Alistaire Stuart – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

As Mentioned in Episode 220 – On Your Bike

October 29, 2018 Jay 4 comments

Listen to the podcast here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Who wore it better? (Excalibur #61)

I’m pretty sure nobody actually cares about Micromax; but, whatever. (Excalibur #61)

Widget, stop that immediately. (Excalibur #61)

AND THAT’S WHY YOU ALWAYS LEAVE A NOTE (Excalibur #61)

If there’s anything this series has taught us, it’s never to trust a man named Nigel. (Excalibur #62)

In case you’re wondering, most of this visual companion is going to be pictures of cool-looking Warpies. (Excalibur #62)

No, seriously. (Excalibur #62)

Aw, Beetroot. (Excalibur #62)

This poor kid. (Excalibur #62)

*Snerk* (Excalibur #62)

WARPIES, THO (Excalibur #63)

Aw. (Excalibur #63)

What’s that you say? More Warpies? WE’VE GOT YOUR BACK! (Excalibur #63)

I’m not even going to bother captioning these. You know the drill. (Excalibur #63)

(Excalibur #63)

Widget and the amazing technicolor future genocide by giant r–well, that took a bit of a turn. (Excalibur #64)

PRO TIP: If you stare long enough at your friends and neighbors’ faces without blinking, they will also do this eventually. (Excalibur #65)

Rowr. (Excalibur #65)

“Well, that can’t be good.” (Excalibur #65)

Ouch, dang. (Excalibur #65)

Aw, Oak. You’re a good dude. (Excalibur #65)

And that, as they say, is that. For now. (Excalibur #65)

NEXT EPISODE: Space Fight!

LINKS & FURTHER DUBIOUS LIFE CHOICES:

COME SEE US THIS COMING WEEKEND AT VEGAS VALLEY COMIC BOOK FESTIVAL!
For more in-depth coverage of pre-Excalibur Captain Britain, check out Episode 97 – The Crooked World and Episode 98 – Between Alien Visitations and Drunken Sulks.
Jay wasn’t kidding about the kid from Flight of the Navigator robbing a bank.

220 – On Your Bike

October 29, 2018 Jay 7 comments

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In which we approach the end of Alan Davis’s Excalibur run; “duopenultimate” is not actually a word; Captain Britain pops the question; we do in fact (kinda) get follow-up on Alysande Stuart’s death; Miles needs to get a little less credulous about bureaucrats’ good intentions; Shadowcat engages in espionage; Nightcrawler and Cerise are tactically saucy; and the sun definitely ought to set on the British Empire.

X-PLAINED:

Warpies
Excalibur #61-65
The Jaspers Warp (more) (again)
The RCX (more) (again)
Agents Gabriel and Michael
What happened to Jay’s mom’s Hypercolor™ T-shirt
What not to do with a dead parrot
Several Hamlet references
Scott Wright (MicroMax)
The Cherubim
Cloud Nine
Agent Peter (Nigel Orpington-Smythe)
Warpie naming conventions
Beetroot
Screen tone
An idiom
Evasive makeouts
A specific thing on The Gifted
Why Kitty Pryde tends to go by her given name

NEXT EPISODE: Space Fight!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 215 – Mon de Orb Uno

September 23, 2018 Jay 2 comments

Listen to the episode here!

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

While this cover may be the first story page, it still follows the general rule of Excalibur covers: It’s funny when bad things happen to Captain Britain. (Excalibur #55)

Aw, they look so fancy! (Excalibur #55)

Alan Davis hair: expressive AND extra! (Excalibur #55)

HIS FOOT POPPED. (Excalibur #55)

Remember this plot thread? Alan Davis does. Alan Davis remembers EVERY plot thread. It is his blessing and his curse. (Excalibur #55)

Speaking of threads… (Excalibur #55)

This is both an excellent disguise and a quality Cross-Time Caper callback. (Excalibur #56)

Oof. (Excalibur #56)

This party is the worst. (Excalibur #56)

Captain Britain X-Plains the Plot. (Excalibur #56)

(There’s a lot of plot.)(Excalibur #56)

On one hand, Sat-Yr-9 is very evil. On the other hand, this is still very satisfying. (Excalibur #56)

