Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

Tag: nightcrawler

11 – Who Would Win in a Fight

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In which we answer 45 straight minutes of your questions and alienate everyone with our answer to Jean vs. Emma, Miles is probably too nice to win in a fight, we are really into The Adventures of Pete & Pete, Rachel is the Vega to Miles’s Shepard, Excalibur is awesome, you should stop punching the DNA, Wolverine is Rogue, Longshot is the prettiest man, and Professor X is a pufferfish.

X-Plained:

  • Who would win in a fight
  • The Rachel & Miles Fastball Special
  • Cycloptometry
  • Backissues, collections, and where to find them
  • Podcaster ‘shipping
  • Spinoffs
  • Rachel Summers (more) (again)
  • Five tattoos
  • Non-X stuff we’re into
  • X-Force versus the Comics Code Authority
  • Ultimate X-Men
  • How to keep track of crossovers
  • Textual queerness
  • The Siege Perilous
  • Jean vs. Emma
  • Some good Nightcrawler and Iceman stories
  • Dream teams
  • The Glammest Timeline
  • Best and worst code names
  • Bendis’s X-books
  • X-animals

You can find a visual companion to the episode – and links to recommended reading – on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Next week: The Dark Phoenix Saga

 

As Mentioned In Episode 10 – Not All Mandroids

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Multiple Man’s powers essentiall make him a retcon elemental.
Punching pterosaurs is the gift that keeps on giving. (X-Men #114)
Best Worst Reveal (X-Men #114)
“Robes” (X-Men #114)
We really can’t fault Cyclops for giving up on trying to explain Sauron. (X-Men #115)
The final fight of X-Men #116 Dark City.
Remember when we didn’t know everything about Wolverine? (X-Men #118)
Sadly, this story is really low on Sunfire Sass. Misty Knight, however, is AWESOME. (X-Men #118)
Mandroids. (X-Men #118)
Moses Magnum, P.I. (X-Men #118)
Heist stories are the best stories. (X-Men #119)
That’s Mariko Yoshida. She’s going to be really important later. (X-Men #120)
And that’s why you always leave a note. (X-Men #118)
Spoiler: Nope. (X-Men #109)
Alpha Flight. (X-Men #120)
Vindicator is a thoughtful antagonist. (X-Men #120)
Not actually episode-relevant. We just think these panels are hilarious. (X-Men #120)
Wolverine, we are pretty sure the APA would not approve of your approach to therapy. (X-Men #122)
Don’t fuck with Storm. (X-Men #122)
Ugh, THIS guy. (X-Men #122)
Based on the graffiti, this apartment was previously occupied by the 1970s Marvel bullpen. (X-Men #122)
Cyclops comes to terms with dynamic storytelling. (X-Men #125)
This is an awesome reunion, and notable as one of the only times Cyclops has ever successfully completed a hug. (X-Men #125)
Well, that’s portentous. (X-Men #104)
Angus McWhirter has REALLY STRONG FEELINGS about hovercraft. (X-Men #119)
Moira MacTaggert does science in a superhero uniform, because, comic books. (X-Men #125)
Proteus’s secondary mutation is superhuman levels of creepiness. (X-Men #127)
Well, damn. (X-Men #128)

10 – Not All Mandroids

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In which Phoenix has nothing on Jamie Madrox when it comes to retcons, Pterosaurs have super punchable faces, Colossus gets laid, we are uninterested in the Savage Land, Wolverine and Storm are both pretty interesting, smiling costs extra if you’re Doctor Doom, Banshee saves the day, Alpha Flight tries, Angry Hovercraft Guy comes back, and Proteus is fairly upsetting.

