)
Inverse Ninja Law (Law of Conservation of Ninjutsu)
The Bill the Pony incident
Relative culpability
Nature vs. nurture
Tante Mattie (Mattie Baptiste)
Candra’s new threads
How long it takes to drive from Westchester, NY, to Caledcott, MI
How Jay learned to love Gambit (but not to stop worrying)
Gris-Gris
Lapin
Fifolet
Punching hallucinations
Questa
Knives as superpowers
Inversions of several gendered superhero tropes
Closure
The limits of intent
Magnetos’ (sometimes) kids’ hair
Whether we’ll cover Ultimate X-Men

NEXT EPISODE: Spiky boys, yelling!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 242 – Spider-Mansfield Park

April 7, 2019 Jay One comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Okay, then. (Spider-Man and X-Factor: Shadow Games #1)

…Actually, yeah, it does kind of look like Jello. (Spider-Man and X-Factor: Shadow Games #1)

Flash Thompson should probably not be left in charge of children. (Spider-Man and X-Factor: Shadow Games #1)

These charming reprobates. (Spider-Man and X-Factor: Shadow Games #1)

This is also what he does when he sees someone parked illegally. (Spider-Man and X-Factor: Shadow Games #1)

I’m not sure exactly what is happening with Havok’s hair in this panel, but it is not okay. (Spider-Man and X-Factor: Shadow Games #1)

I bet JJJ smells like an ashtray, like, ALL the time. (Spider-Man and X-Factor: Shadow Games #1)

Spider-Man: He’s Not Phil (Spider-Man and X-Factor: Shadow Games #1)

“Seriously, have you MET us?” (Spider-Man and X-Factor: Shadow Games #2)

He looks like such a reprobate. It’s great. (Spider-Man and X-Factor: Shadow Games #2)

“By the hoary hosts of Hearst!” (Spider-Man and X-Factor: Shadow Games #3)

“In other breaking news, I have bizarrely tiny hands!” (Spider-Man and X-Factor: Shadow Games #3)

Aw, poor Mirrorfacemaskperson. (Spider-Man and X-Factor: Shadow Games #3)

I really thought I was losing my mind briefly; but compare Havok’s hair on this page… (Spider-Man and X-Factor: Shadow Games #3)

…and the subsequent page. (Spider-Man and X-Factor: Shadow Games #3)

It’s like a fight, right? (Spider-Man and X-Factor: Shadow Games #3)

WHOOPS. (Spider-Man and X-Factor: Shadow Games #3)

NEXT EPISODE: Then…

…and now!

LINKS & FURTHER DIVERSIONS:

242 – Spider-Mansfield Park

April 7, 2019 Jay 24 comments

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In which we encounter one of comics’ greatest rarities; Spider-Man cannot actually do whatever a spider can; Flash Thompson subscribes to the X-Factor school of child endangerment; alliteration is the source of a very specific sort of powers; Spider-Man is not Phil; guilt is Spider-Man’s greatest motivator; we root for the antagonists; Guido Carosella would be an epic Twitter monster; a lot of people have hung out with the X-Men; and Glob Herman is a lovable, gross mystery.

X-PLAINED:

Spider-Man / X-Men Crossovers
Other media we have consumed recently
Spider-Man and X-Factor: Shadow Games
What a spider can do
What Spider-Man can do
Shadow Force
Hard Time
Airborne
Oversize
Firefight
Ambush
Mirrorshade
JELLO Jigglers(TM)
Journalistic alliteration
The government
A comfortable fictional jacket
How to find Flash Thompson
Many sound effects
The untimely death of Mirrorshade
Why we’re not covering the Captain Marvel movie
Glob Herman’s powers

NEXT EPISODE: Somehow we been doing this for FIVE WHOLE YEARS?!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 175 – Lady Windermere’s Fan Club

December 3, 2017 Jay One comment

Listen to the podcast here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

This series should really be more fun than it is. (X-Men: True Friends #1)

“On one hand, you’re probably doomed. On the other hand, I did your laundry!” (X-Men: True Friends #1)

Excalibur is SUPER into trad night. (X-Men: True Friends #1)

Turning every head… except the one she wants to. (X-Men: True Friends #1)

Rachel Summers: master of subtlety. (X-Men: True Friends #1)

The absence of Dr. Druid from this story is really inexcusable. (X-Men: True Friends #1)

Lilibet wants nothing to do with that ludicrous accent. (X-Men: True Friends #1)

It wouldn’t be a Claremont book without an aviation lesson! (X-Men: True Friends #1)

Ugh. THAT guy. (X-Men: True Friends #2)

FUN FACT: We learned after recording this episode that Edward and Wallis were SUPER into fascism. NOT COOL. (X-Men: True Friends #2)

Laird Hetero McNonthreatening and his amazing Hypercolor kilt! (X-Men: True Friends #2)

AND THEN THIS HAPPENED. (X-Men: True Friends #2)

“If only my bones were made out of something super dense that made me useless underwater, amirite?” (X-Men: True Friends #2)