Meggan is so badass. (Excalibur #56)

There’s a Monty Python sketch about this. (Excalibur #56)

“Next, you eat the banana, thus disarming him!” (Excalibur #56)

Too little, too late, Nick. (Excalibur #56)

Remember this kid? ALAN DAVIS DOES! (Excalibur #57)

KITTY, NO. (Excalibur #57)

Cyclops X-Plains X-Factor #41-42. (Excalibur #57)

(And so forth.) (Excalibur #57)

I don’t know why this is a thing. It doesn’t actually impact the story in any significant way. (Excalibur #57)

GAMBIT, NO. (Excalibur #57)

These jerks, again. (Excalibur #58)

This is a ruse, except for the part about Cyclops’s secret boot radio, because Cyclops is a nerd. (Excalibur #58)

I really, really want to know more about Margaret. (Excalibur #58)

TEAM-UP! (Excalibur #58)

Amazing what they cover in undergrad chemistry programs these days. (Excalibur #58)

JUST USE THE PHONE YOU RIDICULOUS PEOPLE (Excalibur #58)

And they all lived happily ever after! (Excalibur #58)

NEXT EPISODE: X-Factor vs. therapy, with guest X-Pert Dr. Andrea Letamendi!

LINKS & FURTHER MISADVENTURES

You can hear all about Tom and the trolls’ first encounter in Episode 118 – Extrude the Grappling Arms!
Here is one way to defend yourself against a man armed with a banana.
The Brussels Sewer Museum is super cool, and if you get the chance, you should absolutely check it out.

215 – Mon de Orb Uno

September 23, 2018 Jay 11 comments

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In which we finally emerge from the other side of X-Cutioner’s Song; rich people are different from us; Brian Braddock is probably not comfortable with menstruation; Dai Thomas cleans up pretty well; someone FINALLY remembers Sat-Yr-9; Psylocke knows how to defend herself from a man armed with a banana; the (non-Internet) trolls return; and we are fairly sure that Gambit does not actually speak French.

X-PLAINED:

Winzeldorf
Excalibur (so far)
Excalibur #55-58
Lip massage
The death of Alysande Stuart
A banana fight
Alchemy (again)
Many trolls
A fairly joyous reunion
The Brussels Sewer Museum
A fake heel turn
Our hopes and worries for the New Mutants movie
Comics covers

NEXT EPISODE: X-Factor vs. Therapy, with Guest X-Pert Dr. Andrea Letamendi!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 206 – Anatomy of a Phoenix

July 22, 2018 Jay 2 comments

Listen to the episode here!

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Tuesday, basically. (Excalibur #51)

Meet the Excalibur of Earth-99476! (Excalibur #51)

This Sauron’s opinions on jorts are never canonically established, but I think we all know. (Excalibur #51)

I see what you did there, Davis. (Excalibur #51)

Ka-Zar, Lord of the Savage Land! (Excalibur #51)

The Fantastic Five! (Excalibur #51)

There is definitely an alternate universe that is the same as 616 in every way except that Dai Thomas ended this call by yelling, “The Aristocrats!” (Excalibur #51)

It’s true. I will pretty much always pay to watch the X-Men beat up Professor X. (Excalibur #52)

You know it’s an illusion because none of them is wearing a plaid suit. (Excalibur #52)

Several aspects of Rachel’s backstory as presented in this issue will be retconned away, but this is the most significant of those. (Excalibur #52)

WELL THAT EXPLAINS A THING OR TWO (Excalibur #52)

And then they went to space. For like a year. (Excalibur #52)

That’s our Brian! (Excalibur #54)

Spoiler: Kitty is cutting off his cast and it’s itchy. (Excalibur #54)

That’s our Brian! (Excalibur #54)

Oh, man, can you imagine Meggan at Disney World? I bet she has THE MOST fun and also gets asked to leave very quickly. (Excalibur #54)

It seems kind of ridiculous that he jumps straight to “must be an illusion” after everything he’s seen, but… That’s our Brian! (Excalibur #54)

I love the Crazy Gang and very much want them to be happy. (Excalibur #54)

The best kind of twist ending! (Excalibur #54)

The mystery deepens and gets even cooler-looking. (Excalibur #54)

As promised, here is a photograph of two-year-old Jay dressed as a compsognathus.