X-Plained:

  • X-Men #109, 114-16, 118-122, and 125-128
  • Multiple Man
  • Metacontinuity
  • The Savage Land
  • Pterosaurs
  • Shi’ar mustache technology
  • Karl Lykos
  • Misty Knight
  • Colleen Wing
  • Wolverine in Japan
  • Mandroids
  • Moses Magnum
  • A Heist
  • Angus McWhirter, disgruntled hovercraft rental guy
  • Alpha Flight
  • Team Dynamics
  • Why you always leave a note
  • Proteus

You can find a visual companion to the episode – and links to recommended reading – on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Next week: Secret origins, shipper wars, the Siege Perilous, and which of us would win in a fight.

As Mentioned in Episode 9 – Leprechaun Surprise Party

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Cassandra Nova: The worst evil disembodied parasitic sister ever.
Cassidy Keep (X-Men #101)
Nightcrawler is just ridiculously charming. (X-Men #101)
I keep trying to think of a Monster in a Box joke to make about X-Men and vacations, but no matter where it goes, it’s not going to be in good taste. (X-Men #101)
Page 3 of Storm’s origin flashback. Can we talk about Dave Cockrum splash pages and how they are AWESOME? (X-Men #102)
After the “Cyclops Has a Good Day” sketchbook is full, Rachel’s going to move on to “Cyclops tells Professor X to go fuck himself.” (X-Men #102)
And then, Leprechauns. (X-Men #103)
Here, Nightcrawler. Have a new mutation. And also I guess some more Leprechauns, because, why not? (X-Men #103)
Even fake Charles Xavier is kind of a douche. (X-Men #103)
“We also know what you think about when you masturbate.” (X-Men #103)
The rad bromance of Cain Marko and Tom Cassidy. (X-Men #103)
“Whaddayamean, ‘roll diplomacy’? I put all my points into claw weapons!” (X-Men #104)
Secondary mutation: awesome villain speeches. (X-Men #104)
So, that happened. (X-Men #104)
Cockrum is REALLY into this layout. (X-Men #105)
Fun fact: Misty Knight is the only one of these characters alive in the modern Marvel universe. (X-Men #105)
Phoenix wants you heralds of Galactus off her damn lawn. (X-Men #105)
Shi’ar Trek. (X-Men #105)
AND THEN THINGS GOT AWESOME. (X-Men #107)
“While you guys were fighting the functionally omnipotent Superboy clone, I beat a guy up and stole his clothes.” Wolverine: Chaos gamer. (X-Men #107)
I’m not sure what he expects Captain America to do about this. (X-Men #107)
The Phoenix Force. (X-Men #108)
More majestic Phoenix action. (X-Men #108)
“I realized that I’d left some scenery unchewed, and that would NEVER do.” (X-Men #111)
Magneto is COMMITTED to the supervillain schtick. (X-Men #112)
NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE (X-Men #112)
Okay, then. (X-Men #113)
Next week on Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men!

9 – Leprechaun Surprise Party

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In which Rachel refuses to back down from a challenge, we reject a point of canon, Leprechauns know Wolverine’s secrets, Erik the Red is (still) awful, Professor X is (still) a dick, the X-Men are your D&D party, the Shi’ar do a Star Trek riff, Phoenix is kind of a big deal, the circus comes to town, and Magneto gets creepy.

X-Plained:

  • Cassandra Nova
  • More early Claremont
  • Sound effects
  • Cassidy Keep
  • Seneschals
  • Shillelaghs
  • Image inducers
  • Black Tom Cassidy
  • Supervillain bromance
  • Bronze-age pacing
  • Leprechauns
  • Hovercraft rental
  • Muir Island
  • The Shi’ar Imperial Guard
  • The M’Kraan Cyrstal
  • Phoenix 101
  • Secret volcano lairs
  • Magneto’s mercifully short-lived age-play fixation
  • The (dis)continuity of mutant powers

You can find a visual companion to the episode – and links to recommended reading – on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Next week: Wolverine punches a pterosaur, Cyclops grows a mustache, and everyone gets possessed!