Hiiiii, Logan. (X-Men: True Friends #2)

“I’ll go kill the Nazis. You kids hang out under the dock and neck, or whatever.” (X-Men: True Friends #2)

He is a man of simple pleasures. (X-Men: True Friends #2)

Welcome to the time loop! Hope you survive the… oh. OH. Sorry. (X-Men: True Friends #3)

Oh, man. (X-Men: True Friends #3)

Don’t fuck with Kitty Pryde. (X-Men: True Friends #3)

I would read the HELL out of a comic about these three. (X-Men: True Friends #3)

This is the best costume Kitty Pryde will ever have, hands down. (X-Men: True Friends #3)

Yaaaawn. (X-Men: True Friends #3)

“Well, I do like redheads…” (X-Men: True Friends #3)

I don’t know what the Sword of Scone is, but it sounds DELICIOUS. (X-Men: True Friends #3)

I really love that the Phoenix Force has defeated Nazis with the power of queerness on AT LEAST TWO DISTINCT OCCASIONS. (X-Men: True Friends #3)

“They’re not corgis, but we suppose that they’ll have to do.” (X-Men: True Friends #3)

NEXT EPISODE: This guy.

175 – Lady Windermere’s Fan Club

December 3, 2017 Jay 27 comments

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In which Gambit is transatlantically terrible; Rick Leonardi is the poor man’s Alan Davis (but in a good way); we try and fail to care about British royals; Miles should probably read some Oscar Wilde already; Jay has a lot of feelings about The Rocketeer; Shadowcat gets a genuinely stylish costume; and we would read the hell out of a series about Destiny, Mystique, and Wolverine’s WWII adventures.

X-PLAINED:

Why Gambit isn’t welcome in the United Kingdom
X-Men: True Friends #1-3
The poor man’s Alan Davis
Trad night
Laird Alasdhair Kinross and his nonthreatening but convenient heterosexuality
Inexplicably absent familial relationships
Queen Lilibet the Second
Lady Regina Windermere
Several notable British fascists of the 1930s
A snazzy airplane
Several nefarious plots
Formal pajamas
The mystery of the Hypercolor™ kilt
A large number of strong feelings about The Rocketeer
Kitty Pryde’s best costumes
Weaponized cosmic queerness (again)
Power, agency, and the Dark Phoenix Saga
How characters end up with their specific mutations.

NEXT EPISODE: Wolverine, again.

You can find the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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121 – Two Sides of a Narcissistic Coin (feat. Ben Acker)

August 14, 2016 Jay 31 comments

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In which Jay may or may not have sold their voice to a sea witch; Gambit and Deadpool are somewhat lackadaisical superheroes; everything Fat Cobra does is amazing; Miles is a prepared gentleman; Gambit is there to look pretty and throw something; and there is now a Ben Acker vocaloid hovering around the studio.

X-PLAINED:

Acker & Blacker
Thrilling Adventure Hour
X-Men #214, but not the real one
Deadpool v. Gambit
As-needed approach to continuity
The ontology of Deadpool
The time the Absorbing Man turned into cocaine
Wolverine Season One
What makes Gambit creepy
The roadtrip miniseries you didn’t know you needed
A theoretical poker game and its theoretical outcome

NEXT EPISODE: Atlantis Attacks!

There is no visual companion to this episode! Go read Deadpool v. Gambit! It’s great!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Contact David Wynne to inquire after the original of this week’s illustration.

As Mentioned in Episode 79 – Bear on a Boat

October 19, 2015 Jay 4 comments

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 10/25/2015 at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.

Look! It’s Captain America! And… Dr. Druid. Okay, then. (X-Men vs. Avengers #1)

We see what you did, there. (X-Men vs. Avengers #1)

That… could have gone better. (X-Men vs. Avengers #1)

Let’s all take a moment to appreciate the fact that Wolverine is wearing a cowboy hat with his swim trunks. (X-Men vs. Avengers #1)

“But they don’t trust me! I know! I’ll sneak away! That’ll help!” (X-Men vs. Avengers #1)

Magneto’s old helmet does not really work with his new disco neckline. (X-Men vs. Avengers #2)

EVERYBODY FIGHT! (X-Men vs. Avengers #2)

*rimshot* (X-Men vs. Avengers #2)

“We could resolve this peacefully, and–actually, nah, you know what? Let’s just punch each other for another two issues.” (X-Men vs. Avengers #2)

So, that happened. (X-Men vs. Avengers #3)

“Howsabout bears? You got a problem with those, too?” (X-Men vs. Avengers #3)

It’s not a miniseries until Rogue’s clothes explode. (X-Men vs. Avengers #3)

MAGNETISM! (X-Men vs. Avengers #3)

You’re a crook, Captain Hook! (X-Men vs. Avengers #3)

It’s kind of like The Lady or the Tiger, only it’s The Naked Dude and the Bear but also They’re the Same Person, so actually it’s not really very much like The Lady or the Tiger at all. (X-Men vs. Avengers #3)