NEXT EPISODE: Cable: Blood and Metal!

LINKS & ADDITIONAL FUN:

You should all come hang out with us at FlameCon!
All lizards are good lizards, but this Savannah Monitor is especially excellent.
Check out the Mr. & Mrs. X preview pages.
Our Lila Cheney Live t-shirt is a staple for any well-dressed denizens of the multiverse.
Wanna hang out online with a bunch of really nice X-Men fans? Join the X-Plain the X-Men Discord!
We’ve talked a lot about the Phoenix on this podcast, but here’s where we covered some particularly significant chapters in its history:
- We covered the Dark Phoenix Saga in Episode 12 – Inner Circle Jerk and Episode 13 – Last Stand on the Moon.
- You can learn more about Rachel Summers’s history with the Phoenix in Episode 60 – Rachel Summers and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

206 – Anatomy of a Phoenix

July 22, 2018 Jay 14 comments

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In which you should all come see us at FlameCon; all lizards are good lizards; we recap a recap; the Phoenix force is really complicated; Earth-99476 may or may not be the secret history of Earth-616; Alan Davis takes on continuity; the X-Men fail to save the day; the Phoenix says its piece; Rachel takes a vacation in space; Captain Britain doesn’t like to be psychoanalyzed; and the Crazy Gang gets a happy ending.

X-PLAINED:

Evil Shadowcats
Jay & Miles at FlameCon
Excalibur #51, 52, and 54
A brief history of Excalibur
The Phoenix Force
A recap of a recap
What this episode isn’t covering
Lizard Excalibur
The most meta t-shirt in the multiverse
Several long-ago Halloween costumes
Dinosaurs of Earths-616 and -99476
National Lampoon Vacation apocrypha
Earth-99476 and its Savage Land
The Fantastic Five
A vow of vengeance
Feron as an antecedent to Kubark
Alan Davis’s modern authorial counterpart
A telepathic journey
The full history of the Phoenix Force (as established circa 1991)
Inherited vs. inherent mutant powers (and a No-Prize explanation thereof)
The rehabilitation of Rachel Summers
Several retcons yet to come
Jean Grey’s inconsistent relationship to the Phoenix Force
A mysterious disappearance
What the Crazy Gang has been up to
The nicest kind of twist
A very easy way to make Kitty Pryde textually queer
Differentiating X-teams
The X-Plain Discord
Strong Guy’s new hobby

NEXT EPISODE: Cable: Blood & Metal

UPDATE: Not only can birds see color, but they can see a wider spectrum than humans. THE MORE YOU KNOW!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

196 – The Power Is Yours

May 6, 2018 Jay 17 comments

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which space bugs break time; you may already be a member of Excalibur; Earth-616 remains somewhat baffled by basic telecommunications technology; you should absolutely not order monkeys from an ad in a comic book; Widget gets a new look; Excalibur gets a new logo; Merlin X-Plains everything; and Rachel gets in touch with her roots.

X-PLAINED:

The Timebroker
Excalibur #48-50
What “fair use” doesn’t mean
Penis bones, revisited
Feron
Prophylactic levitation
Several inaccurate flashbacks
Someone who is neither a Nazi nor Charles Xavier
Necrom (again)
The art of heroic exposition
Monastic population maintenance
Mail-order monkeys
Widget’s new look
Kylun’s mutant power
Several alternate Excaliburs
The True Secret Purpose of Excalibur
The new Excalibur logo
Fighting weird with weird
A whole lot of history
Phoenix vs. Anti-Phoenix
Some very epic thwarting
The end of an era
Alan Davis’s Excalibur
How we work alternate timelines into coverage
Bishop and Deathbird as a couple

NEXT EPISODE: Wolverine: The Jungle Adventure and Bloody Choices!

UPDATE: Apparently the dead mail-order monkeys were apocryphal, although we were able to dig up some fairly nightmarish accounts of live mail-order monkeys. …Yay?