 

As Mentioned in Episode 8 – What We Talk About When We Talk About Claremont

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In a moment of clarity, Cyclops recognizes that the X-Men’s greatest enemy is, in fact, the guy writing the book. (X-Men #96)
Never change, Sunfire. (X-Men #94)
Check out that sweet Dave Cockrum training montage. (X-Men #94)
Welcome to the X-Men, Thunderbird! Hope you survive the… oh. (X-Men #95)
This panel isn’t all that plot-relevant. We just think Havok’s powers look super cool. (X-Men #97)
“There can’t be TWO bondage vikings running around the Marvel universe!” (X-Men #97)
Professor Xavier’s nightmares are AWESOME. (X-Men #97)
Steven Lang: Stable and upstanding member of society. (X-Men #96)
In the Silver Age, superhero romance was limited to soulful gazes and ongoing sexual harassment. (X-Men #98)
I don’t know why they all look so surprised. (X-Men #98)
Cyclops obliterating a Sentinel: never gets old. (X-Men #98)
As far as we can tell, he swam here. From the middle of the ocean. Dr. Peter Corbeau: Ph.D. Badassitude. (X-Men #98)
Those are actually Sentinels designed to look and act like the original X-Men, because, Steven Lang. Just run with it. (X-Men #99)
Oh, hey, it’s the first Fastball Special! (X-Men #100)
You know how we say Jean Grey is underrated? Jean Grey is freakin’ underrated. (X-Men #100)
Aw. man. This whole scene. (X-Men #100)
The (first) death of Jean Grey. (X-Men #100)
And then… (X-Men #101)
This page still gives us chills. (X-Men #101)
Next week: Leprechauns. We’re not even joking.

Links and further reading:

FanBros

Chris Claremont’s X-Men

Episode 05 – The Retcon That Walks Like a Man (Covering Giant-Size X-Men #1)

8 – What We Talk About When We Talk About Claremont

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In which Chris Claremont defines the X-Universe; Sunfire quits the team (again); Nightcrawler is the best; the narrator is nobody’s friend; Colossus is a good kid; Cyclops has a long series of bad days; everyone is a bondage Viking; Rachel is a space pedant, we meet the Phoenix, and Wolverine is the Batman of Marvel.

X-Plained:

  • Polaris’s kinda-powers
  • Our first crossover event
  • How much we love you
  • Chris Claremont, and why he’s the definitive X-writer
  • Comics In Focus: Chris Claremont’s X-Men
  • Why Nightcrawler is the best point-of-view character
  • The long game
  • Tom Orzechowski’s dimension-folding lettering skills
  • Claremontisms
  • The malicious narrator
  • Count Nefaria
  • Sliding-scale ransom
  • The life, death, and occasional reanimation of Thunderbird
  • Friendship
  • The care and feeding of cairns
  • Erik the Red
  • Quiet moments
  • Sentinels and X-Sentinels
  • Steven Lang
  • The (first) death and return of Jean Grey
  • Accents

You can find a visual companion to the episode – and links to recommended reading – on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Next week: Leprechauns!

 

6 – Days of Future Whatever

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In which we more or less prepare you for the upcoming feature film; Rachel Summers is a black hole of continuity; Kitty Pryde breaks the Danger Room; Earth 200500 is clearly the best earth; even the X-Men have no idea what’s going on; First Class Emma Frost is so boring that we forget she exists; wolverines are definitely not wolves; and you can have Rachel’s Community references when you pry them from her cold, dead hands.

X-Plained:

  • Rachel Summers
  • “Days of Future Past”
  • Gravestone engraving standards of 2013
  • The Mostly-New, Mostly-Different Brotherhood of Evil Mutants
  • Another unfortunate hat
  • Causality in the Marvel Multiverse
  • Earths 811, 1191, 295, 311, and 200500
  • Hall monitors with laser rifles
  • How to fix a broken timeline
  • The X-Men cinematic universe, and points of divergence from the comics
  • The one thing X-Men: The Last Stand does right
  • The Xavier Index of Cinematic Continuity
  • The difference between Canis lupus and Gulo gulo
  • A Days of Future Past cinematic cram course
  • Fix-it fic
  • Blink, Bishop, and dark-future mash-ups
  • The enduring appeal of Earth-811
  • The significantly less enduring appeal of Earth-242
  • The Nazi Excalibur of Earth-597

You can find a visual companion to the episode – and links to recommended reading – on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Next week: Greg Rucka, Cyclops, and Starjammers!