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 170 – Minor Punitive Heart Attacks

October 29, 2017 Jay One comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Man, Excalibur, way to be jerks. (Excalibur #37)

If I had a dollar for every dream that had started this way… (Excalibur #37)

Spoiler: Nah. (Excalibur #37)

Kitty, you probably should’ve seen that coming. (Excalibur #37)

And now, some West Coast Avengers! (Excalibur #37)

The Lady of the… swimming pool? (Excalibur #37)

Convenient, that! (Excalibur #37)

Headcanon: He is definitely singing that music. (Excalibur #37)

Pietro’s not wrong; he’s just an asshole. (Excalibur #38)

Captain Britain, everybody. (Excalibur #38)

The heart of Limbo! (Excalibur #38)

“The reel, on the other hand…” (Excalibur #38)

“For me, it was Tuesday.” (Excalibur #39)

Bye, S’ym! (Excalibur #39)

And then everyone forgot he existed. (Excalibur #39)

Or maybe you should learn how meter works. Y’know, just a thought. (Excalibur #40)

Lockheed X-Plains Excalibur. (Excalibur #40)

Lockheed, NO. (Excalibur #40)

Aw. Dai Thomas has his moments. (Excalibur #40)

Spoiler: They do not kill him. (Excalibur #40)

The punchline is that they STILL haven’t figure out phones. (Excalibur #40)

This gag really never gets old. (Excalibur #41)

‘Kay. (Excalibur #41)

It’s always Inferno in here. (Excalibur #41)

This must be the best day of Dai Thomas’s life. (Excalibur #41)

Is it ever, though? (Excalibur #41)

THERE IS NO WAY THAT THAT WON’T BACKFIRE HORRIBLY. (Excalibur #41)

I like the idea that Cable is basically the X-Switchboard at this point. (Excalibur #41)

NEXT EPISODE: X-Factor Forever!

170 – Minor Punitive Heart Attacks

October 29, 2017 Jay 34 comments

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In which Miles speculates about superheroes’ sex lives; Doctor Doom is an incorrigible scamp; the Lady of the Lake visits California; Captain Britain lacks basic superheroic social skills; Jay has strong feelings about doggerel; the warwolves know how to commit to a bit; and Excalibur and the X-Men continue to have terrible communication skills.

X-PLAINED:

One aspects of doombot functionality
Excalibur #37-41
The Soul Sword’s origins and current status
Promethium
Semantic disambiguation with regards to Limbo
The West Coast Avengers
The Lady of the Swimming Pool
Doctor Doom’s personal demons
Several team-ups
The heart of Limbo
Phoenix science
Darkoth the Demon (Desmond Pitt)
The Trial of Lockheed
A long-awaited reunion that isn’t actually a long-awaited reunion
A theoretical Frost-Summers wedding
What happened to Jen Askani post- “Endgame”

NEXT EPISODE: X-Factor Forever

You can find the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 169 – Bad Kansas

October 29, 2017 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

SO, THAT’S GRAPHIC. (Excalibur: Weird War III)

Yeah, I’m with Phoenix on this one. (Excalibur: Weird War III)

Oh, that’s NEVER good. (Excalibur: Weird War III)

I’m not gonna say that Havok’s hat is the greatest abomination of this world, but it’s a pretty bad hat. (Excalibur: Weird War III)

Oh, that makes perfect… sense? (Excalibur: Weird War III)

Professor Xavier is a jerk. (Excalibur: Weird War III)

Seriously. Professor Xavier is a jerk. (Excalibur: Weird War III)

It’s hard to be a Phoenix host in a hell dimension. (Excalibur: Weird War III)

Those eyebrows, though. Daaaamn. (Excalibur: Weird War III)

Seriously, those things are off the rails. (Excalibur: Weird War III)

And then the Phoenix defeated the Nazis with the power of gayness. (Excalibur: Weird War III)

Well, that’s one way to do it. (Excalibur: Weird War III)

So, yeah. Giant Naked Cosmic Nazi Space Xavier. (Excalibur: Weird War III)

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT! (New Mutants Summer Special)

Have we mentioned that Brett Blevins is a national treasure and must be protected at all costs? Brett Blevins is a national treasure and must be protected at all costs. (New Mutants Summer Special)