 

As Mentioned on Episode 5 – The Retcon That Walks Like a Man

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Giant-Size X-Men #1. Prepare for forty years of riffs on this cover.
The best-dressed mob in Germany.
And THAT’S how you punch a tractor.
“Oh, y’know. Fight crime, see the world, get your memory rewritten every few weeks, maybe go on a really fucked up date with Dracula…”
When Xavier finds him, Thunderbird is literally wrestling a buffalo to death.
Sunfire’s first appearance, in X-Men #64.
Most of the New & Different X-Men get a full page or two to join the team. Banshee? Two panels. He’s just that chill.
“Think you can just walk away, Wolverine? We’ll come after you with our deadliest weapon yet: Alpha Flight crossovers!”
Wow. You… certainly made some choices there, Professor.
Sunfire is absolutely delightful.
At this point, I’m pretty sure he’s just messing with them for fun.
This is the second of three times Sunfire calls Nightcrawler “Misfit” on one page–which is actually a pretty welcome break from the X-Men referring to each other exclusively by ethnic epithets. Len Wein, DON’T DO THAT.
This jerk.
This is pretty much the platonic ideal of an X-Men fight scene: teamwork, cool powers, and narration busting Kool-Aid-Man-style through the fourth wall.
Fun fact: Polaris will later go on to get an advanced degree in geophysics.
“You know… stuff?”
We see what you did, there.
Moira MacTaggert has opinions about retcons.
Introducing: The Worst Summers Brother
“Hey, kids, want to be superheroes?”
It’s worth noting that Moira’s team’s emergency psychic training regimen includes a Hostess Fruit Pie ad callback.
They are so doomed.
It’s almost like you live with a telepath who messes with people’s memories all the time.
Wait, what? But that’s not how it…
…oh. That explains some things.
Damn, X. That’s cold.
Professor X: Master of the retcon, worst surrogate parent ever.
Sorry ’bout that, guys.
Then Gabriel goes and punches an empire to death.

Further Reading:

Rachel made a separate guide to Kid Vulcan, which you can find here.

Giant Size X-Men #1

X-Men: Deadly Genesis

Cheryl Lynn Eaton on Storm and race

 

5 – The Retcon That Walks Like a Man

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In which the Bronze Age begins; Dave Cockrum is your god now; the band gets together; Sunfire joins the team; cultural sensitivity is not Marvel’s strong suit; Sunfire quits the team; it sucks to be Cyclops; Professor X crosses a moral event horizon; Sunfire joins the team; Ed Brubaker channels Thomas Hardy; you are probably a Summers brother; and Sunfire quits the team.

X-Plained:

  • Bamf-Voltron Nightcrawler
  • Giant-Size X-Men #1
  • The worst hat of the Marvel Universe
  • The Mostly-New, Mostly-Different X-Men
  • A business-casual angry mob
  • The limits of creative good intentions
  • Tractor punching on the Ust-Ordynski Collective
  • The correct spelling of “fine”
  • Canada
  • Sunfire’s utter disdain for everything, including you
  • Krakoa: The Island That Walks Like a Man!
  • Characteristics of good X-fights
  • Yet another miracle of magnetism
  • X-Men: Deadly Genesis
  • Summers Family Continuity (Introductory)
  • More hats
  • The Muir-MacTaggert Research Facility
  • Summers Family Continuity (Intermediate)
  • The Charles Xavier Scale of Supervillainy
  • Relative immunity
  • Wolverine’s ubiquity

AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION:

  • What would you do with thirteen X-Men?
  • Help us find all-ages-friendly Marvel Girl stories!

You can find a visual companion to the episode – and links to recommended reading – on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!